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Old 12-16-2005, 12:17 PM   #60
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16 Dec

Rescue from Mustafar

65 Years after the Battle of Yavin, Three Jedi face the legendary HK47

The action is fast and furious, which is good, but the author is compressing it, making it more like a series of movie clips than a coherent story. Like watching just the commercials, and saying you saw the movie. A story must be coherent beyond the action sequences. There must be an underlying bed of created reality to keep the readers on track. This type of thing can work for a movie, but tends to fail in the written work.
The main problem with this work is the writer is trying to bridge a 4,000+ year gap and cannot do it seamlessly. There is no explanation why a robot over 4,000 years old is still running around, why a droid army which was shut down in Revenge of the Sith is still operational, and why they had to name a ship the II, when after 4,000 years I am sure a few others had been christened with that name.
It needs work, but it will work if it is cleaned up.

Fall of the Jedi

Very good. My only problem is there isnít enough to keep me going. Write some more, kid.

The Plight of Darkness

After the destruction of the Star Forge.
Revan and Bastila start at loose ends.

I have been asked several times to review this, and have held back to allow all the other reviews below it.
It was worth the wait.
The style is hesitant, and the author is right when she said she misspelled some things. It needs editing, and that is pretty much all I can say about it in a negative vein.
Youíre good kid. Really good.

From the Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater

Ben Skywalker: Father's Shadow
Obi Wan
46 years after A New Hope
A Young Jedi teeters on the edge of the dark side.
The style is good but the writer tends to merely let the story drag him along instead of guiding it. Like a lot of young writers this is not a really bad thing. It just means he has to spend more time polishing his craft.

Double Legacy
Princess Tranquility

Set four and a half years after A New Hope. Luke and Leia travel to Naboo to find out about their mother.

The basic story is good but the writer is buried in minutiae at the start. This I believe is because like a lot of the younger generation, she was raised with visual rather than written entertainment. This is not a bad thing, but it does show in the writing style. It needs to be smoothed out, but that is what editing and rewriting is for.
The only problem she has that really needs addressing is the political system on Naboo. Remember that while Padme was called Queen Amidala in Phantom Menace, the title seems to be what they call their president, rather than a title that is passed on to the children. She started with the idea that being Padmeís son automatically made him King.
Again, a minor problem, easily corrected.

Victory Quest: The Growing of the Shadows

A continuation of his earlier work Revelations

Like revelations, he tells the story with news clips followed by vignettes. Well done.


Coming to Terms

Between Kotor 1 and II.
There is a reason Jedi shouldnít love...
Kotorfanmedia does what they call dueling circles, a round-robin story line. I have left them alone mostly because the stories, due to having other writers putting their oars in, in inconsistent.
However xenzen has outdone himself with this segment. The angst of a couple loving each other, yet arguing about something as simple as how to treat a young adult is excellent.

Carth Vs Revan

Set after the destruction of the Star Forge. Revan and Carth face the fact that they might not be together...

Iíve never been much for romance writing. The work is clean and workmanlike, with a deep understanding of the problems of having a forbidden relationship. It isnít my cup of tea, but if you enjoy love scenes, I would suggest reading it all.


Set after KOTOR I
A redeemed Malak must prove Revan is innocent of a heinous crime.

There arenít many stories out there where Malak was redeemed, and this was the first I have read. The style is excellent, and only needs editing to make it first class.

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile

Last edited by machievelli; 12-24-2005 at 12:18 PM. Reason: editing
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