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Old 11-28-2008, 03:47 AM   #41
The_Catto
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We want chapters!
Serious, Bee .. what's with you to keep us waiting for this loooooonnnnngggg!!!!!!

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Old 11-28-2008, 03:49 AM   #42
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If Bee need more time to do chapters like the last few i say we let bee take bee's time. this story is fantastic
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Old 11-28-2008, 03:58 AM   #43
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True, true.

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Old 11-28-2008, 05:39 AM   #44
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Originally Posted by Chevron 7 locke View Post
If Bee need more time to do chapters like the last few i say we let bee take bee's time. this story is fantastic
Look at what they think of you, Bee. Now maybe if you'll shtop being so lazy and actually write something. >:(


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Old 11-29-2008, 11:47 AM   #45
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mur'phon, awww, thanks! That's high praise I hope you didn't get in too much trouble.

Mr_BFA, well, it's always nice to have someone enthusiastic

Chevron 7 locke, you have learned well, young one *nods wisely and strokes inexistent beard*

Sabretooth, between this and your nagging I polished! And update nao yay!


Chapter 3
Part 1: Freefall


The turbolift was descending rapidly and she swallowed as the pressure in her ears built up. Nevertheless, she leaned against the cool metal, tapping her foot impatiently. The two teenaged lovers (probably playing truant) giggled and whispered, while a young woman wearing too much make-up checked her reflection.

There was a beep and the lights went out.

They plummeted in free fall.

She plunged both silvery blades into the wall. The lift’s walls screamed as she fought to slow their descent, praying that the walls could withstand the stress of both gravity and the Force pulling in opposite directions. As the metal melted away slowly, choking fumes filled the lift. She felt the wall give and the blades plunged through, grazing the wall of the shaft. She hung on grimly as the lift tilted. The metallic smoke was not sucked out into the vacuum of the shaft—it had been breached.

Another gentle push sideways was enough to ensure that the lift was scraping along both sides of the shaft, the screech of metal deafening her. Deactivating her lightsabers, she braced herself and pulled. The lift screeched to an unsteady stop, balanced precariously at an angle.

Revan was with her, in her; love mingling with fear for her, beating against her mind.

Sparks from a control panel fizzed as doors opened above her.

She pushed the civilians into the lowest part of the lift, ignoring how it was rocking dangerously. The walls were too slick and the angle was too steep for good footing—the shaft wasn’t much wider than the lift itself.

There was a small sob, and she turned to see the young girl looking at her. Despite her lover standing protectively over her, the girl’s eyes were brimming with despair.

“Get down. Stay out of the way.”

They were frozen with fear.

Get down!

The Sith landed right on cue—one more second and the lift would have resumed falling. He and his friends balanced the civilians’ weight nicely. They forced the trapdoor on the lift’s ceiling open and she pushed.

Metal doors buckled and burst open. Revan stepped off the ledge…

The first Sith dived in, but the other was caught off guard and fell backwards against the wall of the shaft. A sabrestaff hummed to life, bathing the lift in bloody light as the man slid down the wall.

Revan landed and there was a flash of violet light…

The exile drew the Force around the Sith assassin, snapping it tight as he fought to escape her grip. She threw her shoto but the sabrestaff whirled, knocking the shoto away and nearly decapitating the second Sith who made it in. The lift was slipping, the sharp sound of metal tearing at her ears, and she held on held on held on because he was outside and because she…

because she still loved him.

White streaks of agony roared through her. Five tons of metal. Blindly, she knocked the lift sideways, hoping to jam it again. Her body worked on instinct, parrying the flurry of blows that rained down on her. She had to keep herself between the Sith assassins and the civilians. Her vision was getting hazy. She felt him enter the lift, felt him make her let go. Gravity pulled it free, and they were falling again.

She could feel her heartbeat throbbing in her temples, black and empty. The assassin chose that moment to press his advantage. The sabrestaff thrust downwards, towards the couple sprawled behind her.

And that was how you killed Jedi.

So she threw all the strength she had into the parry, her weapons cold in her hands as they caught the sabrestaff. Sideways, she thought numbly in the brief instant before thought abandoned her again. The assassin had anticipated this and he was stronger than her. A grey haze was beginning to grip her mind. The sabrestaff still caught the boy in his side, filling the air with the sickly stench of burnt flesh. Her guard was down—she was out of position, blades rising as the sabrestaff’s hum reverberated through her.

