If you're really adventurous and cheap, you could replace that keyboard yourself. Laptops can be taken apart like any other computer, and, chances are, there are detailed instructions on how to do so online, along with a replacement keyboard for $20 on fleabay.
"They should rename the team to the Washington Government Sucks. Put Obama on the helmet. Line the entire walls of the stadium with the actual text of the ACA.
Fix their home team score on the board to the debt clock, they can win every game 17,000,000,000,000 to 24. Losing team gets taxed by the IRS 100%, then droned."