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Old 07-30-2005, 11:49 PM   #1
Katarn07
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Epic Trilogy: Part III

This is an original story I have been writing for almost the past year. This first part I wrote before then as a school assignment, not meaning to continue it. But the characters grew on me and all the questions left unanswered compelled me to finish it. I would love to do just that and will post parts here as I complete them. Notice this is part three of three. Where can you read parts one and two you may ask? Well, I have a tendency not to finish things. Parts one and two are other stories I have written that I adapted to fit with this. Think of them as the prequels to this which can be either the last of a series or a stand alone piece. I would love to go back and do those as well if I ever finish this, but like I said, they're not necessary.

Warning: If made into a movie, I'd rate this individual piece in this post PG. But if and when I add more, I expect it would be PG-13. This work contains mild adult language and some violence. Both of these things will become more intense in later scenes

Quote:
FADE IN:

Another time, another place. A fantasy world not of our Earth but similar to medieval Europe. We see a small farm village in the rolling countryside with lush green grasses and golden fields of various crops. In the far off distance are some mountains and before them, a huge forest. A group of five armored men on horseback ride in via road.

EXT. VILLAGE SQUARE Ė DAWN

ELYMIR and ARIANA push their way through the crowd in the marketplace. Both are lugging huge sacks filled with various farm equipment or food for livestock.

ARIANA
Címon, Elymir! Itíd just be for an hour or two. Letís drop this off at the stable and go. Valunen wouldnít even notice we were missing. Besides, we got all the stuff he needs. He never said we had to do anything in the fields today...

ELYMIR
Nor do we ever not end up doing anything in the fields. Harvest is only a few weeks away and Valunenís way behind schedule. Heíll need all the help he can get. Plus Nessieís expected to deliver her calf any day now. He canít do that alone.

ARIANA
Donít be such a wuss. I told you he can afford to have us missing for an hour or so. If he couldnít manage the fields or his stupid cow by himself while weíre out, we can help him when we get back!

ELYMIR
I dunno, Ariana. What is it that youíre so eager to show me anyways? Iím sure itís not worth putting off our chores.

ARIANA
Believe me, Elymir; itís well worth it.

ELYMIR
Iíll be the judge of that. What is it? You still havenít told me.


ARIANA
Whereíd the fun in that be? Youíll just have to come and find out for yourself. Itís a surprise!

ELYMIR
Then forget it.

The group of men on horseback ride by fast. A villager dodges them and runs into Ariana who falls over and drops her sack of goods.

ARIANA
(getting to her feet)
Gah! Watch where youíre going you stupid bastard!

Elymir steps in her path allowing the villager to flee.

ELYMIR
(holding Ariana back)
It was an accident. Donít get all bent outta shape about nothing. It wasnít his fault; it was the ridersí. Now quickly, letís get this stuff back to the farm before the whole day is a waste.

ARIANA
(under her breath)
Like it isnít going to be anyways.

They pick up the stuff together on their knees as the people of the village rush past them. Elymir and Ariana look up and look around as they put the livestock feed into the sacks.

ARIANA
Hmm, wonder what all the hubbub is.

ELYMIR
Might have to do with those strangers on horseback that rode by.

ARIANA
Iím sure if I suggest we go and see whatís up youíll lecture me like youíre my older brother or something again so should I even bother?

ELYMIR
No, no. I wanna see what the commotion is too. It looks like itís on the way to the farm. Címon.

They take the sacks again and head over to a mass of people. They canít see what theyíre looking at. Everyone appears to be in a very solemn mood. Elymir and Ariana try to push their way forward and eventually drop their sacks to do so.

They eventually get to the front of people to see CANDEROUS with a sword drawn out and pointing to worn down and beat up VALUNEN who kneels before the armored man. Canderousís CRONIES circle Valunen and push back the crowd of villagers.

ELYMIR
Valunen? Valunen!

ARIANA
Oh my God, Valunen!

CRONIE
(raising his weapon)
Get back, ya lil bastards!

Another farmer, IAN, struggles with Elymir and Ariana to keep them back.

