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Old 10-20-2012, 10:36 PM   #1306
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Join Date: Jul 2005
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Peach-Flavored: The Extended, Revised, Attonized Edition of "I've Gotcha"

TSL on Telos: After an eventful adventure, Atton is rewarded

The piece is a bit of fun with Atton's constant sarcastic inner monologue, harping on everything you would expect him to grumble about.

It reminded me of a T shirt I saw the other day that you can pick up at Roadkill dot Com:

Support The National Sarcasm Association, Like we really need your Help

Pick of the Week


TSL, no specific era given: A dark side Atton terrorizes the Exile

The piece is so dark that you might feel nothing can go right in their lives again. I tended to agree with all of the negatives that BAM made, but know from research that some women who have been raped, and especially 'date rapes' where a light dose of rohypnol is used, that the women afterward wonder why the body's natural reaction to pleasurable stimuli wasn't easier to stop.

I think Elizabeth Moon in Once a Hero said it best. When a rescued prisoner is despondent about vomiting, his friend points out two things; One that he was concussed, and concussions sometime cause vertigo and vomiting. The other, that vomiting is a natural physical reaction that can be caused; add the right chemicals, and the person will vomit regardless of any control.

Bao-Dur: Echoes

TSL, no specific place or time given: Bao-Dur relives Malachor V again

The piece is better done than the usual run of stories covering the event. Revan is not the dark monster intending to murder off her less trustworthy followers, though that is still an option considering the aftermath.

One of the other reviewers wondered why he was rehashing this, and my reply is this; one of the primary portions of what is now called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is being forced emotionally and mentally to relive the horror that caused the disorder. In Bao-Dur's mind, he always considered himself the author of the disaster, as shown when he reminisces with the Exile.

Nihilus 3
Jaina Solo

Pre TSL: How Nihilus came to be

The piece was excellent! The idea that Nihilus had been created by his own people was breathtaking!

In Human society you have the 'perfect' sacrifice; be he the great warrior captured, or the 'king' of the bean in European views. The one perfect sacrifice to the gods. Here you have a child burdened with every sin striking back at those who have burdened him with their sins in negation.


Pick of the Week

Tales of a Selkath, Chapter 1: Homecoming

Pre Mandalorian Wars: A Selkath Jedi moves to join the war

The primary thing the work needed was editing and polishing. The tended to slow down and ramble a bit much, and some of the sentences were cumbersome. Basic grammar and language was good, so I think you might be ESL, English being a second language. You did get the frustration at failure well.

Ice Roses: Detour

Post TSL: The team makes a detour...

The piece fits in well with what went previously, and the fact that it was basically a wasted trip was just icing on the cake.

KotOR Luvers Community!

Once Upon A Dream

Wrong words used some time scatter instead of scattered.

Some cumbersome sentence structure; 'It sound of an old woman, but not it sounds cryptic' made no sense. I think you meant It sound(s like)an old woman', but can't figure out what you meant by the second part. 'She could hear the old lady have a smile when she asks' was probably meant to be 'She could hear the old lady (had) a smile (Or was smiling) when she asks'. 'She calms her money' should be claims. I think the problems I mentioned above are because first you write like I do; using a stream of consciousness; visualizing the scene and just recording it, but you also do what I do sometimes, which is forget to sight edit because when you use the wrong word, it would pass a spellchecker.

Only read two chapters into it, but it was good to that point. I'm still wondering how she was transported and why; I hope you explain it later.


TSL on Nar Shaddaa: There are times when reciting the code just doesn't help...

Some improper word usage, follow instead of followed, that kind of thing. Nothing sight editing won't cure.

This is one of those works I wish I could read all the way through. Calling Atton a Pazaak whore was choice, especially considering who is doing it.

Pick of the Week


Some period of time post TSL: It's all how you say it.

The piece is as the author stated, fluff. And I agree about the sugar content; I'm having my next cup of coffee without just to make up for it.

But it gets across very well, and I enjoyed it immensely.

Pick of the Week

Last Night I had a Dream

TSL, no specific period given: The Exile has dreams of Atton

The piece was an excellent little work. Each dream is a possible future she sees, even one where she had gotten out of the Med bay to find the energy cages empty.

Pick of the Week

The Exploits of Darth Revan

KOTOR: Destiny's New Path
Robby The Phoenix

KOTOR Alternate Universe: What if Revan had escaped, but Malak had been captured?

The piece is 25 chapters long, and unfortunately. I was only able to read the first one. The basic premise is good, and the scenes well written.

The Power of Choices Part 1: Rise and Fall
Brazilian Sith Lord

Mandalorian Wars, Alternate Universe: What if Bastila had gone to war with Revan?

Some improper word usage; raised (Lifted) instead of razed (destroyed) and saying where her duty lied instead of lie. This is more of an editing problem than anything else; though the fact that you're Brazilian means you might not know English Grammar that well.

The idea that the Jedi would get low ranks thanks to Council interference makes some sense, but assigning an army rank (Lt General) to Karath does not. I loved the comment that most of the Admirals are related to Senators; it brings to my mind my own KOTOR where after the war, they were going to assign Karath to the Academy as commandant when he was one of the best fleet commanders they had; all because he wasn't of the right social class to keep.

The one battle scene I read was too contrived. Having Malak's ship close enough to brush the enemy fits in with the way the movies do it, but in real life you would have hundreds if not thousands of kilometers between them. The primary reason they do the battles so close in the movies is that most of the audience members don't realize this.

However as a ground force commander, Revan would have little or no authority to operate the local ships; most navies don't let ground force officers command even a single ship.

Also, I cannot agree with your characterization of the Mandalorians; the idea that they are, as they said in the Making of Star Trek, the 'Mongol Horde in space ships'. As much as the enemy might see them as horrible monsters killing for no reason, a warrior society has a rationale to it. The Mongols for example didn't lay waste to every city, only those that resisted; Though they did literally depopulate Poland, and later Persia, the first time was to draw the Germans and Austrians into trying to catch them. The second time they were terrorizing the peoples to the south of Persia into obedience. Yet you have the Mandalorians devastating planets as they pass just because they can.

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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