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Old 11-06-2009, 11:55 AM   #1081
machievelli
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Early next month I am going to take a week hiatus to go back to California. My daughter, whom I have not seen in 20 years contacted me last month, and both of us are anxious about this. Just giving you all general information.

Coruscant Entertainment Center

The Descent
Marius Fett

KOTOR On Taris: Bastila is thrown into danger by her escape

The piece is an excellent little opener. The scene is one usually ignored, so it’s interesting to see this take.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Revan
Walking in Shadows: Prologue
Windswept

Three years postTSL: Carth is kidnapped, and Dustil is sent to find him

The scene was clean cut and some of the comments were perfect, the idea that the Jedi had assigned it to Dustil only because he had left to go there before receiving orders was a nice touch.

The only jarring part was the stealth generators. While they are canon for the game, they are not canon for the universe, if you get my drift. But it was a small thing.

Light Side Male Revan

Unspoken: Part 1
MoonMythology

PreKOTOR: Bastila remembers another day, and her regrets.

The piece is soft and gentle, and the scene of Revan and her before his mind was erased is poignant. Her own emotions come through strongly, and you know that she wishes she could tell him.

Pick of the Week

Dark Side Female Revan

[Url=http://hawk.kotorfanmedia.com/node/40] Hindsight Chapter 1/url]
Arrow

Originally posted 27 Oct 2006. That review is below:

Set in KOTOR II: A look into The Exile’s past

The story flows smoothly, the subject matter well defined and delivered. The idea of a Jedi trying to explain how he made an engine explode accidentally was choice.

Too often, even in my own work, we see the characters as stolid adults either trying to right the wrongs they have committed, or saving the Galaxy from another. We tend to forget that these were kids at one time or another.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Twin Exile
Slave 1

TSL on Peragus: The twin Jedi awaken

Except for there being two of them, the opening here is generic. The bickering is classic sibling.

Memory / Chapter 1 / Journeys
Kosiah

PostKOTOR: The Ebon Hawk flees, with a badly wounded crew aboard

The piece started out as you might expect the flight home to be, but shortly you see things that feel odd. I was halfway through it before I realized why. It is a blending of the dark side and light side endings, and a well done one at that. Revan’s struggles with realizing what she had done, and looking at the few that survived is chilling.

Pick of the Week

Discipline
Icey Cold

Originally reviewed 3 Nov 2006 Original review below:

Time period not set, though probably during KOTOR I: The disciple and Exile talk about the inner workings of the Order.

The style is good, the byplay excellent.

It is not often that people looked under the surface of the order itself, and little has been done on the interim between the Mandalorian wars and the Exile’s return. This work is definitely worth the read.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Betrayal of Hearts
Firera

TSL on Malachor V: Things are not all they seem…

The piece has so many plot turns, I’m surprised seat belts are not required. By the end the one thing you’re sure of is it has been one hell of a ride.

Pick of the Week

The Nar Shaddaa Massacre, Chapter 1
Icey Cold

TSL on Nar Shaddaa: The team decides to check the Red light district

The piece had it’s moments when you think the Exile is two different people. Her jealousy that the Red light District is Atton’s second home, sitting on the Disciple’s lap to touch up his hair, forgetting that she has to leave her light saber aboard the ship. She is a swirl of conflicting reactions, and her actions make you wonder which of the two men will be her love interest. The end is good because she gentles Disciple like a frightened horse.

Pick of the Week

The Darkness Descends, Chapter 1 - The End Is Only The Beginning
Firera

2 years PostKOTOR: As Carth, now an admiral remembers a last parting…

The piece is well done, Carth’s somber mood is explained in the flash back that reveals his final parting from Revan. The idea that she still has feelings for him, that it was those feelings that made her try to kill him when he refused her offer even more intriguing. It is a pity I do not have time to read all of it because this is choice.

Pick of the Week

Drenched: Chapter I
Shike77

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk bound for Nar Shaddaa: The Exile tries to keep both of her men at arm’s length

The piece is interesting in revealing more of the Disciple than most do, yet doesn’t treat him too shabbily. Having him act like a stalker is bad but not as bad as some have treated him. Her standoffishness is explained very well in the last paragraphs, placing Atton, he realizes, in the same boat.

Lessons
Schmoopy

This story was co-written by Delerius_Jedi and schmoopy,

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk: The Exile reveals a not so shiny part of her past

The piece reached out and grabbed you. Her dependence on the force, being unwilling to make a decision, and the discovery that she had been completely wrong because of it was excellent. The reaction of the locals was even better because so many legal systems work exactly like that.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 11-13-2009, 12:04 PM   #1082
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Blade

Canderis

NonSW: A boy begins to find out about his father’s real job

Mainly you need polishing and more description. There is no mention of hair color, eye color, or even the difference in ages between the siblings. The thread of mystery from the father’s job to the ‘men in black’ from work is good. Hopefully we’ll get more explanation as time goes on.

kotorfanmedia

Dark Side Female Revan

A Second Chance
Eji

PostKOTOR: A nightmare of what could have been…

The piece flows well, the scene striking. Carth’s stand, Revan’s eventual reaction coming too late to save them. Knowing it was a dream was just icing on the cake.

Pick of the Week

Promise
Mellyna

Originally reviewed 6 January 2006 That review is below:

Set during KOTOR II: A short scene between A female Revan and another unnamed woman.

It is only a short piece, barely a page long. But it immediately caught my interest. Mellyna has two more stories she has written, and I almost went up the chain to find them before going on.
However I am sticking to my methodology. Well done!

Reprise Pick of the Week

The Necklace
Ivory Chopstick

TSL on Nar Shaddaa: Atton remembers his childhood, and his sister.

The story is an aside, but a welcome one. We get to see a younger, not yet hardened Atton as not only a boy but one who loved his sister. His comment, that at eight he was almost an adult would fit any kid at that age, and his life is stark with the beginnings of degradation. You can see the man he later becomes in this.

Pick of the Week

Parallax
Palmetto

Originally posted 1 Dec 2006, original review below:

Set in TSL: A brief interlude aboard the Ebon Hawk

The story is like a good beer, refreshing going down, a smooth finish, and leaving you wanting another. Very well done! 33 people gave this a thumbs up.

Reprise Pick of the Week

No Return
Jedi Valius

PreKOTOR: The act that completed her fall

Improper word usage; relinquish means give up, not relieve which would have been a better choice, rapped (Issuing orders quickly) rather than rapt (awe). You also forgot a word (The) same stubborness. You have Tyria saying too much in that the dialogue was stilted, almost as if you didn’t know what to say. Try saying the line out loud, and you will see what I mean.

The piece was interesting as you see Revan finally falling, not because of some grand scheme, but almost with a whimper.

Release
Gekkeiju

TSL on Malachor V: The Exile finally realizes…

Initially posted 8 Dec 2006 Review below:

The author grabs you by the throat and drags you along in this piece. My only real complaint is that it is so short. 20 people gave this a thumbs up, and I agree.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Myths of the Mandalorians -Chapter 1-
The Grey Jedi

TSL on Peragus: Two of the miners fight back

The primary problem I had with the piece was having the mining droid talk as if it were one of the HKs. A silent menace advancing would have been more straining on the nerves.

Minor technical note; you described the docking bay as being big enough to hold an E wing. But the E wing is first a single person fighter; rather small, and would not be around for 4,000 more years. It would be like a hero of a Greek legend facing an enormous dragon and thinking that the cave it lived in would allow a F16 Falcon to park there.

Seeds of Shadow - Prologue
Doublehex

Spanning KOTOR and TSL: A monologue about another Exile

The piece is a good exposition on the theme of war, but reduces that hideous pass time to the mundane.

Intercession
Dinah Lance

PreKOTOR: The Republic tries to reenlist an old soldier

The piece has all of the finesse I expect from Dinah. One advantage of starting at the beginning of each category is finding these gems. It is short, sweet, and well portrays the weariness you would expect, especially in the case of any of the Jedi that survived.

You see, except for the rare man who shoots up the ladder, Most Generals spend twenty plus years honing their craft. From butter bar (Second lieutenant) through the ranks between. So you get used to death in microcosm when it’s just your platoon long before you wield divisions. The Jedi obviously get a crash course, and such an accelerated learning curve means more would fall by the wayside.

But more importantly, it would be something that they would be more willing to give up. Her sudden reflections caused by ‘please general’ go through the mind of every senior officer that has ever served, and not wanting to return stronger in those forced to fight rather than relishing it.

Pick of the Week

Defluo: Nyx
Shike77

Alternate beginning to TSL: On Citadel Station, three of our cast are getting together.

The piece is interesting, and I can always say that about Shike. The take on Atton is true to type, and the Exile is an interesting character right off the bat here. Her own interplay, arguing about what she ‘should’ be doing and what she is doing is very well wrought.

Pick of the Week

Wild Guess
Kitome

PreKOTOR: The name says it all when it comes to love

Quite a nice bit of work. The characters looking at each other and seeing things the other never realizes. Having the Exile sort of nudge them together is cute.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 11-13-2009, 03:41 PM   #1083
SkywalkerRules
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Hey, machievelli? Did I say something wrong in my poetry? I need help...
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Old 11-13-2009, 08:13 PM   #1084
machievelli
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SkywalkerRules View Post
Hey, machievelli? Did I say something wrong in my poetry? I need help...
Since my poetry is uniformly bad, I do not see my self as qualified to judge how good other people's poetry is. JM12 did start briefly another thread on this site for those instances. All of you poets all get together and try to get her to pick it up again


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 11-14-2009, 02:50 PM   #1085
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Quote:
Originally Posted by machievelli View Post
Since my poetry is uniformly bad, I do not see my self as qualified to judge how good other people's poetry is. JM12 did start briefly another thread on this site for those instances. All of you poets all get together and try to get her to pick it up again
Oh. Thank you, machievelli.
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Old 11-20-2009, 11:50 AM   #1086
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kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Revan

Smoke and Mirrors
Dinah Lance and Prisoner24601

KOTOR after Korriban: Bastila give advice… But will she take her own?

The piece is well done, the argument sliding from professional, the code they must live by, to personal, their own feelings as such conversations sometimes do. It was fun because the relationships, Revan and Canderous, Bastila and Carth are clearly defined even if we know little of them yet. The last paragraph, Bastila rationalizing why she has to go to the cockpit at that moment is just too perfect.

Pick of the Week

Dark Side Female Revan

Warmth
Arrow

TSL on Telos: Atris remembers her past with the Exile, but not the way you think

A very interesting take on the time when Atris and the Exile were at the Academy. Her actions are now well defined in the game. Her anger at the Exile the flare of a woman betrayed by the girl she saw as her daughter, and her other actions, keeping the light saber after her Exile falls neatly into place. Very well done.

Pick of the Week

Gifts
Kosiah

PreKOTOR: An old memory finally fades.

This is such a delightful insight into Malak and Revan. The idea that when she went to war, still the bright shiny Jedi ready to save the galaxy, she had carried along that one book. Each has given up so much to stand where they do now, and you can sense both the regret and the denial of that regret in each of them.

Pick of the Week

Atonement
Exile Starrcast

Originally reviewed 2 June, 06, Original review below:

After the destruction of the Star Forge, Revan leaves the others. But not without some grief.

The style is clear, draws you in gently, and keeps you there. I have been saying this a lot in the last two or three months. Maybe it’s because I have hit a deep rift of first time writers, but here it goes.

If this is the first, Why did you wait so long? More!

Reprise Pick of the Week

Traitor
Revan’s Pet Duck

KOTOR on the Star Forge: A newly resurgent dark lord still wants that one man. And she’ll have him…

The method was a little brute force for me. Knowledge of modern brainwashing techniques would have made this a lot less violent, but that is just the part of me that has such knowledge. All in all a good read.

Torture
Exile Starrcast

PostKOTOR: Revan breaks Carth to her hand

The piece is well done, but again I am disappointed by the methods used. Maybe I just have too much knowledge of how to do such things without Jedi skills.

Sacrifice
SithAngel77

Originally posted 21 July 2006,that review is below:

In an Alternate Universe: A fight to the death.

The style is a bit confusing because you aren’t really sure who is speaking to whom. Nothing that an edit wouldn’t correct. The style is harsh and dark, but so is the subject matter.

The piece is short, but poignant and I commend the author on the portrayal.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Pazaak: Juma Rules - Bonus Chapters
Qt314159

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk: So like a dance…

The piece flows very well, the relationship flourishing as both begin to play ‘the game’ as the Exile sees it.

Message in a data pad
Darth Meatbag

Originally posted 21 July 2006,that review is below:

Set during KOTOR II: The Exile gets a message from her lost love.

The style is good, the story well done, the subject matter excellent.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Twisted, part 1
Dark Jedi Princess

PostKOTOR: Revan works at breaking Carth

The story is good if a bit generic. The idea that Carth was force sensitive an intriguing one.

Daughters...
Rawtooth

TSL on Telos: After Kreia’s revelation to her Atris must take action

The piece is a work of art. Atris is crumbling before your eyes, and the links between the Exile and the handmaidens is well portrayed. The author worried that it would be difficult to follow, but there is no difficulty.