There was the radiating heat of the sabrestaff, like a fire. There was a dark coolness, and she slipped into it.

* * *

Part 2: The Dark of a Flame

Kavar lit the candle and set it in front of her. She wrinkled her nose at the smell of burning wax.

Settling himself opposite her, he leaned forward and gazed at her levelly. “I want you to concentrate.”

“On the flame?” The flame leapt and danced as she gently manipulated minute air currents around it.

“Lotus position, Lei. Stop fidgeting. Now, let’s have a lesson in basic science. Look at the candle carefully. See how the flame is outlined by blue? That’s the hottest zone. Next is the yellow zone of combustion which produces soot and is the main reason why the Temple disapproves of candles.”

She grinned at him. “Sounds like you disagree.”

“Well, you have to admit that they do a lot for the ambience.” The soft candle light played over his strong features, throwing them into golden relief. “But no, too much pollution.”

She raised an eyebrow, daring him to continue.

“Mind yourself, Padawan.” He sounded utterly serious, but there was a wry twist to his lips. “I believe that you in particular would benefit from this lesson. Focus on the dark zone. Empty your thoughts of everything else.”

They sank into silence as she slid into meditation, breathing deep and slow as her muscles relaxed. She shut her eyes, the faint light of the candle playing across her eyelids. Abruptly, she opened an eye and stared at Kavar. “Let me guess, Vrook gave you a long and boring lecture about how this would lead them to the Dark Side?”

“He doesn’t like the word. Cut him some slack! You still receive secret training and so everyone’s happy. You can still fall and blame me, Vrook can have a field day crowing ‘I told you so!’, while I get to mope around about the loss of my favourite Padawan. Concentrate!”

When she was completely still, he spoke quietly. “In every flame, there is darkness. In it, you are untouched by the fire. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Then show me.”

And she fell into the velvety dark.


There is no emotion, there is peace.

* * *

Part 3: Impact

It was like a whiplash—the assassin snapped backwards, a fine line of blood welling from his midsection, visible through the neat tear in his dark clothing. She straightened up, and his sabrestaff arced through the air again as he screamed. She extended her hand, fingers splayed. The Force slammed into him, burning an image into his mind.

Behind the assassin, Revan deftly side-stepped, reversed his grip on his lightsaber and flicked it on. The assassin slid onto it with surprising ease. The lightsaber deactivated, and he slumped to the floor.

The other assassin perished within the space of a heartbeat, impaled upon a violet beam. In concert, they bent the Force to their wills, the lift’s walls heating up between the play of violently opposing forces. They were going too fast and there wasn’t enough time to…

She pulled up the swooning young woman roughly. Revan did the same with the couple, and they forced the civilians to stand with them. He threw his arms around her because he never wanted to lose her again and because he never wanted to have to let go and…

Their strength crystallized in a single instant, between the sharp shriek of crumpling metal and dull boom of impact.

He was checking her for injury, probing her mind and examining her limbs simultaneously. She shut him out, feeling a curious mix of anger and guilt. He stiffened when she closed into herself again, but did not move, still wrapping his arms around her shoulders, still resting his cheek against her own. She pulled away, turning her attention to the civilians.

“The bond…” he began.

“Yes.” She didn’t bother looking at him.

“I felt it…strongly.” To be precise, the bond’s rebirth felt like his heart had burst; scar tissue cleaving apart as old wounds reopened.

“I will explain. They need me now.”

He heard the gentle soft notes of healing, and further away, he sensed a discordant presence.

“Someone’s coming. I will go. Protect them.”



The sun goes down and the sky reddens, pain grows sharp.
light dwindles. Then is evening
when jasmine flowers open, the deluded say.
But evening is the great brightening dawn
when crested cocks crow all through the tall city
and evening is the whole day
for those without their lovers

-Kuruntokai 234, translated by A.K. Ramanujan

[Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief

Last edited by Bee Hoon; 11-30-2008 at 07:47 AM.
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Old 11-29-2008, 01:20 PM   #46
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A very interesting addition, Bee! The battle was hectic, but short, and, to me, was a bit blurry (but that might just be me, and my reading too quickly ). Nonetheless, very well done, I thought.

