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Old 01-08-2009, 09:29 PM   #945
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,874
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
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Coruscant Entertainment Center

*Short*Death Of A Jedi

Camo-Man 07

After ROTS: A Jedi tries to assassinate the Emperor.

The word is features. Remember to polish and edit.

The basics are good, though as has been pointed out, it paralleled the fight between Palpatine and Yoda. My primary argument with it was technical;

Technical: While I can see them still using fire alarms in that time, you missed one minor flaw. Setting of an alarm in say the Congressional offices here in the US would draw a rapid response, guards to find and verify the fire, sensors that would detect if it were a false alarm, even fire fighting droids. In the case of a Chief of State, his own security force would have gotten him out and damn anyone else first, so having him just stand there and wait didn’t make a lot of sense.

Destined to Live
Darth Yuthura

Post TSL: A gladiator and his woman ponder what life really means.

The scenes are stark and clearly defined. This is so far one of your better works. I wish I had the time to read it all.

Pick of the Week

The Company

Two weeks after General Order 66: A group of rebellious clones fight their brothers.

Any of my usual comments about editing are unnecessary, so remember to edit and polish.

The basics are good, the combat scene could use some work in my opinion, but that’s just me. I was a bit confused until the last few paragraphs of the first posting because there was no mention of why they had rebelled; though the explanation was there, so I’m satisfied.

In Pursuit of Glory.
Astor Kaine

Non-SW Historical fiction: A gallant fight you a young officer.

The piece flowed well, and AK has shown again a mastery of the historical work here. The scenes, the fight, the shock of the volley, all well done.

Pick of the Week

KOTOR III: Tret'ye Srazhenie: Mission Briefing

The first couple of paragraphs needed smoothing, but other than that well done.

I approached this one with a bit of trepidation. If you didn’t read the two prologue posts, I was the one who created Becca Solis and scripted that little practical joke war at Tys‘s request. Then like any father, I stood back and watched her toddle off now being controlled by another.

Not that I really minded, because Tys has done her usual workmanlike best.

Pick of the week.


Light side Female Revan

Venomous, Part One

PreKOTOR on Dxun: An Assassin makes an attempt on Revan’s life… But was she sent by who I think sent them?

The story is compelling, dark, dangerous, and an excellent read. The only part that confused me was the idea that some of the Jedi Masters had sent her. It’s one on those niggling little questions that will make me wish I could read every page.

Pick of the Week

Tatooine Landing

KOTOR on Tatooine: The crew lands and prepares for action

Others have said it, and I will too; the attention to detail is exquisite, giving every character more depth than the game could. I could picture them all standing there in real live, and making Tatooine a bit like one of the Arab or South American countries where Baksheesh is expected was an interesting twist.

Pick of the Week

Light side Female Exile

The Shadows of Cinders: Chapter One - Of Fire and Irony
Akira Sereneda

TSL Right after Malachor V: The Exile starts to recover from her climactic battle.

The writing is well done, the introspection and interactions interesting. Well worth a read.

End of the Beginning. Beginning of the End. Chapter 1.

TSL After the climactic battle on Malachor: The Exile mentally says goodbye so she can search for the man she loves.

As the author said, Revan/Exile romances are rare, and the spurned lover reaction she expects to use when she finally finds her love was just gtoo good to miss.

Pick of the Week

The Meaning of a Name

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk, no specific section given: What is in a name after all?

The author took a quirk of the game’s programming and took it to new heights in this treatise. The question suggested in the title is well examined,


TSL on Citadel Station: Sometimes you just have to take or be taken

The piece is short and sweet, and the cute part was how Atton just did what he could to convince the Exile of his interest. It was only slightly surprising to me, but I did enjoy the surprise.

Rina Delwynn

TSL No specific section given: After his betrayal, the Exile only has five words for Atton

The piece flowed well, the pain not only in Atton’s word but hers as well nicely done. Someone else has given suggestions about how to edit this, so I won’t bother.

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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