Pick of the Week

Angels fall First
Turtle

PreKOTOR: The ravages of war seen in another’s eyes

Second person is hard to write in, yet Turtle did so very well. The slow changes wrought by time lovingly portrayed, the lies from both sides, the horror at what Revan is becoming, and the narrator’s assistance in that. It paints the Jedi Council in a new sinister light.

Pick of the Week

What I Wish You
Exile Ainne

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk enroute to Dantooine: The Exile has her own list

The poem is interesting in that it asks that the person not only learn to enjoy life but grow in the learning.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 11-27-2009, 01:10 PM   #1087
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Dark Legacy: Death Watch
Te Mirdala Mand'alor

Re-review requested. Original review below

Modern day: A Mandalorian declares war on a secret society

Reread as asked, and the battle scene in chapter 4 wasn’t too bad, but you ignored a glaring problem. A Star Destroyer carries a crew of around 35,000, yet you sent 6. Like having an army corps, yet sending a squad to subdue a possible 6,000 (Crew of a Dreadnought). Even if you had scanner readings that told you there was only one person, on a ship that large it would have made more sense to bring over a company, about 109 people.

The escape was a bit strained as well. Go watch the Battle of Endor in ROTJ again, and watch the larger ships. They do not move as fast or smoothly as the fighters and assuming no attempt at pursuit, your ship would have been within range of the enemy for maybe half an hour before moving far enough away to hyper out again. With a pursuit including fighters, you would not get that half an hour.

The tale of Jebord Esio
JebusJM

No era given: A pair of Jedi defeat a Sith master… But will they defeat gravity?

There isn’t a whole lot to this yet, so I will have to withhold any comments on style. The battle was short and sweet, the last question; was there a survival plan, was cute. A nice cliff hanger here. One thing, setting a timer does not need the words ‘from then’. Activating it begins the countdown.

All right kid, show us what you can do, and welcome to the forum.

Dark Side Female Revan

Laundry Day
Noneko

TSL enroute to Onderon: Well it was his own fault…

I could picture Brianna’s fury, Visas’ dismay, and you have to admit, the Exile had it coming. Short but so funny.

Pick of the Week

The Box
Revan’s Pet Duck

20 years before PM: A young Obi Wan meets Revan

The piece is intriguing in that we never really hear what Revan told the young boy. Yoda’s reaction was interesting to me because it makes me wonder if as a young boy he also succeeded; and how many others might have.

Pick of the Week

Path to war
skypilot

PreKOTOR: Aboard a ship fleeing the Rim, two unlikely passengers join forces

The writing needs editing and polishing. You are also making statements that are not logical. If the ship’s hyper drive is damaged beyond repair, they are fleeing in normal space, so going anywhere would be a pain. Try several millennia from the rim to Coruscant. You have the feeling in this ship that you just tossed people in willy nilly. There is no sense of refugees except for the two main characters. It is sort of like the Japanese Anime xxxHolic, where everyone not related to the story is just a white outline walking by.

A Lot to Forgive
Amber Penglass

TSL at the tomb of Freedon Nadd: A glimpse into Atton’s past with a few twists…

The piece does hearken back to the Exile in the tomb, and in it’s own way is more so because while he can watch what happens, he cannot stop it. His own reactions to what he once was and what he had become were crystal clear.

Pick of the Week

I Know
Amber Penglass

TSL on Korriban: After the Exile escapes the tomb, she and Atton share the same types of memories.

The companion piece to A Lot to Forgive, the same story from different sides. Both suffered the same type of vision, and draw strength from each other.

One technical point; Freedon Nadd’s tomb is on Dxun, not Korriban

Pick of the Week

A Scoundrel's Company
Amber Penglass

TSL on Peragus: Getting Atton out of the lockdown was a little more difficult than anticipated…

Rewriting the scene with a little more problems than the original was fun. The backbiting comments as they try to escape was choice.

Pick of the Week

Orphic Verboten Chapter I
Amber Penglass

PreTSL: A meeting that never happened, but it would have been fun…

The scenes are well laid out, the fights were fun, even the make out scene. The only thing I would wonder about is why they didn’t remember each other later.

Glimpse
Amber Penglass

TSL before Malachor V: A vision from the past is recounted.

The piece is excellent work, linking the man Atton had been to what he is now. The soft almost gentle recitation comes through in his voice, letting us know the effect in had on him.

Pick of the Week

Lesson Number One
Amber Penglass

TSL on Nar Shaddaa: Well it is a form of dance…

The piece was funny because with the fluidity of movement you see in Jedi fighting, you would expect one to dance divinely. Having her admit she didn’t know how was funny enough, but having Atton end up being her teacher, and in the bathroom yet, was just too funny for words.

Pick of the Week

Goddess
Lana Revan Star

PreKOTOR: Love turns to hate

An interesting view of the relationship between Malak and Revan.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 12-04-2009, 12:34 PM   #1088
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I am taking a week’s hiatus to spend time with my daughter. I haven’t seen her in twenty years, and the last time I was this nervous, was the night she was born. Wish me luck.

Coruscant Entertainment Center

Artful Dodger
LordOfTheFish

NonSW: The tale of a different character

Improper word usage, flower (Plant) instead of flour (Milled grain), to instead of too

The intro set the stage, but you immediately stepped from it in the first chapter. Year 1705, about 200 years before the internal combustion engine. You then have a truck with a hood to step on. Also, most working class poor of that time made only about five pounds a year, yet you have these men carrying wallets. They would more likely have only coins, for paper money was still a rarity. Also you have him meet an American, when as a country, America will not exist for almost eighty years. At that time he would have merely been a Colonial from which ever state.

kotorfanmedia

Dark Side Female Revan

The Woes of a Dark Lord
AnimeAngel

KOTOR aboard the Star Forge: If that was all it took…

It was cutesy in it’s own way. Bastila’s ‘side effect’ of Battle meditation caught me unawares. Carth going over to the dark side for something so simple. And Revan’s reply to Bastila’s whining, all choice.

Murderer
Revan’s Pet Duck

TSL on Nar Shaddaa: Atton’s revelation

Remember conversation breaks. There are extra words at some point as if you were going one way then doubled back. An editing problem, nothing more.

The piece is good because while possible, the end was totally unexpected. You know Atton’s past, you know what he has done, and might do. To go from might to will is a short step.

Pick of the week

Absolute Power
GrimRabbit

PostTSL: Revan conquers the galaxy, with a twist.

The piece was excellent because my version of the Dark Lord was so close. Maybe an iron hand, but an iron hand that is doing it for the common good. I for one never accepted that every dark lord had to be a sociopath.

Pick of the Week

Exile's Quandary
MariusTook

TSL on Malachor V: Standing at the end of the battle, the Exile thinks of what is to come.

The piece is mainly flashbacks, but you understand why the Exile will now chose. What he does choose is not yet decided, but we know it will be soon.

Beyond the Outer Rim, Chapter 1
Graceful

PostTSL: Stopping in the cantina after arrival is not always the best thing to do…

Improper word usage. It’s waded (As in wading in water) not wadded as in compressed into a wad and stared (past tense of stare) instead of starred as in starring in a movie.

The piece is interesting in that the pieces are set, the game is afoot, but it’s only a tease for more. Enough to give you a taste but not a full glass. I may have to read more if I ever find the time.

The Duel
CyberCat

PreKOTOR: Revan and Malak fight on Mustafar

The piece flowed, but it was so obviously the fight scene from ROTS that I was not able to suspend disbelief.

Even In Death
Joysweeper

PostKOTOR: A voice from the grave…

The piece is poignant, Carth, even in death, doing what he can to save the woman he had fallen in love with.

Pick of the Week

You're the Only One Who Knows
Lillianjoy

PostKOTOR: Carth remembers…

The piece is gentle in it’s portrayal. The pain of waiting, wondering if she will return or not. The last lines from TSL fit the mood.

Sacrifice For Naught
Animeangel

KOTOR approaching Star Forge: Looking back, Revan regrets what she has done

The piece is short, but chilling. Wondering if you can ever forgive yourself for what you have done.

Through the Shadow- Part One
Shara

TSL At Telos Academy: Brianna faces her fate

An interesting bit, putting the two scenes, Briana facing Atris at the same time that Kreia does her spiel. The only problem I have with it it the same I had in ROTS when Anakin faces Obi Wan and the Emperor decides to leave to find him right in the middle of the fight. It works in a movies (Though not well for the astute) because you are paying attention to the media before you rather than logic.

You have them moving halfway across the galaxy to stop something happening now.

Shattered
Delerius_Jedi and Prisoner24601

TSL on Malachor V: The Dark Exile crushes Mical’s hopes.

The piece is nice and eerie. Having her spare Mical’s life only because she wants him to live with the defeat suitably sadistic.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 12-18-2009, 11:43 AM   #1089
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A World Overturned
Writer

KOTOR After Leviathan: The revelation of her identity unsettles the crew

A good albeit generic retelling of the scene. The angst of the discovery is clearly drawn, and the scene was as good if not better than the one used in the game.

untitled

Salzella

TSL, no specifics given: a brief interlude after a comedy of errors

The piece was a bit disjointed because of the flashbacks. The colony they stopped at was interesting, and the problem easily corrected.

kotorfanmedia
Dark Side Female Revan

A Kotor Carol: A Gift for Revan
RevanGoddess

Originally posted 2 Feb 2007. That review is below:

A year after Darth Revan regains her title: The revelations from A Christmas Carol ala KOTOR

What can I say that 16 thumbs up hasn’t already?

You did what I tell people to do with a seasonal story; you left out all of the Christmas references and still told one hell of a story!

Reprise Pick of the Week

Return To Sender
Joysweeper

PostKOTOR continuation of Even in Death: Revan finds a reason to smile again

The piece was interesting; the aftermath of a defeat and frantic retreat, the main character still trying to revel in being the person she has become, but that new life losing it’s luster. Unlike the first story, this letter from the grave still has hope in it, and perhaps his hope will bring her some.

Pick of the Week

Storm Warnings
CyberCat

Originally posted 9 Feb 2007, that review is below:

During TESB: Darth Vader resurrects his ancestor Revan.

The style is good, the story interesting. Well worth the read.

Technical note: Assuming the Republic had a dating system similar to our modern day one, Revan would have been alive in the 19990s until about 20050. Without a convenient central point (Such as not having a year one in the Christian calendar) pretty much every other dating system works by reigns of monarch, that kind of thing. For example you would mark the battle of Thermoplae as 2592 before the present year rather than 485 BCE.

Canonical note: Han Solo wasn’t made General until ROTJ. During this period he was still merely a smuggler named Captain Solo.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Carth’s Revelation
RevanGoddess

KOTOR on the Rakata World after the Star Forge: Revan finally gets her man

I tended to agree with both Twiklet and Chemist Own that Carth gave in too easily. But I can understand why a man would be torn in this situation. The piece flowed smoothly to a nice clean finish.

Pick of the Week

Lessons
Armilla

PreKOTOR: Who will be the Dark Lord?

The piece flowed well except for the missing word in ‘I grieved (for) my sister for the first time.'

The end was a surprise because I enjoyed the sweet reasonable view Revan had shown up until the moment she struck. The most irritating part of the Dark Side view in my mind is the ‘there can be only one’ attitude.

Pick of the Week

Force Blind -- Section 1
Princess Artemis

KOTOR on the Star Forge: The Dark Lord returns… But something is not right with the Force.

An interesting piece because something is happening here I have trouble comprehending. In my own full KOTOR novel, I had my Revan contemplating that the Force is not good or bad, but strives for balance, and having someone who is Force-blind suddenly having access to the Force resonates with that. Neither good nor evil can be wholly ascendant, it has to be balanced. This suggests the Force is sentient and I like it.

To Revan's Rescue
Ocelott

PreKOTOR: Just another dull day at the Jedi Temple… Not.

The scene is well laid out, the situation hilarious. I can picture Revan as the practical joker at that age, and aiming at Vrook and Atris, the two more stolid characters, is perfect. I can also see other masters shaking their heads and chuckling when alone at their antics. After all, kids are still kids.

Pick of the Week

To Be An Echani...
tWiNkLeT

PreKOTOR: Training to fight the Mandalorians

The scenes are nicely wrought, and the training well done.

First, while it is called melee combat, the weapons are not called melee weapons. They are hand and edged weapons opposed to projectile or distance weapons. A melee weapon by definition is anything you can use when the enemy is close enough to literally hit with your hand.

Second, when you block using a staff, you have to avoid meeting the edge of the sword. The weight will sometimes be enough to cut through, and if it is sharp it will, usually.

The Source of Darkness
Master of LD and DS

Originally posted 15 Mar 2007 Original review below:

The combined crews from both adventures face the true enemy.

The style and flow starts a bit ragged, but smoothes out quickly. Just from this small portion, I know it would be worth reading a lot more. Pity is, I don’t have the time.

Reprise Pick of the Week

The Corruption of Carth Onasi Part 1
RevanGoddess

PostKOTOR on the Rakata homeworld: Carth considers his future, and what he might have to do to redeem the woman he loves.

This is all dark angst and confusion. I wonder how many Germans who joined the Nazis before World War II started this way, hoping to change from within?

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 12-25-2009, 12:06 PM   #1090
machievelli
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To all my readers, all seven or eight of you, I wish any Holiday joy you wish to celebrate. I myself will be working until 9, and supping on Ramen.