Bringing (back) the Revan-Exile Bond was a nice move. It could go either way, however, seeing as how (their) history is somewhat... rough.

At any rate, I enjoyed the chapter very much. Keep up the nice work.
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Old 11-29-2008, 01:39 PM   #47
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Another chapter! wOOt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Very interesting, Bee! As Litofsky stated, the fight scene was a bit blurry, but the teaching scene was great!

PS: Can't wait to see how the Revan/Exile thing works out! I always thought they should get together!


Chapter 12 of A Soul Adrift is out.

Short stories:
T'katlu: On the planet Felucia, a young apprentice of the Dark Side thinks back to the beginning of her training as she lies in wait for her prey...

All the Time: After four years in the Unknown Regions, the Exile returns to the known galaxy to visit an old enemy.

Broken: A master of the Dark Side finds himself about to lose the one thing he cares about--and he will do anything to stop her from endangering herself.
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Old 11-30-2008, 06:37 AM   #48
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The bond is interesting.
I'm intrigued as to how it will turn out in the long run.

The fight scene was a little bit short in my opinion but it was neatly executed nonetheless.

Another great chapter, Bee.

One thing though that got me ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bee Hoon
and she held on held on held on because ......
Was the 'held on's' suposed to go for that long? My mind is warped at the moment from tiredness so I might just be reading it wrong but yeah, lol ... anyways ...
That's my 2cent

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Old 12-04-2008, 09:40 AM   #49
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Late reply is late >.> Thanks for the comments <3

Litofsky, that is because I am fail at writing fight scenes I get bored after two paragraphs and want MOAR EMO FLUFF.

Endorenna, I'm still a little undecided. We'll see how it goes;o

Mr_BFA, I meant to italicise that but was too tired. It is fixed now. Sabre objected to it too, but I wrote it that way to emphasize it and obliquely denote the use of the Force. And because I am thick and like to repeat things sometimes.

Next chapter should be up over the weekend



The sun goes down and the sky reddens, pain grows sharp.
light dwindles. Then is evening
when jasmine flowers open, the deluded say.
But evening is the great brightening dawn
when crested cocks crow all through the tall city
and evening is the whole day
for those without their lovers

-Kuruntokai 234, translated by A.K. Ramanujan

[Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief

Last edited by Bee Hoon; 12-05-2008 at 11:30 PM.
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Old 12-05-2008, 11:36 PM   #50
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Oh snap, a double post

Chapter 4: Rain

"Revan was power. It was like staring into the heart of the Force.”

Rastler watched the soldier pull a black stocking mask over his face, and as always, he was amazed by the transformation. Fear was faceless, nameless. Safety catches clicked off and the soldiers took up positions. It was hard to believe that anyone in the lift cab could have survived the fall. The soldiers were pulsing with adrenaline, their breaths coming short and sharp. The durasteel slowly bent out of the way, and he was impressed. The person was strong in the Force, and very good at shielding his presence. He had sensed only the faintest vibrations in the past few minutes.

A figure emerged from the smoking wreckage. He could have laughed when he saw who it was. The Force had a wonderful sense of symmetry. The man was empty-handed, but his lightsabers were at his belt, and he was quite possibly the most dangerous sentient in the galaxy.

The soldiers opened fire immediately, but Revan was already airborne. The Force rose in a storm around him and the soldiers were knocked off their feet by the time his own found solid ground. Revan’s eyes narrowed as he assessed the situation. Five of them, heavily armed. Guns that fired solid projectiles. He turned to the man directing them—shielded. His quarry or an underling, it was impossible to tell.

One thing about Jedi: they were very good at concentrating. The Force flared, searing into their minds. They collapsed, as did everyone within a hundred metre radius. He was already in the air by the time the first one hit the floor.

There was the echo…

The void.

The Force was being torn from him and he was helpless. An instant of agony, then she enfolded him.

No!

It was like an eclipse.

