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Old 01-15-2012, 11:48 PM   #46
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 512
Current Game: Arcanum
When the Shade removed the pistol from her grasp, Cadice was flooded with mixed emotions. Above and suffusing all of them was naked fear, even though the mysterious myrmidon had quipped that he didn't bite. Beneath the fright, however, were several layers of feeling stacked on top of one another like strata melting in a gooey birthday cake: disappointment at possibly losing her first chance to use a weapon; embarrassment at the Shade (correctly) revealing that she was not officially part of the squad; anxiety at the friction between the squad's members; and, below all, something deeper. Desire. The researcher wondered what kind. Do I want to kill, or to heal? When I held that pistol for the very first time, I felt a huge rush! I could be a soldier, even though I was never trained to be. All I need is the right tutelage.

Then she shuddered. I'm a Ph.D. biological researcher, not a warrior! I'm supposed to want to help, not harm! I've taken an oath to be ethical in my studies, endangering no more living beings than absolutely necessary in my attempts to discover the roots of Brieder biology. Why did I wind up here, in a command center full of those who fight on the war's front lines? Blast it...

Whenever Cadice wanted to conceal her emotions, she took a deep breath and mentally recited a list of ingredients for a serum of her own invention: Norepinephrine. Adrenaline. Serotonin. Ethylhexylcenterol. 2-methyl-serathrin. Perastatate hydrochloride, to serve as a catalyst. Submerge all in a ferrous polymer. This was a recipe for the wounds of war, but not the physical ones. The serum was an amnestic, that would erase memory of mind trauma without endangering other and more precious reminiscences in the brain. In high doses, Cadice knew, it would prove lethal. Closing her eyes, she imagined taking such doses when her bodily functions failed her.

I've only tested it on myself. I've already forgotten whatever happened on a certain date that I can no longer recall. In this war, the soldiers here might need my secret formula. However, I will not make them my guinea pigs...
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