Coruscant Entertainment Center

The Fall of Jolee Bindo
Seth Clearwater

KOTOR on Lehon: Fighting fire with fire.

The basics are good though it needs editing. Remember conversation breaks. This sentence ‘The maniacal shrieks from Bastila screeched‘ has too many adverbs linked directly to the sounds. It would have been better as ‘Bastila screeched maniacally’.

All in all an interesting take on the scene, though having Jolee get stabbed, somehow go to the dark side in the process and heal himself was a bit much.

Revan's Secret Apprentice
Seth Clearwater

KOTOR on Taris: A young boy follows our heroes

The piece needs smoothing out more than anything else. Too short to get a good read on, but it is interesting in what is revealed.

The only negative I have is the stealth belt. I know it’s part of the game but there is no such thing 4,000 years later, so I have to wonder what happened to the concept. Plus having the boy in the room, yet our nascent Jedi does not detect him. It isn’t like Sasha later where she has all of the ducting to hide in.

The Sith Lords - a movie
Visas

TSL: A short film trailer

The piece is good, flowing well, and giving us a number of excellent scenes, though you gave us too much in some ways. A good trailer doesn’t reveal things such as the Jedi masters being killed, or the Ravager blowing up. Look at the HD trailer for Old Republic. All it reveals of what is going to happen is the shattering attack on the Jedi Temple and the fleet investing Coruscant. More than enough action, but unrevealing in the depths of the story.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Revan

Playing with Fire
Prisoner24601 and Dinah Lance.

KOTOR on Manaan: Psychiatric counseling half a mile below the surface?

The piece is well wrought, giving you enough to know how the dynamics of the two couples work. Juhani and Revan have the hardest parts, trying to break through the web of unwilling connections to find the true paths, and giving Carth a chance vent without killing her. The byplay of the ongoing battle fought by Canderous and Juhani is a welcome breath of fresh air in the thick atmosphere.

Pick of the Week

Light Side Female Exile

Conjectures
Moonmythology

TSL on Nar Shaddaa: Why the Exile likes the rain

The piece is good, flowing well. The only jarring note was when Atton kissed her on the rain rather than in it. The ‘Truth Holocron’ was a cute touch, the old Magic 8 ball in a new guise, and helping the story along.

Dark Side Female Revan

Breaking from my Former Masters
Revanreborn225

TSL on Dantooine: The Exile cuts her final ties to the Jedi order-literally

The piece goes from quiet to battle to quiet again smoothly. When she walks away, she is the last standing, and her quest for power will be frightening.

Mandalorian Wars - Tales from Both Sides: An Arm for the Taking
Delasaer Chval

Mandalorian Wars on Eris III: Bao Dur on a mission

The piece has all of the stress and angst you might wish to ask for. Except for stealth and shields (I have my own disagreements with the tech, since you don’t see personal shields until Phantom Menace, and don’t see stealth at all) but discounting that the scenes are crisply drawn.

Pick of the Week

Imitate
Nitesh

TSL on Ebon Hawk: With Bao Dur’s help the Exile builds her new saber.

It’s disdain (A feeling of contempt), not distain(To dye). From word usage I think you meant ‘intentionally or not depend(s)’.

The piece is rich, yet all we see is a person tinkering with equipment, and two people discussing why. This is a very in depth view of the making of a light saber not from the mechanical view, but the spiritual view and as such is very satisfying.

Pick of the Week

Beautiful
Jiara

TSL on Korriban: Sion has his own view of what had happened in the past

A piece almost entirely introspective, it grips you as you witness Sion’s twisted view of what had happened between him and the Exile at Malachor.

Ruin
Alexandra

PreKOTOR: The soon to be Exile comes back to get the one thing she wants, but can’t have

It was an interesting take on the relationship. It was also an interesting take on the Dark side itself. How much of what they do is actually linked to such emotions?

Pick of the Week

Indiscretions, Prologue & Chapter 1 - Izumi, Captured
Dark Jedi Princess

PostTSL: A rescue mission

A blend of SW and Full Metal Alchemist, my biggest problem with it is having never gotten into the Anime. Blending two different genres (And universes) together is not easy, but it was a good effort.

Conditional Chapter I
Darthjess

PostTSL: Revan returns, looking for parts of her old life

Plea would have been better than beseech. Others have commented on other words used in odd manners, so I will forego any others.

The piece is smooth and has the feel of a ragged warrior returning to who knows what. Mission’s comment suggests that the Exile and Carth may now be a couple, as the Exile’s comments suggest she might be willing. But Carth is still tightly focused.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 12-31-2009, 12:10 PM   #1091
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Coruscant Entertainment Center

A Christmas Carol: Star Wars edition.
Mrcharlton

SW no specific time given: Anakin ends up playing Scrooge with a little unwilling help from his friends

It’s fazed (Bothered) not phased (changed). Also, remember, he’s a sponge. the lyrics go; absorbent and yellow and porous is he!


Usually I don’t give holiday stories a good review. This one had an interesting touch though; the characters and the author bickering constantly. Anakin can’t seem to remember the word humbug, even minor characters like Ahsoka complaining because she knows she’s going to die in yet another epic, and Lando complaining because he’s not supposed to blink. I enjoyed Boba Fett and Mira as a couple even with the comment that she‘s 4,000 years older than he is.

Now usually when I review that’s it. If I have time I’ll go back. But our author was surprised to discover we had a mean old Critic here when she posted. I posted again to assure her, and she posted that day. Wondering if she was replying, I looked back and caught the next chapter. I wasn’t sure what to think; SpongeBob? Stewie? Outrageous! Keep it up.

A Heroes Welcome
Mrcharlton

KOTOR on Taris: The bar room scene with a twist

You’re pushing the action a bit here, kid. The piece flowed pretty well, that notwithstanding. Unlike the heroes we are used to, these seem to be more locals, though calling one an ex-Jedi would defeat that purpose as well.

Welcome to the forum.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Revan

Getting Burned
Prisoner24601 and Dinah Lance.

TSL Bound for the Star Forge: A lover’s quarrel.

The piece was nice and clean, the characters well honed. The interplay was good. The start of the argument, the fire set to dry his armor was cute because as a smoker I hate over sensitive smoke alarms too.

Pick of the Week

Dark Side Female Revan

My Damnation
Quibby

Prologue to TSL: The Exile remembers Malachor

The piece is well done, introspection and flashback melded to show you the final moments of Malachor V in brutal detail. The Exile’s reaction to what had been done is superb.

Pick of the Week

Betrayal of the Heart
ForceFightWme12

PreKOTOR at Revan‘s capture: The final battle…

Others have commented, and the one thing I agree with is the characters are like cardboard cutouts, real but two dimensional. Malak’s betrayal does follow to quickly on the other scene, and seems a bit rushed.

Still an excellent piece of work.

Kreia's Journal
Cursed One

PreKOTOR during Academy days: A journal is discovered on Dantooine by Mical.

Remember to do a visual edit when you write. You have lead (If pronounced this way it is a metal) instead of led, then quiet instead of quite. Both would pass a spell check, but are improper where they are. The statement ‘She had never a child,’ needs the word ‘been’. In the phrase ‘She had learned and master techniques’ either one of the verbs is redundant. Mastered is the same as learned. You also left out the word difference in ‘the between Sith and Jedi.’. None of these are major problems. When the flow gets good I as bad if not worse. Just remember to edit for content, and you’ll be perfect..

The piece is an excellent look at the girl who would one day be the Dark Lord.

Pick of the Week

Collateral Damage
Prisoner24601 and Dinah Lance.

PostTSL: Revan is back in hiding, and her revenge will be sweet

An interesting continuation of the sections I have read. I’m especially interested in what happened to her followers from the first crew. How about an answer?

Pick of the Week

Idle Offer
Rawtooth

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk enroute to Nar Shaddaa: An interesting scene between the Handmaiden and Atton

The scene flows well and the only bobble (Mentioned by Bald As Malak) was minor. As had been commented, there are two different ways to take the last line.

Pain and Power
Brandon Ordo

PreTSL on Malachor V: Traya prepares to depart

The piece is dark and foreboding. The last scene, Lord Revan leaving at Kreia’s command sets up so many possibilities.

Padawan Pranks
Nadia

PreKOTOR Academy days: A prank and revenge

This was a riot. It explains why Malak is bald, and the picture of that big hulking brute later in a dress was one I couldn’t keep out of my head. The only part I was unsure about was the hole in the clothes at the end.

Way funny.

Pick of the Week

Dark Decisions
ForceFightWme12

KOTOR on the Star Forge: Pulled in different directions by her nature, Revan reacts

It’s not defiantly (With defiance) but definitely(Assured).

The piece flow well, the reasoning up until the confrontation sound. The argument between Bastila and Carth caused the unreasoning action of Revan, and she regrets it almost immediately.

Pick of the Week

Bastila’s Pawn
Joysweeper

KOTOR aboard the Star Forge: Bastila plans her future

The story rolled well, Bastila gloating over her control, yet there is an undercurrent of worry. I’m reminded of the old Limerick of the woman from Niger…


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 01-08-2010, 01:33 PM   #1092
machievelli
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the rouge jedi
exoduz

No time frame given: A prologue, but not much of one.

There isn’t enough here to do a real review. When you add to it, let me know.

Wrath of the Sith
Johnathon-Mk II

Two years after TSL: Darth Nihilus returns

Remember to spell check; disapation has two ‘s’, prisinors is spelled prisoners, business is spelled business. Remember dialogue breaks. I can tell you spent a lot of time with Star Trek, using impulse engines, etc. The battle scene needs some work. Everything moved a bit too quickly. Also, with as many alien species we already have in Star Wars finding another one would be a surprise, but not a major one. As for resurrecting Nihilus, that I can accept, but how did you resurrect a destroyed ship?

Your problems are mainly editing and polishing.

Technical note: We don’t see fighters with hyper drives until The Clone Wars, though most still needed an eternal mount. Also there is no mention of a weapon capable of making black holes. If there had been, the Empire would have used it.

Welcome to the forum

Rising From the Ashes of Valour
Lord Spitfire

During Mandalorian wars: During the battle of Isiz, a Republic officer learns about honor

The situation is well described and stark. The battle didn’t make much sense because there were no tactics to it. A massive Banzai charge didn’t make any sense for either side.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Revan

Switch - Part 1: Fish 'n' Ships of Forgotten Memories
Lightbulb

KOTOR at Manaan: The nickname ‘switch’ says it all

It started out pretty bland actually, but seeing a Force power go awry in this manner was really cute. I wish I could read it all.

Pick of the Week

Dark Side Male Revan

Battle Plans
Sefoster

PreTSL: Revan returns to Malachor, and finds himself

The piece is well written, the battle scene at the start smooth. As a first work it is very well done.

Canon Note. The rule of two didn’t come into being until a thousand years before the Empire, three millennia after the scene.

Dark Side Female Revan

The Devils Within the Walls
Katara Ironarm

TSL after Malachor V: The Exile speaks with Revan’s spirit

The scene was interesting in having Revan’s spirit trying to seduce her to the dark side. It makes me wonder about Revan’s death as well.

AU Battle of Rakata Prime
Darkling Angel

AU KOTOR at the Star Forge: Revan faces her twin brother
The piece was well done, the fight a little drab, but I kind of like fight scenes.

Departure
Darth Xio Jade

During the Mandalorian Wars: A bitter parting between Kavar and his apprentice

The biggest problem I had was the lack of conversation breaks. The story itself is good beyond that.

Lifelines, Part I
Trillian4210

TSL Enroute to Nar Shaddaa: Bao-Dur brings back the Exile’s memories

The idea that the Exile had memory loss as well was intriguing. This piece gently teases you with those memories. I just wish I had time to read it all.

Pick of the Week

The New Teacher, Chapter 1
Evil Shall Giggle

Pre Mandalorian War: A new teacher had predictable problems

The piece is amusing in that we see Atris trying to control an unruly class without her usual perfect reserve. I did agree with the comment about the Jedi being less unruly than an average classroom, but it did give us the idea that Atris has a heart.

Pick of the Week

End of the Line
DarthNemesis2

TSL at Traya Academy: The end of the line
The piece was good in that words were the primary weapon in one fight, and light sabers in the other. A good if generic piece.

Coup d'etat
Revan’s Pet Duck

PreKOTOR: A coup is planned…

The scene is well laid, the attempt credible. The fight flows well, and you can picture the losses right to the end. Revan’s revenge for the attempt perfect.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 01-15-2010, 11:29 AM   #1093
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The Chronicles of Morbius
none223

After the Battle of Yavin: Kyle Katarn is introduced to a Sith Prophesy

The piece is short and abrupt. Except for the revelation of the prophesy nothing much really happened. Kyle Katarn is a clearly defined character, so there is little to add to characterization. My only question is was this set before Kyle gave up his powers the first time or after?

I, Fanficcer
Darth InSidious

KOTOR, sort of: A series of scenes that makes little or no sense.

Considering the piece, I’m not sure I should review it. As a critic I am appalled by the words used incorrectly, not to mention the grammar. As a reader I am stumbling around trying to make sense of it. As a humorist, I did enjoy the noisy sacks.

