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Old 02-06-2009, 11:47 PM   #1
machievelli
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irreverent thoughts

I started this because I suddenly had a thought caused by watching some kids misbehaving. If anyone has any to add, please do;

Youngling Obiwan Kenobi walked into the store, headed for the clerk. "Give me a pack of smokes please."

"Where's you're ID?"

"You don't need to see my ID" Kenobi said, waving his hand.

"I don't need to see your Id."

"The boy is old enough." Kenobi waved his hand.

"He's old enough."

"Now hand me the the smokes and the change from the hundred credits I gave you."

"Obi Wan!" He spun, seeing Master Gui Gon Jin walking toward him.

"Oh Fierfeck."


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 02-07-2009, 02:42 AM   #2
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Oy, is this like a game in a way? Heh, if that is the case, then I shall add my own 'irreverant thought'



Young Master Yoda and his Padawan youngling, Mace Windu, walked down the crowded streets of Coruscant.

"So, young Windu, this mission of ours is to..."

"Meet the Senator and discuss dumb politics, I got it the first time around."

"Learn respect you must, be all lightsaber-happy idiots we cannot be, also, new haircut you need."

Windu sighed and quickly decided that he would shave his head at the first chance.

The two Jedi quickly entered a large bulding where they went to the top floor where Diplomatic relations were located, and also, their Twi-Lek senator Lara-Kee.

The two Jedi soon find the Senator, and Mace Windu is love struck.

Master Yoda bowed and said,"Master Yoda I am, my apprentice is this, young Windu..."

Windu's face was frozen in an expression of complete surprise," Umm...hi, you're hot."

The Senator was dumbstruck and Yoda frowned," Young Windu, revise the Code you must, check on security you will."

Windu sighed angrily and left the room. Yoda quickly leaned on a nearby chair and took out a comb, with which he combed his hair in a strange style.

He winked at the Senator and his voice completely changed.

"What's new, Babe?"


you very much
If a tree would fall in the woods.....would the other trees laugh at it?
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Old 02-07-2009, 08:20 PM   #3
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Okay, a friend of mine came up with this one.

Yoda is walking through the Jedi Temple on the way back from teaching a group of younglings, hobbling along, the tips of his ears drooping slightly. He mumbles to himself as he walks...

"Green. Hmph! Frog. Hmph! Ears like a gundark. HMPH!!! Not so small am I. Size matters not! Yes, size matters not! Keep saying that to myself I must! Control my anger I must...!" And so he goes, his ears twitching as he thinks of the scathing (and certainly untrue!) remarks of the smart-aleck children.

The next day, Yoda passes by Obi-Wan and Anakin in the hall, and his large little ears catch some of their conversation...

"Is THAT why you didn't choose a green crystal?"
"Well, I never could get it out of my mind that he was the color of bantha vomit. I'm sorry, Master, but I just couldn't take it!"
"Well, if you can fess up, I can. I thought he looked like something Dex scraped off the floor. Except that Dex would make it a more appetizing shade..."

Yoda stalks on, fuming, his little green ears turning pink at the tips. "Control--my--anger--I--must--must control...!"

The next day, Yoda is scheduled to dub a Padawan. So he stands on his little chair, trying to look big and important, the other Council members standing in a circle. The Padawan enters the darkened chamber, and all the Masters ignite their lightsabers. And Yoda's is the only green one. His hand starts shaking, and he clutches his saber in both hands. "CONTROL--MY ANGER--I--I--AHHHHH!!!!!!" He dubs the Padawan, all right--all the way through. Along with all the Masters. Finally he shuts off his lightsaber and sits down in his little chair.

"Control my anger I did."


Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's home to work I go!!
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Old 02-12-2009, 11:43 PM   #4
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Well I got one, not star wars related but still irrelevant.

"The light! So this is what death feels like."
"Sir, your in a car wash."

:P




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Old 02-13-2009, 01:27 AM   #5
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Here's one, stemming from work....