IAN
Elymir! Ariana! Sit still! Those guys are armed to the teeth and I doubt theyíll warn you again to stay away.

CANDEROUS
My patience is growing weary, old man! Give me the relic! Cooperate and your life shall be spared! If you resist it shall be a waste of your life!

VALUNEN
Youíre a fool if you would believe Iíd trust your benevolence. You can go to hell!

CANDEROUS
Iím sorry you feel that way, old man.

Canderous raises his sword up. Elymir and Ariana look on in horror. Canderous swings the blade down.

ELYMIR
Valunen! Valunenó

ARIANA
Oh my God! No!

Elymir and Ariana break free of Ian and fall to their knees before Valunenís corpse as a pool of dark red blood spreads. Elymir stares on blankly unable to grasp what has just happened. Ariana covers her face with her hands as she cries. The crowd stares on in awe as the two wards of the dead man mourn. Canderous and his cronies leave on horseback.

CUT TO:

INT. VILLAGE TAVERN Ė NIGHT

TAVERN WENCH makes her way through the mass of people huddled around small tables and steps over the occasional unconscious drunk that litters the floor.

Ariana and Elymir sit together at a small table. Ariana has her arm around Elymir who stares blankly at the small candle that has melted almost down to the tableís surface. Tavern wench arrives and sets a pint of ale on the table.

TAVERN WENCH
Ian got this for ya. He donít think youíre old enough to be drinkiní this stuff, but he feels that in times of joy and sorrow anyoneís entitled.

ARIANA
Thank you very much. Be sure to thank Ian for us as well.

Ariana takes the mug and offers it to Elymir. He bats it away and it lands on the floor. The room goes silent for a moment as everyone bows their head in silence for a moment at seeing what Elymir has done.

ARIANA
(whisper)
Now was that really called for? Everyone in townís just tryiní to help us out and you have to go push Ďem away. My God, wouldya grow up already?

ELYMIR
(surprised, turns to face her)
What?

ARIANA
(raising her voice)
I told you that you need to grow up! Just this morning you lecturing me with all that mumbo jumbo about responsibility like you always do and while Iím not one to normally agree with that, I think this is a bit of a different situation.

ELYMIR
How so?

ARIANA
I know you loved Valunen like a father. I did too. Hell, we grew up together with him lookiní after us so itís only human nature to mourn his loss. But Iíve got news for you. Everyone in this town loved Valunen too. Most of Ďem have known him longer than either of us put together and they are all just as saddened by the tragedy as we are. Theyíre just trying to make us feel better but you just have to embarrass us by pushiní Ďem away and secluding yourself from them ó and me.

ELYMIR
(turns back to the candle)
If you think Iíve been pushing you away, then why even bother sitting here with me now?

ARIANA
(obviously hurt; her eyes water)
Good question. Iím leaving.

Ariana starts to leave but Elymir grabs her wrist and makes her sit back down.

ELYMIR
No! I mean, donít go. Iím sorry. Iím sorry if Iíve been pushing you away, Iím sorry for being such an ass to Ian and everyone else, and Iím sorry heísó

Elymir cries for the first time that day and Ariana consoles him in her arms.

ARIANA
(crying softly)
Iím sorry heís gone too, Elymir. Weíre all sorry heís gone...

They sit in silence for a moment. Elymir wipes away some of Arianaís tears with a finger and realizes he must do the comforting this time.

ELYMIR
(forcing a smile)
So, what was it you were so eager to show me this morning?

ARIANA
(fighting back tears)
I donít remember. It doesnít seem important anymore.
Please tell me what you think! I can never seem to get feedback on this thing and it's over a year old.



Like to read? Like fantasy stories? Like doing people you've never met in person favors? Then read and review my original movie screenplay! You will, you must. It is your destiny....

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Last edited by Katarn07; 07-31-2005 at 12:27 AM.
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Old 07-31-2005, 11:27 AM   #2
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Old 08-01-2005, 08:34 PM   #3
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Thats really good katarn, im serious... I do not read alot but the way that is written it makes me want to read more. I noticed you used canderous lol...good game tho. I didnt know you were into writing, you should look into doing mroe with it. Is it simply a story, or is there going to be soem sort of idea conveyed?


