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Old 10-12-2005, 01:16 PM   #1
Jet Jedi
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one battle for the whole galaxy

( Jacen De Koras,a jedi from the time before hyperspace flipped up and thrust down at his target... the greatest lord of the sith to date)
Aaaaaaaargh!
( He fell as a lightsaber blade smashed into his knee)
Sto...p thi...s. Why do I have to turn... to the si..th? I may be... a loner from... the jed..i ord...er but i'll nev..er be a sith! Aaaaaaaaaargh stop! Stop! Stop!!!!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh! ( as you may have noticed hed was being seduced to force lightning)
EDIT: (someone be the sith plz)

Last edited by Jet Jedi; 10-13-2005 at 05:55 AM.
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Old 11-16-2005, 06:28 PM   #2
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(thrusted a bolt of force lightning) come to the dark side.(more force lightning)JOIN THE DARK SIDE. you will have ultimate power.
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Old 11-16-2005, 06:38 PM   #3
Renegade Angel
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Sorry to be a critic, but you won't get amny members here.

1) No character sheet

2) No plot line

3) No objectives

4) You should write authoritavely. Example:

Instead of saying this:
(thrusted a bolt of force lightning) come to the dark side.(more force lightning)JOIN THE DARK SIDE. you will have ultimate power.

try this:
Slane thrust a bolt of force lightning at the jedi. "Join us. Join the dark side. You will have the ultimate power." He attacked with more force lightning.


Look at the RPGs called the Phantom. I joined it because it had the best story line, a good plot, objectives, rules...
Pardon me please, lately I've been a fanfic/rpg critic.
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Old 11-17-2005, 09:09 AM   #4
jediofdoom
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[QUOTE=Renegade Angel]Sorry to be a critic, but you won't get amny members here.

1) No character sheet

2) No plot line

3) No objectives

Agreed. you have obviously have no idea how to create a role play that will work


[Plague]
[For]
[Today]


I know what you're thinking, I know how you're feeling, Believe me. You're not alone.
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Old 11-17-2005, 03:33 PM   #5
Renegade Angel
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We're not trying to be harsh, just trying to help.
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Old 11-17-2005, 04:10 PM   #6
lord-slane
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thanks
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Old 11-17-2005, 08:58 PM   #7
Renegade Angel
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Lol, You guys probrably hate us, but trust me, RP's are more fun when you know what you're doing.
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