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Old 02-04-2013, 09:45 AM   #1324
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Join Date: Jul 2005
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Of Sith and Jedi Old Friends and New

TSL aboard Harbinger: Atton meets some old 'friends'.

The piece flows relatively well, The situation well portrayed. My primary problem with it is the same problem I have with the game itself; being a brute who tortures at the drop of a hat is too stereotypical.

Death of a Savior
Lady Kenoka

KOTOR after Leviathan: Carth decides on vengeance

Logically, the piece covers one option for Carth in real life; that he would kill Revan. I just wish the author had let us read the last letter too.

Beautiful Disaster

TSL aboard Ebon Hawk: The Exile considers her relationship with Atton

Only two problems I saw, first, in the sentence 'his body almost of their own violation' should be volition. Also you left out aword in the sentence 'overwhelming desire to kiss him. But I restrain' (myself).

There were two things I liked about it; first, her actions toward him. I had Jolee make a sacrastic comment in my own version of KOTOR about if the Jedi wanted to desensitize their students to things like sex, they should give them comprehensive training rather than merely expecting them to abstain. After all if the last two thousand years are any indication, it didn't work for the Catholic church.

Also the comments on the dark side. If you have read Dark Rendevous, you have a discussion where Count Dooku is trying to convert Yoda to the Dark Side, but all of his arguments for it are linked to personal gain. In the same book you have Ventress trying to convert two Jedi Padawan, and her arguments are more cogent and hard hitting.

Knights of the Old Republic: The New Order

Two and a half years post TSL: As the order rebuilds, new problems arise.

Remember to sight edit; some words will slip past because they pass a spell check such as 'thinner then Bastila though(t) safe'.Also,you tend to not finish sentences. The sentence 'He looked more ruffian then anything else' doesn't scan. Without 'like a'.

The scene where Atton defeat the assassination attempt is perfect! Having the opponents Atton and Mical as the strongest proponents was also choice.

Only read one chapter, but worth a look.

Pick of the week

The Adventures of Korron Zeria: The Saber Quest
Corey M. Smith

No specific era given: Gathering components for a lghtsaber...

I didn't have a chance to read the entire thing, but this was good.

New Dark Side Ending for KOTOR

Post KOTOR: Another option...

The piece is choice because it gives another world version of the end of this scenario; Revan and Carth together even after she had fallen.

Knights of the Old Republic III: The True Sith
Master Chef 505

Post TSL: The fist crew bands with the second to gather their mentors home

Minor point. If you are going to have your character cough as they speak the actual cough itself shoud be separate. Remember to finish sentences. It's a Cheshire Cat. Remember to sight edit. A woman would not rap (music) her arms around someone, she would wrap them, and kill should be killed/ The Exile would met, not met.

Except for the things I have mentioned above, the piece is excellent.

Pick of The Week

Jiara Anatalis

TSL enroute to Nar Shaddaa: The Exile confronts her fragile memory

The author has done good work as always, bringing out the despair felt by Bao-Dur in his General not remembering him. In my work the Exile had a hyper acute memory; at one point when Atton tells his secret she rattles off the number of men that died under her command. But it could have easily gone this way as well.

Pick of the Week

Remembering to Forget

TSL on Telos: Two old comrades meet, and both are glad they don't remember too much

The author clearly defines both characters even in so short a piece. This one of those I wish I had time to read fully.

Pick of the Week

Waiting in the dark

TSL on Nar Shaddaa: Atton awaits his judgment.

The piece flows very well, the idea that for the first time in a long time he is willing to actually let a Jedi read his thoughts an interesting twist. Well done

Would You Light My Candle?

TSL no location given: Well, it's one way to make the lessons fun

The piece is light and fluffy, the Exile using a simple method to teach Atton, and at the same time having fun with her affect on the man. Very amusing.

Mandalorian War Lore

Mandalorian War Era: The final confrontation before Revan departs

While competently written, the story doesn't gel. First, consider that the Council would not let Revan leave if he acted this way. It's one thing to have a disagreement, then leave to follow your own path. It's quite another to attack one of the Council members and be forcibly ejected.

Look at it this way; In 1861, while both sides of the argument as to whether the States had the right to secede was bitter and acrimonious, there was no open conflict before Fort Sumter. In fact the Southern Cadets who resigned from West Point marched out with the band of that institution playing Dixie.

What you've had Revan do is the equivalent of those same cadets taking control of the arsenal, stripping out every weapon they can carry, and shooting anyone who stood in their way, which would have drawn an equally violent response. They would have arrested him on the spot.

Also, Vandar doesn't speak like Yoda.

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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