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Old 01-29-2009, 11:58 PM   #956
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Star Wars - Rise Of Darkness
Rtas Vadum

Post TSL: A dark Exile searches for information, and remembers.

The basic idea is good and flows well. Remember to edit, because you’re still forgetting the possessive I.

Welcome to the Forum

Good Hero/Bad Hero

Post KOTOR, possible preTSL: entry in the Hero contest on LF’s Jayvar’s Cantina. What makes a hero

Spelling errors primarily. The word Promotary was confusing, and the on line dictionary couldn’t find it. Is it possible you meant promontory? sacraficing is spelled sacrificing.

The basics are good, the exaggerating of the first story the kind you can sometimes expect when people want to embellish. The break between the two was well done, though the second was more a resume rather than a story.

I never vote on the contests, but I would have tapped this as one of my choices, your version of a hero, even doing what will damn you because you must was perfect.

Pick of the Week.

Not For Me

Twenty odd years PostTSL: Sometimes a hero is just the guy who does the job

While someone interfering would be called an interferer, the phrase was cumbersome, better written as we don’t like people interfering in our work.”

The biggest problem I had with the work is technical. A vibroblade by definition would be too sharp to use as a throwing knife in the manner described. It would be like doing the same thing with a light saber. Same with holding it between your teeth.

The story was as Bee Hoon said predictable, but I thoroughly enjoyed the way the story went.

As I said above, I never vote, but your story would have gotten one.

Pick of the Week

Knights of the Old republic: Jedi of Destiny

Post TSL, though specifics beyond a child’s birth not given: A Jedi walks into the Hutt’s den.

Some problems with word usage a nation is strapped for cash, not stripped. areint is spelled aren’t. cement slippers is a bit obvious and in the SW galaxy the material is never mentioned. Why not ferrocrete or plascrete instead?

Also you keep changing tenses, past and present.

The basics look good but not editing causes the flow to be interrupted. This is your first review by me, but remember as I tell everyone; reread, edit, rewrite, then repeat.

Welcome to the Forum

KOTOR III: Tret'ye Srazhenie: Aftermath

Post TSL: Continuation of Tret'ye Srazhenie, The way some deal with death

I am never surprised when Tys turns out good work, and this is no exception. The way everyone is reacting is well written. Having Atton of all people coming down on everyone was interesting, and the reaction of the students was choice.

Pick of the Week.

Mass Effect II: Reaping: Nu, Chtozh? So, What?

NonSW: Third chapter of the Mass effect series; always a court of inquiry.

The story is progressing well, and this chapter out shown previous chapters for me.

The byplay within the team over actions taken, should you shoot or not is an ever present problem, the reason they created courts on inquiry for the military and shooting boards for police.

The thing is, as the crisis ends, there is always someone who wants to assign blame.

Pick of the Week


Light Side Female Revan

What Happens On Korriban

KOTOR on Korriban: Love is offered from all sides.

At the end of the story I was torn as to what to say. You have two of the bad ‘guys’ making passes at Revan, and at the same time a letter pouring her heart out to the third. I wasn’t surprised how it turned out, but the author obviously was. Having had scenes where the character decided on their own to do something, I enjoyed that aspect immensely.

Pick of the Week

Ivory Chopstick

TSL at the Traya Academy: The final confrontation between the Exile and Sion retold

This cannot be praised enough. The depth of feeling from Sion was well portrayed, even his own shock that his enemy regretted having to kill him rather than hating him was excellent.

Pick of the Week.

Dark Side Male Revan

Orange Juice

KOTOR before the unknown planet: Is this what a Sith Apprentice is supposed to do?

I had to wait for a few moments after reading this because I was too busy laughing. I will even let references to Earth food (Coconuts and oranges) slide because of how the story went. I loved the poem in it’s entirety because of the dialogue nature where someone comments and the author of the poem starts an argument. And I loved Sith Gardener!

Pick of the Week

Dark Side Male Exile

Mandalorian Sword
Starwars Chick-co-written with Walruseater.

Post TSL: Mandalore goes in search of an historical relic, and for honor.

The story flowed well, and the basis good. Taking someone else’s burden due to honor was an interesting twist, as I had done the same in reverse with Canderous accepting the dishonor of the Mandalorians on Dantooine in my own work.

This appears to have been misfiled, since the Exile is female.

Pick of the Week

Legacy of Malachor
The Disciple

Post TSL: Bao-Dur fights his descent to the dark side at the hands of his General

The piece was reminiscent of the original Dracula, the fear that you are going to fall, the temptations offered, and the final fall very well done.

Pick of the Week

This appears to have been misfiled, since the Exile is female.


KOTOR no specific part given: So that is HK’s idea of love.

I loved it. The idea that HK could be just as hung up on something as a human could be was amusing but the comments about him creating the mechanical equivalent of drooling and spending time in the bath room with a catalog was just too much.

Pick of the Week.

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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