Revan tried to stop her, tried to make her stay hidden, stay safe. She pushed him away, and he heard the distant echo of a million screams. Vaguely, he was aware of his body hitting the ferrocrete floor with the crack of breaking bones. Something large spun through the air and he found the air currents from it strangely soothing. Twisted metal embedded itself in the ground where the Sith had been standing.

Lei.

“I’m here.” She rolled him over as gently as she could, but he gritted his teeth as the broken bones shifted. Her warm hand was on his cheek.

The crumpled lift door clanged as the Sith got to his feet. “You.”

She stood up slowly, and Revan struggled to heal his injuries.

Don’t. You’re a lousy healer and you know it.

“What’s the matter, Rastler? Can’t you remember my name?”

Cheap Nihilus rip-off.

What?


“W-What brings you here, general?” He had always been jumpy, but he hid it quite well now, despite the fact that he was trembling. The years seemed to have smoothened out his stutter.

“I’ll take that as a no. I’m heartbroken, Rastler. I thought we were friends.”

“F-friends?” His laughter was high and unnatural, spurting forth irregularly from his thin lips. He was trembling visibly by now, nerves humming with an emotion that she couldn’t put a name to. “I-if you like, I c-can call you m-mother.”

Something about the way he said it made her pause. Revan propped himself up on his elbows, keeping a firm grip on his lightsaber.

Careful.

“You made us at Malachor, after all. Y-you and him both.” Rastler’s grin was grotesquely wide, baring more gum than teeth. “M-mother and f-father. Aren’t you pr-proud of your children?”

“Enough, Rastler. Where’s Smapoec? You’re his little sycophant, after all.”

The mad gleam in his inflamed eyes seemed to fade. The man spat and his frothy spittle was stained brown. “Watch your tongue, general.”

“I’ll do that the next time I look in a mirror. What’s your new name, Rastler? Have you earned the title of Darth yet?” She lifted her chin slightly, and a patronizing tone crept into her voice. “It’s okay if you haven’t. I understand you and Smapoec well. Difficult, isn’t it?”

“Very funny. I’ll make it quick, general. After all, I owe you that much.” His lips peeled back from his teeth in a snarl. He remembered her stumbling over her words as she struggled to reassure them, all the ones who followed her blindly. He was not afraid of her.

Not at all afraid.

She was standing perfectly straight, so still that she could have been a statue. Time had not touched her; she still looked youthful, almost girlish. Yet the lack of expression on her face was…unnerving. He drew an unsteady breath and he was back on the fields of Xoxin, flames leaping around them, flecks of ash falling softly. She reached up to rub her eyes, smearing soot across her face.

He tore open the wound, crying out as he did. He wanted to make her see just what she had done to them all. Distantly, he felt Revan recoiling from the wound. Again, something came between them and he sank to his knees, feeling the emptiness inside clawing at him, screaming to be satiated. The darkness rimmed with light was scorched into his mind.

Her words were slow and deliberate. “It’s not too late. Turn and walk away. Forget the Sith. Forget the wound.”

They seemed to move simultaneously. In mid-air, lightsabers snapped to life and clashed. She landed lightly, but he catapulted backwards into the far wall. Before he could recover, he was already being flung to the ground. His limbs splayed forcefully, and he attempted to fight it before his limbs stopped responding, numb but for an unpleasant tingling arcing through every nerve. Her lightsaber ignited a mere milimetre away from his neck, silvery heat flushing the pale skin.

“Talk.”

“Jedi don’t kill their prisoners.”

“No. But there are worse things than death. You let your apprentices attack us, hoping that they would weaken us so that you could take us down. You will not receive mercy from me. There will only be the truth—of what you have done, and of what you have become. If you don’t talk or if you lie to me, I will tear the information from your mind and I will show you the truth. And if you survive it, I will not give you the relief of death. You will live knowing this, and you will never be able to end your own miserable life, because you will see that you cannot.”

Lei. Don’t do this. Don’t go down my path.

“Who’s working with you?”

There was no response, and then a whimper as clarity cut through Rastler.

Lei.

She was at his side in a heartbeat, casting about for anything he could use as a crutch.

We’ve got to get out. I don’t know if you already know, but there are many. Not all are Force-sensitive. And he set the fleet on us.

Can’t take a tram—we’ll be sitting ducks. We need to get a speeder.

Your ankle. I need time to heal it.