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Old 08-02-2005, 01:51 AM   #4
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It's just an fantasy adventure. I don't have some overall theme in mind and rarely do, I just am in love with adventures. I've been writing stories since TPM was released. None, save for a Star Wars one, really get anywhere though. I really have no interest in them enough to continue them.

This one though had enough potential for more than just a simple assigment. Plus, as mentioned, I used two other stories I came up with back when I was a kid and modified it to fit with these. The first two are kinda anticlimatic, that's why I thought I'd start with this one which is gonna have a happy ending.

You know the saying write what you know? Well, I'm gonna give that a try so the characters becime as real as possible. Elymir is based off me. The goody twoshoes who tries to follow the rules and doesn't give into peer pressure. Ariana is basically a bunch of my friends rolled into one. Canderous is Boba Fett mixed with Darth Vader. A cold, rutheless killer for hire in kick ass armor shrouded in mystery. His origin is gonna be revealed and it's much like how Anakin turned evil I guess. I don't wanna give too much more away but he's gonna be cool.

Oh, and as for Canderous's name. I've seen it outside of KotOR and figured since it's not copywrighted or anything, it's too cool to pass up The other names, save for Elymir's and Ariana's, come from various name generators.



Like to read? Like fantasy stories? Like doing people you've never met in person favors? Then read and review my original movie screenplay! You will, you must. It is your destiny....

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Old 08-02-2005, 02:16 AM   #5
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I am very loyal to adventures, so for this one to actually impress me thus far is a good thing. Especially the setting, one of my favorite settings for stories.


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Old 08-02-2005, 02:29 AM   #6
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Yeah, I was playing alot of Baldur's Gate for the PC and watching Xena Warrior Princess at the time. That's why I chose a fantasy setting. My teacher loved my work despite all the marks he wrote all over them. That was the only one I liked from his class though....

I'm thinking up more locales to vary it up. I got the village, a forest, wilderness, and a big city (the capitol) and the palace. If I learned anything from SW, it needs a variety of settings to make things from getting old.



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Old 08-02-2005, 02:37 AM   #7
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Yah, a variety of settings is good, but the who time era its set in if perfect. In my mind theres only 3 good places for a GOOD acventure, which is like the early ad's, times like LOTR, or the times of barbarians (huns, goths, vikings, mongols and such) , knights, the dark ages....anything with kingdoms and such is wonderful. (Im kinda an acnient history buff, i dunno dates, and im not GREAT with names, but i know what heppened)> the second place is space, but its hard to make a good space adventure becuase they are common. And how can we forget the 20's-40's....indidna jones shows us the perfections of having an adventure in pre-ww2 times and such.


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Old 08-02-2005, 03:12 AM   #8
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EDITED, REDONE SCENE

20s-40s? That's why I think you'd like Sky Captain. It's an alternate 1930s much like comics and serials of that time depicted it

I came up with more. This is a second version of this scene. It's alot better and Canderous doesn't come off as being such a wuss. I'm sure there is still room for improvement but this isn't as bad as it was before.

Quote:
CUT TO:

EXT. CANDEROUSíS CAMP Ė NIGHT

Canderous and cronies arrive in a small encampment at the edge of a bluff overlooking the countryside. The village is far off in the distance unseen to the viewer. Canderous holds up a hand to his cronies.

CANDEROUS
Hold here!

His cronies comply as he dismounts from his massive black steed and enters the closest tent.

CUT TO:

INT. AURAíS TENT Ė NIGHT

Canderous stands at the entrance of the tent. A hooded woman sits before a table filled with a variety of magical equipment, scrolls, and spellbooks. Her hood casts a shadow onto the upper half of her face. All that is visible are her ruby lips and a faint yellow glow from her eyes. She is busy at work doing something with her magic and speaks coolly without pausing.

AURA
You have returned? Then it is over? You have done as I have instructed?

