lfnetwork.com mark read register faq members calendar
View Poll Results: have I been honest and not overly critical?
Keep it up! 127 78.40%
Maybe a little slack 17 10.49%
Tighten up the restrictions 10 6.17%
go away 15 9.26%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 162. You may not vote on this poll


Thread: The Critic's 2 cents
Thread Tools Display Modes
Post a new thread. Add a reply to this thread. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Old 04-16-2010, 02:40 PM   #1121
Hope Estheim
Rookie
 
Hope Estheim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: US of A
Posts: 71
Current Game: WoW and ME2
LMFAO! My mom said the same thing. ._. (well... not about the prologue part... but she said it was disturbing)
Hope Estheim is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 04-23-2010, 10:34 AM   #1122
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Revan

Who do you turn to?
PersephoneWatching

KOTOR after Leviathan: How do you cope with the truth?

The piece is short, the subject obvious, but I have to agree with the author’s comment that the game did not go into the angst of this revelation. I myself spent an entire chapter just on her dealing with it personally.

Dark Side Female Exile

The day she returned
Pimp3dout335

TSL on Onderon: The Exile faces Kavar, the man she once loved, for the last time.

The piece is stark and cold. Her mocking exchange with him at the last is the prefect foil.

Pick of the week

End of a mind
Darth Jedi Master

TSL after Malachor V: Atton’s mind is shredded by the one he loves.

The piece is nightmarish; not surprising since it is a nightmare. Atton is brutally reduced to nothing, and returns from the dream as what he had been before.

Blood Memories Chapter 1: Worries and a Needle
Imaginary Fiend

Ten Years Post KOTOR: The Exile is up to something…

The start, raising two Jedi kids of their own seems to have run Carth and Bastila ragged. Mission now head of Covert ops was a bit of a stretch, though her comment, that she could leap through a window onto a swoop and escape if she were paid enough was choice.

The author says the first line will explain everything… I am intrigued, and wish I could read it all. But I do not have the time. Now if the author would say, send it all to me in an email…?

Pick of the Week

Activation
Rotgutt

Mandalorian Wars at Malachor V: The Exile pushes the button.

The piece was curious. Why is her hand wrinkled with age? None of the pictures used show anyone beyond perhaps their early 30s. For a moment I considered that it might be Kreia who had done it,

Mical's Awakening
Knight of the Word

Post TSL: As Mical flees the Exile, he remembers his last sight of the Exile before the war.

The piece is interesting because we get to see the Exile before she had left, still a strong knight ready to do what must be done. Of all people it was Revan who suggested the boy avoid the Exile, and his words proved prescient.

Canon Note: According to the Wookiepedia, After the Great Sith War (War of Exar Kun, 30-odd years earlier) Nomi Sunrider had been made head of the Council. So how could the Council have forcibly retired her? Besides her daughter would have been in her mid forties, early fifties. Why discard two Jedi because of this disagreement?

Pick of the week

Fanfiction.net

The Battle for Rhen Var
Hegemon33594

Star Wars After Hoth; No plan survives contact with the enemy…

The piece has a classic of guerilla warfare, two units facing each other, on the rebels, the other, the bad guys. But are they bad guys? I wonder how many will be killed before they realize they are actually on the same side?

Griff's Mission
Xik Spader

KOTOR after Tatooine: Griff tries to make an easy credit, again

The piece is about one of my least favorite characters, he’s right up there with Jar-Jar in being behind the door when brains were given out. You can’t see him as a leg breaker sent out by a mob boss, and the entire argument with the Selkath he’s supposed to collect from was just too choice for words.

It makes me wonder if the Hutt just wanted to rid himself of the troublesome Twi-lek.

Battlefront
Doomgiver

SW During ANH: Based on the Battlefront game, A series of battles across the galaxy.

The piece is incoherent, the characters cardboard, and unreal. Even the narrator is just a voice describing the scene and little more.

First, slow down, as much as a movie shoves and drags you forward to the conclusion, a reader is not so easily led. The mind must create the screen the drama plays upon, and cannot leap from place to place as readily as a camera lens.

Give us more than just names and weapons, to quote from Laurell K Hamilton, a person is more than the job he does. A reader must invest emotional reaction in a character, or his death is a counter like the one you kept referring to. With X amount of Rebel troops and X number of stormies. If there is no investment, there is no feeling.

Awe of She
Mip the Happy

TSL After Malachor V: Two of the crew members reminisce in their minds about some of what they have experienced on their journey.

The scenes flow, but they feel a bit rough. The phrasing is stilted, and the character’s voices are too close to one another to keep them apart if you did not read the chapter head. My suggestion is to re-read, edit, and rewrite. Let the scenes flow, don’t drag them from place to place.

Remnants
Jest'lyn Tal

I do not have time to read and review a full length novel, so I read the first three sections, and reviewed them. The scenes are well laid out, but feel artificial, like knowing that bulkhead is really a sheet of plastic attached to two by fours. It didn’t feel quite right. You did have some homonym problems, such as it is you make do, not due. Every fault I see with the work is a matter of editing.

Technical: Aboard ships you do not use the descriptions you would on land. Check out the article I wrote; Ship nomenclature, or; It's not a door, it's a hatch blast it! over at Lucasforums, and you’ll see what I mean.

All in all a good read, I am still at the calm before the storm point, but worth a look.

Pazaak
FoxFire1

Post TSL: Though they are far apart, Atton and the Exile can still while away the time together.

The piece started out a bit sluggish, Atton now undercover, the Exile far away, but having her flip a card from that distance, having him react as if this is normal, was beautiful

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 04-24-2010, 02:27 AM   #1123
Nick Vader
Junior Member
 
Nick Vader's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Right behind you !
Posts: 301
Current Game: Dead Rising 2
Quote:
Originally Posted by machievelli View Post
Technical note: Read my article in the Expertís forum regarding military unit sizes. I donít think the Mandalorian upper echelon would be bothered by a dozen Jedi, since that is what a squad implies.
Thanks. Also, english is not my native language, so please understand that at least you get the idea of the story. I shall try and make no further mistakes in the storys.


Nick Vader is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 04-30-2010, 10:53 AM   #1124
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Elevation of an Outcast
Mandalore Reborn

Improper word usage, lied instead of lay, as slight instead of a, baring instead of bearing. These are editing problems, nothing, more.

The battle was well done except the enemy ships were too weak. You wax lyrical about the strength of the battleships, yet they went down relatively easy.

An enjoyable read.

Fanfiction.net

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic Bits
Chochos

KOTOR on Tatooine:

You did not need most vainiest unless you switched the postions making him the most arrogant. While accord and agree can mean the same thing, you should have had them agreeing to meet. It’s remind instead of remember,

I feel that English is not your first language, and I was proven correct when I looked at your profile. Since I could not string even a simple sentence together in Spanish, I am impressed.

Death of the Academy
JP McClendon

KOTOR on Dantooine: Malak takes his revenge on the Academy

Unfortunately, I did not have time to read all six postings. From what I did see This is a fairly journeyman work, the writing smooth, the pace fast. The action becomes a bit overwhelming, and the primary problem I had was with the almost constant usage of the game terms for the moves. If he stretches out his hand and the opponent is thrown backwards, I know it is a force push, while my way is a bit more wordy, it doesn’t sound like I am merely reiterating the game orders given.

Imperfectly

Ada Evol

TSL on Peragus: The adventure flashes back to it’s beginning

The piece is fun because of the irreverence. The Exile snarling about the fact that only her underwear is there, mourning the loss not only of pants but lingerie as well. Her reaction to her own name was indicative of someone who feels it besmirched by her supposed crimes.

Two Tarisian Ales
Wraithfighter

Post KOTOR: Carth wait’s the one night of the week he allows himself, hoping she will return.

For a moment, I thought I had read this already, then I discovered it is the prequel to the third bottle which I did read back in 2007 over at kotorfanmedia.

Like the other story, it shows the descent into depression of Carth as he waits for his love to return. The sheer stubbornness of his actions tell of someone unwilling to admit defeat, right down to the ring he carries.

Pick of the Week

Redemption
Wraithfighter


Post TSL: The final confrontation between a light side Revan and a dark side Exile does not go as she had planned

This was light sabers and psychoanalysis mixed. The Revan we see is wed to the light side so firmly that nothing fazes him. The catalog of ills the Exile has done flows over him like water, and like water, does no appreciable damage. His last words to her in this all to brief work, are telling.

I am a pagan, but the best description would be of Saul of Tarsus after he was redeemed and became Paul.

Pick of the week.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Male Revan

Lipstick and Lekku, Part 1
Ryl00

KOTOR aboard Ebon Hawk: Mission tries to relieve her boredom

The writing is smooth and flows well. The theme was fun, mainly Mission’s reminiscing, but the kid is bored. Like any good prologue, I expect the fur to fly very soon.

Double Whammy
Renee Enderson

Pre KOTOR: Bastila captures Revan, but with a twist

The piece flows well, and the humor was light, yet funny. You have to admit, the red crystal is a bit of hot pink, and Revan focusing on that was very silly.

Dark Side Female Exile

Play
Inyri

Post TSL: The one sport both the Exile and Atton enjoy

The piece is nice and dark, Atton and the Exile drawing people to them like a pair of spiders so they can ‘play’ with them. The scenes make you a bit nervous about them.

Pick of the week

All the Time
Reltran

Post TSL: Coming now for the last of her old companions

The piece was a bit confusing, though the last paragraphs helped explain it. The repetitive ‘he killed me’ was bit wearing after a while. It does not require a lot of work, but it could have used a bit more back story, since every death she caused was merely recorded except for the two men.

Cold
Scream

Post TSL: All he feels is cold

The piece is a frozen bit of horror at what they have become. A balancing act between her red hot fury, and his icy cold regard of her. His last question pushes perilously toward the brink, for he cannot imagine being alive yet so cold.

Chilling.

