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Old 04-12-2011, 09:17 PM   #1
Darth Avlectus
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I'm here to relentlessly pursue you for unpaid taxes! You ARE being audited! HAHAHA!

Taxmaster is dead! He cannot save you now, and he cannot return!

I hereby declare: My reign is mighty and absolute! The Taxmaster cannot be reborn and he is NOT a real American.

And BTW Hulkamainia is dead as well because he was not a real American either.
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My subjects, YOU ARE DOOMED! Now pay up!!!!111!!!!!!1!!!!!!11!!!!!~11!


"I cant see S***! --YOU GO TO HELL!" --Tourettes guy
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Old 04-13-2011, 12:58 AM   #2
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B-B-But I keep telling you, I'm not Timothy Geithner.


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Old 04-13-2011, 01:11 AM   #3
Darth Avlectus
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No matter, fool! You are to be heavily taxed--and I shall come to your home and place of work to pursue you for unpaid taxes!!!!!11!!!1!!!!!!

HAAHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAA!


"I cant see S***! --YOU GO TO HELL!" --Tourettes guy
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Old 04-13-2011, 06:30 AM   #4
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*twirls mustachio*

What's this? The Americans' taxmaster is dead?! As was long expected by Her Majesty's government, the Americans are not fit to have their own government - they are incapable of protecting their taxmasters from death. It is only fitting that they bow down to Her Majesty's Imperial Tax Department, the one taxmaster that shall never die!

HAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Together, America shall be ours once again!


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Old 04-13-2011, 06:52 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabretooth
*twirls mustachio*

What's this? The Americans' taxmaster is dead?! As was long expected by Her Majesty's government, the Americans are not fit to have their own government - they are incapable of protecting their taxmasters from death. It is only fitting that they bow down to Her Majesty's Imperial Tax Department, the one taxmaster that shall never die!

HAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Together, America shall be ours once again!
I think this just about covers it.

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Old 04-13-2011, 09:47 AM   #6
Liverandbacon
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I think this just about covers it.

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Yeah, dream on, 51st state. I've been loving the "special" relationship.

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Old 04-13-2011, 03:30 PM   #7
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I think this just about covers it.

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Ah damn! You mean to tell me, that I'm going to have to start pronouncing my words like when I have a dentist's fingers in my mouth? Well that really sucks! I mean, who can afford a 24/7 dentist? They're not cheap you know.


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Old 04-13-2011, 05:44 PM   #8
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Oh by the way, I forgot to mention something. Many American English spellings are included in the OED. In fact, it prefers the American -ize to the 'proper' -ise.

The '-ize' is actually older, and '-ise' was adopted because the English wanted to be more like the French.

Oh yeah, and 'u' doesn't need to be 'reinstated', since the -or spelling is also older than -our. Again, trying to be more like the French.

Wait, I almost forgot! Aluminum is also older than 'Aluminium'!

Seems to me like America is the last bastion of proper English, while Britain let the language mutate because they wanted to be, of all things, more like the French.

Since we believe in freedom though, you can still speak your bastardized language, though these truths would probably hurt the British linguistic superiority complex.

Note: My own spelling varies between the two, since being born in England with one parent from either country (and 2 other citizenships, though they're tangential to this), raised and educated toddlerhood through high school in America , educated at university in England, and coming back to live in America, really confuses one on what is done how. However, the British should know the truth before they start declaring their English the 'real' type, lest they embarrass themselves. Just as Americans need to figure out that there are more than 2 English accents.



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Last edited by Liverandbacon; 04-13-2011 at 05:46 PM. Reason: added smilies cause I'm a bellend
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Old 04-13-2011, 05:52 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liverandbacon View Post
Oh by the way, I forgot to mention something. Many American English spellings are included in the OED. In fact, it prefers the American -ize to the 'proper' -ise.

The '-ize' is actually older, and '-ise' was adopted because the English wanted to be more like the French.

Oh yeah, and 'u' doesn't need to be 'reinstated', since the -or spelling is also older than -our. Again, trying to be more like the French.

Wait, I almost forgot! Aluminum is also older than 'Aluminium'!

Seems to me like America is the last bastion of proper English, while Britain let the language mutate because they wanted to be, of all things, more like the French.

Since we believe in freedom though, you can still speak your bastardized language, though these truths would probably hurt the British linguistic superiority complex.

Note: My own spelling varies between the two, since being born in England with one parent from either country (and 2 other citizenships, though they're tangential to this), raised and educated toddlerhood through high school in America , educated at university in England, and coming back to live in America, really confuses one on what is done how. However, the British should know the truth before they start declaring their English the 'real' type, lest they embarrass themselves. Just as Americans need to figure out that there are more than 2 English accents.


