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Old 08-20-2008, 06:51 AM   #3
Rabish Bini
@Rabish Bini
Sydney Roosters Genius
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: NSW, Aus
Posts: 2,128
Current Game: KotOR III
No criticism? How do you expect to learn, because now I can't tell you how to make the chapters better, thus increasing your ability as a writer.

They were nice chapters, but

The chapters were a too short, and didn't feel much like chapter, more like mini-chapters of a short story. And I also noticed some spelling and grammatical errors, like "thru," which should be "through," and also, you should start a new line every time someone starts talking, unless a character finishes a sentence he started, like
"Oscar," the boy yelled, "you came back."
Otherwise, start a new line someone new starts to talk.

I put the criticisms in a spoiler tag, they are constructive, so I hope you read them

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