He slung his arm around her shoulders and she helped him up. They made their painful way to cover, Revan collapsing into a small nook behind a convenient pillar. She concentrated on his ankle, and he amused himself by pulling a commando’s weapons towards him and picking through them.

The entire glass façade of the building shattered, hardly hindering the military vehicle which drove right through. He reached over and pulled her into cover a second before it happened, once again using his body to shield her. She couldn’t help the way her heart leapt, and she was annoyed at herself for it.

I thought you secured the area.

Funny, I thought so too. Nice airspeeder though.

Right. Don’t move, but feel free to take them out.


The commandos were already clambering out of the vehicle when Revan unleashed the Force on their minds. She silently noted that it was a dirty tactic, and he shrugged. Supported by her on one side and with some careful use of the Force, they stood up and began half-hopping towards the speeder. In the face of overwhelming odds, he wasn’t about to discard any of the tools at his disposal. He hadn’t survived alone for six years by being stupid. Besides, it was better than killing them. She snorted and he knew he had made his point. She pulled herself up gracefully and offered him a slender hand.

A minute later, she was sinking into meditation, sorting through the fractured bones as he drove. Revan’s face was grim, eyes narrowed as he steered the speeder through the insane traffic. He was weaving crazily, swinging across multiple lanes and scraping between other speeders, but at best, he was on par with everyone else. This planet really needed sterner traffic cops.

“Heads up.” She sounded eerily calm, despite the distant roar of ships. “I wouldn’t worry too much. This place is full of civilians. If they use the fleet’s firepower on us, they’ll take out half the city.”

“You can never tell with the Sith. We should get off world, but it’s going to be a problem.” He braced himself as she tested his ankle’s range of moment, and then ordered him to roll it. He complied gingerly, but was not surprised that there wasn’t any more pain.

She was looking skywards, and he felt the sudden lurch of her stomach. “Revan, get out of the city bounds! They’re going do it.”

“Take the controls!”

There was a confused moment as they exchanged places in the cramped cabin. She grabbed the controls and sent them swooping upwards and outwards. Revan swore, nearly falling out of his seat when the safety webbing mechanism jammed.

“Plasma bombs. One hit and we’re gone. Excellent work showing them where we are.”

“Shut up.” To accentuate her point, she yanked sharply on the yoke and the speeder banked hard to the right. She clicked her tongue. “And now they aren’t going to bomb us to oblivion. Yet.”

“Head north—there’s a spaceport approximately twenty kilometres away.”

“And then what? Hijack a ship?”

“Something like that, yes.” He smiled as her disapproval washed over him. She always had been overly concerned with these…technicalities. Which was ironic, considering how the truth was the cruelest teacher of all, and that was what she had struck Rastler with.

He watched her drive, watching every gesture and every fleeting expression which crossed her face. She still tapped her foot incessantly, still pursed her lips in exactly the same way. Her cheeks had lost their childish roundness, but otherwise she looked exactly the same. Yet she seemed so cold when she had dealt with Rastler, no longer the trembling girl who had activated the mass shadow generator. No longer the one who had wept for Eres III, or for Dxun, or for every life ravaged by war. After all, she was just one more of those she would have once mourned.

Or was she? Maybe this was just what justice was—to make you understand the effect or your every action. She was doing nothing that she had not experienced herself; to stare down the demons that rise in your footsteps and to let their claws dig into you, claiming flesh and blood as was owed. If you weren’t strong enough, the pound of flesh that they removed might contain your heart…

But there are those who are mad, who know exactly what they are and cherish their violent insanity, polishing it carefully and occasionally letting it glimmer in the light of day. Some had nothing but that varnished veneer of madness, and she wondered what would happen if she cut through those incomplete minds.

Revan reached over and squeezed her shoulder. She turned to look at him, and for a moment, he saw her again, the grieving girl who was so alone.

“It’s going to rain,” she said abruptly.

“Yeah.”

“I like rain.”

“I know,” he stated quietly. Only if you’re indoors, and you’re curled up somewhere warm, or you can watch rainwater streaming down the plexiglass…

And there was something infinitely sad about the way that the Force was pulling them together and it hurt, it gripped her chest and refused to let her breathe because every old memory that he reawakened was grey-washed with pain.