Pick of the week

Soft
SmileMandalore

Post TSL: Even now, she is still soft

The piece is a little snippet of life, a reunion neither expected. Having merely sampled the author’s work, I do not know who Jakkie is, but I can feel the Exile torn apart all the same.

Pick of the week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 05-07-2010, 10:35 AM   #1125
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Excerpt From A War Journal
RC1162

Set during Clone Wars: A young Jedi wishes for another life

The piece is a bit depressing, because you know that in every group there are those who really don’t make the cut. Putting a boy this age in charge of troops reminds me of the commanders in Eurpe during the 11th to 14th century when the commanding officer was the one with the highest social rank, regardless of their competence.

Welcome back, you just need to remember to polish, RC.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Revan

Destiny's Pawn: Dantooine, Prologue
Allronix

KOTOR on Dantooine: Juhani’s past is revealed.

The piece is a bit disjointed, but well worth the effort to read. The author has taken elements we knew already, and woven them together to give us a before and after vision of Juhani’s life before she is met in the game.

Light Side Male Revan

Past Times
TheJediSentinel

Post KOTOR on Coruscant: Revan receives part of his past

Last week was the end of the Dark Side Exile category, so this week, the other characters from KOTOR

Other KOTOR characters

On the Brink
JediQB

Pre KOTOR on Sith flagship: The Jedi strike team captures Revan

The piece is good covering pert that we knew, and the events leading up to it. It is odd seeing Vrook as a strategist when he had stood so vehemently against the war before. Having Bastila save Revan’s mind suddenly was perfectly done. She sets the stage for what we know will happen.

Pick of the Week

Foresight Prologue
Arrow

Critiqued originally 5 November, 2005. That review is below;

Set during interim between Kotor 1 and 2
As Revan and the Onasi family settles into ‘marital bliss’ old memories start to surface.

Well written, an excellent read.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Trapped
wingedrevan

Originally reviewed 18 November 05. That review is below;

Set after the events of KOTOR1. Revan deals with her love of Bastila, and her acts as the Dark Lord.

A well-written piece with an excellent view of the angst of the character.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Fanfiction.net

A Friendly Wager
Sebastian DeLaOsa

KOTOR after the Star Forge: Three unlikely people get together to settle a little bet.

The piece is short but fun. The bet, even the explanations as to why they are together, is choice.

Pick of the week

Heaven and Hell
Rawtooth

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk: Atton’s dreams merge past and present

The piece was darkly disturbing, mixing someone he had brutalized with the present Exile. His words to the Exile a bit rushed, making him more the fool than he appears normally.

Call it a Lapse
Sibella

TSL on Dantooine: Neither expected it.

The piece is warm and gentle, lovingly describing the scene and the events. The ‘lapse’ was smoothly done, and well portrayed.

Pick of the Week

A Warm Reception
Sebastian DeLaOsa

Post KOTOR: At the wedding reception, Canderous had to find something to do…

The piece is soft and mellow, relaxing together while they make fun of Revan and his bride. Canderous as the unofficial ‘head of security’ and in by play with the one Jedi guard were just icing on the cake

Jedi01 Lone Fighter
Darkmonkeybishop

During Imperial Era: One boy flees disaster

The piece is too short to do a full review on, but having read the author’s profile, I see what needs to be done.

I wrote an article over at Lucasforums in the Expert Forum http://www.lucasforums.com/showpost....4&postcount=25 where I explain the standard nomenclature of fighters and combat. Your battle scene was disjointed and confusing. Check this out, and see what I mean.

Keep 'Em Coming
JediExile TK-421

Post TSL: Two men commiserating in a bar…

The piece is fun in that two people who never really meet in the game come together to share the one thing they do have in common. Both fell in love with their women, and both are now alone in their misery.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 05-14-2010, 10:31 AM   #1126
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Fanfiction.net

The Choices You Make

nonchalance

TSL On Peragus: The Exile begins her journey

The only real problems I saw were that there is no description or characterization. You also spelled scratched without an r. These are editing problems.

The piece was basically a generic retelling up to freeing Atton from his cell.

Revan the Barbarian
The Karlminion

KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: The battle to survive

Remember conversation breaks. The piece needs polishing, the action is too fast paced sometimes, then drags as the armor and weapon are lovingly described. The points I have made are editing problems, not major dings. Remember to reread, edit, and rewrite.

Revan as a Mandalorian is a bit of a switch. Especially considering he is accepted by both Carth and the Jedi who seems to have attached himself. Carth at least should have recognized the armor.

The Revan Show
The Demon Phoenix

Post KOTOR aboard the Star Forge: When you’ve taken the entire Galaxy, can you afford to look a bit silly?

The piece is disorganized, confusing, and thoroughly entertaining. Revan as a buffoon with his mortal enemy a pillow, complaining because a super laser still hasn’t been installed, trying to collect rent from people who live aboard, even blowing holes in his own station to make himself look more cool.

Betrayal of Hearts

Firera
TSL on Malachor V: A New Dark Lord begins her ascent

The piece is fun in that part one doesn’t really link to part two, or does; but has a fun plot twist at the end.

Understanding
noneko

KOTOR aboard Ebon Hawk: They speak and things get better.

The piece could have used some polishing, but that’s all I noticed in the way of reviewing.

With Juhani Mission has something no one else on the ship has, someone who has been there, done that, and lived to tell the tale. It’s a problem soldiers have a lot when they come home. Everyone wants to ‘hear’ the war stories, but how many of them have experienced it? That experience is a bond nothing can break.

The Solo Journals
morgancrow

POST KOTOR: Revan deals with being the hero and having someone try to kill her.

I started reading this, and when I was done, remembered the old Lays potato chip commercials; bet you can’t read just one…

The star of the show is well wrought, the situations smooth and the burgeoning relationship between her and Carth enjoyable. Her explanation of why no one is noticing her segues and explains why an assassin might. The council seems to have gotten it’s head out of it’s respective rear ends, and things are looking bright. My only complaint..

Where’s the rest of it!

Pick of the week

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Exile

Your Move, Babe
A-Tarkheena

TSL aboard Ebon Hawk: One memory segues into the present.

The piece is well done, this is not the Jedi you remember from the story. It’s the normal human in a life or death struggle, and making the wrong choice. The pieces fit well together. I just wondered how she got away back then.

Pick of the Week

Other KOTOR characters

From the Ashes
Prisoner 24601

Reviewed originally on 25 November 2005, that Review is below:

Starting 72 hours before the KOTOR game.

The style is crisp and clean, and the small amount of background (Giving Carth a rank for example) helped a great deal.

Reprise Pick of the Week

One night on the Ebon Hawk...
Yggdrasil

KOTOR aboard Ebon Hawk: Hanky-Panky in the women’s quarters

The piece is short, blast it. I enjoyed it as I have everything of this author’s I have read. Juhani’s guilty little secret is so, I hate to say it, cute.

Pick of the Week

Struggle: Chapter 1
Yggdrasil

Originally reviewed 4 July, 2006 That review is below;

After the destruction of the Star Forge, a Jedi out for revenge meets Revan and her crew.

I was hooked three paragraphs into this. Outstanding work, the angst of the main character is haunting.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Chasing Redemption, Prologue: A Hard Truth
Prisoner 24601

Originally reviewed 2 Dec 05. That review is below:

Direct sequel to the author’s From the Ashes .
The style is still excellent, and the segue from sad memorial for a fallen enemy to arrest by special operations troops is well done. The readers on Kotorfanmedia gave it ten thumbs up. Add mine to it.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Common Ground
Prisoner 24601

Pre KOTOR: Carth meets the woman he marries, and later mourns

The piece was wonderful. We get to see Morganna not as an ideal he mourns, but as a scruffy student intent on her work. His fascination with the woman is immediate, and their fumbling through his asking for a date was perfectly portrayed.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 05-21-2010, 10:27 AM   #1127
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
kotorfanmedia

Other KOTOR characters

Thinking 'Bout It : Not Your Average Wake-up Call ( Part 0I )
Fnord

KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: She’s had a bad day without coffee already…

The piece is amusing, the heroine too busy whining about her day so far to worry about minor things like Sith trying to kill her.

Family Ties
Prisoner 24601

Pre KOTOR aboard Leviathan: A family reunion with an odd pair as family

The piece takes two disparate characters and joins them as family in a way that is unique and thought provoking. Laying the entire blame for Telos on Malak, and making Mira’s mother the ‘bad guy’ is the opposite side of the coin. It is an interesting tableau worth reading

Demure
Arrow

2 years Post KOTOR on Citadel Station: Two teenagers deal with the situation in time honored fashion

The only problem I had was picturing Mission in a pink dress. From there it was easy and fun. Two ancillary characters getting along as you might expect of a pair of awkward teens. Their subtle and not so subtle putdowns are the perfect foil to what is really happening.

Pick of the week

Inevitabilities
Athenaprime

Post KOTOR: A revelation from Bastila; and what do you mean there’s a list…and a bet?

The scene is well set. The revelation as it always does, surprises the male part of the equation, and makes the scene amusing when he tries to recover. His immediate comment that he was ‘faster on the draw’ brought to mind some things that made me want to laugh in delight.

Pick of the Week

Differences
Envoy Coolis

KOTOR aboard Ebon Hawk after Leviathan: How can you deal with it?

The piece is excellent, the angst of what he might do wearing on Onasi as he considers. The end a bit abrupt, but thought provoking. As another reviewer mentioned, the fact that Carth does not speak Shriiwook is a problem.

Pick of the Week

Debt, Chapter 1 - Innocent Captive
Lastofthelineage

Originally reviewed 15 December, 2005; review below

Set after KOTOR I
A redeemed Malak must prove Revan is innocent of a heinous crime.

There aren’t many stories out there where Malak was redeemed, and this was the first I have read. The style is excellent, and only needs editing to make it first class.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Fanfiction.net

Star Wars Republic Commando: Delta Force
Pulse5

Set in Republic Commando: A team goes to rescue some hostages
Cumbersome sentences. As an example "That's them taken care of."