The Old Man
Canderis

NonSW Horror: An interesting vignette

It’s only your second time in the forum, so perhaps I didn’t suggest earlier that you space the work out so it doesn’t look like a solid block of text. There really isn’t enough of the work to get a proper grasp, and there is no explanation of what is occurring.

The characters are cardboard cutouts two men, one woman, no mention of age or description except for one being very old. When it came to scene description you did much better, a pounding rain, a decrepit hotel.

Dark Light
Endorenna


LOTR/SW Crossover: A young girl finds herself bent on rescue.

The piece flowed well, but considering Endorenna’s usual work that is not surprising. I had never considered a crossover of this sort, but it makes an interesting start.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Revan

Firestorm
Prisoner24601 and Dinah Lance

KOTOR on the Star Forge: The climactic fight.

The piece firmly cements the characters into their relationships. Carth’s refusal to surrender, Canderous refusing to leave the wounded Min (Revan) behind, Bastila and Min beginning the maneuver that gives the Republic it’s chance at victory, all flows together smoothly to the climax.

Pick of the Week

Light Side Female Exile

When This All goes to Hell
DyrraDegan

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk: The Exile finds the best way to deal with Manda’lor.

The piece is cute and trite in it’s treatment of the relationship between the Exile and the older man. The previous section of dealt with her problems with the other men in her team, and her anxieties as well, worried that Mical and Atton will come to blows over her. It is refreshing for the character to find one man in the crew that doesn’t love her adoringly.

Dark Side Female Revan

Backstory
WinterOnasi

Spanning the Mandalorian Wars and the beginning of the Civil War: Each of them had a life before we met them…

The piece is astounding. It takes each of the characters we know and blends their past seamlessly into the defining moments that made them who we know.

Pick of the Week

The choices we make, the paths we take.
Bastila JediPrincess

Pre Mandalorian Wars: Revan and Bastila go on an undercover mission

The basic writing is good but the premise is a bit odd. I cannot see the Order being the equivalent of a police organization with cops thrown together as if mix and match then going undercover. If I had to imagine a police like them, I would think more of the Texas Rangers; One problem, one ranger.

Return
Evil Shall Giggle

PreKOTOR: The Exile returns after the war, but doesn’t receive the welcome he anticipated

The piece is dark and foreboding. The reactions of Atris seems a bit forced. But a good read.

Understanding Weakness
Faelyn

PostKOTOR: Revan teachers her apprentice about weakness

The piece is delightfully skewed. At first you accept the premise that perhaps it was Carth who failed, not Revan. When you get to the end, however, you see it as mere rationale.

Pick of the Week

The Order of the True Sith, Chapter 1: Meetings and Revelations
Jedi Valius

PostTSL: The truth about Revan’s departure is revealed

The term is alleviated not allieved. You also forgot the letter ‘o’ in open. Don’t worry too much, I almost always spell check because I tend to do the same when in a flurry of creative force.

The basic idea is not only good but very intriguing. Having some of the Jedi and the Republic concealing Revan’s condition while frantically looking for a cure is well done.

Pick of the Week

When You're Taught Through Feelings
Delasaer Chval

PostMandalorian War: The Exile returns to the Jedi to accept her fate

The piece is outstanding in that the Exile is examined here in a harsh pitiless light. She feels her loss, knows and accepts her fate, and while not happy about it, knows what must be done. You can feel her anguish and know that she will go on only because ending it is not the correct reaction.

Canon Note: From the visual display of the ‘trial’ of the Exile, it occurred on Coruscant, not Dantooine.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 01-22-2010, 12:09 PM   #1094
machievelli
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Women
Kado Sunrider

TSL aboard Ebon Hawk: A tense time for the men…

The scene was interesting in that everyone but Atton is acting oddly. When you find out why the women are reacting this way, you understand. The fact of the matter is that when you have a group of women together for a long enough period, the events suggested do occur, but it’s usually not this funny.

A Name Never Known
Kyvios

No specific era or Genre given: A lone survivor records his end

The story was a bit on the bland side, kid. We know it’s supposed to be KOTOR based but there is no way to figure which one beyond the tomb. The survivor is unnamed. However you can feel the anguish at his own actions, and a measure of grief.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Exile

Red Dawn
Lady Tragic

Mandalorian War era: Mical remembers the Exile in the past.

The scene is well laid out, the character clean and new like a brand new blade. Her reason for leaving clear, but like the character in the game, tied again to others, just not the way Vrook might have suggested.

Light Side Male Revan

The Lonely God
Bisted

KOTOR aboard Star Forge: Revan makes on last attempt to set at least part of his life right

The piece is good because you didn’t anticipate what was going to happen at the end. Very well done.

Pick of the Week

Dark Side Female Revan

Of The Lies That I Have Lived | Chapter 1
Old Wolf

KOTOR aboard the Endar Spire: The main character frantically flees not only the enemy but her own fears.

It’s silhouette, not silohet. Remember to edit, there are places that could use some smoothing out. I agreed with your assessment that the Sith might have at least tried to upload some disrupting software.

An interesting take on the main character compared to everything else. She isn’t the competent or brash unknown, she’s frightened out of her tiny little mind and running on instinct. A welcome change.

Pick of the Week

Vengeance
Noneko

TSL on Onderon: A fallen Exile takes her revenge

Taking a flashback, then reversing the outcome was an interesting touch. Well done.

Arms of an Angel
Lilianjoy

KOTOR No Specific scene: In flashbacks, Revan sees her life and love

As the other reviewer commented, it felt rushed. Longer would have been better.

Anything but Serene
Secondrate

Tsl on Telos: Things happened in the cockpit as the shuttle went down

The byplay between the flight crew is choice and the commentary;

'Then at least manage to get us there in one piece.'

'Well, seeing as our wing is gone and we're losing bits and pieces of wiring every second, we're a long way past one pie--ow! What was that for?' he asked, mentally rubbing his arm where she had hit it.

Made it even funnier. Serenity is one of my favorite movies, and seeing it played out here was fun.

Pick of the Week

Echoes: Chapter 1 (repost)
Moonmythology

No specific era given: A young girl from Tatooine tells of her past

The main problem I had was there was no link to the genre beyond the location. Having the company acting more like a mob protection racket made little sense. Major corporations use lawyers to slice you up, not knives.

A Rand About Peragus
Inicol1990

TSL on Peragus: How did he end up in the cell?

While an interesting take on the scene it doesn’t explain how Atton ended up there especially when he examined his own equipment and nothing should have caused such an official reaction. If someone had slipped a military grade weapon in maybe…

The Master's Apprentice
Mara Nedolo

PreKOTOR: The thoughts that run through their minds as battle is joined…

The piece flows well, but it feels unpolished. Jumping from one person to the other of the trio to examine what is happening is good.

Memories of the Revenant - Chapter I
Akallabeth

PreKOTOR: A woman with no memory wanders the streets of Taris

The piece was interesting in that Taris is seen through new eyes, not as a visitor, but as a resident, even for the short term.

Canon note: Rodians do not have claws, they have suckers on their fingertips.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 01-29-2010, 11:57 AM   #1095
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Light Side Female Revan

Balm
Prisoner24601 and Dinah Lance

KOTOR after the Star Forge: The four primary characters consider what they must do now.

The piece fits into the work seamlessly. The idea that both Min(Revan) and Bastila might need rescue is only touched upon, but makes for an interesting premise to build on.

Pick of the Week

A Jedi's Love: Chapter 1
Sonn4Jam3s

PreKOTOR: The story begins as a smuggler settles in on the Endar Spire.

Remember to check homonyms. Hear should have been here, and span will work but normal usage is spun.

The warning wasn’t needed about slash when I read the characters reaction to the men around her. I know a lady like her. She thinks I’m a sweet guy, and confided that maybe I could find her a girl friend. I joked that finding one for myself was hard enough.

Pick of the Week

Light Side Female Exile

Goodbyes at the End of the Galaxy
PersephoneWatching

TSL with flashbacks to PostKOTOR: Canderous gets a second chance to rejoin Revan.

The piece is interesting but has little new. The idea that Revan would seriously injure her companion rather than let him follow any further did not bode well, but we have yet to know why.

A Case for Butttun
Back in Blaque

No specific era given: It seems Revan has found a new job…

An interesting look at the character. The case is interesting primarily because there doesn’t seem to be rhyme nor reason it it at all.

Light Side Female Exile

Special
Obaona

PreTSL: Recently exiled, the exile finds herself in another battle

Technical note. As I have told others before, melee is a type of battle and class of weapon; close quarters where even your teeth can be weapons, but not an adequate description. Instead of using this term when defining drawn weapons, describe them.

The world weariness and wish to be left alone is clearly defined. The reaction to the invasion, the assault is instinctive, an old soldier reacting instead of acting. Very well done.

Pick of the Week

Dark Side Male Revan

Living the Code
TheJediSentinel

PostKOTOR: The evolution of man into husband

It was obvious from the start that it was satire, primarily because of the way this poor man is changed from a great warrior almost into a house husband. Training him into being a proper partner reminds me too much of my own marriages, where neither of them did half as well with me.

Dark Side Female Revan

Fragments of Memories: Prologue
Mayla

PostKOTOR: Bastila give a eulogy for Revan

The piece is gentle and sad, looking at the woman’s death not as the warrior fallen, but as the woman whose memory came back only at her death. The feeling from Bastila is that something precious, her very existence had been stolen when they wiped her memory.

Pick of the Week

Mariah
Inicol1990

PostKOTOR: Daughter goes to join her mother

The piece starts out as the regular angst of a father and daughter not getting along, but doesn’t end that way. The only complaints I had were these; we don’t know beyond teenaged how old the girl is, and it was too blasted short.

Betrayed
JoySweeper

PreKOTOR: The scene where Revan fell, but not as you might anticipate…
The scene is well done, Revan’s thoughts clear on what is occurring, even in the end. The idea that She and Malak had agreed not to waste energy trying to kill each other for the good of the cause, but that subtle trace of worry that it might happen anyway. The method Malak uses is even more elegant than the one portrayed in the game/

Pick of the Week

Marks
Sass Morgan

TSL, no specific time given: Look who’s doing the laundry…

The piece is cute. As he’s cleaning and mending the clothes, Atton is giving a good play by play of the situation. A lot of it is things you would anticipate a wife thinking as she sorts the clothes, right down to thinking he should have Bao-dur take time to build a sewing machine.

Wanderer's Redemption: Esoteric Pilgrim, Chapter 1
Lady of Arrakis

You forgot to finish words sometimes, widow instead of window, you also used the wrong word several consol(support someone in need of consolation) instead of console(Panel). These are editing problems easily corrected.


The reaction when she saw Kreia sit up made me think I had read it before, but it was just a different version of the same scene from a work I reviewed in October of last year.

It was a delightful romp through the scenes, with Atton too busy measuring her attire, Kreia giving orders like a Sturmbannfuhrer, the Exile making sarcastic comments about everything around her and taking out her frustration on the hapless droids.

Pick of the Week

Choices, part 1: A Battle between Darkness and Light
Darth Mettiz

Unless it is metal, a belt would cling, not clang.

Technical note: a tractor beam is the science fiction equivalent of a tow line, not a method for finding people.

The piece is nice and dark, almost chiaroscuro. Hunting down the leaders is a nice touch, since that is where any possible resistance might form later. Having her contemplating torturing two men for something as trivial as not holding a salute long enough is sick and twisted, which fit’s the scene.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 02-05-2010, 11:42 AM   #1096
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Light Side Female Revan

Revan’s Return 1: Carth Onasi
PersephoneWatching

PostTSL: Revan returns, but what will she find?

An interesting, albeit short post. I wanted more introspection as well, some flashbacks maybe. We know she has scars, one on the face, another on the leg, but what caused them, for example. Her fear that everything will have completely changed is shown when they meet, Her worry that she still might hate her.

Dark Side Female Revan

A Battle between Darkness and Light
Darth Mettiz

Some improper word usage, steep instead of step for example, and using the word tightly twice in the same sentence.

A good generic fighting scene. My only wonder is why she was several days away if she expected a battle?

Life is Like a Boat
Neni

KOTOR on Star Forge: Captured by Malek, Revan feels only the pain of Carth’s death.

The piece is interesting, and linking the lyrics a nice touch. I could have used a little back story, but that’s just me.

Missing
Neni

KOTOR after the unknown planet: Juhani’s thoughts

I have yet to hear the song, but understand where B’sA is coming from. There are songs that just fit one person. I agree Juhani is more into angst than Bastila is, but except for the Disciple, there is no character in either party I cannot stand.

Animal I Have Become
RevanRand16

KOTOR on Star Forge: Revan falls, and continues to fall

The piece dives straight into madness, and the worst part is she’s both appalled and elated by her fall.

Nightmares of Gizka
Mara Nedolo

TSL No specific port given: A nightmare segues into reality

The piece is light with a silly nightmarish feel to it. The ending scene is a laugh as the brave Jedi and her companions flee in terror of… The Gizka.

Pick of the Week

My Immortal
Neni

PreKOTOR: Before the battle, Revan knows she will be betrayed.

The piece is interesting, primarily because you rarely see a Dark Lord Revan becoming war weary. The only thing keeping her going is the love she shares, and even that is tinged by the knowledge that betrayal is just that much closer.