CANDEROUS
(bowing slightly)
Valunen has been slain. The last of the Royal Guardsmen has been destroyed.

AURA
Ahh. Well done. You truly are worth every gold piece you cost me. The relic? Where is it?

CANDEROUS
It was not there. I searched his house before finishing him off.

Aura is still busy doing her thing with the magic equipment. She does not speak.

CANDEROUS
(cont'd)
Is it possible he destroyed it? It has been nearly twenty years sinceÖ.

AURA
No, mercenary. It was still in his possession after all this time. He must have hidden it elsewhere in the village. He must have figured we would eventually track him down. No matter. It is only a minor set back. Leave now, and do not return until you have the relic with you.

CANDEROUS
(growing angry)
Why can you not retrieve it yourself? I'm a hired sword, not some errand boy! I have done your dirty work. There's nothing standing in your way now but a bunch of farm peasants! You were able to track the Royal Guardsman here, surly you can see where the relic is hidden.

AURA
My foresight is only so powerful. It takes time to conjure up these images. Your methods of tracking the relic down will be much faster. The village is of no importance. Tear it apart and leave nothing alive. Search every building and every corpse until you have it. Do I make myself clear, mercenary?

CANDEROUS
(smiling)
Crystal.

Canderous doesnít hesitate leaving the tent. Auraís lips curl into a tight smile.

AURA
Until then, mercenary.
I'm content with how I made Aura. If you can't tell, she's the main bad guy. She is in parts one and two of this story line as was Valunen as it is hinted to. I'm not so troubled over Canderous anymore. He was coming off as a wuss and stuff as described by wildjedi's comment. I hope it's somewhat better now.



Like to read? Like fantasy stories? Like doing people you've never met in person favors? Then read and review my original movie screenplay! You will, you must. It is your destiny....

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Last edited by Katarn07; 08-02-2005 at 01:11 PM. Reason: Crappy dialogue
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Old 08-02-2005, 09:23 AM   #9
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I'll admit he did seem rather weak when talking to Aura... almost like a coward, begging her for more information and at the same time hoping she doesn't kill him. I agree his character could use a little more aggressiveness and development, but the rest of the story is rather interesting. Keep it up!


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Old 08-02-2005, 12:54 PM   #10
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Yeah, I'm ditching the "m'lady" garbage and do some other tinkering with it. I've never been good at making someone sinister, even if he's already murdered someone in cold blood. I made it so he's not as polite (not sure what I was thinking when I did that) and going to try to show his blood lust in an upcoming scene.



Like to read? Like fantasy stories? Like doing people you've never met in person favors? Then read and review my original movie screenplay! You will, you must. It is your destiny....

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Last edited by Katarn07; 08-02-2005 at 01:15 PM.
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Old 08-02-2005, 04:29 PM   #11
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Yah, he is pretty bad ass, and its clear now. I think that was written well, and i like how he talked to aura because a Merc will show a certian ammount of repsect for the one who hired him, and he obviously recognises her power, yet is not that intimidated by it. Since hes a boba/vader mix he will talk to her like boba talks to vader, and like vader he talks to her as vader talks to the emporer. so he has a respect, but also a stern way of making sure he gets what he needs. Plus that no hesitation and smiling while saying crystal makes the evilness show.


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Old 08-02-2005, 04:40 PM   #12
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That's what I tried to show. I also wanna show that Canderous knows Aura is powerful but the way I had it, he just was too wussy. And as for the smiling, my sketches of Canderous have his helmet covering all but his eyes but it being there does show he's rutheless.



Like to read? Like fantasy stories? Like doing people you've never met in person favors? Then read and review my original movie screenplay! You will, you must. It is your destiny....

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Old 08-02-2005, 04:43 PM   #13
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Yah, so far i am a fan. (e-mail me the pics if you can, i always liked your drawings, especially that ww2 one, i dotn remember where it was placed, but it had that mp-40 on the ground)


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Old 08-02-2005, 05:01 PM   #14
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No, it was a BAR. There is one of a guy holding an MP-40. I was gonna post them last night. I put some effort into Aura. Canderous is just an initial sketch I made when just doodling. I'm working on a finalized version.