The primary problems I have with the piece are technical.

Technical, Priorities: Tatooine is a Hutt owned world, and as such is neutral. What you have done is drop an assault team into say Mexico around Quintana Roo to capture a drug lord. A police operation, not a military one. A major heavy-weight terrorist would be worth that effort, but not some Hutt doing what Hutts seem to do naturally. A failure of this mission could bring the Hutt in on the Separatist side.

Military procedure: You sent a pretty small team. Could they pull off the mission, sure. But they’re going about it wrong. The first rule of special ops like these is intelligence. You don’t even pick the team until you have the target clearly defined and located. Think of Osama Bin Ladon right now,; do we have teams ready to take him? Yes. Do we deploy them? No! Having your team wander around a town means every one who sees them is a possible conduit to the enemy. Having them tell everyone they talk to what their mission is a recipe for failure. The Republic should have had a specific location, numbers of enemy troops, and if possible a layout of the location for them to pore over and work out operational plans before the first boot hit dirt.

Remember, the first stage of the newest Gulf war was nicknamed shock and awe because we told them ‘we’re going to take you down piece by piece and there’s nothing you can do to stop us’, then did exactly that. But they did that by clear intelligence of targets and those target’s capabilities.

Operations; For this you need to be sneaky, not lethal. If I were one of the interior gate guards, I would have immediately set off the alarms because the external security force reported nothing at all even though that is their job. Someone knocks, I wouldn’t open the door, I’d alert the others, and set up an ambush, only then opening the door. If there is only one way in the Commandos should have pulled back and considered alternatives.

Republic Commando: Tip of the Spear
Metalguru

Set in the Clone wars: An operation to take down the power supply to an enemy force.

I hate to do it, but the term is whittled (cut away) not whiddled (urinated) away.

The piece is interesting in that the operations are smooth, and the by-play between the two teams clear. The ‘new’ team made up- as Omega had been- of survivors from destroyed teams, is just shaking down again, and are a bit rough because of it.

Technical note: The Jedi who supposedly ordered the clone army was Sifo-Dyas.

Jedi Bathrobe
OldSmoke

Post KOTOR: Revan has two things he must deal with; Carth borrowed his expensive armor, and Darth Bobo?

In spite of a rendered twisted and repulsive would read better as; ‘In spite of being rendered twisted and repulsive‘ recalled ‘itwheneverhe neededto lift his spirits‘. Shouldn’t this be separate words? It isn’t the first or last time this happened.

The piece was cute in that there is a lot of subtle humor. Carth talking to himself about his choice. Revan wearing of all thing a Jedi bathrobe then later what sounds like a zoot suit.

Journal of a Soldier
Ragnarok2

Pre KOTOR: Carth Onasi’s diary

The piece is rambling and a bit incoherent. Carth and the Republic seem to drift along doing nothing of use until Revan arrives, then goes back to drifting when Revan died. A journal would be deeper in covering more of the back stage rather than just the headlines three years apart.

Drenched
Shike77

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk: A game of pazaak and therapy

The piece was good but not good enough for me to go on to the other chapters. The one thing in the game I loathe (Beyond the Disciple) is Pazaak, and having them play a game as this goes on did not endear it to me. The part at the end, where she suggests that others had wanted to be her lover and died for it was intriguing.

Layers of Deception
Sera Terranova

KOTOR On Taris: The memory is like an onion

The piece is interesting in the layers and layers of memory created for our heroine. Her present, romances in the past, her childhood, all lovingly layered like pain on a ship’s hull. But there are cracks in it, things noticed by her companion.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 05-28-2010, 10:18 AM   #1128
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Underworld
Canderis

No specifc era given: Pursuit of a murderer.

The piece is really too short to get a handle on. The action is moving too fast, with little direction as yet.

Fanfiction.net

Walking Wounded
Sibella

Post TSL: The two crews along with a few surprises join forces to find the two missing Jedi.

The piece is fun in that we find out about some of their lives in the process; Jolee has done yet another vanishing act, Mission and Dustil are married, the Exile has three brothers, two of whom are going along.

I wish that there were more.

One Breath
Allison E.L. Cleckler

TSL on Malachor V: The Exiles faces Sion.

The piece is well wrought, with a definite path it follows. The fight is drawn out, the pacing fitting the mood. The end is almost anticlimactic.

Pick of the Week

Different from the rest
Halo Lady

During the Clone Wars: This trooper is different from the rest.

An interesting premise. The character feels left out, not surprising. Stowing away would have made sense if the difference could have been hidden that readily. Having others in the squad ignore the character wouldn’t work very well for long. A combat team has to work together. My problem with it was how clueless are these guys?

Pick of the week

Hell to Pay
The Karlminion

TSL at the beginning: T3 works to save the ship

Except for the demanding voice telling it what to do, this is a generic retelling of the introduction to the game. You leaned too heavily into the game itself, turning the mission into a scavenger hunt of ‘open box, get goodies’ which in the game is all right, but as a literary work is not.

Star Wars, KOTOR: Jedi Scriptures
Dante Cross

Post TSL: A pair of young thieves decide to raid an old Jedi enclave…

The piece is confusing, there is no character development, and everything is moving too fast. You go from being shot at by bounty hunters to being shot at by droids with very little pause, with no rhyme nor reason for it.

kotorfanmedia

Knights of the Old Republic III: Force of Echos
WebMistressGina

Originally reviewed 12-30-05 That review is below:

Revan is getting together a few good people...
The style is well done, the story easy and fun to read. The readers on Kotorfanmedia gave it twelve thumbs up. It deserved them.

Reprise Pick of the Week


Star Wars KoTOR: Behind the Game
Karacat

KOTOR Behind the Scenes: You don’t think the game just got made, did you?

I don’t know what I expected from the title, but what I got was a riot! HK as a flaming queen, Bastila having a photo shoot done by Maxim, Some of the worst bad guys being either flirtatious or busy with of all thing, lighting, camera, and catering. It was as if the author had merely turned the scene around so we’re seeing the entire crew with their hair down (Or in Saul’s case, showing off his new ‘Hair club for men’ do). I especially loved Revan’s complaint about Malak because she really wants to be part of the sequel.

Pick of the Week

The General Clue
Skypilot

Post KOTOR: One clue gives Carth a reason to find Revan.

The only real negative I have is that is is a womp rat, not a wompa.

The piece is dark and foreboding, the clue minor, but Carth at this point is feeling like a fool for staying when Revan left. The messenger has his own agenda, and you can understand his disquiet at Carth’s reaction.

KOTOR: Defiance
KOTORFanForLife

Pre KOTOR: Just like any two kids…

The story is well written, and gives you two squabbling kids in a nut shell. The fight they do have is minor, and really what you expect of them from later in life, and the scene where she subtly helps him excellent.

Pick of the Week

Foretelling of a Wet Wedding
Charys

Originally reviewed 02 03 06 that review is below;

Set a year after KOTOR. A reunion with a few extra twists...

Charys starts you off thinking it’s just a simple assassination. Before you know it you’re dragged along as the entire crew gets behind Carth’s attempt give Revan not only a bracelet, but also some quality time together. Ambushing the reporters was a nice touch.

Reprise Pick of the Week

The Language of Love
Seraterranova


Originaly reviewed 15 December, 2006, That review is below;

Set approximately a year after the Star Forge: Some in depth look at Telosian society, Revan’s reaction to it, and what really happened.

The work is well done, the in depth look at the character is sublime, and the end a definite giggle. 24 readers gave it a thumbs up, and I understand why

Reprise Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 06-04-2010, 11:10 AM   #1129
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Dragon Age: Bargaining with Sten!
Tysyacha

Set in Dragon Age: Doing laundry after the battle

The piece is, as she said, short. The end was actually more fun then the rest, because the admonition to ‘wash it twice’ suggests something other than sweat. I did like the dog’s name, because I’ve heard two year olds trying to name something.

kotorfanmedia

Coming of Age: Malak
Wook

Pre KOTOR: Malak has a vision he refuses to allow.

The piece is interesting in a number of ways as others have commented. First having Malak and Revan be siblings is different, explaining the tattoos well done, and the vision chilling.

Pick of the Week

New Ties
Arrow

Post TSL aboard The Ebon Hawk: Are there really rules?

The piece is light and fun. Jolee merely slapping down the idea that there were actual codified rules. That they pretty much muddled along than actually trying for hard and fast rules makes more sense than setting tight rules. As Jolee points out. Making it forbidden would actually make it more desirable.

My question is, who is Mira setting her sights on?

Pick of the Week

Every Hour On the Hour
Jiara

Originally reviewed 3 Feb, 2006. Initial Review is below

Set in KOTOR. HK’s daily routine with some amusing twists.

65 readers on this site gave it a thumbs up, 41 thought it was worth commenting on, and after reading it I can understand why. HK is himself, and the exchanges between him and the other members of the crew were hilarious. But not half as funny as his own internal dialogue. His equating snoring (Observation: Human male Jedi is producing a rasping, grating nasal emission similar to that of the human female Jedi.) with Force powers caused me to snicker. It wasn’t the first either.
If I didn’t have to worry about him slaughtering anything and everything, I would love to have him around just for the entertainment value alone.

Reprise Pick of the Week

The Facts of Life
Kosiah

Pre KOTOR in the Sith Academy: Even with the death of a Dark Lord, things go on.

The piece is well done, the animosity all so low key, yet just as acrimonious as they would be. We’re looking not at the Jedi, but the Sith yet the kids are the same, just tweaked by their philosophy. Giving Dustil’s lost love a family is just icing on this cake.

Pick of the Week

A Discussion
Envoy Cools

Originally reviewed 3 Feb, 2006. Initial Review is below

A dueling challenge response set three years after the end of KOTOR.

