Thread: [Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief
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Old 12-06-2008, 01:22 PM   #53
Litofsky's Avatar
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,545
Most excellent, Bee! To me, the beginning was a ounce fuzzy, but I was able to read past it, and I thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the chapter. There was only one grammatical error that I saw:

Originally Posted by Bee Hoon View Post
He tore open the wound, crying out as he did. He wanted to make her see just what she had done to them all. Distantly, he felt the Revan recoiling from the wound.
I do believe that the word "the" is unnecessary.

At any rate, a very nice chapter. The symbolism with the rain at the end was a nice touch, especially for the acts that Lei and Revan have committed.
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