Aura (that shows how powerful she is)
Canderous (kinda a generic thing; the final one will look more distinct I hope)



Like to read? Like fantasy stories? Like doing people you've never met in person favors? Then read and review my original movie screenplay! You will, you must. It is your destiny....

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Old 08-02-2005, 05:14 PM   #15
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O, well i knew there was an mp-40 or burp gun in there somewhere. Gotta love the BAR, Browning was brilliant.

I like the rough sketch of canderous, very barbaric.


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Old 08-02-2005, 09:29 PM   #16
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Much better... Canderous is a much cooler character now. Keep up the good writing.


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Old 08-03-2005, 02:57 PM   #17
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And the story continues....

Quote:
CUT TO:

INT. VALUNENíS BARN Ė DAWN

Elymir and Ariana are asleep in a mound of hay. Elymir stirs in his sleep and suddenly his eyes snap open and he sits up. He drags his hands down across his face and squints to allow his eyes to adjust to the dim light. He looks down to Ariana and moves a lock of her hair from her face. Just as he does this, the door creaks open and Elymir holds up a hand to block the bright light that comes in. Ian pokes his head in.

IAN
Elymir? Ariana?

ELYMIR
(whispering)
Iím here. Hold up for a sec, wouldya?

Elymir gets up, careful not to wake Ariana. He exits the barn and stands outside with Ian.

ELYMIR
What is it, Ian? You look distant. Whatís troubling you?

IAN
Those armored riders are whatís troubling me, Elymir. Youíre not safe here!

ELYMIR
(growing anxious)
You know more than you let on to yesterday, donít you?

Ian doesnít respond. He opens his mouth to do so but nothing comes out.

ELYMIR
Well what is it? Surly if anyone has the right to know it is me and Ariana!

IAN
(nodding)
Of course, of course. Iím sorry, Elymir. Itís just thatÖ. Well, you saw for yourself already! Valunenís place has been turned upside down. Those armored brutes were looking for something. Or perhaps somebodyÖ.

ELYMIR
(defensive)
Somebody? Youíre referring to me and Ariana? But why wouldó

IAN
No, no, my boy. Iím merely thinking out loud. Still, your arrival into this village is still a mystery to everyone, even myself. No one is sure if theyíre safe as long as you two remain here.

ELYMIR
(puzzled)
What do you mean my arrival was a mystery? I thought I was an orphan Valunen took in as his own. Same with Ariana.

IAN
No, no. Thatís not how it was. The story you know of your past is most likely nothing more than fabrication Valunen made to keep you protected.

ELYMIR
Protected? From whaó From the ridersÖ.

Elymir cannot seem to remain standing and collapses. Ian is quick to catch him and eases him down to sit. Elymir shakes his head and his eyes water.

ELYMIR
Why did they have to kill him? Why? Who are they and why would they be looking for me?

IAN
(sitting next to Elymir)
Itís not your fault, Elymir. Itís not your fault they killed Valunen. Itís not your fault they may be after you. None of this was your doing. Valunen is the only person that could be certain of anything. Iím merely speculating from what I know. I may be wrong. They may not even be looking for you. But Valunenís stories of your past are not as anyone else remembers them. His having altered the truth makes me think youíre special. That you may be linked to the riders somehow. Like I said, Iím just speculating from what I know.

ELYMIR
(whispering to himself)
From what you know?

IAN
(not hearing Elymir)
What?

ELYMIR
(through clenched teeth)
Tell me everything you know.

CUT TO:

INT. VALUNENíS HOUSE Ė MORNING

Elymir is going through the mess of stuff littering Valunenís house. Heís behind a desk with all the drawers pulled out and their contents on the floor. Ariana is facing away from him. She is kneeling on a sofa, looking over the back of it with her chin rested on folded arms. She is deep in thought. Finally, she shakes her head and turns around to face Elymir.

ARIANA
So let me get this straight. Valunen first arrived at this village with you as a baby?