The serving droid calls, "Hey Dex, you've got a visitor. Jedi from the looks of him."

Dex looks up from his holo during the only downtime he has, "frick! EVERY time I BARELY sit down, I get called back up! I swear, the next time someone calls me, I'm throwing the biggest bottle I can get my hands on..at their HEAD!" He peeks over the counter, "Haha! If it isn't my old friend Obi-Wan!"
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Old 08-21-2009, 12:15 PM   #6
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Yet another irreverant thought...

Obi Wan strode up to the building, wanting to curse, even though it did not fit the picture of a Jedi. Anakin had petitioned to get a room away from the temple, and he had seen no reason why he could not have one as his own pied a Terre. But being late on this day was unconscionable.

Senator Padme Amidala had arrive earlier today, and barely missed being assassinated when her ship was destroyed. The Council had ordered Obi Wan to protect her along with his missing Padawan.

He stepped from the lift, walking down to the door. He knocked, no reply. With a touch of the Force he unsealed the lock, and pushed in. The front room looked as if there had been an explosion in Anakin's closet, clothes flung everywhere. He shook his head at that Anakin was something of a slob. Then he paused and knelt. The piece of clothing he had just retrieved was not Anakin's, unless the young man was a little more adventurous than he thought. Besides, with that five o'clock shadow he had, it would take a heavy layer of foundation to cover that. More make up than Anakin would use.

Dreading it, he walked further, looking at the five figures sleeping the sleep of the thoroughly sated on the bed. There was a Twi-lek, a Togarian, a Bothan, a human and Anakin.

Sighing, he kicked Anakin's foot. The boy sat up sharply, then looked around him blushing.

“Get dressed.” Obi Wan ordered, walking from the room. A few moments later, Anakin, still blushing, joined him.

“I can explain Master.” Anakin said.

Obi Wan's eyebrow quirked. “This should be good.”

“You said a Jedi should love all people.”

Obi Wan simply sighed, and they walked to the lift. As the door closed, he replied, “Did I say in groups?”


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 08-08-2012, 02:26 AM   #7
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I am what they call a Vietnam Era Vet, which means I served during that war, but not in the Nam. So follow me here...

I was waiting for a bus when I saw a cargo truck marked Vietnam Veteran Relief... Free Pick Up.

So suddenly, I pictured a man a bit older than I am in a wheelchair moving down the sidewalk as this truck pulls up. Two young men leap out, and open the back of their truck. They run over to the man, gently pick him up out of the chair, carry him to the back of the truck, then throw him in with a loud thump followed by cursing.

They run back, fold up his chair, move it to the back of the truck and throw it in whereupon you hear more cursing as they close and lock the door, then get in and drive off...


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile

Last edited by machievelli; 08-08-2012 at 11:00 AM.
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Old 08-08-2012, 03:27 PM   #8
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^^^^^^ +10 LULZ
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Old 12-23-2012, 11:06 PM   #9
machievelli
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Remember everyone, both a write and a freak about history, so check this out.

On the way home from work today, I had to change buses. I walked across the street, reading my book, where they are talking about a rebellion. As I get to the stop, I look up as a Pontiac Firebird is pulling into traffic. the words, Pontiac and Rebellion came together into the historical incident during the Indian Wars.

Suddenly I had this vision of men in old British Redcoat uniforms running out of a forest, followed by a dozen Firebirds and Trans Ams with hoods opening and closing like jaws, doors popping open to knock people down and the cars growling as the few not hurt run away with the cars in pursuit...


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 03-20-2013, 03:15 PM   #10
machievelli
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The other day I was buying some cigarettes, and the counter man had on the local news. The crew was doing one of those 'not really news' things about the modern tendency of couples to live together before getting married, and mentioning that the usual bridal gifts don't work anymore because they already have all of it, so what do you give the couple when they tie the knot now?

I suddenly had a thought. Give them a chainsaw so when they divorce, they can cut everything in half to make it a fair split. Failing that, an entire list of good divorce attorneys...


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
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