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-   -   The Aristocrats. (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=168647)

Det. Bart Lasiter 08-05-2006 11:32 PM

The Aristocrats.
 
Famous joke. It's basically a family who's father is telling a talent agent about their show. The description of it is utterly disgusting and is basically only limited by what can be posted on this board. The punchline is, that when the talent agent responds to the description with "whataya call yourselves?" the father's response is "The Aristocrats!".

Make up your own description of the act and post it here.

Samnmax221 08-06-2006 12:15 AM

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

To start off with the 8 year old daughter rips off her clothes and attaches a strapon, she then promptly begins to chase down the dog. The dog slams his head into the talent agent's desk and cracks his skull open, the daughter makes a running jump and lands right in the dogs behind. Upon seeing the bloody beastiality taking place the son takes down his pants and runs over with his pants around his ankles eager to take part. The father begins to beat his wife violently about the head with his dick while putting the blame on her gene pool for producing inbreeders. A thousand primative island natives storm into the office and throw bagfulls of aborted babies on the floor, the natives then begin a sick sexual ritual too disgusting to describe. The orgy soon turns into a brawl and various sexual organs are hacked off onto the floor. The newly resuracted Jesus Christ then comes in and ****s on everbody before taking the mother roughly from behind while feeding her morning-after pills.

For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"

And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

Shmargin 08-06-2006 04:14 PM

See, I had a middle of the joke to put there.

But now I cant.

On the bright side, we know which forum member not to invite over to dinner with the family.

itchythesamurai 08-06-2006 04:23 PM

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

To begin with, the prepubescent son rips off his clothes to reveal a pimp suit. He blows a whistle and a small squadron of hookers line up in front of him. He is obviously disappointed with their performance for the day. He produces a stool, steps on it, and proceeds to shoot each one of them between the eyes with a nailgun. "Now you bitches have been nailed enough for today!" Not to be outdone, the daughter drops her skirt, and plunges both of her arms elbow-deep into her anus. She then spreads her arms to produce an astoundingly large opening and thrusts her gaping rump into the air. The son takes the opportunity to strike a pose, and then dives head first into her rectum. With his noggin firmly enclosed by his sister's intestines, he stands erect and wears her as a helmet, when her colon erupts in a fountain of feces, followed by a lesser, but still noteworth stream of scalding hot urine. The boy is drenched in his sister's waste, and the puddle of drippy excrement expands rapidly, at an almost inhuman rate. The parents strip off their clothes to reveal kinky leather S&M outfits, and begin lapping up the chunky liquid from the floor on all fours. They then proceed to engage their son sexually from both sides, utilizing a vast selection of whips and chains, all the while making out with their ass-helmet of a daughter. The dog takes a break from licking himself passionately and looks up anxiously. His genitals explode and an extreme surge of canine semen propels forth, covering the room. The sheer force of the animal's ejaculation propels the dog out of the seventeenth story window. The family and the very room drips with the eclectic assortment of bodily fluids.

For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"

And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

Samnmax221 08-07-2006 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shmargin
On the bright side, we know which forum member not to invite over to dinner with the family.

I was going to sacrafice your baby to Jake anyway

itchythesamurai 08-07-2006 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samnmax221
I was going to sacrafice your baby to Jake anyway

There's no reason for that to have gotten Papa Don't Preach stuck in my head...but it did anyway.

Samnmax221 08-09-2006 11:16 PM

Boo Radley was an aristocrat with scissors!

milo 08-09-2006 11:24 PM

OMFG! I tried to tell this joke on gurlspace, but I couldn't get it past the fricking filter. :disaprove
Anyway, I've got a great one, but I'd probably get banned for posting it here.

Samnmax221 08-09-2006 11:26 PM

Boo Radley doesn't like self-censorship. Penn Jillette kicks ass.

milo 08-09-2006 11:32 PM

Maybe I'll tell it. Maybe...

Samnmax221 08-09-2006 11:34 PM

Boo Radley wants to hear it now!

milo 08-09-2006 11:49 PM

Christ, alright. I'll tell it.

Samnmax221 08-09-2006 11:53 PM

Don't let Brushguy hear you say that, he'll go into a closet and beat himself Arthur Dimmesdale style, then Boo Radley will come in and stab him with teh scissors.

Poopdogjr 08-10-2006 12:20 AM

Was this that joke that all those comedians were getting together to talk about? With like Penn or Teller as a host? Maybe?

Samnmax221 08-10-2006 12:22 AM

Yes it was Penn Jillette, Boo Radley didn't have time to show up though.

Poopdogjr 08-10-2006 12:24 AM

That would be an awesome name: Boo. That or Cornelius.


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