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Old 01-15-2009, 09:31 PM   #948
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AU No specific era given: A chance meeting in a bar.

Grammar problems. Remember to (As in go to) is different from Too (also). The work needs polishing, as an example, the description of Truesdale was confusing because there was little or no need to break it into so many sentences. Also check word usage. Bore should have been ‘become bored’ and complected (skin color) should be complicated.

The basics are good, though hackneyed. Meeting in a bar was pointed out to me by one editor as the poorest way to arrange the scene.

Technical note: ‘Bars’ are usually called Cantinas or tap-cafes in the EU.

The Black Skull

Six months before battle of Endor: A mining colony is hit by the unknown.

The main things I would have pointed out have already been addressed except pointing out that editing would have probably fixed them.

The work is interesting, and the stark bare action was well done. I wish I had gotten a glimpse of what was attacking, but that happens in all of the better horror and Sci Fi stories, so it didn’t bother me that much.

Pick of the Week

The Unknown: Prologue

Problems with both grammar and word usage. It’s their not they’re. I not eye.
Instead of uncovered, they should be trying to convince her to reveal.

The basics are good, but the story drags. I had trouble seeing a Jedi being held so readily by her enemies, and giving such a lackluster performance when escape became viable. But that is editing and polishing.

Mass Effect II: Reaping: A Colleague in the Commissary

Non SW Fiction: The commander begins to gather more crew as the story continues

The idea is forming well, and from what I saw of one of the creators of a character (Alkonium) it might get… interesting.

Pick of the Week

Tret'ye Srazhenie: Chapter II: Enclave Emissaries

The piece is flowing, but a bit slow for my tastes. Starting to flesh out the crew now.

Scion of Darkness ~ Episode One: Fear Leads to Anger
The Doctor, Endorenna and Adavardes

Four centuries after the fall of the second Empire: The students of the Academy are detailed for our enjoyment.

It’s detracted rather than distracted. Gait not gate. Minor things, considering that it would take rereading to detect them.

I only had a chance to read the first posting, as you all know I am usually too busy, but this piece was interesting especially in the interaction between the students. I think I’d like to read it all if I can get the chance.

Pick of the week



TSL on Dxun: A lifetime apart, two old comrades reprise their first meeting.

The piece flowed well. The only negative, that I saw was a previous comment about lack of description, however that is a style comment rather than an actual criticism. Well done

Pick of the Week

Fool's Luck
General San 3

TSL on Peragus: There are three types of luck; bad, dumb and blind

The quote above I attribute to Cole and Bunch from one of their Sten books, and fit’s the scene on Pergaus as described by this author. The flashbacks fit perfectly, giving us an idea of how Atton came to be on Peragus very well. The scenes were clearly defined and flowed. A very good read.

Pick of the Week.

As the Earth to the Sun
Shadow Rise

TSL on Citadel Station: The brief romance ends as a lover you didn’t expect dies.

The scene was well done, and considering the possibility of a female Exile, well done. The scenes were abrupt, almost chiaroscuro. But as a fan of Sin City, I can say I like chiaroscuro.

Pick of the Week

Dark Side Male Exile

Knights of the Republic III: Force of Echos - Prologue

Originally reviewed 30 Dec 2005

Post TSL: Revan is getting together a few good people...

The style is well done, the story easy and fun to read. The readers on Kotorfanmedia gave it twelve thumbs up. It deserved them.

Reprise Pick of the Week

The Three Little Masters and the Big Bad Exile

TSL: The three little pigs Star Wars style.

I started this and had to grin at; ‘Once upon a time a long... uh, longer time ago in a galaxy far, far away’

From that point on has was smiling, grinning, and even chortling. The ‘moral’ of the story was just too choice.

Pick of the Week

The Third Betrayal

Originally reviewed 10 Mar, 2006

From his own KOTOR III Fan-fic. Ebon Hawk makes a stop that leads to betrayal.

As with all of the work of this author, it is excellent and well written. While the scene is too reminiscent of the scene on Bespin in The Empire Strikes Back, it was still well done and intriguing. The ending was not wholly unexpected, but well played.

Reprise Pick of the Week

The Coming Darkness, Prologue
Darth Kronos

Originally reviewed on 10 Mar 2006

A Dark Jedi Master contemplates the universe.

Darth Kronos has given us a view of the universe that is not unique, but well considered. What if the bad guys in all of our star wars stories, all of Lucas’ stories were trying to save the galaxy, not destroy it? DK only looks at Exar Kun and Revan, but it is a thought provoking read.
My biggest problem with adding this to my work load is I honestly don’t have time to hunt down and read every bit of the works I have enjoyed.

Reprise Pick of the Week

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile

Last edited by machievelli; 01-15-2009 at 11:02 PM.
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