I’ve not read this before today, so I’ve had some catching up to do. There’s a lot of things to mention, but I’ll try to keep it brief.
Originally Posted by LordofTheFish
That she was to show no emotion.
Jedi are allowed to show emotion, but they should be mindful of their feelings. They aren’t Vulcans, after all
Also, it’s not usual for Jedi to take more than one Padawan. I also don’t think that the Jedi would assign a brother and sister to the same Master – it’s too risky should something happen, and their attachment would get in the way.
Also, I don’t think that a Jedi Master would show such affection for a Padawan, especially not by calling them ‘his little girl’.
Also, with regards to the final part, I dislike how she has become a ‘Darth’. There’s no mention of it all until it happens, so how did it come about? And, as Bee says, a Jedi Master would not be so helpless against a Padawan, even without a weapon – especially given the clear emotional bond you’ve described in the beginning.