Elymir doesnít look up. Heís holding a journal in his hands and thumbing through the pages of it.

ELYMIR
Uhuh.

ARIANA
That means he hasnít lived here as long as everyone says. Hardly even twenty years. And he brought me here no more than a month later. Right?

ELYMIR
Uhuh.

ARIANA
(to herself)
Everything Valunenís told us about our past is a lie?

ELYMIR
Uhuh.

ARIANA
(shouting)
Would you stop that and look at me! For Godís sake, the man we grew up with, the man we loved as a father, has been lying to us all of our lives! And all you can do is say Ďuhuh?í

Elymir drops the journal to the floor and turns to Ariana.

ELYMIR
Iím sorry. Itís just that from what Ianís told me, he lied to us because he cares for us. He thinks the riders may have been searching for us. Iím just looking for any clues to support his theory.

ARIANA
Well, if they were looking for us and were looking for anything about us here, wouldnít they have taken the evidence already? And weíd be dead by now had they gotten it.

Elymir doesnít respond. Itís obvious he agrees with Ariana. He throws himself onto the sofa next to her and buries his face into his hands.

ELYMIR
Youíre rightÖ.

ARIANA
(putting an arm around him)
Of course Iím right.

Ariana rests her head on Elymirís shoulder and looks out at another part of the room. There is a bookcase turned over with all its contents on the floor. Beneath the books is a faint glimmer.

ARIANA
Whatís that?

ELYMIR
(looking up)
Huh?

ARIANA
(lifting her head and pointing)
That. What is it?

The two get up and walk over to the mound of books. Elymir moves a few books aside and Ariana grabs a hold of a handle sticking out from beneath. She pulls out a sword.

ARIANA
Thatís funny. One of the riders left their sword here. Itís not like anyone was here when they searched the place. So why would they even have to take it from their scabbard?

Elymir stares at the weapon Ariana holds in her hands and squints his eyes as he stares at the markings on the blade and hilt.

ELYMIR
They didnít. Thatís not one of their swordsÖ.

ARIANA
What? It sure as hell isnít Valunenís! Heís been a farmer all his lifeówaitÖ.

ELYMIR
Or has he? He lied to us about our pasts; he could have just as easily lied about his.

Elymir points to a mark on the pommel of the sword.

ELYMIR
Do you know what that is?

ARIANA
(shaking her head)
I've seen it before. I don't remember where but I definately recognize it.

ELYMIR
Iíve seen this marking before as well. Valunen has some old books around here marked with itÖ.

Elymir starts going through the pile of books at their feet. He pulls one out and opens the cover. He smacks a finger onto the page.

ELYMIR
There!

Ariana lowers the sword and looks over Elymirís shoulder.

ARIANA
You know I hate reading. That's not where I've seen it. What do you suppose it means?

Elymir is just about to respond when a distant commotion can be heard outside. Elymir runs towards the door and pokes his head out. Smoke can be seen coming from the village and screaming is heard. Ariana joins him outside.

ARIANA
Oh my, God, noÖ.

Still holding the sword and the book, the two run off toward the village.
Next scene, as warned, would up the rating of this and show the true nature of Canderous.



Like to read? Like fantasy stories? Like doing people you've never met in person favors? Then read and review my original movie screenplay! You will, you must. It is your destiny....

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Last edited by Katarn07; 08-03-2005 at 10:04 PM.
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Old 08-03-2005, 04:13 PM   #18
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Old 08-04-2005, 02:07 AM   #19
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I tweaked that ending to the last bit somewhat. I didn't reveal what the markings on the sword are leaving the viewer/ reader with even more stuff unanswered. It'll be the key to Elymir and Ariana unlocking the truth about Valunen and who he really was. There'll be some insight to who Aura is and what she has to do with Valunen. But that's not for a few more scenes yet. You'll just have to wait

Quote:
CUT TO:

EXT. VILLAGE STREET Ė MORNING

The streets of the village are in complete disarray. People flee and cry as the buildings behind them burn. A pair of villagers take on one of Canderousís cronies but are cut down. A woman flees, but another cronie comes from behind and slices her back with his sword and she falls. A woman holds her son in her arms and cries as flames engulf their surroundings. Canderous goes down the main street killing everything that comes in his path. There is no struggle between he and his victims as there is for his cronies and theirís.

