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Old 01-26-2013, 10:26 AM   #1322
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For some reason, my posts at SWK keep starting with Deprecated: Function ereg_replace() is deprecated in /home/starwars/public_html/fusion/index.php. Any ideas?

Coruscant Entertainment Center

Star Wars: KotOR: Revelations Part One - The Echo of Revan

Five years post TSL: Echoes of his past still haunt the Exile

The piece is remininscent of a story I read years ago; a man obsessed with a woman he knew only briefly and lost in death and every time he meets someone new he reenacts the first time they met, then rejects the new woman. A friend had a clone made of this perfect woman, yet the first time he meets her, she fails the same test.

The Exile is mentally locked onto an ideal, a perfect scene where his questions will be answered. Sadly in real life, this doesn't always happen.

Like Revan
Auros Sopherai

Post TSL: A trio from the two crews undertake a special mission

The piece needs editing, as some sentences are poorly written anf there are some grammatical errors.

The basic premise is good, but there were too many places where it jarred me. Having some knowledge of espionage, I saw too many places where the team is far too credulous, assuming that things will go their way, and one was in using everything their supplier gave them without question.

Carth was even worse. Name any organization you wish, and I am sure that you can find data that ties them to unsavory elements in our society. Watch the movie Red Dawn where the occupiers of the town define the Boy Scouts as a 'paramilitary organization' as if it were the American version of the Hitler Youth.

Remember that Operation Enduring Freedom was planned using information the CIA 'cherry picked' (Chosing only data that supports rather than any that would suggest otherwise) to 'prove' that Iraq still had access to Weapons of Mass Destruction. The only thing proven of that data was having Intermediate Range Ballistic Missiles they should not have had.

That same data never explained where 286,000 liters of chemical weapons precursors went either...

Bastila's Redemption

Four years Post KOTOR: What will the Council do with a newly fallen Jedi?

A few grammical errors. Weather instead of whether.

The basics are good, though the council comes across as split beyond those willing to give her a chance, and those who expect her to fail. I only had a chance to read the first chapter, but what I did read was workmanlike.

Vision Thing
Niki Chidon

Post KOTOR: Across the gulf of years, Morgana speaks to Carth again

The piece is short, sad, and poignant, the vision Revan has seguing into an actual vision Morgana had before she met her husband, and then into her final words.


KOTOR after the Leviathan: How does Revan deals with this news?

The reaction is shocking because she deals with it by freaking out more than anyone else aboard. A very well done piece.

Pick of the week

In the Breast Pocket
Sandra Evans

During TSL: Carth keeps two things in his pocket

The piece is soft and a bit disjointed. The idea that the ring he wished to give her shares the pocket is a nice touch.

Tempering The Blade
Lady Zenoka

During Clone Wars: Anakin finds a tableau 4,000 years old

The idea that the two times are connected somehow is not new. I didn't have time to read to far into it.

The Empire's Commandos
Faces Come out of the rain

During General order 66 at Jedi temple: The Commandos are part of the operation

The piece started off generally well, but soon became repetitive, new room, same attempt by youngling(s) to defend themselves, holding and killing in the same manner pretty much everty time.

Dreams and Realities
Nina Of the Galaxy

Pre KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: Now she has a new dream

The piece comes across as if Revan is a young teenager suddenly fixated on the new boy in town. She wanted to be a smuggler, now, she wants Carth.

Battle Meditation
El Stormo

preKOTOR: A demostration of battle meditation

An interesting look at how battle meditation can be used. The piece was a bit confusing at first, since every description suggests that the technique affects both sides of the equation. In the situation revealed in the first chapter, it is being used to confuse the enemy, but leaving the pilot and gunner of the shuttle alone.

He's Come Back
The Kiss of Immortality

Four Years Post KOTOR: An unexpected visitor

The piece is intriguing; why has Revan kept Carth out of her daughter's life? Considering that she spent several months running around during the Star Forge adventure, and an unspecified time being reprogrammed by the Council it has to be Carth's child. The intro made me want to find out, as a good story should.

Pick of the week

A Master's Tale
liquid vash

Pre-Star Wars series: The genesis of Master Yoda

The author's first fanfic. While the author commented on 'others have done this before' in all of my work as a critic now on four different sites, it is the first 'Yoda as a youngling' work I have seen. The whole work is only about 3500 words in two chapters, and I was left wondering why it still sits here fallow. It was a good start.

Only one negative; I can't see their teachers handing a child a practice lightsaber after only two days.

Grieve for Me
Lady Zenoka

Two years post KOTOR: With a simple letter, she is gone

I almost passed this piece by; since I cannot write even remotely descent poetry, I merely started to go on. Yet the ending, the bereft man left with his daughter alone stopped me.

Pick of the Week

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile

Last edited by machievelli; 01-26-2013 at 10:31 AM.
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