There is a feeling of letting go as the two characters (Revan and Dustil) talk about allowing their animosity to flow away. The piece is short, but very well done.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Fanfiction.net

It's All Fun and Games
Kitterpillar

Pre Mandalorian Wars at the Academy: Like any game, it can go too far.

The piece is fun, with Jedi kids acting like kids, and the adults, well, in one case being himself, the other being as much as kid as the one he speaks with. The age old admonition about putting someone’s eye out was just too much.

The Troublesome Student
mushroom-hunter-d

Pre Mandalorian Wars at the Jedi Academies: From troublesome to delightful.

The story flows well, the relationship growing in a logical manner from teacher to student to finally lovers. Atris, who is the focus goes through what you might expect; the original irritation, to caring about the boy, to being unwilling to let her feelings flow. The end is sublime, and his statement that they are no longer teacher and student, merely allows her to let go. This is in two parts, and I didn’t even think of time as Iwent from one to the other.

Pick of the Week

Like Wolves
Phoq

Originally reviewed 10 Feb 2006 at kotorfanmedia, that review is below:

Set six years after KOTOR: The exile tracks down Revan to gain revenge.

Back in January I reviewed Phoq’s Wounds of the Past. At that time I commented on a stilted style, and that it would improve.
I am happy to see that I was correct. Like Wolves flows gently like butter, smooth and delightful. 17 readers on the site gave it a thumbs up.
Add mine.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Lost Brother
Skulls

Clone Wars during ROTS: A Strike team joins Obi Wan and Anakin in the rescue of Palpatine

The biggest problems I had were with the flow and the jumping of scenes from Kashyyk to Coruscant. The flow problem is because you forgot conversation breaks. Picture a stream flowing over rocks, then throw a lot of rocks into it suddenly. The flow is the story moving from beginning to end, and the rocks are when the reader, who is floating along with your story being pummeled by confusion as to who is talking and what it is about. A story should flow naturally and carry the reader along.

As much as they do it in the movies, travel from planet to planet is not going to be that fast.

The Knight and the Princess
Kaiju Moth

About 7 years after KOTOR: Revan tells his son a bedtime story based on truth

The piece has Bastila and Revan settled down into marital bliss, and him using the tale we all know as a backdrop for the story of how they got together. More slice of life than anything else.

Kotor: Beginnings
xInuyashaxangelx

Pre Mandalorian Wars: Just two typical kids

I only had time for the first chapter, but the flow moved like a river with little or no disruption to the end, and I wished i could read on. The unlikely pair of Revan and Bastila sniping at each other as teenaged children, and flirting as they did so was a lot of fun.

Make it better? Polish it a bit, like Bastila’s boots.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 06-11-2010, 10:30 AM   #1130
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Chronicles of James Vreson, hero of the colapsing republic
exoduz

No specific era given: Just a day in the life of a street gang.


Remember that proper names are always capitalized. Also remember that some foods are not generic, they achieved that name or nicknames due to specific events, like hot dogs.

You’re rushing the story too much, with too little detail. If your character is Han Solo, or Admiral Ackbaar, even Admiral Daala, we have a vision of what that person looks and acts like. All we get from the main character’s name is that he is human and has an attitude. I’ll admit JV sounds confident, but is it the confidence of a street tough who thinks he’s bad? Or is he like Han Solo, who takes risks?

Technical notes: First, You do not have one side saying ‘your leader is dead, go home‘ to the other. Wars are fought on the morale of the troops and their leaders, not on the political level. This would have been like the US Telling the Japanese, ‘Your great Admiral Yamamoto is dead, so go home‘. That war ground on for two and a half more years.

Second, there is an old saying that the standing nail is the first to get hammered. No matter how good you think you are, you do not attack a police patrol and stay where they can get you. As I told my stepdaughter after she had done something stupid but not completely illegal, the police are like a radar grid. You don’t want to come out where they make a note of you, because once you have done so, they will remember you. When Louie in Casablanca said ‘round up the usual suspects’, he meant people who had come up on his radar and deserved to be hassled even if they had done nothing.

Again, the piece is far too short to get a grip on the characters or even the situation.

the lost lord
exoduz

Ten years Post TSL: A young banished Jedi returns to fight again.

As I said above, remember capitalizing.

Technical note; Since one of your characters is screaming that the other should kill Malak you have HK 50 droids being used in combat about three or four years before they were even built.

You also have the council, which was willing to abandon the Exile because they only thought the person evil yet at the same time, they are saying ‘a little bit of evil is all right here and now‘. Though they have the same members, is this the same council?

As for the Chiss, how is it that you have the characters meeting a race that according to the EU were not contacted until right before the Clone Wars? And even then not officially contacted until 20 odd years later? After all, the region of space they live in is not called the Unknown Regions for nothing.

The length is improving but again you have almost no characterization especially of the main character. We know more about his sidekick Rose than we do about Exodus. His best friend is a man and Jedi, but what color hair does he have?

As for Rose, beyond introducing her, was there a reason for the confrontation between Exodus and Elrigo? Did he want to ‘buy’ as in take the engine? Was he a bounty hunter hired by the merchant who figured out he’d been mind controlled? Was he just a thug who saw a chance to do a little smash and grab? The dialogue told us almost nothing about him.

Tysyacha said it best, you’re confusing your readers.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Revan

Carth's Message
LS Angel

Post KOTOR: She thought she had made a clean escape.

The piece is smooth, and as much as you say it, you do angst pretty well. The only question I have is why she didn’t sell the Ebon Hawk as well then. We now have to wonder how the ship, and the droids happened to be together again when the Ebon Hawk arrive on Peragus.

Pick of the Week

Light Side Male Revan

The Holocron Confessions: The Outer Rim
TheJediSentinel

Pre-Mandalorian Wars: A group of Jedi discover some alarming information

The style is choppy and conversational, but since it is the equivalent of a dairy, that is not surprising. It could use polishing, but most people who write diaries never expect them to be read, so that is no problem. The progression of events is well thought out.

The piece is good because a sense of foreboding creeps in. The idea that the enemy is communicating intentionally with sounds that the average human could not hear was not only well thought out, but brilliantly proven. The rather abrupt way they dealt with the second incursion by security was chilling in their ‘don’t mess with us’ mentality, but as a Mando’a phile, it bothers me a bit.

Pick of the week

Other KOTOR characters

Innocence Lost
Prisoner 24601


PreKOTOR at the Sith Academy; What will you do to never be helpless again?

Prisoner always turns out good work and this is no exception. The piece flows well the characterization of both Dustil and Yuthura well interwoven. The only negative I have is why is Dustil going through his own final test unless this is AU?

Pick of the Week

Above the Ruins - Chapter One
HCF

Post KOTOR: Surveying a shattered world with two of our old friends

The piece is excellent with it’s before the action feel. We see three of the old crew, Mission, Carth and Bastila having settled into their new lives, but trouble is brewing. The meeting planned between Carth and Mission underscore Bastila’s feelings of failure. One of those I wish I had time to read all the way through.

Sadly, Canon has determined that Taris would remain a ruin, since in Old Republic it is one of the planets you can visit.

Pick of the Week

The Second Jedi Order: The Beginning
Darth Exile

Originally reviewed 10 Feb 2006, That review is below;

Set in the interim between Kotor and Kotor II. Revan departs to find an evil even darker than the Star Forge.

The writing is excellent, the pacing smooth and crisp. The ending leaves you wanting more.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Fanfiction.net

Dead Eyes
kaizokunami

Pre TSL: Atton gets a good look at what he really is, and it isn’t pretty

The piece flows well. His inner voice marks his victim and takes her, but he finds himself now caught in a web not of anger, but of forgiveness. This is the turning point in his life, and his actions make sense later in the game.

Pick of the Week

Letting Go
Jiara Anatalis

Originally reviewed 9 Dec 2005 at kotorfanmedia That review is below;

Carth learns to let go of his hatred
In interim between Kotor and Kotor II

The writer is intense from the first few sentences, Jiara pushes the pace, as would any woman in the situation she is describing. Excellent

Reprise Pick of the Week

That Old, Familiar Feeling
Wraithfighter

Post TSL; Atton, being trained by Bastila, reveals his past to her

The piece started off rather odd, and for a moment, until he called her Princess, I wasn’t sure who the master was. Weaving the old crew in seamlessly, the revelation of what he had done, and the small talk between Bastila and Mission afterward. All neatly aligned.

It feels like it needs polishing, but for the life of me I can’t understand why. I liked it exactly as it is.

Pick of the Week

When All is Said and Done
Caritas O

Post KOTOR: The interrogation we all assumed would happen when they returned

After reading chapter one, I was going to complain about Caritas only writing one story until I click the link for the next chapter and found almost 30 more. The piece is a bit disjointed, though primarily because of the subject matter, a full scale interrogation lasting weeks. This is one of those I wish I had a complete copy of. The humor, the ditzy main character who didn’t even notice that Bastila fell in love. The unwillingness to admit that maybe she had as well. It was just too choice.

Pick of the Week

Atton's Redemption
Silvershadow667

TSL after Dantooine, en route to Nar Shaddaa: Neither one will admit it…

Like I said about Carita above, I reached the end of this to find 18 more chapters. Just from what I have read I know I’m going regret not reading the entire thing. But unimportant stuff like a real life and trying to write my own stuff stops me cold. The undercurrent, neither willing to say what they think and feel is more fun than you can imagine.

Pick of the week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 06-18-2010, 10:24 AM   #1131
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Gagnerai et Perdrai (I'll Win, I'll Lose)
Tysyacha

NonSW Fiction: A retelling of an old fairy tale.

The piece is spiced up by the author inserting herself into the story. Tysyacha liks to do this kind of thing, and I tend to like her work. One day I am going to have to read this tale.

Fanfiction.net

Knights of the Old Republic: Ways of the Jedi
Faltallon

During TSL: Wanton destruction to break one man’s spirit.

