The Ruin a Wish Foundation

[Alkonium]

Granted, but it's so much in the vein of Portal that looking at the boxart drives you insane.

I wish for Dragon Age III to allow players to play as more than just humans.

[Darth Avlectus]

Granted, however, they still replace Jennifer Hale with an obnoxious voice acrtess, and in turn you are blamed. When upset customers get together they decide to bury EA in S***, literally. You just so happen to be in the building at the same time this goes on. The building and the business both implode.

I wish to see a polar bear violently dismembered and its parts (along with a video recording of the incident) shipped and delivered to a peta convention.

[Alkonium]

Granted, however, PETA's true colours show and they love it.

@GTA: Good thing BioWare's head office isn't even in the same country as EA's then!

I wish for PETA to rename themselves PUTA (basically swap ethical for unethical).

[Darth Avlectus]

Granted, unfortunately the similarity to the mexican word for "bitch" gives them an unexpected massive boost to popularity and EA's offices worldwide are $***-bombed.

I wish I could meet Tourettes Guy.

[Totenkopf]

Granted. You do everytime you look at yourself in the mirror.

I wish Red would boot Beavis and Buttheads in the @ss, sending them to Jupiter or Pluto.

[Alkonium]

Granted, but the wormhole necessary for something like that to happen won't close again.

I wish for the perfect opportunity to say "Where is your god now?".

[HockeyGoalie35]

Granted, The whole world got nuked, but you died before you could utter the words

I wish I had a Portal gun.

[Alkonium]

Granted, however you accident pop a portal on yourself, and it rips you apart.

I wish I had a pair of chainsaw spear gunchucks.

[Totenkopf]

Granted, but in an unfortunate case of "butterfingers", you die in a bloody mess while demonstrating, ironically, how not to use them.

I wish that youth lasted longer.

[Ulmont]

Granted. You can no longer give consent, have a beer, watch decent movies on the internet, drive a car, or vote. You can still be drafted into the military, though...

I wish I had at least eleven more wishes.

[Darth Avlectus]

Granted, but now you have Twenty Two bad things befall you as interest for granting all your extra wishes in advance instead of one at a time.

Originally Posted by Totenkopf

Granted. You do everytime you look at yourself in the mirror.

Allright then. You asked for it.

Show spoiler

F*** YOU! F*** YOU! F*** YOU IN THE @$$, Colonel Cluster F***!

Since I'm now Tourettes guy, I wish the garbage disposer sounded like Chewbacca taking a $***.

[Totenkopf]

Granted, but now your garbage disposal smells like it too and when you turn it on... wookie caca all over the kitchen. Enjoy.

I wish I'd let someone else answer this post.

Allright then. You asked for it.

So.....is that guy behind Bush the Tourettes guy?

[HockeyGoalie35]

Granted. This is hockeygoalie35's friend.


He wishes that he had a blender.

[Darth Avlectus]

Granted, he does, but he breaks the glass part and uses that and the spinning blade thing to maim unfortunate bastards all over your bedroom. I hope you like blood red for a paint job...along with bits and chunks of scalp and organs shred to ribbons.

I wish I made a lathe for metal out of a vacuum cleaner motor and several junk parts laying around and an audience with some beautiful women to watch my first demonstration of such an awesome makeshift device.

[HockeyGoalie35]

Granted, but it explodes, embeding itself into your ribcage.


I wish I had this on video.

[Darth Avlectus]

^^^You get it on video, but are convicted later for negligence failure to assist in an emergency. While you avoid prison, you spend the next 50 years on probation and my family and friends come after you for the video.

I wish I had Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunn as neighbors.

[HockeyGoalie35]

Granted, and you live happily ever after.

I wish I never asked for the video

[Darth Avlectus]

Granted, unfortunately this time around when the thing comes apart the piece meant for me merely knocks me over and breaks several ribs, and from that it is redirected and shatters both of your kneecaps. Now you have to deal with your legs and choose between being paraplegic or being in debt for titanium replacement knees after waiting 10 years anyways--from which you'll be in debt probably the rest of your life. Lots of luck!


I wish someone would drive a dumptruck into my friend's apartment since he hates that place.

[purifier]

Granted, but unfortunately now that his apartment has been destroyed, he has to live in the dump truck because he has nowhere else to go.





