Originally Posted by Rev7
Hmm, Revan is not really
It wasn't a bad chapter. I would advise one thing though, when a new character starts talking, always
start a new paragraph.
"Revan HELP!!” The shriek was as loud as the sounds of the dead in the ancient tombs of Korriban. The Bounty Hunters had her cornered in the Hangar.
“I’m coming!” Revan shocked them all with the power of the Force, which he wields in the palm of his hands. He knocked them out cold.
“Revan, there’s still more somewhere in the ship.” Bastila was shocked from the events that had happened in such a short space of time.
“I’ll find them.” Revan carefully tiptoed around the ship. He found, nothing. The ship was empty. He walked back to the hangar, where Bastila was still waiting. “Bastila, there’s no-one else.”
I saw that you did this a few times throughout the chapter, but you should always
Good work though, I like the description that you put into it. Keep up the good work, and I look forward to seeing the next chapter.
Yeah, I always do that in my first chapter, just a habit of mine, but my folowing chapters I nebver seem to do that.
Originally Posted by Arcesious
Hmm... Good start... However I've read to many 'Revan fanfics' that nothing seems original anymore, even when it is original... despite that criticism due to my considering the KOTOR saga as boring because I've played it through to many times, it's a good story...
What I have in mind is original to KotOR fics, but I got inspiration from another TV show, you might recognise a bit of it when you see it.