The piece is an orgy of destruction with little rhyme nor reason until the end. From what I have seen of war ala Star Wars, it is fitting that you gain control of the government rather than the entire planet, and slaughtering an entire city is perfectly acceptable to ones such as the Sith. The Chancellor is merely another pawn to break to your hand, and if you must, you must. The Destruction of all he holds dear does not bode well for the planet.

KotOR II: After the Credits Rolled
DarthSpock

Post TSL: After their flight from the destruction of Malachor V, the now reawakened Exile begins to try to remember it all.

Remember a conversation break when the speaker changes; even when it is just dialogue and internal dialogue. I was able to keep track, but only just.

The piece is confusing with the Exile falling into and our of unconsciousness, and the crew running frantically to repair enough to escape. When she does finally awaken, it is to confusion of the events in the recent past, a not uncommon reaction to the howling mess of war.

The Fall of Malak
Kusco

Pre KOTOR on the Star Forge: The fallen Revan makes his old friend over.

The piece is excellent, Revan driving a still loyal Jedi into the dark with words and anger. Striking off his jaw at the last is merely the period in the last sentence of Malak’s Jedi life.

Pick of the Week

Will It Ever End?
The Creators

Approximately 5 years after TSL: The new Council has settled in, but the Galaxy is not yet done with them

Some problems with word usage. It is taught, not teached, like instead of liked, meet instead of meat passed out, not past out, peeked, not peaked. You teach some one, not learn them

On the whole you get the calm before the storm feeling from the piece. Things have settled down, but new dangers loom on the horizon.

Dawn of the Tuskens
SawHawk

No specific era given: Tusken raiders make an attack

You are using words in a manner that suggests that English is not your first language sour (bitter) when I think you meant sure. Vary (alter) rather than very (definitely). Remember conversation breaks.

The battle is disjointed; first, grenades are designed to have a specific delay time, so rolling it down a hill would only work if you’re sure it would take only the amount of time that delay is. I worked in one non SW story and developed a grenade with everything from 30 seconds to impact detonation. But you made no mention of such a fusing option so I figured a standard 3 second delay, meaning if it were falling less than 30 meters. On an incline, it would be about half of that, and on sand, less than a third.

The basics are good, but we find out little about their society we have not already known.

A Storm of Troopers
Sawhawk

No specific time, but in the Imperial Era; A scout trooper on a normal day

The piece was far too short to get a grasp on it. Beyond his name and some of his skills, we find out little about the character, and nothing about the situation.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Revan

HK-REDUX - Part 1 – BAD MEMORIES
Ghostie

KOTOR aboard the Ebon Hawk: HK has some interesting memories in that head…

It was wondering what was happening, I got the feeling of an action adventure drama with HK stuck in the role of the cop chasing some criminal.

Pick of the Week

Light Side Female Exile

Him, Again
Exile499

KOTOR on the Outer Rim: The Exile meets someone she had not anticipated.

The piece is funny with her complaining about dead man giving her the wrong code, even though she had felt it wasn’t right. The only part that was confusing was that we have her meeting Atton long before Peragus.

Other KOTOR characters

Rixis Jan's True Tales of Bounty Hunter Glory - Episode One - "The Golden Age"
HCF

KOTOR ending on Korriban: A young man sort of drifts through life.

The character reminded me too much of Griff, and his feeling of apathy seems to infect everyone. Manaan, Tatooine, finally Korriban, he couldn’t seem to get enough together to even try to make a difference.

The long, sad death of Canderous Ordo, pt.1
TwilightMan

Two Years Post KOTOR: Canderous has a new reason to live.

The piece was small, but like a piece of Balkava, tart, sweet, and making you want more.

Pick of the Week

A Bedtime Story
Prisoner 24601

Pre KOTOR: Mission’s brother abandons her

The piece is good because even if she doesn’t trust him, Mission does love her brother. When he abandons her, stealing her stash, laying it off on Lena, she still dreams of the day they get back together.

Pick of the Week

KOTOR Fairy Tales: Puss in Boots
Karacat

Originally reviewed 10 February 06 That review is below;

A fairy tale using the characters of KOTOR

With a screen name like Karacat, you wouldn’t be surprised that she’d pick Puss in Boots. Having written a children’s story, I know how hard it is.
Yet she does it seamlessly right down to the interjections you would expect from an audience listening to such a story. Well worth the time to read it.

Reprise Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 06-20-2010, 10:41 PM   #1132
AlytNerooN
Lurker
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1
Hi,

Thank You machievelli for the kind words reviewing part 1 of my story. Been nearly five years since i wrote it and i have a bit of a guilty conscience for those who left positive comments :-). Maybe i'll play through the game once more, and if i can find my notes, continue the story. Looking forward to SW:TOR, maybe this will be a good way to prepare :-)

Thanks again.
AlytNerooN is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 06-21-2010, 06:43 PM   #1133
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlytNerooN View Post
Hi,

Thank You machievelli for the kind words reviewing part 1 of my story. Been nearly five years since i wrote it and i have a bit of a guilty conscience for those who left positive comments :-). Maybe i'll play through the game once more, and if i can find my notes, continue the story. Looking forward to SW:TOR, maybe this will be a good way to prepare :-)

Thanks again.
Glad to hear it. Keep writing, and I'll keep reading.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 06-24-2010, 04:00 AM   #1134
Mawsh
Lurker
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1
The Revan Show

machievelli,

Hey! I am the original author of The Revan Show, which you posted on May 14th. I want to say I am honored and thrilled that my humble little piece received some recognition. It's funny, because I wrote that story YEARS ago, that I should have just happened to check up on it recently and to my surprise that it would get posted somewhere else!

I do want you to know that my writing ability has improved dramatically since then. Though I am very glad you seemed to enjoy it! I originally wrote it just for fun and for laughs and I'm ashamed of it, but also proud that it would get posted on a couple of star wars sites. Thanks again!

- Mawsh (formerly The Demon Phoenix)
Mawsh is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 06-24-2010, 09:54 AM   #1135
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mawsh View Post
machievelli,

Hey! I am the original author of The Revan Show, which you posted on May 14th. I want to say I am honored and thrilled that my humble little piece received some recognition. It's funny, because I wrote that story YEARS ago, that I should have just happened to check up on it recently and to my surprise that it would get posted somewhere else!

I do want you to know that my writing ability has improved dramatically since then. Though I am very glad you seemed to enjoy it! I originally wrote it just for fun and for laughs and I'm ashamed of it, but also proud that it would get posted on a couple of star wars sites. Thanks again!

- Mawsh (formerly The Demon Phoenix)
Thanks for the comment. I would hope your skills had improved, after all it's been five years. As for why, if it weren't fun, all of us would have gotten real lives by now.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 06-25-2010, 02:03 PM   #1136
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Ten Years of Redemption
Lord Spitfire

Pre KOTOR at the end of the Mandalorian Wars: The Exile seeks his future

The piece is drab and dreary. The scene is like any bus station I have ever been in, and the cashier just as caring.

kotorfanmedia

Other KOTOR Characters

Malsel and Revtel
Arrow

Post Mandalorian war: Revan and Malak have to deal with a very pushy narrator

The piece was uproarious from start to finish. The Narrator making Malak bald just because she could, then threatens Revan with toad sex. Kreia changing her name mid-stream because this is the wrong savior/destroyer of the galaxy, and complaining about Czerka, who sold her the oven.

Worth every minute of the read.

Pick of the week

The Lightsaber In the Gizka Statue
Charys

Post TSL: The combined crews land on another planet, and find a message from Revan and the Exile

The piece has some interesting interplay between the characters. Brianna wanting to be teamed with Mical because both spent so much time being called by a title rather than name. The one confusing point, why both are together in the same story is explained rather neatly.

The entire thing seemed to be centered on a contest, but ends rather abruptly when Bastila takes a weapon that is sort of lying around, and ends it. But we know the search will continue.

Bedtime Story
Wook

A lot of good things have been said about this story, and I agree with most of it. Perhaps Revan is having visions of the future when she tells it. Mission constantly interrupting is perfect characterization, though sucking the thumb is a bit much.

Pick of the Week

Imago: A Tale Of Two Sith.
Midnight Hawk

Alternate Universe post KOTOR: Revan tells of her own birth

The story starts out as you might expect, but as it goes on, you are drawn into the first young, then mature Revan doing everything with ulterior motives, like her mother. By the end you see the daughter is the same as well.

Pick of the week

Once upon a time...
Phantom

Post KOTOR: It might have been interesting…

It was short, blast it. The story within being told started out so well, told from Jolee’s perspective, so who else could have been wise? Bastila is so upset that she takes what might have been and reduced it to terse sentences, assisted whether she wished it or not by HK47. Revan is a lot like the Jedi younglings in his amusement.

Revan's Gift
Allronix

Originally reviewed 5 March 2006. That review is below;

Set during the interim between KOTOR and KOTOR II. Three years after Revan left her crew to travel alone, Mission finds a gift.

The style is clean and well rounded. The story excellent. 15 readers on the site gave Allronix a thumbs up, and they are well deserved.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Fanfiction.net

the Mission with in
SawHawk

Ten years Post KOTOR: Mission dreams of might have beens.

The same problem with word usage. The only saving grace is that the previous works were posted on the same day.

One note, the author was young when these were written, and is now an 11 Bravo stationed in Iraq. Everyone wish him the best.

Star Wars and the Honey Pot
SawHawk

No specific era given: Winnie the Pooh as a Sith lord?

The piece was amusing primarily because of the subject. I keep trying to visualize Winnie in dark robes with a honey pot in one hand, and a light saber in the other.

Then I noticed this short piece was just the beginning, there were two more sections and with a bit of trepidation, I went on. By the time I reached this line;

"This is Star Wars not Star Trek! This is not fair!"

I was well and truly hooked. Not to mention suddenly remembering the scene from Space Balls with the ‘jamming’ missile.