I wish there was a wishing well to wish upon.

[Sabretooth]

Granted, but you realise that inside the well is just a text-to-speech synthesizer linked to this thread.

I wish I could teleport instantly to the location of my favourite author at any given moment of time.

[HockeyGoalie35]

Granted, but you can only teleport to them when they are on the toilet, and you teleport directly below them.

I wish i had some combustible lemons.

[purifier]

Granted, but you accidently get blown up with that lemony smell and the
Pine-Sol woman appears out of nowhere and says: "That's the power of Pine-Sol, baby."







I wish HG35 had chosen less combustible fruit instead.

[Darth Avlectus]

Granted, unfortunately, it's 85 metric tons of rotten fruit all dumped on your house.

Originally Posted by purifier

Granted, but unfortunately now that his apartment has been destroyed, he has to live in the dump truck because he has nowhere else to go.

You have no idea of the hell just unleashed.


I wish Alan Grayson and Ed Schultz would team up and fight Bill Goldberg, so I can bet all my favorite dead horasiez on the guys.

[Totenkopf]

Granted, but you accidentally place your bets in favor of schultz/grayson b/c of a distraction courtesy of your neighbors Lloyd and Harry. When Goldberg finds out, he destroys you like he did the other two pansies. Fortunately for you, you die a happy man knowing he got them first.

I wish I bought a bunch of gold back in the 90s when it was still around $300/oz.

[HockeyGoalie35]

Granted, but you sold it at its lowest point.


I wish I remembered what I wanted to wish for...

[Darth Avlectus]

Granted, you remember what it was and wish for it and get it unfortunately you also remember why you wanted to forget it and forget to wish for it in the first place.

I wish the whole Vice City thing were real.

[Totenkopf]

Granted, but you're one of Tommy Vercetti's first victims. He even takes you out by crossing genres and hiring Red Foreman to put a boot up your @ss before putting it through your head. Say g'night, Gracie.

I wish LF would close down and get itself fixed properly instead of having all those continuous "minor" issues.

[HockeyGoalie35]

Granted, but it takes 5 years to completely be fixed.

I wish I had a bread slicer.

[Alkonium]

Granted, but you have no bread to slice with it.

I wish humans had a viable form of FTL travel.

[Darth Avlectus]

Granted: They do but it has a 75% likelihood the travelers will die.

I wish Mayor Bloomberg would puke all over himself and go die in someone's locker.

[greggomonkey]

Granted: That locker is your own.

I wish that I had the power. (He man reference)

[Alkonium]

Granted, you have the power to die simply by thinking about dying.

I wish it was 11-11-11 already.

[Darth Avlectus]

Granted. Time skips for you. Unfortunately you miss out on some hot orgy at your place on Halloween.

I wish I was one of the 10 people who will get this lightsaber:

YouTube Video

[Totenkopf]

Granted, but you are later relieved of it and brought up on charges of possessing stolen property. Well, what did you expect when you got it from Lloyd and Harry....

I wish movies looked more like movies and not tv when watching them on a hi-def 1080p tv.

[Darth Avlectus]

Granted but production costs are driven up so much nobody can afford them. Your 1080i hi def TV that you paid through the nose for is now almost completely useless in the ensuing crash.

I wish it started raining dead animals, literally, all over north America.

[Totenkopf]

Granted, it does and you are promptly blamed and burned at the stake for modern day witchcraft. Would you like some fries with that.....

I wish Torettes Guy would get a new gimmick.

[Darth Avlectus]

Granted: Tourettes guy gets a new gimmick but it isn't all that different from what he did before. Unfortunately this also is at your expense.

I wish Tourettes Guy would come to your town next to cause trouble.

[Alkonium]

Granted, but everyone just ignores him.

I wish Jersey Shore was cancelled.

[Totenkopf]

Granted, but it's replaced by some abomination called The Snooky Situation and you are put to death for inflicting this on everyone.

I wish my own indestructible Death Star that no one else could control (nor could they control me, either).

[Hallucination]

Granted, but the only controls to fire it are local, and the shields that make it indestructible? They cause major heat issues. Don't worry though, the Death Star can handle the heat. The occupants are another story. . .

I wish I didn't know Totenkopf misspelled "Snooki".