Fortune told
Eisu

TSL on Star Forge in Comic Book format: Kreia told the Exile her fortune, but what if…

When I see it’s a picture, I generally merely drop out and go on. Something about this first set of panels made me take a closer look. It was like the old Lays potato chip commercials; bet you can’t read just one! After I stopped laughing I went on all the way to four. Then I noticed that the author had also done a Male Exile series and I just had to look at them as well. I never stopped laughing, especially with number 8 which I suggest to everyone.

Pick of the Week

Just Another Test
Nadia

PostTSL: Atton considers why he stays with the Dark Exile

The piece is bittersweet, like a dark chocolate truffle. The feelings he has are well portrayed, and her testing him constantly to prove that devotion well conveyed.

Pick of the Week

Après Moi, Le Deluge
Mara Nedolo

PostTSL: A lost fragment of Revan’s journals reveals her own heart as she and the Exile fight to stem the next enemy.

The piece is dark and deep, with her remembering what she had done as Darth Revan to save the Republic, and now does to save it yet again. But the blinders are off, and she wonders even as she fights if the game is worth it. Well done.

Pick of the Week

Twisted Events: Prologue
Soldier

PostKOTOR AU: As a master makes minute changes in the past, Revan sends Bastila on a mission.

The piece is well done albeit a bit confusing. You have Taris still intact, Malak (I assume that is who arrived) not only alive but without his gorget, and Bastila as apprentice to the Dark lord, with no explanation how they got there. One of those I wish I could read all the way through if only to figure out what is happening.

Becoming Broken
Midnight Hawk

TSL at Traya Academy: As he waits for her, Sion remembers how the Exile has made him what he is now

The piece is excellent in the way it is delicately skewed from reality. How he blames every step on the dark path to the one he loved and felt betrayed by. But part of him hopes that she will admit this before she dies.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 02-12-2010, 11:58 AM   #1097
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Doctor Who: Beyond Death
Alkonium

NonSW: When the Doctor dies for the final time, he doesn’t find what he expected.

Remember conversation breaks. It was a bit confusing though I could keep track of who was talking.

DI was correct in that we didn’t find out much. Calling a character cardboard is a bit much because whenever you use someone else’s universe, it is assumed that you know the characters well enough to follow along. How often does a fan fic describe Luke Chewie or Han after all? Part of the reason I limit my fan fic reading because if I don’t follow the show, how am I to know the character?

Mass Effect 2: Second Chance
Tysyacha

NonSW: A hero finds herself resurrected and sent on another mission.

The basics are good Tys, though saying that with your work is like telling an artist they put everything where it belongs. Like I mentioned above I tend to avoid fan fics based on things I don’t know; I am unable to play Mass Effect because my system does not have enough free memory or graphics card, so a lot of the back-story is lost on me, though knowing Shepherd can be either sex made it a bit more interesting. From what I had heard, the commander was male so I wondered if you had done a little gender-bending here…

The primary mission is sound, though a bit confusing as well. Regardless of what Cerberus had done for her, why is she willing to support them when she defines them as terrorists? Still a good read.

kotorfanmedia

Revan's Retribution
Jaina Solo

PreKOTOR: Malak learns pain at Revan’s hand.

You used the wrong word when you used gape (Stare) instead of gap (space between).

Other than that, the piece was excellent. Malak’s belief that he would not be punished severely was quickly disabused and the punishment short and sharp. Her last words were direct and dangerous, and yet I wonder why she didn’t merely kill him after that.

Pick of the Week

Guilt
Tatooine92

PostKOTOR: What can Revan do to atone?

The piece is heart wrenching as the main character destroys what little is left of her life. The ending is enigmatic, and I wonder as well if Revan’s spirit reached out to write that last heartfelt note.

Pick of the Week

Pre-KotOR Journal's - entry 1 - Faline Hart
Exile Faline

PreKOTOR: The Exile gets in trouble

The story is well written, but there are problems with it as other reviewers have commented. I do not throw out psychological tags as heavily as some, but I do think she is hot headed, and that should have been trained out of her after a minimum of eight to ten years.

Sisters
Saphyre

PreKOTOR: Three friends swear an eternal bond

The piece is a bit funny and giddy at the start, three friends sneaking out to spend some time together. Like a lot of secret societies, there is perceived danger, self mutilation, and of course, candles and drinking.

What is especially interesting is who these three became. Their personalities, as the last section shows, all changed from who they had been, and who they were now. That, as the narrator commented, is not always a good thing.

Pick of the Week

A New Line of Work
Sir Boss

PreTSL: After her Exile, she has to find something to do.

You have already been praised for the back story, but I praise the fight scene. Most people just have them start, then it’s over. You set up and followed a flow of movement that made the fight real. With that along with the other things you have been praised for, this is one excellent slice of her life.

The only negatives I can think of is a spelling error, and the need to edit; but as those who have suffered beneath my keyboard before will tell you, everyone, even I or a professional, have to remember that.

On a technical note, however, the comment that only a Jedi could strike behind herself in such a manner is invalid. All people who learn swordsmanship are taught to develop what is a called a sense of the point; knowing where the point of your blade is during a fight. You also learn where not to strike, so you don’t accidentally stick it into yourself. Some people never learn, but those who become good or for long enough do, and after four years of warfare, I would assume she would know that without being a Jedi.

Pick of the week

Not a Very Happy Birthday
Katara Ironarm

PostKOTOR: Not a very happy day for the dark lord

An odd place for the thoughts of so one assumed to be so evil to catch upon. The piece is deep in introspection, and the idea that it was her birthday just pounded the nails deeper. She didn’t think of any happy memories she might have, but on what might have been, and that makes it even darker and more sad.

Pick of the Week

Destroyers
Elena

PreKOTOR: What Malak wants

The piece was curious. Most seven year olds have trouble deciding what kind of cake they want with their ice cream. To want power at that age is a bit adult. The boy is growing up too fast in my view. I was a bit disturbed at the end because of the self mutilation.

Dark Redemption
Ryusui

KOTOR on the Star Forge: She will bend the galaxy to her will to save it.

You used the wrong word or misspelled them naiveté not navity. Lose, not loose. Beyond that all I saw was editing problems.

You followed a slightly different path from the one I did, but having Revan go to the dark side not to destroy the Republic but to save it is what I had done in my own work.

The Game of Jealousy - Part 1
AkiraLamont

TSL on Dantooine: So who is jealous?

The only thing I didn’t buy was the crash landing, though something close to it would have been just as much fun. Having her throw herself at the Disciple was a cute bit of fluff and aiming him like a missile at Atton looks good.

Why Revan doesn’t Drive
Joysweeper

PreMandalorian Wars: A simple drive across Coruscant to the Temple. But Revan is driving…

The piece is fun, and the description of the dickering, then yelping during the driving was very good. She reminds me sort of myself behind the wheel; I don’t like it though I can


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 02-12-2010, 01:31 PM   #1098
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Originally Posted by machievelli View Post
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Doctor Who: Beyond Death
Alkonium

NonSW: When the Doctor dies for the final time, he doesn’t find what he expected.

Remember conversation breaks. It was a bit confusing though I could keep track of who was talking.

DI was correct in that we didn’t find out much. Calling a character cardboard is a bit much because whenever you use someone else’s universe, it is assumed that you know the characters well enough to follow along. How often does a fan fic describe Luke Chewie or Han after all? Part of the reason I limit my fan fic reading because if I don’t follow the show, how am I to know the character?
All the characters were, in theory, Alkonium's own inventions.

See also:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regeneration_(Doctor_Who)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doctor_(Doctor_Who)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Master_(Doctor_Who)



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Old 02-12-2010, 03:34 PM   #1099
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Darth InSidious View Post
What I meant DI is having seen perhaps four episodes of the show (And the Seven Doctors as I believe it was called), the show has one man who keeps regenerating (Which helps when the actor wants to leave the seriess) a sidekick who tends to change about twice as fast, and a bad guy worthy of the name.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 02-12-2010, 04:12 PM   #1100
Darth InSidious
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What I meant DI is having seen perhaps four episodes of the show (And the Seven Doctors as I believe it was called), the show has one man who keeps regenerating (Which helps when the actor wants to leave the seriess) a sidekick who tends to change about twice as fast, and a bad guy worthy of the name.
Well, I can't dispute that. I thought you perhaps thought that the characters described were already established and therefore needed no introduction - my point was simply that they hadn't, and so did.



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Old 02-19-2010, 11:52 AM   #1101
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Dark Side Female Revan

Trials of the Jedi
MakeriasChild

PostTSL : As the Exile’s followers struggle to put things back together, a team of bounty hunters captures a rich prize.

I have to agree with EM, because just when I’m getting a handle on the story, you jump the scene. But both scenes in and off themselves were good. Keep it up.

Lost Jedi, Dark Hero - Missing Scene - Arrival
Rakeesh

PreKOTOR: Canderous has to capture a stowaway… and finds a warrior

The scenes flowed well, and I enjoyed the fight scenes immensely. The movement and fighting was well laid out and portrayed. I understand the regrets he feels when Davik reveals his intentions.

One of those I wish I could read in toto.

Pick of the Week

When they were young: Of Trouble and Speeders
Skyeprism

PreKOTOR: Both Atton and Carth are having odd dreams… Are they related?

Remember conversation breaks. Think of them as rocks in the river, causing white water instead of allowing it to flow free.

Beyond that it was an interesting bit of fluff. Jixton fly so badly everyone is terrified, though I noticed it didn’t stop them from letting him get behind the wheel again. But I am curious too. Who is Jamilla?

Pick of the Week

That's The Cockpit Camera Fixed...
RiaJaynis

TSL after Nar Shaddaa: Well the camera did have to be fixed…

The piece caused me to chuckle, though like Bao Dur, I did wonder why they had a camera there.

There's No Such Thing As Luck...
RiaJaynis

PreKOTOR: Well it could have happened…

The piece is all dialogue, and would have been more confusing if people hadn’t bothered mentioning who they were talking too. By having it be Malak who had been captured instead of Revan, to goes yet another direction, and does at least explain how Malak lost his jaw. A lot of the dialogue was of the variety you would anticipate when trying to dance around the injuries; having one person tell him not to try to talk, which, without a jaw, he couldn’t do anyway.

Touching the Past, Chapter 1
Jiara

Ebon Hawk enroute to Nar Shaddaa: Why she didn’t remember Bao-Dur.

The question actually made me ‘correct’ the problem when I wrote my own TSL novel length piece. It would be like Oppenheimer not remembering Teller. The piece is intriguing, because she’s so desperate to remember, and he is so reticent about it.

Spitting Cherry Pits 1
Evil Shall Giggle

PreKOTOR: Sometimes, it is fun to break the rules.

The piece is cute and fluffy. Atris and the later Exile having fun at six, and even Vrook as a young man, but still the disapproving man. It gives you something of their lives few other have thought to cover.

Pick of the Week

In the Presence of Enemies: Act One
Scythe404

You forgot words in some of your sentences, and changed the character’s name near the end. Minor things, nothing an edit would not cure.

The look into the training Atton had received was interesting.

Wings
BrokenFate117

TSL After Malachor V: Clearing away the detritus of your old life usually means having to find out where you’re going.

The story is intriguing because you aren’t really sure where the character is going. She is already figuring who will leave, and who will stay. She appears to have lost any enjoyment she’s had in life, and wonders how to get rid of what remains. As a one shot, it’s superb, but maybe you’re going to extend it?

Pick of the Week

One Thousand Words
StarWars Chick

PostTSL: Bastila and her daughter wait for the man she loves

The piece is cute, especially comments about Rain. Having her make a comment that reminded Bastila of Mission. Having the kid comment about her father; ‘I can take him’ made her more than just the average little six year old. A lighter side to the reunions.

Pick of the Week

Stripped
Rotgutt

Mandalorian wars at Malachor V: Even without the Force…

The piece is really too short to make a call on. The focus goes from her, the Force torn from her, to the Mandalorian who leads the attack force who thinks of all the reasons he has for revenge, then back as she turns the tables. I was stunned by the hubris he showed more than the outcome.

Act 1: Prologue: The Ebon Hawk
Danni Mison

PreTSL: The scene is set

You should always remember to edit. You used fain (Archaic word meaning willingly) for example instead of feign(Fake). You lean too heavily on game terminology. I know the story is based on a game, but if someone reads it, they should not be reminded of it every other sentence. It breaks up the flow of the work.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 02-26-2010, 11:47 AM   #1102
machievelli
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Star Wars Kotor: Revan´s Diary
Queen of Night

PostKOTOR: Revan flees, and as she stops at the places they have visited, she says goodbye to her beloved dead.

The author is German, and the style is stilted because of that. However the feeling of the piece and Revan’s voice comes through even then. If you don’t mind some advice, let Tys or some other English speaker beta read your work.

Welcome to the forum, and I expect to see more from you.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Exile

Empress in Waiting
Aelis The Cat

PreKOTOR: The soon to be Exile realizes what Revan plans, and meets the man she would later mold.

The piece is interesting in that even though she realizes what Revan and Malak have planned for after the war, she still does nothing. You get the feeling that she is being pushed into her destiny by an hydraulic ram with no way to stop it.

Dark Side Female Revan

When they were young: Of Relaxation and Games
Skyeprism

Pre Mandalorian Wars: Follow on to, When they were young: Of Trouble and Speeders; Now Mission and Mira have their own dreams of the past

Remember conversation breaks. While the conversation is delineated, it is confusing for the reader.