A pair of children, a boy and a girl, run from a building just before it is torched. The girl, around 10 years old, guides her brother, about 5 years old, through the streets and into an alley. They run through a maze of alleys, evading the occasional thug here and there who ends up slaying a different villager before their eyes. The kids are crying out for their mommy when they reach a dead end to the alley. They turn to leave a different way, but Canderous stands in their way. He narrows his eyes, draws steel, and smiles as he approaches.

CUT TO:

EXT. VILLAGE OUTSKIRTS Ė MORNING

Elymir and Ariana arrive at the edge of town. They can hear minimal resistance and cries of agony as they helplessly watch their village burn down.

ARIANA
(frantically crying)
What do we do?!

ELYMIR
(helplessly)
I donít know.

ARIANA
What the hell do we do?! We canít just stand here and watchÖ. We have to do something! We have toÖ.


ELYMIR
(shouting over Arianaís panic)
I donít know!

Ariana runs into the village with the sword drawn. Elymir tries to grab her hand but she gets away. He chases her deeper into the village

ELYMIR
(running right behind her)
What the hell are you doing?

ARIANA
Iím gonna to do anything I can to stop this ****! We werenít able to save Valunen. We can save the village though.

Elymir grabs a hold of her and forces her to the ground.

ELYMIR
(pinning her to the ground)
Have you lost your mind? The village is lost! We canít do anything to save it now!

ARIANA
(struggling to push him off)
We have to at least try! Youíre willing to sit back and do nothing as everyone we know is killed?

ELYMIR
No, Ariana! Iím not willing to do that! But we have no choice. Weíre gonna get killed if we rush into things without thinking them through first.

Ariana gives up struggling and falls back onto the ground panting. She covers her face with her hands and cries.

ARIANA
Youíre rightÖ.

Elymir falls onto his back next to her and grabs her hand.

ELYMIR
(forcing a smile)
Of course Iím right.

They get up and look on at the massacre around them. Elymir picks up the sword.

ARIANA
(still frantically)
What do we do then?

Before Elymir responds, a cloaked man runs up and forces them into an alley. Elymir holds the sword to the supposed assailant, ready to defend himself and Ariana. The man draws back his hood to reveal himself. It is Ian.

ELYMIR and ARIANA
(in unison)
Oh, Ian!

They hug the man as they cry. He holds them in their arms and sets them onto the ground. He has a blank stare on his face, even more so than earlier at dawn when he talked to Elymir.

IAN
You two are all right? Youíre safe? You have to get out of here. You have to leave this place and save yourselves!

ARIANA
What about everyone else?! We have to do something to save themó

IAN
Itís too late for them! Everyone on the West side of town is already fleeing into the woods. There are a multitude of cities outside of farm country to hide. I advise you to do the same!

ELYMIR
Why are they doing this? What were their demands that were not met to make them do this?

IAN
Demands? There were no demands given, my boy. These fiends are ruthless killers after one thing. They donít care what gets in their way of obtaining it. I have already expressed my opinion as to what it is theyíre after. This is all the more reason for you to leave!

Ian pulls out a small purse of gold and offers it to Elymir.

IAN
Here. Take this. Itís not much, but it should grant you any basic essentials youíll need in your journeys. I see youíve already found a weapon for yourself. Thatís good. Youíll need it.

ELYMIR
I canít accept this, Ian. You keep it. Weíll get by.

IAN
I wonít take no for an answer. You two need this. Money is no good to a dead man.

ARIANA
Dead man? What the hell are you talking about?! Weíre not dead yet.

IAN
No. I fear you two donít understand. Thereís nothing for me anymore. Leave. Now!

Ian heads further into the alley. He disappears around a corner. Elymir and Ariana pursue him.

ARIANA
Ian, wait! What do you mean?