I had to finish. It was sheer comedic genius. The captain arguing that being the good guy and hero is good, but being just one of the lower level good guys sucks, and Winnie upset at the waste of honey fighting such a foe.

Pick of the Week

In your Dreams, part 1 of 2
gekkeiju

Originally reviewed 8 Dec 2006 over at kotorfanmedia, That review is below

During TSL: The revelations of Atton’s past.

gekkeiju had done another excellent piece here. Alike and different from the above reviewed work (Release by the same author). The setting is excellent, the piece sublime in that you fully understand why the characters are arguing, and learn more about them in the telling. Well worth a read.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Exiled No Longer
Wook

Post TSL: One last link drains away the Exile

The piece is well wrought, the people worried about their leader, everyone trying their best to heal her, but one final link must be severed.

A Jedi's Redemption
Fallen Sith Lord

Post TSL: The Exile is reunited with Revan

Remember conversation breaks.

The scene has a calm before the storm feel to it. The reunion very low key.

HK47 monologue
Childe at Heart

Your forgot a word in ‘a young man in a Republic, and a young woman in Jedi robes.’

The piece is a terse recitation of the entire first game from when he met Revan, ending when he is finally reactivated.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 07-02-2010, 10:15 AM   #1137
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
in the eyes of the hunter: tales of the bounty hunter lern Alviin
Exoduz

During KOTOR on Nar Shaddaa: A bounty hunter takes a new mission

The piece has a lot of the same problems you have displayed before. No characterization, no description, and extremely short.

Fanfiction.net

Distance
kaizokunami

Post TSL: Atton finds his mind wandering

The piece was interesting in that everything is inside Atton’s head. He is attracted by the sleeping woman, but he’s both afraid she will say yes, and afraid she will say no.

HK tell little jokes
Aliisza

During TSL: Yeah, you can die laughing

The piece starts out amusing, each character telling jokes, and the Sith assassins falling into the banter right up to the point where they die by thermal detonator. Atton’s Mandalorian joke I think was the best of the lot.

Dark Changes
The Lady Revan

Pre KOTOR on Deralia: A little housekeeping.

The piece starts of slowly with a few friends in a new place. The change is so swift that there are four dead bodies even before you realize it. The end crips and neat.

Pick of the Week

Result of Mandalore's death
The Lady Revan
Pre KOTOR: Revan takes a break, and Saul Karath chafes.

The piece was idyllic in it’s own way. The war is almost over, and Revan takes a little break, which drives Karath crazy because he wants to finish the job.

Each character is well defined, and the relationship between Malak and Revan before KOTOR clarified making the subsequent betrayal that much more shocking.

The Darkness Endures
Criann Onasi

Beginning of KOTOR, Alternate Universe: As Lord Revan goes down to Taris to hunt Bastila, Malak strikes.

The piece brings them all together at the beginning but in a skewed form. Revan is still dark Lord, Bastila is hiding alone, and Carth a prisoner. An interesting take on the scenes we know.

Straying from the Light
Writers Ambition

Pre Clone Wars: A failed Padawan chooses the dark Path

The piece is abrupt in it’s transition. The young man having failed his third trial, being left by his master who had become a council member, goes Columbine and decides to kill everyone.

kotorfanmedia

Other KOTOR characters

Denouement
David Gaider

Originally posted March 3, 2006: That review is below

After the Star Forge is destroyed, and the Republic celebrates, Revan decides what she wants in life.

David Gaider is an anomaly among us. He works for Bioware, and wrote this piece at the request of fans he knew. He immediately disclaims a lot of things. He denigrates his own work more than the most vicious critic.
Yet 34 readers gave it a thumbs up. 21 reviewed it.
Not bad, eh?

Reprise Pick of the Week

Ask HK 47
Zk273

Originally posted October 28, 2005: That review is below

A parody with HK from KOTOR fame as an advice columnist.
While I thought the ‘just kill him’ attitude HK always displays would pall, it is remarkable funny. One of four in a series.

Reprise Pick of the Week

When All is Said and Done
Caritas0

Originally reviewed 10 March 2006; That review is below

In the interim after KOTOR. While being interrogated Ciara (Once Revan) is forced to reminisce about the events of the voyage including emotional attachments.

Well written, mixing the drama of the events, the humor and romance of memories, with a full blown court of inquiry style interrogation.
Excellent work.

Reprise Pick of the Week

A Bad Day in Paradise
Faltallon

Post KOTOR: The old crew from Ebon Hawk search for Revan, and find a garbage chute.

The piece is action packed, and the mix of stand to the death, and ‘run away’ is outrageously funny.

Pick of the Week

Jabba's Palace - Original Cut
Scythe404

Set in ROTJ: What if these two droids had been there instead…

I wasn’t sure what to think when I started. HK47 and T3 instead? Then the action began and I was hooked. The same scenes we know so well, but with HK as the protocol droid with his satirical commentary on everything from Luke Skywalker to the director. Boba Fett defending his present employment because he had to pay the bills, and the face (And life) saving decision, hey, let’s cast them in a video game instead!

Pick of the Week

May the Farce Be with You
Jiara

During KOTOR: A scene I would have loved to see.

The regular characters delightfully skewed. Vrook being told by someone that he has a twin sister (Kreia) Mission deciding to nickname Zaalbar Chewie, Bastila starring in a loop ala Princess Leia, and all of it a dream caused by fried gizka.

As always Jiara makes me want to laugh out loud.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 07-09-2010, 11:06 AM   #1138
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Ultimatum
Tysyacha

Non SW Fiction: It all begins with an assassination

The piece is a good build up, Tys. The descriptions give us two men one respected, the other venal, and with one shot the better man is removed. I wonder where it’s going from here?

kotorfanmedia
Light Side Female Revan

Vacation, my foot!
SaturdayInAugust

Post KOTOR: The vacation has to end some time

The piece is funny because of circumstance. Only a few months after KOTOR, and Revan is inundated by paparazzi and still madly in love with Carth. Jolee as a master is not surprising, but considering most of the masters we meet, refreshing.

Pick of the week

Dragon's Wisdom
Ellagne

KOTOR on Tatooine: A different take on the Krayt Dragon scene

An interesting view of the scene, especially with Revan having used the force to move him from his cave rather than having to fight him. The dragon being as intelligent as the mythical version helped. I thoroughly enjoyed this work.

Pick of the Week

Destiny's Pawn: Kashyyyk Chapter 1
Allronix

KOTOR en route to Kashyyk: The crew has yet to settle into a smooth team

The piece flows well, and we get a good look at all of them. Bastila comes across almost as a clone of Kreia, opinionated and pushy; the idea that Kairi (Revan) has yet to know about Carth’s being widowed and unsure of her own feelings for him when alone. Bastila’s plan is easy to figure out, and just as unsettling to me as it is to Juhani. A good read.

Playing Light on Dark - Chapter 1
Ellagne

KOTOR on Taris: The pair is unlikely, but intriguing…

I have rarely seen such an odd couple. Carth seems a bit out of his depth, and our Revan a smart aleck, but the pace is good, the scenes well wrought.

Summer to Winter
SummerWinter1990

Post KOTOR: What to do, what to do…

It comes across as a rich family taking a not too serious vacation. Going to Tatooine where it begins because it’s there. Telos because Tatooine was boring, and now bound for Hoth. The cursing matches was cute, and I nearly cracked up at Polly.

Light Side Male Revan

Cornered
TheJediSentinel

Post KOTOR: The masters get blindsided by…a wedding?

This piece was amusing, especially the discussion of whether our heroes should be allowed to marry. There are some of the usual ‘we can’t have attachments’ talk, and I was merely surprised that one master, Vima Sunrider was able to turn all of the arguments on their head with a few pithy remarks.


Fanfiction.net

KOTOR II: Mysteries in the Darkness
Lexington's Hammer

Post TSL: As four of the companions go on to other duties, the Exile and a small team go in search of Revan.

The piece flows well, though the flowery speeches given by some of the characters is out of character for all of them. Jumping to the edge of the Unknown made sense, and the secret Revan had hidden there for a follower to find was reminiscent of a pirate’s treasure map.

Destiny's Knight
Sith Lord Darth Revan

Pre KOTOR: Bastila’s first day at the Jedi Temple

The only disagreement I had with the story was having her go from a child being sent to the Academy to being buried in lessons before a single day had passed. Having her smooth over the feelings of her new friend was well done; as someone once said, if you don’t know it’s impossible, you might try it anyway.

An interesting read, a pity I do not have time to read the entire thing

Langauge of Love
Sera Terranova

One Year Post KOTOR: Say it with flowers, but is that really the custom?

It starts just like any normal pre marital piece might, and the explanation of the language of flowers is very much fun. The ending however is outrageous and even more fun, since I do know the Wookiee prize kill ritual mentioned. The piece is perfect as it sits.

Pick of the Week

Lucky
Code Name Adania

TSL on Nar Shaddaa: It looks like Atton’s lucky day…

The piece is lightly amusing, and as the author herself said, you can almost feel the fan girl drool. The end is light and amusing.

Chasing Redemption
Prisoner 24601

Originally reviewed 2 Dec 2005 at kotorfanmedia, that review is below

Post KOTOR: Direct sequel to the author’s From the Ashes .

The style is still excellent, and the segue from sad memorial for a fallen enemy to arrest by special operations troops is well done. The readers on Kotorfanmedia gave it ten thumbs up. Add mine to it.
Reprise Pick of the Week

Another View
Trevor X

KOTOR on Taris: The pair of would be rescuers set up to find Bastila in their own ways.

The piece was interesting in the changes made. However in a bar away from the main entertainment areas, and the Lower City would qualify, how hard would it be to find a local? Living in Las Vegas, I know the most foolish question is to ask when off the Strip is ‘so are you from around here?’.

