Legends of the Spam
Chapter One: The Flood
*bangs his drink down onto the bar counter and slowly starts talking*
You may hear some speak of tales of ancient spammers. Giants among men that died out long before the civilized world. Several hundred posts a day was but a ripple in the ocean to them. Sounds horrible doesn't it?
But no need to fear, those ancient super-spammers were all captured and/or destroyed at the dawn of the second age, right? Wrong.
Some of them endured. The mighty spam king, Viper the Destroyer and his two Acolytes, Tie Guy and Darth Rommel. Deep in the depths of forums long since forgotten they waited. Biding their time, practicing their dark arts and gaining strength for what they deemed, "T3H F|00d". Or in forummite tongue, The Flood.
"Old fool. Go back to pickling your liver and save us the displeasure of hearing your fairy tales", you might say, and I wouldn't blame ya! But I have proof! For you see, I was there, my friends. I was there, the day the strength of all the forummers was tested. It's how I lost... THIS. *turns around revealing eye-patch*
*gasps and whispers spread through the gathering of people*
On that fateful day, many long years ago, when The Flood struck. They spread their spam on thick, and entire forums were lost to The Flood's dark spamming powers. Our last remaining forces, including Kvan, Sherack Nhar, Havoc, Clefo, Young David, Eets and myself rallied and fought back against the Spam Lord. Our victory was near... but the power of the spam, could not be undone. Our great leader, Kvan was struck down by Viper. It was in this moment, when all hope had faded, that Viper's own adversaries, Darth Rommel and Tie Guy realized the error of their ways and turned against him. With our combined forces, the Dark Lord was vanquished and cast into the shadows. Victory was bittersweet. Many a good man were lost and maimed in that war that was later deemed, "Project Ark".
Pray that the Super-spammer is never again loosed on these free lands, children. For it would surely only be remidied.... by us all paying a terrible price.
*turns around and goes back to his cup of ale whilst everyone sits in stunned silence*