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-   -   NSW-Fic: Star wars knights of the old republic: chapter 2 rescue over naboo (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=211376)

battle111 11-06-2012 07:53 AM

Star wars knights of the old republic: chapter 2 rescue over naboo
 
Star wars
Knights of the old Republic
chapter 2
Rescue over Naboo

In a darkest haur the planet Naboo was attacked
by the ruttles sith Lord Vitiate the great queen of Naboo
contacked the Republic for help but the Republic dispatched two
jedi knights Master Bindo and the great jedi knight Bastila to negociate
peace with the sith emperor by leting go Naboo but the nagociations
very short the jedi arrived at the sith blocade then a protocol droid
ascorted the two jedi to the waiting room the ruttles sith emeperor
did't sensed that the nagociators were jedi so the emperor ordered
his sith troopers and the dark jedi aprentices to elimanate the two jedi
Bastila has sensed a disturbens in the force Jolee too then jedi went to
find out what's happening here so then the sith troopers cornered the jedi
but they quickly killed all troopers then Jolee realaised that the nagociations
were very short after killing all guards to jedi quickly maided to the hangar
but they were lored in to a trap there were tree dark jedi masters waiting for
them but then Jolee disaited to hold those sith until Bastila gets in to the shuttle Jolee runed in to the ship after they took of the Emperor
ordered to fire on the ship the jedi almost went in to the hyperspace but they
vere fired upon the almost nearly vere nearly destroyed but they chrased on Naboo. Mean wyle the
great jedi knight exile went to the Dantooine system to find a holocron abaut
Revan when he was a jedi the holocron was rumored to be found in the ruins
of the jedi enclave he arrived on the planet and went to find first administrator
Adary for clearens to enter the jedi enclave but when he arrived fauned that
khoonda bulding was attacked by some Bounty hunters but exile knowed
that the baunty hunter Azgul he killed him so the Exile went to find out first what happend when he tooked of mean wyle on the planet Naboo the two jedi
crased safely on the planet Jolee tryed to contack the republic but no such luck bastila told him that we must find the queen now but Jolee got a transmission from carth he asked how things are going with the mission but jolee sed to him that the Republic must sent a fleet to
rescue Naboo. Bindo sed that the nagociations were short and the emperor ordered his troops to eliminate him and bastila. Carth agreed by sending help and sed to Jolee that he must find the queen first before the republic arrives to aid him...........
to bee continued.

this is now my second story l hope everyone will like it.

battle111 11-06-2012 07:54 AM

Ops again l did't add some details well l will add some more details to my third story

Scorge 11-06-2012 08:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by battle111 (Post 2822627)
Ops again l did't add some details well l will add some more details to my third story

Use the edit button, and revise the story before you post it (unless you did). This is just a tip.

battle111 11-06-2012 09:07 AM

Thank's for the tip Scorge next time l will remeber that l need use the edit button hehe l always forget that l need to use the edit button first before l post

duster 11-08-2012 03:42 PM

This is better than the first one.In here i feel Episode 1 from the trilogy.The only bad thing is that you missed to add the "." sighns but overal i like it alot.It's very interesting.

battle111 11-08-2012 03:47 PM

Well the next one will feel like in the clone wars but defrant

machievelli 11-10-2012 10:01 PM

Aš nežinau, kaip gerai, ar vertimas yra čia, aš naudoju vertėjas, pridedamas prie tinklalapį, pavadintą partija, kuri turi funkciją kaip jo dalis siūlomų įrankių juostoje.

Aš einu, kad galėtumėte tai tiesiogiai į mano kitą peržiūrą vietoje, todėl jūs bent jau galimybę suprasti savo kritiką, aš nematau reali problema su savo darbo už tai, kad jūs, atrodo, kad kai kurie, bet ne suvokti daug anglų kalba. Aš siūlyčiau, kad jūs paprašykite kitų rašytojų beta skaitytojas siūlų, sklandžiai. Tai nėra kritika savo kalbos įgūdžius, be šios programos aš net ne bandyti rašyti sakinį Lett.

Aš norėčiau pasiūlyti padaryti tai už jus, tačiau jei aš beta skaityti ir ją ištaisyti, aš nesu pasiruošęs jį peržiūrėti vėliau

battle111 11-11-2012 05:06 AM

Well
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by machievelli (Post 2822931)
Aš nežinau, kaip gerai, ar vertimas yra čia, aš naudoju vertėjas, pridedamas prie tinklalapį, pavadintą partija, kuri turi funkciją kaip jo dalis siūlomų įrankių juostoje.

Aš einu, kad galėtumėte tai tiesiogiai į mano kitą peržiūrą vietoje, todėl jūs bent jau galimybę suprasti savo kritiką, aš nematau reali problema su savo darbo už tai, kad jūs, atrodo, kad kai kurie, bet ne suvokti daug anglų kalba. Aš siūlyčiau, kad jūs paprašykite kitų rašytojų beta skaitytojas siūlų, sklandžiai. Tai nėra kritika savo kalbos įgūdžius, be šios programos aš net ne bandyti rašyti sakinį Lett.

Aš norėčiau pasiūlyti padaryti tai už jus, tačiau jei aš beta skaityti ir ją ištaisyti, aš nesu pasiruošęs jį peržiūrėti vėliau

Well sometimes l get nervous by writing a story :)

machievelli 11-11-2012 09:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by battle111 (Post 2822943)
Well sometimes l get nervous by writing a story :)

Understood As i commented years ago, I wrote what I still think was the worst story in the world when I was eleven. However to help you improve, I would have to start with using a spell checker, go on from there

battle111 11-11-2012 10:06 AM

Well thank's
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by machievelli (Post 2822951)
Understood As i commented years ago, I wrote what I still think was the worst story in the world when I was eleven. However to help you improve, I would have to start with using a spell checker, go on from there


Hey thank's machievelli and when l began wroting a second story abaut the knights of the old republic l will try to be more improved:thmbup1::thmbup1:
and again thank's


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