He had already unhooked the safety webbing, and again they tangled as they sought to change places for the second time. He smelled warm, she thought. Dazed and unhappy, she hugged her knees.

“I like rain,” she whispered to herself.



The sun goes down and the sky reddens, pain grows sharp.
light dwindles. Then is evening
when jasmine flowers open, the deluded say.
But evening is the great brightening dawn
when crested cocks crow all through the tall city
and evening is the whole day
for those without their lovers

-Kuruntokai 234, translated by A.K. Ramanujan

[Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief

Last edited by Bee Hoon; 12-10-2008 at 09:32 AM.
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Old 12-06-2008, 12:45 AM   #51
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Very excellent chapter, Bee!! I'm definately looking forward to the next one due to the ending, which was indeed awesome!! Post the next part soon!!


you very much
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Old 12-06-2008, 01:10 AM   #52
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Yes, another chapter!

I second CQ's motion.

I would give a critique, but I'm lousy at it!


Chapter 12 of A Soul Adrift is out.

Short stories:
T'katlu: On the planet Felucia, a young apprentice of the Dark Side thinks back to the beginning of her training as she lies in wait for her prey...

All the Time: After four years in the Unknown Regions, the Exile returns to the known galaxy to visit an old enemy.

Broken: A master of the Dark Side finds himself about to lose the one thing he cares about--and he will do anything to stop her from endangering herself.
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Old 12-06-2008, 01:22 PM   #53
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Most excellent, Bee! To me, the beginning was a ounce fuzzy, but I was able to read past it, and I thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the chapter. There was only one grammatical error that I saw:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bee Hoon View Post
He tore open the wound, crying out as he did. He wanted to make her see just what she had done to them all. Distantly, he felt the Revan recoiling from the wound.
I do believe that the word "the" is unnecessary.

At any rate, a very nice chapter. The symbolism with the rain at the end was a nice touch, especially for the acts that Lei and Revan have committed.
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Old 12-07-2008, 02:25 AM   #54
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Nice!


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Old 12-09-2008, 09:02 AM   #55
Bee Hoon
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Thanks for the comments, everyone Litofsky, holy cow, thanks! That was careless of me :P Moo, I really have to work on making my writing less confusing;o I have a bad habit of assuming that the reader has access to all the random daydreams and plot bunnies--uh, gizka-- floating around in my head.



The sun goes down and the sky reddens, pain grows sharp.
light dwindles. Then is evening
when jasmine flowers open, the deluded say.
But evening is the great brightening dawn
when crested cocks crow all through the tall city
and evening is the whole day
for those without their lovers

-Kuruntokai 234, translated by A.K. Ramanujan

[Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief
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Old 12-09-2008, 08:05 PM   #56
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I think Revan's and Exile's chemistry gets better with every chapter and their interactions are most enjoyable to read. As others said, a bit fuzzy at the beginning, but it got much clearer as I kept reading.

I have a bad habit of doing that too...I keep forgetting the readers don't know as much about the story as I do.
Two great additions!

~HOP



Viva La Resistance!
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Old 12-09-2008, 09:42 PM   #57
The_Catto
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Very nooiiice, Bee.
Another great addition to the story and still with Lei and Revan, the feelings they share and the memories each relive whilst in the others presence is a nice touch and makes the reader (I, mainly, as I can't speak for the others ) feel a little bit more connected in knowing just what they are going through.

I'm liking this story more and more and like the others ... I can't wait for the next chapter.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bee Hoon
“Heads up.” She sounded eerily calm, despite the despite the distant roar of ships.
Is that another intent to impress the meaning of the sentence or a mistake. I'm confused,

Other than that though, didn't find anything else.

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Old 12-10-2008, 09:34 AM   #58
Bee Hoon
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HOP, thanks! I have Sabre to thank for that--he made me play Max Payne 2 to see dysfunctional romances:P

Mr_BFA, oh snap, my editing skills PHAIL. Thanks for pointing it out, and for the lovely review



The sun goes down and the sky reddens, pain grows sharp.
light dwindles. Then is evening
when jasmine flowers open, the deluded say.
But evening is the great brightening dawn
when crested cocks crow all through the tall city
and evening is the whole day
for those without their lovers

-Kuruntokai 234, translated by A.K. Ramanujan

[Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief
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Old 12-10-2008, 09:52 AM   #59
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Originally Posted by Bee Hoon View Post
I have Sabre to thank for that--he made me play Max Payne 2 to see dysfunctional romances:P
The No. 1 element for all dysfunctional romances: Cleaning companies. They ruin everything.