The piece continues the dream lives of the four young Jedi. The characters are better defined now, Jamilla’s love of small animals, Raveina thinking little of Jixton’s sense of strategy, Arista’s studiousness. I wonder where all of these will lead?

Ice Roses: Desert
Skyeprism

PostTSL: The two followers of Revan and the Exile end up on Tatooine.

The piece flows well, and the descriptions are well conceived. The only problem I had with the work is a technical flaw.

Technical: Star Destroyer is not a generic term. It refers specifically to a class of ship that won’t exist for about 4,000 years. It would be like calling a Greek Trireme an Iowa Class Battleship.

Ice Roses: Kullde
Skyeprism

PostTSL: Having made friends, the followers gain transport for the remainder of their trip to Anchorhead.

The piece fits smoothly into the work done so far, and having a better description of Winter, I can now visualize her. The interplay of the conversation, and the back and forth acrimony of Corran and HK was choice.

Pick of the Week

The end of Malachor
Danni Mison

Mandalorian war at Malachor V: The order is given…

The piece is stark and unrelieved. The moments before the battle are tense, the actual fighting almost a relief. When the order is given both the soon to be Exile and Bao-Dur seem to be caught in the moment.

Lessons - Juhani
Lnicol1990
Ebon Hawk, outbound from Tatooine: Juhani and Revan both remember how Xor died.

The piece is well done, showing the anguish Juhani still feels. What intrigued me was having Revan convince her to give up her anger and not murder Xor, but then ordering HK to kill him.


Breech Birth
Rotgutt

20 odd years before the Mandalorian wars: Portents drive a new mother mad.

The piece was well done, but there were some technical problems I had with it. First. Why would the council, which in the KOTOR period had determined that attachments are wrong, arrange a marriage between one of their own and an outsider? That would show a diametric shift for the council we see later in KOTOR.

Second, how would they be able to restrain even a half trained Padawan for the months necessary to conceive a child? Except when the Sith were involved, you don’t see a lot of Jedi in durance vile.

Last, why did the King allow her to stay around considering her antipathy was so strong toward the baby? There have been historical incidents where the mother has been banished. Hagar in the Bible comes to mind, though that was before Ishmael was born.

Ice Roses: Family
Skyeprism

PostTSL: Continuation of the Ice Rose series, adding other characters and a new ship.

Improper word usage. Superfluous implies of little value, where as damage would be superficial. Reign means to rule, not to rein in. A council is a body of men, not a console, which is a panel you work on.

The piece fits snugly, and works well. The end point, as another said, is an excellent tease.

Ice Roses: Blocked
Skyeprism

PostTSL: Continuation of the Ice Rose series, the crew doesn’t settle in as much as pile up.

It’s funny watching poor Winter trying to meditate. The nicknames given by each of the men to the other along with HK still threatening to eliminate all and sundry would give me a headache as well.

Technical note; you blockade a planet, not barricade it.

Ice Roses: Pass
Skyeprism

PostTSL: Continuation of the Ice Rose series, getting past the docks requires a little side trip…

The piece continues to flow well though the legal problem is bizarre due to the Catch 22 nature. The practice of sending Star in a case like this smacked a bit of Fagin in Oliver Twist, but still it fit.


Ice Roses: Fiasco
Skyeprism

PostTSL: Continuation of the Ice Rose series, Comparisons to where Winter lived and the city of Iziz are not complimentary

The piece was fun primarily because of the differences between home and Iziz. Cleanliness, dealing with others, even wondering why she can’t merely travel rooftop to rooftop. Causing the scaffold to collapse because she might be to heavy, though she won’t admit it, and being dragged around like a tug of war rope by two guys who can’t stand each other made me chuckle.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 03-05-2010, 11:44 AM   #1103
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Star Wars Kotor: What if...
Queen of Night

KOTOR on Manaan: The title says it all

Remember conversation breaks. Even if you identify each speaker every time they talk it is confusing for the reader.

The idea that she would flee rather than continue made some sense, but after doing so, why come back then fall rather than kill Malak? It might have made sense for her to create a new team and come after Malak when he thought her dead.

Rekindled Rivalries
The Betrayer

NonSW: A war recommences

Remember to edit. In describing the Queen’s hair you first called her him, than her, There were a number of places where it needed polish.

The basics are good, but the first section was a bit too vague. Having the traitor killed made sense, but why reveal your presence in such a manner?

Lies
Ex Tenebris Lux
BeanLord56

NonSW: Beginning years in the future, the start of adventure looms for three friends.

The piece flowed very smoothly, albeit with a few ripples where you forgot words ‘The man walked over to where his staff was a picked up.’ as an example. Your main problem is editing and polishing. The characters are not full formed; we don’t know for example any one’s hair or eyes color, builds that kind of thing except for Galen the Principal and the Professor.

All in all an interesting read. Welcome to the forum

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Revan

Plan B
Prisoner24601 and Dinah Lance

PostKOTOR: Two unlikely allies join forces.

The piece is up to their usual standards, and a joy to read. It’s not often you see a Jedi’s family, and the grandfather here is just as arrogant as the Jedi themselves. His fury at learning who his granddaughter loves is well done.

Pick of the Week

Light Side Female Exile

Force Cages and Light Sabres: Peragus
SmileMandalore

I am sure what you meant, but amount was not it. You also misspelled depot.

An interesting piece, two Jedi for the price of one. This looks like it might get interesting.

Light Side Male Revan

Meet the Parent
TheJediSentinel

PostKOTOR: Revan finally gets a chance to talk to Helena… Oh joy.

The piece is cute and funny. Having Helena switch from domestic tyrant to frail old woman was a bit of a surprise, but her reactions as Revan recounts where they had traveled was even better. The bets Canderous and Carth had made were just icing on the cake.

Pick of the Week

Fall to Darkness
Indy26

No Specific time given in KOTOR: The swift fall to darkness.

Told in third person, the piece is dark and foreboding. Too short to really get a grasp on beyond that. But very chilling


Dark Side Female Revan

Mira's Out To Get Everyone's Credits
Katara Ironarm

TSL on Dxun: Anything to get him out of her hair

The piece is about Pazaak, and of course, Nar Shaddaa rules. My suggestion regarding the rough spots others commented on is to try the dialogue out loud. I know it sounds crazy, but the same technique is used by speechwriters to smooth the flow of words.

All in all a fun piece.

Playing with different toys
Grey Sith

PreKOTOR, Capture: The first meeting in a long time between Revan and a fellow member of the order

The piece is well written, the evil Lord just as urbane as any of James Bond’s foes, and just as chilling. The one thing I enjoyed most was the idea that even the Jedi use propaganda of a sort.

Darkening
Princess Artemis

KOTOR on Manaan: Revan makes another Onasi Conquest

The piece is delightful in it’s darkness. Revan being a little off balance as she creates a dark side path we have yet to follow, but enjoying herself.

Pick of the Week

Exercising Control
Tatooine92

PreKOTOR At Malachor V: Revan begins to build her new forces, one man at a time…

The piece was nice and coldly dark, almost vampiric in it’s setting. The voices of both Carth and Atton came through clearly, however how could this scene have occurred, yet have Carth not recognize her two years later on the Endar Spire?

Except for that, very good work.

Dead Letter
Lady Tragic

KOTOR on Star Forge: With Carth dead by her own hand, Revan gets a final goodbye

The piece is smooth, Revan cold and vicious as a snake. Her reaction to the letter is at once surprising yet perfect for the woman who is described.

Pick of the week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 03-12-2010, 11:52 AM   #1104
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The Story of the old Lady
Kreia001

TSL On Malachor V: Kreia remembers her past

Remember to edit. You left out a word in one sentence, ‘Something she (had) felt not in years‘, and the not should had been before felt. One reason I always tell people to edit is because the sentence is not properly constructed, while the sentence would still pass a spell check.

There really isn’t enough to get a feel for it yet.

Welcome to the forum.

Clone wars- The Experientals, prologue
greggomonkey

Pre-Clone Wars on Kamino: taking the various experimental clones, a new squad is being formed.

The piece sounds interesting, but I have a technical problem; Clones are grown in the tanks, true. But why would they be in them after gestation? I doubt you could halt the process without severe repercussions. A doctor can delay a delivery of a baby, but only when the fetus is still premature.

Welcome to the forum

Freedom
Writer

Imperial Era: a spy builds his sister’s dream

A recent competitor and tie winner for this month’s contest in Javyar’s Cantina, I always know it’s going to be a pretty good ride when Writer shows up.

The story is dark enough that you wonder exactly what is happening. He is accused by the police of murdering his sister, but we never got a resolution for that. His actions suggest otherwise.

Technical note: The construction was odd, primarily because you’re building a brand new ship here. To build it to schematics, you would need things like engine output already factored in, making the argument about the engine specious. With the technology of today, this is like building an F22 Raptor in your garage. Can it be done? Sure. It might take the four months Katlyn asked for.

Also parts cost more when it’s a once off instead of a production model. Part of the reason for the massive amounts paid for modern aircraft is the fact that there aren’t a lot of them made. A Sten gun at the end of the war cost 9 dollars to produce, a P51, 12,000 dollars. Compare that to the price tag on the new Joint Strike Fighter. The ship probably cost about a quarter of that 6 billion paid.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Exile

Infinite Ardency
Exile499

TSL on Korriban: The Exile discovers part of herself in the tomb…

You missed putting in words in some places, ‘I backed away from the body and returned course.’ for example probably needs ‘to my’.

The piece is interesting in that some of the flashbacks are of those dead from KOTOR instead. The tomb was merely the one room, but that one was an interesting take on the scene.

Light Side Male Exile

The Holocron Confessions: In the Beginning
TheJediSentinel

Beginning pre-KOTOR: Let’s look at the diary…

The piece is light and bubbly, bringing with it the breath of youth. It would be interesting to follow.

Dark Side Female Revan

Before the Long Night
Darth Balatro

3 Years Post KOTOR: As Revan’s fleet comes against Coruscant, two old lovers now rivals say their last goodbyes.

The piece is so rich in malevolence, it is like 90% chocolate; no sweetness remaining, only the bitter taste. The litany of what Revan had done to attain the Star Forge again is deep and dark, and the worry that she doesn’t feel anything any more bothers her even if she wins.

Pick of the Week.

Fire and Ice
Lady Tragic

Post TSL: The final confrontation between Revan and the Exile.

The story was well laid out, though as another commented the long drawn out verbal sparring could have been reduced. The fight, and what is called the ‘dead man’s ten seconds’ ending was perfect. I had to agree with Revan’s final assessment. It would have been hell if Revan won, but would it be any better with the Exile in charge instead?

Pick of the Week

Fire in the Crucible
Ghando

Pre-KOTOR: The soon to be Exile escapes from Revan to return and face judgment.

The work needs polishing and rereading. There were a number of times you used the wrong words; I think you meant detestation or contempt instead of detest . Week instead of weak, that kind of thing. This caused the read to be a little bumpy. All in all a good work, but remember to edit next time.


Breathing
Joysweeper

Pre KOTOR: Revan suffers a near death experience.

The piece was a lot of fun. Revan contemplating being a ghost, expecting to wait patiently for Malak to finally notice, Bastila using CPR and wondering why her patient won’t breathe, because she herself is holding her breath, considering capture and interrogation. All of it stuffed into the work

Pick of the Week

Switching Alliances
Jedi-Kari

Post KOTOR: With a new plan to woo her love back to her, Darth Revan heads for Telos

The piece seemed a bit rushed to me. Having the girl they had kidnapped learn three saber forms in the flight to the ship was a bit much. I did like Revan’s flippant attitude toward her ship’s damage.

Technical Note: It is unlikely that Citadel Station had been constructed yet. Working to restore the planet would be important, but by the same token military necessity would preclude anything beyond planning until the threat from the Sith had been reduced or ended.

Turned to My Cause
Aster Corbett

Post-KOTOR: Revan has Carth where she wants him in more ways than one.

I thoroughly enjoyed this work. The first person I have seen who treats Revan’s desires for Carth as something to attain. She did use her power of the dark, not to torment him, but to change his mind literally.

I am still bothered by him wanting power, since power is ephemeral. Mere loyalty should have been enough. But it didn’t detract from the end product.

Pick of the Week

I'll Never Let You Die
Satiar

KOTOR Aboard Leviathan: Revan tries to get her two wishes in life fulfilled.

The piece was a confusing chiaroscuro almost like an Escher painting. Revan’s mind whiplashes from point to point. It was confusing, it was irritating, it was still good enough to read all the way through.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 03-12-2010, 01:27 PM   #1105
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Thanks for the technical notes, Mach. I figured Kat's estimate for completion time was far more accurate than the rushed deadline Slade requested. I also figured that Elias Bord could make things happen at a faster pace, especially with part of six billion credits, plus his own money to throw around. I never explained him very much either, but he and Slade have had some interesting adventures together, which is why Elias is so unwilling to work with him... unless there's an insane amount of money involved.

This was sort of intended as a continuation to my other story, "Conspiracy, Betrayal, Destiny", but the only reason that's remotely evident is the inclusion of Slade. I think I'll have to write a lot more to solidify that link, plus what happens after the construction of the Freedom.