The Author admits it is a bit disjointed, and the additional character makes it intriguing, but at the same time, has added little to the story as yet.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 07-16-2010, 10:45 AM   #1139
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Fanfiction.net

The Long Journey
Criann Onasi

KOTOR on Taris: The story begins

A lot of the background has been clipped out but most of it is admittedly unnecessary. The piece rambles a bit more than I like, but that is just me.

A Jedi's Sacrifice
Stella Anon

TSL Aftermath: The Exile makes her decision and her next sacrifice

Deep introspection, examining her own reasons from the Mandalorian wars to the present. Her decision is logical, though obvious.

Coming Home
Xenzen

Pre KOTOR: A slice of military life, medical leave

The piece is a bit of perfection because the worry about what might have happened is right there where every mother wife, lover would feel it. The worry about why he’s home now rather than at other times; communicating even to the son who has to go to school instead.

Naming the soldier in question was left to the perfect place, so that you get all the worry before you know, and it gives us that extra insight into who waits.

Pick of the Week

Punishment
The Lady Revan

Post TSL; The Exile is captured as an act of revenge

The piece had me a bit confused because the enemy is unclear. They are reminiscent of the Yuuzhan Vong of later years with their bio-engineered tools, yet seem to have some past with the people of the KOTOR period.

The Fallen Apart
FireTeam Torch

Pre TSL on Telos Station: If the rules don’t work, break them

An interesting read. The part I enjoyed was someone deciding to add additional directives and those causing the malfunction. Especially when the directives, to save the republic and obey the laws, are even in a human mind sometimes mutually exclusive.

The road to hell
Sirval

TSL on Dantooine: The title says it all if you finish the quote

The introspection goes well with interring the bodies of three people. Burying them also buries the past, and give her a reason to go on.

kotorfanmedia

Light Side Female Revan

A Mandalorian's Daughter Chapter 1 - Canderous
Galaxy Girl

Pre KOTOR assumedly on Taris: Canderous has dreams of his adopted daughter

The piece is vague in that a lot of backstory is created, but does not fit in well with what is known. It is a good read that notwithstanding.

Other KOTOR characters

Payback
Allronix

Originally posted 24 March 2006, that review below;

Starting 2 years before KOTOR, segueing into the escape of Ebon Hawk. A young Twi-lek girl finally pays off on a debt to Canderous.

An excellent well written piece. The style is Allronix at his best. 13 readers gave it a thumbs up.

Reprise Pick of the Week

The Sith Lords: Behind the Game
Karacat

TSL on Dxun: The cast behind the set

A companion piece, since she had done the same thing for KOTOR, Karacat had a lot of fun with this, I can tell. From Brianna signing autographs, to a pink rifle for HK47, commenting on Sith assassin garb, the Exile as a movie machine star because of daddy’s money, it flowed well I especially enjoyed the cookies; Double Dark Side Deluxe!

Pick of the Week

Bingo
Kitome

Pre KOTOR: So that is why she was exiled…

The piece is short sweet and cute. The idea that they play bingo (The auto randomizing cards were a good touch) and it was being caught cheating that got Kreia kicked out was a riot.

Pick of the Week

Final Days
Jedi Boadicea

4 years Post KOTOR: An old man and his student greet some guests

The piece flows well, and the characters are lovingly portrayed. Jolee is more cantankerous than ever, and Dustil while still sullen but starting to grow out of it. Mission now at 18 teaming with Canderous was a nice touch, and the Mando’s way of dealing with someone who appears to have given up on life was just too choice.

Pick of the Week

The Passing of Mandalore
RogueLadySabyne

Post TSL: The end o an age, the birth of a new

The piece, like most death watch ones, was depressing. I agree that you would have expected him to go out in a blaze of glory, but even dying he didn’t whimper. The line about death as a commander tickled me because it fit’s the mentality so well.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 07-23-2010, 10:21 AM   #1140
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Coruscant Entertainment Center

Harbinger of Fate
Viridian Bandit

Non-SW fantasy: The hero jumps down the rabbit hole twice

The piece is interesting with the twist of going trough the same thing twice even though he had himself warned them not to do it. Not much has happened as yet, but I would like to see more.

Welcome to the forum.

Knights of the Old Republic - War in the Shadows
Penguin Unit

Post TSL: A year after the Exile’s departure, three of her trainees follow.

The piece moves smoothly, though a bit forced in it’s progression. Everything is in past tense so we do not get a feel for how the expedition members are feeling.

Technical note; A single ship would be ignored most of the time, but you’re sending two warships, which would not. It would cause more problems later.

I tend to agree with the author; they built an entire era that stands alone, then threw it away to do TOR. From what I have heard so far there are few links to the two eras.

kotorfanmedia

Dark Side Male Revan

Second Chances - Prologue
Renee Enderson

Pre-KOTOR on Dantooine: Bastila speaks of her captivity under Revan

The piece take a diverging course from what we know, and the divergence is into interesting ground. What if she had been held by Revan before the capture of the dark lord? How long had it been, and is the claim by Vrook of Stockholm Syndrome remotely valid?

I for one, want to see more.

Dark Side Female Revan

Sic ‘em
Ninjer

Pre-KOTOR: Fighting fire with fire

Knowing what I do about black operations, the piece is well done. In every war the ‘just’ side has consider taking a leaf from the enemy’s book. Rotterdam (albeit only a threat carried out accidentally) and the bombing of Coventry led to the terror bombing of half a dozen German cities, and the firebombing of Japanese ones, because the Allies felt it was proper to answer terror with terror.

An excellent dark side piece.

Pick of the Week

Other KOTOR characters

Leave it
Arrow

Pre KOTOR: Malak says goodbye

The piece is smooth, the characterization perfect. As another said Revan is just an adjunct to the story as this is Malak’s big scene.

The Gift
Jiara

Originally reviewed 31 March 06 That review is below

In the interim between KOTOR I and II

On Carth’s birthday, he gets a very special present from Jolee.

The style is crisp and clean, drawing you in and keeping you going. 38 readers on the site gave it a thumbs up.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Consequence
Jedi Boadicea

Pre KOTOR: Her training had never covered this

The story flows from the dragging agony of the escape, to the preparations for the Endar Spire’s departure, and every step you can feel Bastila’s weariness. The last line is perfect, because it is not something you would expect a Jedi to learn.

Pick of the Week

Fanfiction.net

Wild Guess
Kitterpillar

Pre Mandalorian Wars: A possible separation sends Malak into a tizzy.

The piece is light and cute. As for the end, take a wild guess.

Let Your Hair Down
Helena L

KOTOR at Tatooine: Sometimes you need to learn to relax

The piece is a nice bit of smooth fluff, the main character taking Bastila out for a drink, and Bastila getting into the relaxation. Some downtime few authors give their characters. Well done.

Kyros Orion
xInuyashaxangelx

Post KOTOR: The son of Revan follows his father’s path

The piece is good, but the idea that he is the Exile as it appears it will be does not fit the time frame. If you accept that time frame, he would have been exiled at six.

The fall of Earth The rise of The Republic
DarkLordMandalore

Pre Republic: The Rakatans invade… Earth

The writing style is crisp and journal like, and well done. All of the problems are technical, andI will address them next

Technical; Remember all of the movies begin ‘Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away’ which precludes a technological Earth to be part of it. As often as it has been suggested that humanity has built technological empires which later collapsed, and started over from barbarism, there is no evidence that it has occurred.

Second, having someone other than a linguist find and read a journal purported to be 25 millennia old assumes the language had survived. English is a relatively new language, and even Chinese which is much older is believed to be less than 13,000 years old and has changed dramatically when you consider their writing system is only 4,000 years old. Languages are in a constant state of low level flux with words changing meanings. The word awful which we think of as terrible was considered s compliment in the 16th century; it was applied to Queen Elizabeth speaking of the awe people felt at her presence. In my own lifetime the word Pagan which meant the hicks who lived outside the Roman cities has come to mean atheist.

Third you have an interstellar war, a very long haul proposition without a method of faster than light travel. Having the Surtins go to the ‘neighboring’ planet implies that they came from say Alpha Centauri, a trip of about six years. No one has contemplated a war on that scale for the simple reason that there is no way to have command of your troops over such distances. The Mongol invasion of Europe stopped because the Great Khan had died, and their law required the leaders of the various assault forces to come bring their men home and swear fealty, but the month to six weeks it took for a dispatch rider to start near Ulaanbaatar and ride to Vienna Austria is nothing compared to six years if the Surtins had the same custom. That invasion never resumed.

I surmise that faster than light travel is not common because everyone is astonished when the Rakata use it.

Finally, you have two resources that are functionally inexhaustible in the story, the crystal the Mandalorians have and the Thagreium fuel from Pluto. Either the is something observable that causes renewal or resources are exhaustible.

My Promise
risokura

Ebon Hawk after the Leviathan: Haunted by her own past and sensing another evil to fight, Revan says goodbye to Carth.

The piece is well wrought, with a flow that draws you along. The internal arguments between her past and present selves is well done, each speaking with their own voice and attitudes.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 07-30-2010, 10:47 AM   #1141
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Coruscant Entertainment Center

The tainted love of a blind doll
Revan sama

No specific time: Revan and Visas in love

The piece holds you warm in it’s grasp, bringing the two characters together, and allows you to see Visas’ heart yearning. Her inner argument, that it is selfish doesn’t stop it from being poignant.

Welcome to the forum

Pick of the Week

Wine and Pointless Blabbering
Mr_BFA

NonSW fiction: How to get past a writer’s block

The piece is as the title suggests, merely drink and pointless words. The introduction is frenetic in his wish to write, only the end result is rather sad.

Fanfiction.net

Destiny on the Front
Editor Jen

Star Wars Battlefront: A player get trapped inside the game

The piece is confusing if you don’t know the game, as the author said. However the scenes flowed very well, and the character using her own capabilities to bypass the systems was well done.

Something I would like to see more of.