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Old 12-23-2008, 11:18 PM   #60
Bee Hoon
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Sabretooth, don't discount the role of Captain Baseball Bat Boy! :P

Note: Any funky grammar in the next part is entirely my fault, as I resisted Sabre's katana. As is the complete lack of action. I like emo fluff :3

Chapter 4: Love|Need

What is need?

She needed air, water and food. She needed to excrete waste products. She needed a place to sleep, preferably warm and dry.

These weren’t the only ones, of course, but she could live on these alone.

The others?

Eventually she ceased needing to speak, to tell the story that was quietly written into her mind. She grew accustomed to the emptiness without them, without him. The needs became wants, and then became nothing.

He needed the same basic needs that she had survived on for years. And he also needed to know that she was safe. There was no way of knowing, of course, except for what his wavering instinct whispered. She was safe, she was not. She was happy, she was sad. He had (on more than one occasion) reflected that he may as well sit on a park bench, all melancholy-like while plucking petals off a flower. If he did though, he’d be obliged to cheat (five petals, and start with “she’s safe”) which defeated the purpose entirely.

She would have said something like that. Then he would reply that he was too macho to do something like that. And then they both would laugh.

So some needs aren’t really needs at all; more like an addiction to another person’s proximity. You don’t really need love—you won’t die if you’re alone. And years later, you’ll wonder whether you really had felt so strongly, and whether it’s all just your imagination playing tricks on you.

But they were face to face and something was stirring; faint shadows of memory slowly coalescing into his smile, the brush of her hand. Maybe they were wrong. Needs never died. You just learned to ignore them and pretend that they never had been.

Unfortunately, this beautiful circumspection vanished with the advent of what would be known as The Great Space Battle.

“I told you we should have taken a military vessel!”

“Will you just quit dragging this subject up? We’ve flogged this dead bantha enough!” She waved a hand dismissively. A bolt of energy scored the plexiglass and she ignored it.

“We’ve spent the past hour dodging these damn things! This expensive hunk of metal is made for racing, not evading an armada!” Revan cursed the lack of any firepower for the twentieth time, while pulling a turn that sent bottles of liquor in the pantry crashing onto the floor (lavishly overlaid with marble. She liked it.).

“Shut up and pilot the damned ship.”

“Thank you for your contribution to our survival!”

“Hyperspace coordinates are in, and you’re welcome. Besides, how were you planning to take on dozens of veterans, as opposed to one drunk, rich brat?”

There was no reply as Revan concentrated. Two minutes later, his white-knuckled hand was pushing the throttle to make the jump to hyperspace. Their vision blazed blue as light was left burning in their wake.

“Lei.” It was more sigh than word.

“I believe this is the part where I use my feminine wiles to help you relax and to make you a slave to my will.” She grinned mischievously.

“You should.”

“Dream on.”

“I will.” He fully expected the smack that he received.

“I think I saw some Tarisian ale in there. Go on, get drunk. Then I can make fun of you.”

“Nope, that won’t distract me from stealing a ship that actually has guns next time.”

“Drop it, Revan.”

“Kiss me and I’ll think about it.”

“Sleaze. You’re just a dodgy old man now, and you’re even worse than Atton. Whatever happened to that idealistic boy who wanted to change the galaxy?”

“Who is this ‘Atton’?”

“Who is this ‘Bastila’? Same thing.”

“You mean you-!”

“No. But there, we have it—you took advantage of sweet, innocent Bastila. Tsk, Revan.”

He choked at that. Wiping his watering eyes, he asked hesitantly, “But you and him-“

“I care for him,” she stated.

Revan looked away, and a confused welter of thoughts bubbled up. I am sad. I am happy if she’s happy. At least she hasn’t been alone. I’ve lost her for good. Serves me right. You never had her in the first place. Jedi must not love. I’m not a Jedi. We aren’t any more. What does it matter?

