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Old 02-15-2013, 11:54 PM   #1326
machievelli
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Youth
RevanSama

Pre-Mandalorian Wars AU: When you need a trasure hunter, sometimes you get more.

Remember to sight edit. There were several places in just the first posting where we had problems...

it wasn't easy for her son neither. (Avoid double negatives, so her son either) determinate should be determined. much and leaved. Should be left. didn't took it back should be take it, not took. saying that with those guys later should be earlier, and surprise(d) by Revan's stubbornness.

The premise, that a Jedi could dream of what might have been was excellent.

Pick of the Week

Fanfiction.net

Thoughtlife
StormTorrent

KOTOR after Leniathan: After leaving the Ebon Hawk, Carth reconsiders.

The piece needs some sight editing and polishing, but on the whole was well written. In fact, my only negative comment is technical.

Technical note. Of course you had Mission say she had equipped the escape pod with a hyperdrive, but remember that 4,000 years later, fighters still need warp rings to use hyperdrive. An escape pod is not designed for long range deployment. It is basically a can full of air with rudimentary engines and controls for basic navigation and communication. It is enough to hopefully keep you alive until you reach a nearby planet, but little more. But nearby is in planetary systems terms; being jettisoned say near Neptune, and reaching Earth from there.

Unlike Captain William Bligh who sailed an open boat an epic 3,618 nautical mile (6,701 km) voyage from Tofua to Timor after the Bounty Mutiny. Carth would not have that option. Bligh at least had the advantage that he had access to the same forces that drove his own larger ship earlier.

How to Bother Carth
Handmethatcookie

KOTOR Non-Canon aboard Ebon Hawk: All right, who told Revan about Myspace?

It's of course, not of chores.

Of course I am usually leery of non-canon stories. And I almost always come down on people who can't tell a hatch from a door (you don't have doors on a ship, kids). But I was giggling about ten paragraphs into this, so I'll let it slide.

If you picture Revan as a young teen, and Carth as her father, it couldn't have gone better. Eight chapters, which I don't have time to read.

Damn it.

Pick of the Week

Star Wars KOTOR II: The Final Waltz
Dante-raven

2 years post TSL: One of those left behind has to deal with the possible future

The piece like a lot of the Force Vision stories is a bit surreal and fast paced. The last line of the prologue; that all of the fighting between the Jedi and the Sith is interesting. My ex-wife used to joke that the First World War was a family disagreement that the rest of the world was invited to.

Knights of the Old Republic: A scoundrel's story
Jedi Master Rimsek

During TSL on Nar Shaddaa: Having survived Goto's interference, two smugglers have things they have to do.

It should be pollutant laden, our turrets, not out. These are sight editing problems, so no biggie.

The piece is short as the author said, but a lot was packed into it. The aftermath is interesting, since a lot of what is discussed by the pair is logical, with comments about needing a pair rather than a single engine, and other repairs or replacements necessary.

A pity the author got only one review.

Pick of the Week

54 Years of Age
Achalys

16 years Post KOTOR: What every man fears forgetting...

Remember to finish sentences. It should be; 'He looked worse than (their) daughter on her bad days, and even though he loved True, that was saying (a) lot'. No biggie, I sight edit my own stuff because I do this occasionally too.

Having been married twice I know how horrible it can be when this happens. The piece is funny because all the clues are there; the calendar at home, the calendars on his desk. As an old friend would say, he couldn't buy a clue if you told him what store to get one at. Worse yet, his big save, the button under his desk isn't a secret to his son, so it gets revealed at just the wrong time...

I for one was lucky. I always remembered the anniversaries, which ticked the second ex off to no end, because she forgot it.

Pick of the Week

Another Path to Follow
Milady78

TSL AU: When Obi Wan is not chosen by Qui-Gon, the Force finds a way...

I usually don't have time to read more than a single chapter but this time, the prologue required that I take the time. The basic idea is intriguing; the student is not going to be taught, and the Force takes a hand to make sure he is. In this case going so far as to transport young Kenobi 4,000 years into the past.

I still hadn't had my questions answered by reading the second chapter, and this is in a way very good; an author should draw you into the story, and make you want to read on, even if it starts with a WTF moment.

Pick of the Week

A Selkath Festival
Atoz

KOTOR on Manaan: While taking some down time, the crew hears about a dance...

The piece, like the one above, required me to read further just to figure out what is going on. Festivals are probably one of the only things every people of our world have that are universal, though the why and how of such a celebration is always different. I didn't have time to read very far, but it sounds interesting.

So You DO Remember
The Thermopage

Remember to sight edit because words will slip past because they are properly spelled, even if they do not fit. For example it is scared (frightened) not scarred (having scars)

The premise that the memories are there, but just locked away makes sense, because when you delete a file on a computer it really hasn't been destroyed, only sequestered until overwritten. But the idea that they can all be accessed again is dangerous. Unless you know why the person made some of his decisions, you cannot explain his actions. So having them there to review can cause untoward actions.

The Phantom Menace
HoratiosBabyMama

Cowritten with Mithostwen: A recast of the first movie

The piece was a lot of fun. Having the characters replaced by those from KOTOR worked and worked well. Jolee replacing Qui-Gon was a very nice touch, and his driving his padawan Bastila to distraction is like the spice in spice cake.

Oh, and Batu Rem is the security guard replaced by the assassin sent to kill the Exile and her crew on Citadel Station.

On major Hiatus, and that bothers me; I wanted more!

Pick of the Week

An Exile's Path
SidiousSith

TSL on Malachor V: The escape is only the beginning...

You went from third person to first about two paragraphs in. This is an editing problem, so it's no big worries. Setting up the follow on as they escaped was a nice touch.

Parenthood
Tatooine92

Clone Wars with Delta Squad: All right, what training manual do you use for this?

When I see Tatooine92 as the author, I know I'm in for a treat, and this is no exception. The idea that a combat team is suddenly saddled with a kid, and an affectionate one at that is a fun way to start. The one thing I liked about the Clone Wars series is the way the Clones deal with children. Too often, writers equate soldier with brainwashed homicidal monsters. But even the worst armies in the world, with a few notable exceptions, are still human in their actions.

It is true, regardless of the propaganda of America's enemies, that if you go back just during my lifetime, the memory most children have of an American soldier is some big guy from another country who is handing out candy, or bandaging them.

I wish I could read it all, Steph.

Pick of the Week

Snowfall
BrokenFate117

During the Jedi Civil War: How Jaq became Atton

Remember to sight edit. You say he hadn't like rather than hadn't liked killing.

The premise is not new, but the method of healing is. By changing all of the heat to ice, it is burned away, his act in killing his savior just the last gasp of his previous personality. Very well done.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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