I concede, good sir, although I think we can both agree it's all one big bloody mess.

And what's this about clappers for bells?






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Old 04-13-2011, 06:27 PM   #10
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MUUUAhahahahahhahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Yes, there is nobody to save the American people from me. My minions Sabre and Astor shall raze the land and I shall rule with an iron fist!!! I will audit you and tax you unfairly! the 15th is my daaaaaay! HAAHAAAHAAA!

Your heroes Patrick Cox and Hulkamania are DEAD! DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEEAAAAAAD!



"I cant see S***! --YOU GO TO HELL!" --Tourettes guy
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Old 04-13-2011, 06:52 PM   #11
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Seriously American LFers, pay your taxes. I need to get paid. I promise I normally do things other than browse LF, just not right now since I'm recovering from injury/surgery. Oh, by the way, thanks for paying for my surgery and pain meds. Especially the meds.



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Old 04-13-2011, 07:04 PM   #12
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Freeloader.


Now, I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor, dumb bastard die for his country.---Patton

There is no room in this country for hyphenated Americanism.---Teddy Roosevelt

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.---Groucho

And if you all get killed, I'll piss on your graves.---Shaman Urdnot

How would you like to own a little bit of my foot in your ass.---Red Foreman
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Old 04-13-2011, 08:57 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by Liverandbacon View Post
Oh by the way, I forgot to mention something. Many American English spellings are included in the OED. In fact, it prefers the American -ize to the 'proper' -ise.

The '-ize' is actually older, and '-ise' was adopted because the English wanted to be more like the French.
The '-ize' is older yes, but English is not a language that follows rules, it follows convention. The OED is not the Académie française and on issues such as 'ize' and 'ise' I think this very much down to what the individual prefers. British English frequently preserves the spelling not of the word at its etymological root -- as the more rational American English does -- but of younger versions, often representing the language from which the word entered English. Thus, your other example, 'colour' bears the marks of coming into English from Old French/Anglo-Norman colour and couleur. 'Color' is closer to the Latin, but in English is a newer spelling. The reason for its widespread use in America is probably because of Renaissance philology and 18th century rationalism. I believe one of Webster's aims in writing his dictionary was to harmonise the language, it's a goal Samuel Johnson shared.

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Wait, I almost forgot! Aluminum is also older than 'Aluminium'!
It's a rather strange change but an understandable one given the fact that a lot of other elements end in -ium. Sodium, potassium, lithium etc.

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Seems to me like America is the last bastion of proper English, while Britain let the language mutate because they wanted to be, of all things, more like the French.
American English is always rather fascinating because it stands as being at once more developed and less developed than British 'Standard' English. America has preserved phrases like 'I guess' -- which Chaucer uses! -- and the rather archaic 'gotten', both of which are making a come back on this side of the pond. But at the same time, America seems to have suffered a severe drought which has damaged its adverb harvest, particularly on the West Coast. 'He ran quick', 'I'm good', 'This is real important'.

The idea of there being a 'proper' English is a rather peculiar one, especially given the number of dialects in England alone -- both rural and urban. And that's discounting all the colonial dialects that are developing out there, coloured by native vocabulary, accent, and sentence structure. I think the preferred idea is one of 'Englishes'. There is naturally a 'Stardard English' in each country, but that is a point of necessity for ease of communication.

Gif þu wilt Englisc beon wiðutan ænig Frecisce word, then you may as well speak Old English and even that isn't without influence from French. Languages influence one another, it's a part of language evolution. Our language has been enriched a thousand times over by the adoption of countless foreign words into our lexicon, or word hoard, to be Germanic about it.


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Old 04-13-2011, 10:33 PM   #14
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(Pavlos is originally British but is trying to be more like the French)


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Old 04-13-2011, 11:17 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pavlos View Post
The '-ize' is older yes, but English is not a language that follows rules, it follows convention. The OED is not the Académie française and on issues such as 'ize' and 'ise' I think this very much down to what the individual prefers.
Agreed, I mainly brought up the OED because the Declaration of ReDependance (or whatever it was called) posted above brought it up as the place misguided Americans should go to find real spellings. I wanted to point out the fact that such a suggestion would actually convince Americans that the English don't read their own dictionaries. I also agree on personal preference, especially since I slip back and forth between them due to how I grew up. (Though I attempt to maintain consistency of spelling throughout an individual post, paper, note, or what have you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pavlos View Post
Thus, your other example, 'colour' bears the marks of coming into English from Old French/Anglo-Norman colour and couleur. 'Color' is closer to the Latin, but in English is a newer spelling. The reason for its widespread use in America is probably because of Renaissance philology and 18th century rationalism. I believe one of Webster's aims in writing his dictionary was to harmonise the language, it's a goal Samuel Johnson shared.
This one's a bit odd. The original words borrowed from early Old French generally were ended with an -or or -ur. Some later ones came right across as -our. Even later, with the Norman conquest, Anglo-Norman made most of the -ur and -or words into -our, and English retained the change. The Renaissance changed things yet again by turning many -our words back into -or words, some of which had started as -or or -ur, though others were words that had always been -our. So, although there was a lot of switching back and forth, -or and -our both appeared early on, though -or was slightly more common at the start. Webster did indeed want to simplify and standardize spelling, and was responsible for changing even more -our words to -or, once again a mix of those that had always been -our and those that were originally -or.