Mom tells me I need brain food... but if writing ain't that, I don't know what is!

My work in progress:
Hidden Histories: The Galaxy Hacker

Have a read, give a review, yah?
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Old 03-19-2010, 12:04 PM   #1106
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The Rise and Fall of the HK Units
Holty1-5

Twelve years after Malachor V

It’s scrap (junk) not scarp (Steep slope), may, not my, thrilled not trilled. The second inside in ‘Ramos inside several of the Biggest Lords of Sleheyron were inside discussing’ should be removed.

The piece is pretty good, considering what I tagged above. The killing of Kan’oka
made perfect sense, after all he was told to kill the entire Family. But laying the blame for his ethics program on Ganoka did not make sense. More likely it had been removed by Revan.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Male Revan

It's Traditional
TheJediSentinel

Post KOTOR: It seems everything is linked to tradition.

The piece was funny, crisp, and hilarious. Having Bastila get into a dither because of her mother’s question and misapprehending it was choice. That and the sleeping arrangements.

Like another reviewer, I’m waiting to see what the next bet will be.

Pick of the Week

Dark Side Female Revan

Bondage
Satiar

KOTOR on Korriban: She says it’s all for love…

The piece is so dark, you almost need a flashlight. The explanation of how long Lord Revan has been inside her own head after they supposedly wiped her mind explains a lot about what is happening. Her torture of Bastila is interesting in that she brought as many supplies as she thought she would need, and was correct in that assumption. This suggests she has used the method before and timed it out just right. Chilling.

Pick of the Week

The Kath Hounds (One of Three)
Satiar

Pre KOTOR: Revan tries to deal with her own sinking into madness, and Bastila as an opponent

The piece is almost clinical in how the author dissects Revan’s mind. Her injuries at Mandalorian hands, her anger at being beaten by a girl who now is being touted as the ‘good’ Revan’s reincarnation, all mixes with terror that the Star Forge is driving her further into madness.

Pick of the Week

The Corporal's Destiny
Satiar

Pre KOTOR: The capture of Revan seen from another view.

The piece is good with all the frenetic action you would expect from real combat. The scene parallels the way my own Revan became who she was, but in such a way I wish I had considered using it myself.

Pick of the Week

Goodbye
PrincessJaden

KOTOR on the Star Forge: Only one remains

The piece was a surprise at the end. Her last chance at redemption ends with a whimper and now there is nothing.

Holding On part 1
TehRyder

KOTOR aboard the Ebon Hawk: Maybe he can help, if she will let him.

The piece is quiet and introspective. We get a good look at the thoughts of Carth, and how they revolve around Revan. The little snippet of her supposed life reveals why she is so efficient in her reactions.

King Nothing
Lord Zeuss

Pre KOTOR: Jaq has to escape his new fate

The piece is well written, with an eye to the intelligence side of operations. There were some words that needed to be changed, faced instead of face, but nothing an edit would not cure. His escape was well done, convincing them long enough to get free.

Technical note: A garrote wire would slice through your hands as easily as it would a neck, and even using leather padding, it would hurt. That is why it has handles. It would also is not long enough to catch two men unless they were standing back to back.

Gone
Tanuviel

KOTOR on the unknown Planet: The Fall of Revan seen through the eyes of her last victims

The piece is a collage of the crew as they witness Revan’s second fall. The last thoughts in a number of them show shining courage, love, and fury

What if?
NyghtRaven

Pre KOTOR: One little change and the world is different

The scene is the one remembered in flashbacks, Revan facing the Jedi on her ship, then the Leviathan fires… But what if Revan had not been struck down right then? The piece is simple, almost minimalist, but show what happens with a smooth glide. Only Malak coming to his death like a sacrificial lamb did not feel right.

Pick of the Week

Rainy Days and Bloodlust
NyghtRaven

Pre KOTOR: Even Revan can have a bad day

The piece is interesting in that instead of seeing her as a monolithic figure, we see Revan almost as a petulant child frustrated with the weather and wanting to hurt something or someone. The two who die were dispatched with all the emotion of a child ripping the wings off of a fly, and the boredom returns just as fast.

Pick of the Week

Listen to the Stars
NyghtRaven

Pre KOTOR: Even as a child, there had always been the stars.

The story sweeps from childhood until the finding of the Star Forge, and every step of the way, only the stars were constant. Revan changes so incrementally that she is like the portrait of Dorian Gray, the darkness creeping in until now she shows the evil. Yet in there is still that little girl listening to the stars.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 03-22-2010, 05:28 PM   #1107
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Quote:


The piece is pretty good, considering what I tagged above. The killing of Kan’oka
made perfect sense, after all he was told to kill the entire Family.
But laying the blame for his ethics program on Ganoka did not make sense. More likely it had been removed by Revan
.

Thanks i was trying to figure out a better way to explain HK programming being removed, I thought of the Idea as i thought Hutts wouldnt be very good with technology

still thanks for the nice review :P

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Old 03-23-2010, 11:25 AM   #1108
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To anyone interested; kotorfanmedia had been shut down due to their rental expiring on the18th. With the ennui I find scant works to review.

If anyone has additional sites to add to our list, kindly let me know.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 03-25-2010, 12:54 PM   #1109
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thank you

Quote:
Originally Posted by machievelli View Post
To anyone interested; kotorfanmedia had been shut down due to their rental expiring on the18th. With the ennui I find scant works to review.

If anyone has additional sites to add to our list, kindly let me know.
To quote the immortal words of Luke Skywalker, “I care.” I want to thank you, Machievelli, for all your years of reviews and recommendations. I've been reading your reviews at starwarsknights.com each Friday during lunch, and am very sad to see kotorfanmedia.com disappear. I was a member at the site for several years, and only recently have had time to start posting reviews there. I was following it even at the previous site, kotorfanfic.com, but I suppose this is the way of things, especially on the internet. I am at least glad to have been able to read the conclusion to Prisoner24601's story of Minuet Avery, and her stories co-written with Dinah Lance, before the site went dark; this was probably the first fanfic I ever read, and I suppose there is a symmetry to it being one of the last at the site. There appears to be another, separate, site of old republic fanfic, old-republic.com/fanfiction/ , but I haven't had a chance to look at any of the stories, let alone make a recommendation.

Regardless, thank you!
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Old 03-25-2010, 03:32 PM   #1110
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaffaCoffee View Post
To quote the immortal words of Luke Skywalker, “I care.” I want to thank you, Machievelli, for all your years of reviews and recommendations. I've been reading your reviews at starwarsknights.com each Friday during lunch, and am very sad to see kotorfanmedia.com disappear. I was a member at the site for several years, and only recently have had time to start posting reviews there. I was following it even at the previous site, kotorfanfic.com, but I suppose this is the way of things, especially on the internet. I am at least glad to have been able to read the conclusion to Prisoner24601's story of Minuet Avery, and her stories co-written with Dinah Lance, before the site went dark; this was probably the first fanfic I ever read, and I suppose there is a symmetry to it being one of the last at the site. There appears to be another, separate, site of old republic fanfic, old-republic.com/fanfiction/ , but I haven't had a chance to look at any of the stories, let alone make a recommendation.

Regardless, thank you!
Thank you for bothering to reply. I had not lost hope, but I did worry.

Maybe someone of our mods has connections over there.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 03-26-2010, 11:49 AM   #1111
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There are other SW based forums here, but I am an old man who doesn’t have enough hours in the day to check every thread in every forum on each site to try to find some things to review. I had asked our mods to talk to their mods, do lunch, and see if we could combine all the stories in one place, but so far I have heard nothing back. So with kotorfanmedia either in limbo or last, this is what I have this week.

The True War

exoduz
Post TSL: Revan, the Exile, and their combined teams go into the final battle.

It’s Corporal, not copereal, Sith, not Sithian, shocked not volted. The piece is as confusing as a real battle, but far too short to even have two chapters as yet.

the force unleashed 2:fatal assasin
exoduz

An undetermined time after KOTOR: A prisoner is given a second chance

The word assailant was improperly used. What you are asking is that your character beat up the Jedi Council. Enough people have ragged on you that I see no further need to comment.

the life of darth revan
exoduz

Post TSL: Mical studies the life of Revan

The piece is far too short. As an example, I would be able to find out a lot more than this about someone like the obscure Otto Skorzeny in just a few hours of Internet surfing.

You portray the later Exile all most as a thug. It’s unlikely he would have been more than apprentice with an attitude like that.

My English Assignment (Historical Fiction) VOYAGE OF THE DAMNED
Te Darasuum Mandalor

Non SW Fiction: A man sets out on his last voyage

The sentence For I long I was back home in Plymouth is confusing It would be better as ’How I long to be back home in Plymouth’. It’s ‘in (the) Starlight Tavern’.

You’re mixing Star Trek with history. Cook’s middle name was not Tiberius, but Kirk’s was.

Technical note: Since England and America were not at war in the 1820s, a ship taking one of their ships would not be a privateer, it would be a pirate. Also, the idea of ransom for prisoners had gone out of vogue five centuries earlier.

On the military discipline level, the comment by one of the sailors to the captain was a flogging offense, even if it had been a merchant vessel rather than a warship. Not showing proper respect (saluting) is defined as showing lack of respect to an officer. Again, a flogging offense, as is a common sailor calling an officer despicable. Why do you think you hear ‘with all due respect’ or ‘request permission to speak freely’ when Military officers decide to question a senior officer’s judgment? It limit’s the official animosity.

You do show one flogging, but the standard is 15, not four, and the punishment is carried out not by the marines, but by the ship’s master at arms or one of the mates. They would also use one of the hatch grates, not a mast.

The distance from the Cape of Good Hope is far shorter than via Cape Horn, and steam ships of that era were still full masted ships, meaning they would be in just as much danger as a full-rigged naval vessel.

Hurricane begin along the equator, not at almost 70 degree south latitude.

The piece was a good read all of the above notwithstanding. These are errors only in timing and lack of experience in the times you were portraying, and knowledge of geography. I will expect better in the future.

the adventures of major galorda
exoduz

Pre KOTOR: The rise of a warrior

Beyond it being too short, most of the comments I have are technical.

Technical notes. The time is too short for a mere PFC to move from that rank to Major. You have the equivalent of Audie Murphy rising like a meteor through the ranks. In the Two odd years (The same time you have for Galorda to have served) Murphy went from Corporal to 1st Lieutenant, three ranks junior. Having a private give orders to someone who would probably have been a junior lieutenant (Carth) and have them obeyed does not make a whole lot of sense. To have him jump that many ranks is a bit much since Murphy after his first campaign only gained the rank of Corporal.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 03-27-2010, 12:34 PM   #1112
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Quote:
Originally Posted by machievelli View Post
To anyone interested; kotorfanmedia had been shut down due to their rental expiring on the18th. With the ennui I find scant works to review.

If anyone has additional sites to add to our list, kindly let me know.
What about www.fanfiction.net? There's a pretty strong Star Wars presence in both the Movies and Games categories.
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Old 03-27-2010, 02:20 PM   #1113
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Thanks, I will check them out.

What I would like really is for all of the mods from the other SW forums here to get together and send their fictional works over here, or at least link them as the Mods here have done so I am notified when something new is posted.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 03-29-2010, 05:50 PM   #1114
DarthMuffin
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I faintly remember kotorfanmedia temporarily going down in such a manner a few years ago (or perhaps that was when they did they kotorfanfic->media change?), so I dare keep my hopes up for a while. I actually came here just now to see if anyone knew a moderator or administrator over there, it would be nice to have some answers. It's a shame because there were tons of high-quality fictions on that site, and it was still reasonably active.

More on-topic, I know some people from kotorfanmedia also uploaded their works on fanfiction.net, so perhaps traffic will redirect there should kotorfanmedia truly snuffs it.


~Dark Cupcake of the Sith
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Old 03-31-2010, 07:04 PM   #1115
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Quote:
Originally Posted by machievelli View Post
Thanks, I will check them out.

What I would like really is for all of the mods from the other SW forums here to get together and send their fictional works over here, or at least link them as the Mods here have done so I am notified when something new is posted.
I'm glad someone beat me to the punch - yes, there are several stories at fanfiction.net that are either continuations, or duplicates of the stories on kotorfanmedia (or in some cases the older kotorfanfic) site, or are new works altogether. A few of my favorites are:


The Prodigal Saga and its prequel, Shadowlands, by Strict31:
http://www.fanfiction.net/u/778155/


The Minuet Avery Revan stories by Prisoner 24601 and Dinah Lance:
http://www.fanfiction.net/u/561214/
and vice-versa:
http://www.fanfiction.net/u/795906/Dinah_Lance

and
Fractured Souls by Rhyska Nevar
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3050696/1/
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Old 04-01-2010, 01:20 AM   #1116
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Old one from the kotorfanfic era:
Revenant by Hobnob-rev.


~Dark Cupcake of the Sith
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Old 04-02-2010, 11:51 AM   #1117
machievelli
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Well last week I wasn’t sure what I would be doing. Kotorfanmedia seems to be dead, and you guys have been less than prolific here at LF. I had put out feelers to the mods in the other SW based forums here, but have only received a reply today.

I put a call out on the column here and Ryl00, Darth Muffin, and KaffaCoffee all suggested the same thing;

Fanfiction.net , which has a lot of stuff which is good. So today for the first time, your critic brings reviews from there.