Before Ian lie the corpses of the little girl and boy who fled from the square earlier. Ian lies down at their side and holds them in their arms as he cries.

ELYMIR
(whispering to Ariana)
His wife and children are deadÖ.

They crouch beside Ian.

ELYMIR
I understand your will to go on has faltered. I fully understand your desire to remain. But I ask you to at least accompany us to the nearest town. You can do what you will from there. Please, Ian!

IAN
I cannot do that, Elymir. Thereís nothing for me outside of this village. All I have left is here before me. Go, leave now. Head through the forest going West. Stay off the road and stick to the brush. The riders cannot pursue you on horseback that way. Youíll have a better chance of reaching town without incident. Good luck, you two.

Ian draws his dead children closer to him as he cries uncontrollably. Elymir looks on helplessly as he pockets the purse of gold. Ariana begins to cry even more. Elymir takes her in her arms.

ELYMIR
(whispering in her ear)
Címon. We shouldnít have to bear the pain of this any longer. We have to get moving.

They run off together, letting Ian be alone to mourn.



Like to read? Like fantasy stories? Like doing people you've never met in person favors? Then read and review my original movie screenplay! You will, you must. It is your destiny....

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Old 08-04-2005, 01:16 PM   #20
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Still good. that bastard canderous..killing children.


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Old 08-04-2005, 01:31 PM   #21
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That's just the beginning. I have some other brutally violent things for him to do that I won't cut away from. Later though. That's all I have written and outlined, so I have to come up with more material before I post it. I'm not happy with that last bit so much. It's hard making someone panicked...



Like to read? Like fantasy stories? Like doing people you've never met in person favors? Then read and review my original movie screenplay! You will, you must. It is your destiny....

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Old 08-04-2005, 01:42 PM   #22
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Yah, but i could tell how they were supposed to be acting. It was pretty obvious to me. besides, in a screen write, thats the actors job.


AC/DC

www.johnstoys.com *excellent *
And you! I just plain don't like you!
CRD= Carbinated refreshment drink
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Jerry: your not wearing a shirt are you?
Kramer: Yes i am.
Jerry: what color is it?
Kramer: Damnit!
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Old 08-04-2005, 01:48 PM   #23
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Good call. And they're just kids who have never been exposed to violence of any kind basically, so I feel I can get away with making them all panicky and cry babies. At least for this first bit. They'll outgrow that soon enough though.



Like to read? Like fantasy stories? Like doing people you've never met in person favors? Then read and review my original movie screenplay! You will, you must. It is your destiny....

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Old 08-04-2005, 01:54 PM   #24
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They will have ti in order to live!


AC/DC

www.johnstoys.com *excellent *
And you! I just plain don't like you!
CRD= Carbinated refreshment drink
otherwise known as Pop.

Jerry: your not wearing a shirt are you?
Kramer: Yes i am.
Jerry: what color is it?
Kramer: Damnit!
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Old 08-08-2005, 08:36 PM   #25
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Still good... keep writing.


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Old 08-10-2005, 01:57 AM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wildjedi
Still good... keep writing.
Have worked every day this week and sadly don't have any other days off this week I'm throwing ideas around to continue it. I'm gonna insert a vision/ dream thing into what I already wrote and have a few more continuing that in the future. It'll explain who Valunen was and what exactly happened to the Old Kingdom and how it is all related to the heroes.



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Old 08-10-2005, 09:44 AM   #27
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I look forward to it.


Mom tells me I need brain food... but if writing ain't that, I don't know what is!

My work in progress:
Hidden Histories: The Galaxy Hacker

Have a read, give a review, yah?
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Old 09-08-2005, 09:39 PM   #28
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This project is not dead. It just had a brief hiatus. Believe it or not, it's its shortest period of inactivity ever.

I have half a notebook filled with stuff to revise on the stuff I've done and future scenes to add. I haven't done it in the screenplay format, just little summaries. It's gonna take me a while to do it but changes and new stuff should be up by the end of next week



Like to read? Like fantasy stories? Like doing people you've never met in person favors? Then read and review my original movie screenplay! You will, you must. It is your destiny....

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