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It's a rather strange change but an understandable one given the fact that a lot of other elements end in -ium. Sodium, potassium, lithium etc.
I think it started as alumium, became aluminum, and then aluminium. I vaguely remember that the -ium ending was more traditional in element naming at the time, which is likely the reason it changed. Of course, now there are plenty of -num elements; molybdenum, tantalum, platinum, lanthanum, etc.

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The idea of there being a 'proper' English is a rather peculiar one, especially given the number of dialects in England alone -- both rural and urban. And that's discounting all the colonial dialects that are developing out there, coloured by native vocabulary, accent, and sentence structure. I think the preferred idea is one of 'Englishes'. There is naturally a 'Stardard English' in each country, but that is a point of necessity for ease of communication.
Exactly. My argument is mainly a defense (or defence, if you prefer), against the countless English people who have asked me why my country refuses to learn 'real' English. Its function is to point out that by their own standards of 'real', American English might be more 'real' than British English. In the context of this thread, I was referring to the 'Declaration of ReDependance' and its claim of -ise, -our, and aluminium as examples of 'real' English that America dared twist.

Personally, I don't think there is a 'real' or 'proper' form of the English language, since it's in a constant state of evolution. The only unchanging languages are dead ones. As you pointed out, it's impossible to only accept 'original' English as 'proper', since languages swap so much back and forth between each other that English in it's 'purest' form wouldn't be remotely similar to what we know today. I just like pointing out certain facts to linguistic supremacists and making them upset.

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Freeloader.
Oh by the way, you also paid for my skydiving lessons a while back. In addition to paying for any skydiving done on business trips. Thanks buddy!

I don't want to sound greedy, but it seems strange how much money you're sending to CEOs who break their companies and are already rich, instead of me. (Or a slightly less worthy cause than me, like education or roads or curing vegetarianism or something.)



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Old 04-14-2011, 01:32 AM   #16
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Oh by the way, you also paid for my skydiving lessons a while back. In addition to paying for any skydiving done on business trips. Thanks buddy!
well, next time.....break a leg, it's on me (and the rest of us).

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.... curing vegetarianism or something.
Too late, no curing the damned.


Now, I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor, dumb bastard die for his country.---Patton

There is no room in this country for hyphenated Americanism.---Teddy Roosevelt

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.---Groucho

And if you all get killed, I'll piss on your graves.---Shaman Urdnot

How would you like to own a little bit of my foot in your ass.---Red Foreman
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Old 04-16-2011, 03:41 AM   #17
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Boy I tell ya what...never thought a joke thread would turn into a serious discussion about the English language.

OK. Joke is up.

I say Hulkamania and Patrick Cox, the Tax Master, are dead. Punchline:
Hulkamania will never die and...
Only <X, where X equals duos to infinity of repeat of last digits in post #... or just plain nothing> can kill the Tax Master.

So at that I leave you all with this:

View page
YouTube Video

You may all continue with the serious discussion of the English language.

Though I give you all my braining and my blessing.


"I cant see S***! --YOU GO TO HELL!" --Tourettes guy
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Old 04-16-2011, 04:21 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by GTA:SWcity View Post
Taxmaster is dead! He cannot save you now, and he cannot return!

I hereby declare: My reign is mighty and absolute! The Taxmaster cannot be reborn and he is NOT a real American.

And BTW Hulkamainia is dead as well because he was not a real American either.
Show spoiler


My subjects, YOU ARE DOOMED! Now pay up!!!!111!!!!!!1!!!!!!11!!!!!~11!
-pokes you with a stick- Oops. You're dead now... now who is our Taxmaster?
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Old 05-29-2011, 07:50 PM   #19
Darth Avlectus
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I'm still alive yo. And I'll get you all next time! NEXT TIME!!!!!!! Mwahuhahahahahaaaaa!


"I cant see S***! --YOU GO TO HELL!" --Tourettes guy
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