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Old 11-27-2008, 10:08 PM   #924
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
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Current Game: Dungeonseige series
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The Diaries of Johann Abernathy

Non SW Fiction: A revolution begins with a single word…

Some missing words. For example ‘was no singular than’ should be ‘no more singular’ suggesting no different. The basics are bland, but that fits with the style of your character.

The primary problem I have is not with anything of the story beyond one thing… At what point does ‘social’ good end and ‘personal’ good begin?

Welcome to the Forum

The Old Republic: Queen of Hearts

In interim between KOTOR and TSL: A Sith comes to the Jedi with an interesting proposal.

The piece is well written, and surprisingly, a collaborative effort. I was primarily surprised by this not because it was, but the editor made it an almost seamless effort. The story is well considered, the basics well laid out and edited.

As for violations of canon I didn’t see anything specific. The period is still relatively unformed.

Welcome to the forum

Pick of the week.

The Return
Revan Skywalker

PostTSL: Fresh from their battle at Malachor V, the Ebon Hawk and her crew go in search of Revan.

The piece gives us a good look at the situation though there is no explanation about the comment that T3 seemed to have blocked the nav-computer. The pacing could be improved, but that just might be Rev7 and myself.

Welcome back

Umbral Tide: Chapter VI: A Plan Regarding Poison

Continuation of Umbral Tide: Riddles and spells must be done quickly.

The writing is good as always, Tys. The only thing you didn’t do that I had anticipated was having all of her compatriots put some of their energy into it; which would explain the 3 tenths.

As for why they didn’t bother to ask Yradne, that makes perfect sense. If you had been taught your entire life that a certain nationality race or religion were automatically evil, why ask them for benign assistance?

Pick of the Week


Relentless Intolerance
Lord Zeuss

Pre TSL during the Exile’s trial before the Council: The anger of the Exile burns all, including her.

The piece does not follow the trial before the council and that is too the good. The defense, that she and the Jedi that had gone to war to uphold rather than deny the Jedi beliefs was perfectly portrayed. The primary addition, throwing her primary weapon away and using a secondary weapon for her point was an interesting twist.

Pick of the Week

The Will To Continue
Lord Zeuss

Two years before TSL: The Exile learns the meaning of suffering, and how to deal with it.

The piece is outstanding primarily because it is so stark and brutal. Her reaction is not as a Jedi, but as a person throwing away the strings that still bound her even after the puppet master had set them aside.

Pick of the Week.

Grrrr . . . Atton!

TSL on Dxun: Atton takes a practical joke a bit too far.

The piece made me smile, and having it end not with one of Atton’s jokes but one from the Exile made it even more amusing.

Pick of the Week.

Dance Dance Revelation

TSL on Nar Shaddaa: She may be attractive fit and a stark warrior, but the Exile isn’t good at everything…

The piece surprised me then caused me to chuckle. You would think an athletic person could dance, but I could picture the scene and after watching the dancing scenes they have in the games, shudder. Having Atton do the same after a few drinks was almost as funny.

Pick of the Week

Escaping the Past - Chapter 1

Seven months after the battle of Malachor V: With nothing better to do, the Exile discovers a new use for old skills.

The piece was intriguing because of the use of the skills she did have, weapons training, and converting it to dance. Well worth reading; including the byplay between her and her arms supplier.

Pick of the Week.

An Exile: Chapter One

Several months post TSL: The Exile finds the planet Revan is on, and some of her students.

Some homonym and wrong word problems. Knew instead of new, here instead of hear, whore instead of wore. Remember to smooth out the work a bit too.
Nothing that can’t be cured by editing.

Source Undefined - Chapter 1

20 plus years after TSL: A mother reveals a secret to her child

The writing style is good, the story well wrought. I enjoyed it immensely

Technical: A Christian name is a given name, like your own first name, usually not given until a child was baptized back in the Early Christian days. However the term implies a connection to a religion that has nothing to do with the Star Wars Galaxy. Sorry my Canon Monster sticking his head out.

Ten, Chapter One

Ten Years after Malachor V: As the Jedi reform, politics rears it’s ugly head, and the Exile must hurry to help an old friend.

The piece is well done, the growth of the characters defined and their new roles clear. Another of those I wish I had time to read on.

Pick of the Week

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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