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Old 12-11-2008, 09:18 PM   #929
Local curmudgeon
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,874
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
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I am taking next week off primarily because a friend I haven’t seen in 26 years is coming into town.

Coruscant Entertainment Center

Now and Again
Chevron Locke

Naruto universe: When a loved one dies, a warrior loses control.

One problem is the word is rogue (Bad guy) instead of rouge (a face coloring). Remember conversation breaks. The death scene would have been three paragraphs with conversation breaks.

The basics are good, the switch more logical than Anakin Skywalker’s in Return of the Jedi. Well done.

Pick of the week.

The Devil Within

TSL on Malachor V: A dark side Exile plans his future.

Bee Hoon, you did a good job of reviewing; so good I have nothing to say beyond that.

Mr. BFA, the only thing I can say is that I liked the characterization and introspection.

Pick of the Week

Kado Sunrider

Post TSL: Dream or vision?

The work needs some polishing, but few have impressed me with the ease of their work.

The battle was done well, but that is where the polishing is needed. As for the entire work…

Pick of the week



KOTOR after Korriban; sequel to A Cathar, a Captain, and a Former Sith Lord reviewed last Nov: A broken heart reaches out when love is offered.

If you have not read the work above, you will not understand the nuances of this one. Every one know about the ‘rebound’ effect in romance, this is an excellent one primarily because our Revan hasn’t given up on men entirely, she’s trying to find a way to fit one in as it were.

Pick of the Week

Right Here With Me

Ten years after TSL: The Exile prepares fpr the next step in her life.

The piece started fluffy but became serious after less than a page. The way the subject was brought into the story and handled was masterful. It was a compelling read.

Pick of the Week.

The General
Lord Zeuss

PreKOTOR: The person who would eventually become the Exile on an average day.

Many have already reviewed this, and the only comment I would have that has not been addressed in the last. I believe what Mbuki.Mvuki meant was the flow was a bit off, jumping from scene to scene in a way that was not organic to the work. Nothing major, barely noticeable in fact I had to reread it to notice what was commented on.

The scenes were well done, the subject smoothly portrayed.

Pick of the Week


PreKOTOR: The great General before she became great, seen through the eyes of one of her followers.

The subject matter was well handled, the scenes clearly cut. I enjoyed not only the method of the portrayal, but it’s subject immensely.

Pick of the Week

Knights of the Old Republic: Episode 1 The Prodigal Knight-Chapter 1
Chrissy Misha

PreKOTOR: The birth of Revan

The period is little done, so you’ve broken some new ground here. The only jarring note is the discussion between the Masters suggesting the same discussion in the Phantom Menace. A minor quirk that bothered me but did not detract from the work.

Sun and Moon, Chapter 1: Another Kind of Trouble
Dove-Feathered Raven

TSL from Peragus enroute to Telos: The meeting and first day between the Exile and Atton.

What can I say? The story flows well, and every comment I could make as a Critic has already been said except for one…

Pick of the Week

Hidden Chapter One

TSL on Dantooine: Atton worries about the Exile

The piece flows well, even though the first part was jarring in comparison. I enjoyed the read, and it’s another one I wish I could read all the way to the end.

Pick of the Week

In search of the Unknown regions- part 1

Post TSL: The members of both Ebon Hawk crews will get together to find their missing friends.

The others above have given good critiques, even Lord Valentai. Every really good book you’ve ever read was not written. In the words of Ted White, they are rewritten. No matter how great an author is, they all go through the same agonizing process of rereading editing, rewriting and polishing. Outside criticism is the biggest help in the process, because you’re always too close to the center.

What I Can't Tell You

Post TSL: As the Exile departs to follow Revan, she wishes she could tell Atton one thing.

The piece flows well, the subject explaining a lot about why she forgave Atton on Nar Shaddaa among other things. I’m wishing it wasn’t a one shot, because I would like to see where it goes from here.

Pick of the Week

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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