In the Enclave
TSL at the Jedi enclave: The Masters act, but run into an unexpected obstacle.
One sentence near the start confused me; 'You confuse strength with power'. Since I have been working on what you might call an explanation of how magic would work in one of my own works, and hailing mentally back to the 12th century (When the Catholic Church finally changed their minds for the fourth or fifth time about witches) it would have read better if you said 'You confuse strength with evil'. It is like Jesus being told that his teachings are automatically heretical because he is not merely repeating the rote teachings of the church at that time.
The author in the afterword commented that this was a reaction to not being able to scream at the Masters, which the game didn't allow. I had basically the same reaction, but spread it out, confronting each of them separately, pointing out the flaws in their logic of 'don't go' in my own Return From Exile over at Lucasforums.
Their insistence on staying out of the situation during and after the war flew right in the face of what Jedi are taught in my mind. You teach these young people that they are the guardians and protectors of the Republic, that they should be willing to fight and die for the people of that body, then turn around and refuse to do just that when the Madalorians attack? Crucify the one person who does return, and then stand by like deer in the headlights as doom comes at the Republic again?
To quote an old Military axiom, a partial plan violently carried out immediately, beats the perfect plan when it is already too late.
If you have ever seen the musical 1776, the last vote comes down to just one state, Pennsylvannia. The members of that delegation were Ben Franklin, John Dickson, and James Wilson, the first two on opposite sides of the independence question, causing the delegation to be polled individually. Unlike the milquetoast representation of him in the musical, where he voted for independence only because he didn't want to stand out as the one who scuttled the project, Wilson was a firm proponent of independence who had his disctrict polled on it before casting his vote.
Kreia going ahead with the slaughter only made sense because the masters would have argued their rectitude right up to the end.
Pick of the Week
Pre KOTOR leading to the Star Forge: Looking back, Revan realizes she never really had a choice...
The piece is an interesting look at Revan's past, and the author does the one thing I did, challenge the age barrier. I had one author about two years ago decide that only babies, say up to two years old were accepted, even if this would have reduced some of the Padawan and masters to little more than babysitters, since it isn't until about three that you can even speak coherently to the average child.
Having her deal with her father again after training as a Jedi was also choice. Him making mistakes she does not, and winning a battle where he had already given up.
Remember the quote from Wellington; the winner in a battle is the one that makes the fewest mistakes. Your comment that the Mandalorians made none doesn't quite jell, though realizing that someone is using the Mandalorians as cannon fodder did.
TSL in the Trayus Academy: Sion discovers the one thing he yearns for is an end.
The piece is a lovely little bit of introspection. The Exile beating him not by force of arms, just by offering the one thing he cannot do for himself. In my own Return from Exile I had a slightly different form, cutting herself off from the Force as if merely flicking a switch, rendering her invisible to his Force Sight, being able to inflict injury because he cannot draw upon the Force from her to survive.
TSL, no specific planet given: Atton and the Exile search his heart for reality
The piece is all dialogue, and a bit confusing to read. But the idea, that you can't see yourself without something to mirror you is choice. With her seeing him, and letting him see what she can see, he stands not as a monster, but as a man.
Post TSL: With nothing else to do in prison, Revan and the Exile discuss what they left at home...
The piece is a bit of fun, two old friends reminiscing not about their shared past, but the different part each had that the others shares; friends and accomplishments. Having Revan just sort of reveal that he is still armed was cute.
Pick of the Week
Atton Rand's Death
MaggOnasi and RevanBodyguard
TSL in the Trayus Academy: Atton's death frees the Exile for her final missions
The piece is pretty much what you would have anticipated in the game if you could bring more than two with you. In my own work I had their past separate them, Hanharr for Mira, Atton's memories of the last Jedi he killed, the Handmaiden's sisters for Brianna, the Jedi Visas had slaughtered, etc.
The only really jarring point for me was having Bao-Dur, Mira, and Mical joking with each other afterwards as if they had been playing a game rather than in battle.
MaggOnasi and RevanBodyguard
Pre KOTOR on Dantooine: The children we will later follow grow up
The primary problem I had with the piece is that it was not sight edited. The author tended to run words together, something I occasionally do, so I try to edit before posting.
The author hit on the one point that constantly bothers me about the Jedi, that they supposedly refuse to take children above a certain age, and every author has their own cut off line. I understand why Anakin was originally rejected in TPM, he had been raised as a slave, and was attached to his mother as sole parent his entire life. Not surprising that he would be rejected at age nine. You cannot assume that a child from such a home is going to grow into a calm person, and the events that followed, falling in love, slaughtering those who killed his mother, were almost foregone conclusions. In fact Yoda's decision (to my mind) about Anakin's suitability wasn't about the fact that he felt fear, but to Anakin's defensive reaction when it was mentioned.
I realize that you have to catch the Jedi hopefuls young, but taking them as newborns never made sense to me.
MaggOnasi and RevanBodyguard
Post TSL: The Exile has some things to do before she departs in search of Revan
The primary problem I had with the piece is that it was not sight edited. The author tended to run words together, something I occasionally do, so I try to edit before posting. You also mispelled surprise constantly.
The piece was uneven; you spent far too much time on the Fangirls,and having some of them be retread Carth fangirls didn't make a lot of sense. Then the 'serious talk' that just didn't seem serious enough. The entire work seemed to run from trying to be comedic to trying to be serious, then back again, and unfortunately, missing the mark on both ends, though having the unconscious fangirl get trampled was fun.
Pre TSL: How Atton came adrift
Remember to sight edit and polish, the sentence 'about anything much any more' read kind of rough. I think it would have been better written as, 'much about anything any more'.
The piece is more a synopsis than anything else; this is Atton, this is what caused the change in him, this is Atton drifting.
It was saved by the last line, because as the author said, you have to know you're lost before you can be found.
One Of Their Moments
Post TSL aboard the Ebon Hawk:
Remember to sight edit, you used manor (House) instead of manner (method). Also, the line 'but he needs a friend and Mical doesn't fit the bill for it' would be better if you cut off the 'for it'.
The piece is a nice little slice of life after the hell they have gone through. Dealing with the emotions of Mical can be a pain, that's why I used the Mod where I could have the Handmaiden instead, just to keep from going to the dark side.
The Best Story Ever
Post TSL: Atton is pregnant?
Back in the 70s, Joan Rivers made a very bad movie about a man getting pregnant, and this reminded me of it. It was just as unrealistic then as it is now.
TSL aboard Ebon Hawk: Just a simple cup of tea?
I think his own thoughts, that he is expected to sacrifice some animal to attain the rank of Jedi shows the same ignorance newly trained soldiers have about becoming a soldier themselves. There are always rumors of this sort; that you have to murder an innocent, or worse yet, a family member to prove your resolve.
The provenance of the tea blend itself was interesting; not where it came from, or even who supplied it, but the reason you drink it. While that seems to have little to do with Atton assuming the responsibilities of being a Jedi, the fact that it is served to someone you love was a surprise.
The piece has a surreal feel to it. Atton's thoughts of someone sitting down to tea mirror those of a lot of us. To the average American, tea is something you drink if you don't have or like coffee. The ritual of afternoon tea, as I explained in one of my own works, is because most people tend to chug coffee, but they tend to sip tea; it's a chance during an otherwise busy day to relax and discuss rather than merely stay within your own head, which is what an afternoon coffee break suggests.