“In another lifetime, maybe…”

In another lifetime we could have been happy together.

“I want you to be happy,” he finally said.

“Revan? You’re an idiot.”

Hazel eyes widened in confusion.

“I’m going to sleep. You should get some rest too. Sweet dreams.”

Maybe love is just need going both ways. Or a mutual need creates love. Perhaps love is just an illusion, and need was all there is.

An hour later, she stirred as a figure smelling of Tarisian ale leaned over her, tucking her blanket securely around her. She vaguely thought about how juma on a person’s breath smelled like vomit, but good ale wasn’t so bad.

Revan’s lips were so close to her skin that he could feel the warmth radiating off it. After a long moment, he pulled away and instead whispered, “I need you to be happy.”

Maybe love is the right kind of need.



The sun goes down and the sky reddens, pain grows sharp.
light dwindles. Then is evening
when jasmine flowers open, the deluded say.
But evening is the great brightening dawn
when crested cocks crow all through the tall city
and evening is the whole day
for those without their lovers

-Kuruntokai 234, translated by A.K. Ramanujan

[Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief
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Old 12-24-2008, 01:20 AM   #61
Endorenna
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Aww, that was sweet!

"Who is this 'Atton'?"
"Who is this 'Bastila'?"

Great!

As I usually say, keep it up!


Chapter 12 of A Soul Adrift is out.

Short stories:
T'katlu: On the planet Felucia, a young apprentice of the Dark Side thinks back to the beginning of her training as she lies in wait for her prey...

All the Time: After four years in the Unknown Regions, the Exile returns to the known galaxy to visit an old enemy.

Broken: A master of the Dark Side finds himself about to lose the one thing he cares about--and he will do anything to stop her from endangering herself.
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Old 12-24-2008, 02:33 AM   #62
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Excellent chapter, Bee!! I really enjoyed the Character's banters between eachother as they suddenly realized the need for a military vessel {need Heh, went along perfectly with the chapter}


you very much
If a tree would fall in the woods.....would the other trees laugh at it?
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Old 12-24-2008, 07:55 AM   #63
Litofsky
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bee Hoon View Post
“Lei.” It was more sigh than word.

“I believe this is the part where I use my feminine wiles to help you relax and to make you a slave to my will.” She grinned mischievously.

“You should.”

“Dream on.”

“I will.” He fully expected the smack that he received.

<...>

“Who is this ‘Atton’?”

“Who is this ‘Bastila’? Same thing.”

“You mean you-!”

“No. But there, we have it—you took advantage of sweet, innocent Bastila. Tsk, Revan.”

He choked at that. Wiping his watering eyes, he asked hesitantly, “But you and him-“

“I care for him,” she stated.

Revan looked away, and a confused welter of thoughts bubbled up. I am sad. I am happy if she’s happy. At least she hasn’t been alone. I’ve lost her for good. Serves me right. You never had her in the first place. Jedi must not love. I’m not a Jedi. We aren’t any more. What does it matter?

<...>

Revan’s lips were so close to her skin that he could feel the warmth radiating off it. After a long moment, he pulled away and instead whispered, “I need you to be happy.”

Maybe love is the right kind of need.
I quoted a whole bunch, Bee, but those were my absolute favorite parts of the chapter. The tension/reviving passion between these two characters was expertly done. I really don't have any more to say than that I absolutely loved it, and I want MOAR.
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Old 12-24-2008, 11:01 AM   #64
Bee Hoon
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Endorenna, yay thanks! I am partial to sweet fluff :}

CQ, I wouldn't say it was sudden, it's just the sort of thing I imagine that Revan will bring up every time he thinks Lei's judgment is questionable ;p

Lififsky, thanks! <3 Uh, passion? I didn't know I could write that I learn something new everyday



The sun goes down and the sky reddens, pain grows sharp.
light dwindles. Then is evening
when jasmine flowers open, the deluded say.
But evening is the great brightening dawn
when crested cocks crow all through the tall city
and evening is the whole day
for those without their lovers

-Kuruntokai 234, translated by A.K. Ramanujan

[Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief
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Old 04-29-2011, 10:14 AM   #65
machievelli
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Sorry I was late reading it. BH


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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