There Is No Passion, There is Love
Madison Desdemona

KOTOR on Korriban: Finding love is hard work

Some problems with homonyms, an editing problem, nothing more.

The piece is short and interesting. The interplay of what they are doing and thinking is very well portrayed. As much as Bastila wants to deny it, sleeping in his arms says as much about how she feels as she is denying.

Things Left Behind
Jest'lyn Tal

KOTOR aboard Star Forge: With the climactic confrontation over, Revan can be at peace, or can she?

The author says this is the first fan fic, but wow! It is like the end of my own KOTOR novel, a weary Revan wanting now only to go to rest. The end surprised me only in that there is someone still there.

Pick of the Week.

Knights of the Old Republic: Tabula Rasa
WysdomsGirl

KOTOR enroute to Manaan: Revan and Carth deal with the revelation of her past.

There is a little box here that tells you how many stories an author has posted. WysdomsGirl only has one.

A pity. I would have loved to see more of this author’s work.

The piece rips into the façade created by the Jedi council, reduces it to shreds, and still isn’t enough to fight the pain. Having Carth accept her so readily is a bit much, but knowing how much they had gone through up to this point his volte face when he discovered she was Revan was a bit over the top too.

Pick of the Week

Old Friends and New Beginnings
Araceli

Post KOTOR: Revan needs saving, and Carth is just the one to do it.

Bared(stripped) should be bore. An editing problem

The story covers what few others have. Would the Council fight so hard to end their relationship? And if they did, how far would it push these two characters? An excellent read.

Star Wars Galaxies: Mythril Crisis
Andrin

Star Wars Galaxies: Life and time in Mos Eisley

You tend to use homonyms, butt (Water barrel) instead of but (Instead). You also have run on paragraphs. The first assignment you have them on runs through what should be four paragraphs. Remember; a sentence is an idea, a paragraph is that idea converted into written form. When the idea changes, another paragraph should be created. There are times when you forgot to complete words. You also tend to drone on. Time passes, but it doesn’t really move.

All the above are editing problems. Remember to reread your work, edit it, then rewrite it. This makes a story smoother. The smoother it is, the easier it is to read; the more fun it is for the reader.

Ever After
Reign

KOTOR after the Star Forge: Two of our heroes wonder what will happen next.

The piece is slow and contemplative. They know they cannot go back to what had been, but are unsure of the future. But there is hope there.

Cumulus
Daeana

KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: The hero watches what will happen with faint amusement.

The piece is a generic retelling of the fight aboard the ship. There isn’t much beyond that except for a satirical mental sidebar. Calling Trask a walking tutorial
Which when you think of it, is exactly what he is.

Remembrance: Trapped
Risokura

Post KOTOR: Revan struggles inside her own mind with what might have been, and who she had been before.

The piece is interesting in that even though the battle has been one and the character redeemed, she still dwells on what might have been. Killing Bastila when the truth was revealed, losing to Malak on the Star Forge, and at the same time clings to the one thing in the universe that appears constant.

Revelation: Daybreak
Risokura

Post KOTOR: Revan struggles through post traumatic stress, dreaming of the past, and worried about the future.

You forgot some words. ‘I touched my I crying’ is just the first example. The primary problem I believe is lack of editing. Remember to reread, edit and rewrite. Should be infirmary.

An interesting take on Revan, not the stark warrior or the perfect Jedi. Rather the woman who is having nightmares of what had happened, and yearning toward that golden past before she had gone to war.

Revelation
ottgeekgirl

Post KOTOR: As Revan’s memories return, she sees what she had been more clearly.

The piece just flows through, without a ripple. The scenes are well laid out, though the jump from the Enclave to the ship, then back again is a bit abrupt. Well done.

Under Immune
Arrow

Post KOTOR: Being sick is no fun

This is a light hearted little piece, with Revan being the petulant sick little girl who won’t admit it. I noted the comments about misspellings, I just wish I had read it early enough to see them.

Pick of the Week

Ties That Bond
Arrow

Pre KOTOR: Malak and Revan meet and become friende
This line, ‘Calling upon the code at times of indiscretion warrants greatly’ confused me. It should be quite, not quiet.

The piece is fun because we rarely see this part of their lives. Revan before she is ten, Malak unsure of what he must do, sure, Revan is just proving herself better. The end is preordained, but well wrought.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 04-09-2010, 11:00 AM   #1118
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Coruscant Entertainment Center

the exploits of canderous ordo
Exoduz

Post TSL aboard the Ebon Hawk: Canderous rambling on

The remarks by Holty were well considered. You haven’t given us a whole lot in this ‘chapter’. Canderous comes across as an old man with a wandering mind.

Fanfiction.net

From the Ashes
Prisoner24601

KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: The scenes in the flash-back are well laid out, both Min and Carth think the same things about the same two people in an amusing manner. The combat scenes were sheer blackness and howling terror. As good as anything I have seen from this author, and I only wish the other stuff I reviewed over at kotorfanmedia was still accessible.

Pick of the Week

Resolution: Bound
Risokura

Post KOTOR: Sequel to Revelation: Daybreak, the ship arrives at Coruscant.

Awkward sentence structure; ‘long hair brought out (the) more of the features of my face’ the word in parentheses was unnecessary. You also forgot a conversation break. Improper word usage, common instead of come on, were instead of we’re. the problems mentioned are merely editing problems. Remember to reread and rewrite.

The piece is well done, with the flashbacks maybe Malak communicating, maybe just her memory returning. The little girl we see is a handful, and we never saw Revan as a prankster in the game. We get more depth in the child and the friend she had been.

A Step Away
Icey Cold

KOTOR after the Star Forge: The Council has decided, but what does she really want?

be atoned should merely be atone.

The piece flows well, the sand castle building a good metaphor for her own thoughts. She still sees herself dying gloriously, but is the sea her own memories or the Council’s machinations?

Pick of the Week

The Greatest Literary Masterpiece of All Time
Nick Flavor

No specific time: An incoherent burst of fun

The piece had little rhyme, and almost no rhythm. The main character is both an 18 year old girl, and someone’s pet dog somehow. Go figure, that was the most sensible sentence in the entire work.

Admittedly it was funny, but I am a bit of a canon Nazi and ‘a long time a go, in a galaxy far, far away’ keeps ringing when I read this. It was cute, light totally clueless, and vaguely disturbing.

The Way Home Light Side A KotOR FanFic
Ploobywoo

KOTOR After the Star Forge: Revan and Carth think about what will come.

The piece is fun in it’s own way. Revan still trying to deal with the aftermath, Carth trying to hold her together. Having Jolee sticking his head in occasionally as if nothing of importance is happening is like a little streak of chocolate in a mint. The main characters are to busy being together to plan much.

A fun read.

The Way Home (Dark Side Redemption)
Ploobywoo

KOTOR aboard Star Forge: As the end draws near, two lovers hold each other

I was stunned by this one. After reading it’s light side counterpart, I expected this one to be even darker, but the author surprised me. Carth being willing to die rather than have her use the dark side to save him wasn’t the surprise, it was that with him dying, she felt the place to be was where she was. The end was preordained, and I applaud it.

Pick of the Week

Vader's Rebellion
Purely

KOTOR on Lehon: The second fall of Revan

Only prequel, I’m not sure what i think yet. I’ll have the read the rest before I make a decision.

SW KotOR: Past, Present, and Future
Jayel Kenobi

KOTOR after the Star Forge: The battle is over. What now?

The piece is good because the events are so striking. As much as we believe ‘and they all live happily ever after’, the characters still have things they must deal with. The author’s Revan knows this, and worries herself into a frazzle. Unfortunately the author only wrote the one piece, so we’re left hanging.

A Lost Love
Ploobywoo

Post KOTOR: Carth has to deal with his love being gone, perhaps forever

The piece is interesting in that Carth now faces what his own wife had dealt with. Her love going into a war where he may never return. A poignant reversal that has him, like his wife, wanting to scream.

Pick of the Week

Darkness, Light and the Ever Present Truths
Icey Cold

Post KOTOR: Can they maintain a relationship?

The piece flowed well, and I was enjoying the banter. I had an idea who the woman was before it was revealed, but maybe it was just me hoping that someone you just happened to meet in a bar could analyze the problem and fix it because they weren’t part of it. The end was sublime.

Pick of the Week

Quirks, Similarities and Differences
Icey Cold

PostKOTOR: Trying to settle in together

It was interesting for them to still be on the Ebon Hawk considering what we had been told of their present mission. The relationship is moving, but they both have their little quirks, and Revan can’t keep from teasing him. The ending was choice, primarily because she does give a reason for staying there instead of their suite, and a perfectly good one too.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 04-13-2010, 08:32 AM   #1119
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Hey Machievelli,

Just wanted to let you know that KFM is back up with a new domain name at:

http://kotorfanmedia.net/

We had problems with our domain name (namely that the moderator that had all of the info about it was long gone and we couldn't get in contact with her). So we've moved the site until it can be resolved. Also, stay tuned as the site will probably be expanding in the near future. If you could help us spread the word about our new home, I'd be grateful.

Thanks for all of your hard work and the reviews for our readers. I know it means a lot to them.

-Prisoner24601
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Old 04-16-2010, 12:14 PM   #1120
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Darkest Dreams
Hope Estheim

Non-SW Fiction: A person witnesses a ritual, and becomes part of it

Remember to edit. You used hearth instead of earth, an easily typed accident that would pass a spell check but not rereading.

The piece is short, disturbing, and abrupt. The last I say because it seems more like a prologue than a story.

The Chronicles of Morbius
None223

Within a decade of Darth Bane: A boy finds his family slaughtered

Re-reviewed at the Author’s request

Donned means put on, not wearing. You mentioned mines to be sensed, but there was no mention of the boy seeing them. equip means to install, but equipped would have been correct.

The piece is moving forward, though you got a bit pedantic about describing the ship. There is little explanation of who has taken him and why. Beyond the fact that it is a man, there is no description of the captain, and almost no character development at all.

When you’re working with a well known character, You can just say that he is there and does something. If you say Chewbacca, I don’t need a description. But if Chewie meets someone, I need to know more than that.

Fanfiction.net

In My Head
Siren's Muse

TSL aboard the Ebon Hawk; At least he thinks about her sometimes…

The piece is interesting because the one think she hopes is happening, Atton thinking of her, is. It’s a simple wish, and one she gets fulfilled, even as she wins the game.

The Sith Diaries
Kosiah

Post-KOTOR: The Diaries of Revan’s journey

The paired words swear vow are repetitive. Each means the same thing.

The piece sorta snuck up on me. I considered maybe the character was dumb as a post, then I realized when trying to have food delivered from the hotel, that Revan was completely clueless. She came across as a stereotypical dumb blond and the intelligence didn’t increase when the Exile joins her on her solitary quest (Except for the Exile, of course)

Very amusing

If Only
Trevor X

KOTOR On the Star Forge: After succeeding in defeating Malak, Revan feels only regret

The piece is short, but has a lot of impact. As they flee the station, Revan isn’t thinking of victory, he’s thinking of all the lives lost because of him, including his friend. Very moving.

The Price of Power
ReforgedGaara

Spanning KOTOR to the Legacy of the Force: An ageless Sith contemplates his next move

The piece is a bit confusing, because this bad guy has been there to defeat every major good guy or bad guy since Revan. As an intro it’s intriguing.

Discipline
Icey Cold

TSL enroute to Onderon: The Exile remembers the year before she and the Jedi went to war

The piece is fun because you get to see an as yet unscarred Exile. Her reactions parallel so many others created by the authors in the fan fiction because she cannot ignore the plight of the people being killed, and does not understand why the council refuses to act. The idea that Revan intentionally broke the bond between them is a foretaste of what is to come.

Pick of the Week

kotorfanmedia

Spring Rain
SmileMandalore

Pre KOTOR on Telos: The death of Morgana, and the birth of Carth’s hate.

Rammed with should be slammed into or slammed down on. Ram implies to the mind a lateral motion.

The piece is interesting because it’s the first I have seen so far of the woman’s actual last moments. It was good, though I feel Carth overreacted.

An Apt Pupil
AthenaPrime

TSL on Malachor V: A twist on an Atton/Disciple death match

The piece is chilling. The fight short and sweet. The Disciple’s monologue at the end is choice.

Pick of the Week

The Legacy
Co-written by Delerius_Jedi and Prisoner24601

TSL on Dantooine: A suitable revenge

As the old saying goes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions; here we see what the Jedi Council wrought with their decision.

The piece is so dark, you almost need a flashlight to get through. The idea that in her mind the Exile went to the dark because she had lost everything in her life was not enough, the authors had to drive it home to Vrook in this manner was even better.

Waste Management
Winter Onasi

TSL on Dxun: The other two men in her life decide to get rid of Atton

The piece was so dark and twisted I understand why one commenter said they wouldn’t read it at night. The end was so choice. After all, they’re all of the dark side, right?

Pick of the Week

Atton’s Sacrifice
MandalorianJedi

TSL on Malachor V: With the Exile dead, Atton admits his love for…

The build up was well done, just a typical Atton vs Disciple from the look of it. The end was a surprise twist. Well, whatever floats your boat.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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