Dark Knights
Djinn Slashfen

Pre KOTOR: Revan and Malak travel to gather the location of the Star Forge and fall toward the darkness in the process

The piece is convoluted, Revan at times the Jedi still, but more the soldier she has been and will be. She is reaching the ‘ends justify the means’ level of reality, and Malak finds himself drawn along willy-nilly.

Pick of the Week

Almost Dawn
Allronix

Originally reviewed 21 April 2006 at kotorfanmedia, that review is below:

A missing scene from Kotor II. Carth and Canderous team up to rescue Revan

This is the fifth time Allronix has been reviewed by me. It just keeps getting better.

Reprise Pick of the week.

Knights of the Old Republic: The AU Story
Booksaboutnothing

KOTOR on Taris: A generic retelling of the beginning of the game

I did not have time to read very far, but the piece seems to be pretty much what you would expect. There is little character interaction beyond the expected.

The Mandalorian Wars

DarkLordMandalore

PreMandalorian Wars: The stage is set

Remember conversation breaks. At one point you had three different people speaking in the same sentence.

Memoirs of the Exile
OldSmoke

Post TSL: The Exile Dark Lord reminisces

The piece is diary style, so you would anticipate it is dry, but this was too dry for my liking.

kotorfanmedia

Before the Dawn, Part 1
Binary Star

Pre KOTOR: Hell comes to Telos

The piece sneaks up on you. A normal day is shattered by war, and Dustil finds in himself some of his father’s strength. The boy automatically assuming command in the crisis could some day be his father’s image.

Pick of the Week

A Jedi Restored
RogueLadySabyne

KOTOR on Dantooine: An exiled Jedi has her status returned

The piece was confusing as I had no background for it. According to dialogue, this is just after Taris, but there are two new faces, only one of which we see, and this one remembers Revan as a man, so it cannot be Revan. The basis of her exile is almost trite and insulting; being removed from the order just from an accusation.

Brothers
Mantle of the Force

Post TSL: An odd pair of brothers reunited

The premise, that Atton and Carth are brothers, was an interesting way to bind the two games together. The piece is too short to see much interaction between them. The only negative is to remember conversation breaks

The Coming Darkness, Chapter One:
Darth Kronos

TSL on Malachor V: The Dark Exile strikes not at Revan, but at her friends

The piece flows well, and the rationale behind his attack is cold and cunning

It's My Life
Wtftastic

Post KOTOR on the un-named planet: Revan drops a bomb shell on Canderous

The piece is short and sweet. The build up is steady until the bomb lands, and the only problem is we never hear his reply.

Plot Twists, Prologue
Snugglebunny

KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: The story begins with a twist…

The piece sneaks up on you, and the twist of having a foursome of college students instead of Revan is cute. Their interplay as they fight the first battles is funny. ‘The force beats guns’ is cute considering what Trask had done.

I agree with Luna; Where’s Darth Tater when you need the spud?

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-06-2010, 11:01 AM   #1142
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Coruscant Entertainment Center

Iron Heel, Iron Hand: Chapter I
Tysyacha

Non SW fiction: Chess as a metaphor

Not being into chess, I had some rough going, but understand the concept well enough to enjoy it. The idea that someone god alone knows where is going to set you up on a date is new enough to the modern world that we can have fun with it. I’ve always enjoyed the idea that I’ll find my ‘true’ love halfway around the world and it would be impossible for us to get together.

Bedtime story Star wars KOTOR version
Revan sama

Post KOTOR: There are reasons men dread telling children bedtime stories…

The situation is fun, three friends telling their ‘nephew’ a story. The mother being upset is a given, especially when young children are little digital sound recorders when you don’t want them to use the words is bad enough, but I think the explanation of what the words meant, lying like a Persian rug, didn’t help.

Pick of the Week

kotorfanmedia

The Darkness of Loss
Charys

KOTOR Aboard Leviathan: Carth has flashbacks of exactly why he is there to kill Karath

The piece is perfect from the vengeance angle. He knows why he is there, and everything is perfect.

The Real World
RogueLadySabyne

KOTOR on Taris: Carth remembers his own loss, and plots his revenge

The piece is like a gem laid on a piece of silk, revealing it’s perfection. Carth’s pain is balanced perfectly with the necessity.

What is the Force?
Kitome

PreKOTOR: Do we have the right person?

The piece suggests that anyone could play the part… But the choice doesn’t work for me.

Father Figures
Eliavyn

KOTOR on Manaan: What does it mean?

The piece delves into different views of the same scene, and leaves you considering the same scene from different views.

I promise
Qas

KOTOR in the sewers: Mission learned her work ethic from somewhere…

The idea that Griff, that total loser actually taught his sister something was astounding. The piece flowed so well I wished I could have read their entire life story.

Plot Twists, Chapter One
Snugglebunny

KOTOR on Taris: A continuation of Plot Twist

The scene is funny in that with four main characters taking the Revan role, you have a chance to do all of the things you might have considered or refused. The idea that they have a backstory themselves leads to wondering what their counterparts are doing back at the university. By the way, does anyone else have a provenance on the name of that university?

Fanfiction.net

No Good Deed
Anonymous-cat

TSL on Malachor V: The title says it all

The piece is poignant in that what the Exile says is true; her good deeds led to pain and death for others. Her fury at the end with this simple fact is borne out in the last sentence

Carth's Obsession
Evil Hobo

Post KOTOR: He is a little obsessed…

The piece is short and strange

From Memory
Fireteam Torch

KOTOR on Taris: There are good reasons they memory wipe droids.

The piece is funny in that most of it is from the droid’s point of view. Suggesting that T# had been programmed to be stubborn is cute, and having him automatically break her out of jail was perfect.

An exiles tale
Phoenix 13X

TSL on Peragus: Generic retelling of the beginning of the game

The piece as I said is merely a generic recount of the starting portion

Shadowlands
Strict31

PreKOTOR on Taris: Zaalbar’s first Lifedebt

The piece is interesting because we have a woman as lethal as Revan having Zaalbar commit himself to a life debt to her. We do not know what happens from this point on but it sounds interesting.

Pick of the Week

I'm Getting Too Old For This
Affirmation26

Pre Mandalorian Wars: Jolee at home

The idea that the Jedi knew where Jolee was is interesting, and having Master Vrook treat him like a maiden aunt dragooned into baby sitting was cute. Having dealt with Revan once before, it gives you an idea of why he is so cantankerous.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-09-2010, 06:57 AM   #1143
The_Catto
The Rhythm Schism
 
The_Catto's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: New South Wales, Australia.
Posts: 1,199
Current Game: KotOR
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
Thank you for your review Mach. As I replied in the thread, it was a rather "spur-of-the-moment" type of piece and much unlike many others that I have done like that, I don't mind this one.
Once again, thank you

The_Catto is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-13-2010, 10:58 AM   #1144
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Coruscant Entertainment Center

KotOR Film
SithLordDrew

KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: The retelling from a new angle

The piece is good journeyman work. As to how it is done, to quote Tom Lehr, ‘This I know from nothing’. The integration of two new characters, the Selkath Jedi and the extremely nasty Twi-Lek female makes some interesting twists.

Millennial: Chapter I
Tysyacha

NonSW: A quiet little dinner with an interesting group meeting

The piece is well wrought as all of Tysyacha’s work is. The evening is a normal dinner party except for the guests, and even the youngest human in the group has her own special ability to enliven it.

Pick of the Week

Fanfiction.net

The Darker Side of the Mirror
Lady Azar de Tameran

Post KOTOR: Bastila looks back

The piece is short, but poignant. He aversion to mirrors is because she doesn’t want to see what she has become. There is little regret, and almost no remorse, but part of her seems to wish she could turn back the clock enough to fix this.

Midnight
Miss Becky

TSL enroute to Korriban: Bao Dur contemplates the last act in his life…trying to kill the one he admires.

The piece is excellent in it’s darkness. Both Bao Dur and the Disiple know what must happen, and while they regret it, will stand and die.

Pick of the Week

Rand, Atton Rand
Fox Lupine

TSL on Onderon: A surprise when someone leaves.

The piece was a bit confusing because while she is acting like a dark Jedi, the Exile’s reactions are also more like a child who feels betrayed, first by a mentor, now by a friend. It leaves you wondering what will happen next.

Imaginary
Childe at heart

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk: Attom remembers the last Jedi he killed.

The piece has some interesting twists. The Exile having been informed of what Atton had been, but backing off. Then the revelation of the relationship that dead Jedi had with the Exile. A very enjoyable piece

A souleating problem
Aliisza

TSL on Nar Shaddaa: A soul eater targets Atton

The piece flows well and foreboding looms. I didn’t have time to read more than the first segment, but it’s looking good.

Pick of the Week

Falling away
The Lady Revan

Post KOTOR: Revan gives one last gift

The piece is poignant, the struggle to save both Revan and the child, the fall, and her end. Then the boy now a young man remembering what he had been told as a toddler.

Pick of the Week

kotorfanmedia

The Way Things Were, Prologue
amoinete

KOTOR: Revan receives a disturbing vision.

The piece is dark and disturbing.

Closer
Turtle

Pre Mandalorian Wars: A rather intriguing scene

The piece suggests so much, and I should slap my dirty minded little self. Bastila doing something stupid (Go figure) to impress Revan. Both Revan and the Exile frantically covering it up, and all of them scrubbing floors afterward was choice.

Pick of the Week

Confession
Rose07

18 years Post KOTOR: Carth dies, and is reunited with his first love

The piece is poignant, with Morgana who, like we imagine the afterlife seeing what happened after she had left the stage. She is still bitter that Carth had moved on, and Carth only hopes that when Revan dies, she will be as easy to love for Morgana.

Where the Light Begins Chapter One
JadenOnasi

PreKOTOR: A twist in the same old story

The piece was good because suddenly Revan was demoted from the Dark Lord to a bit player by her own twin. The idea is accepted a bit too readily, but the end leaves you with a ‘what is going to happen next feeling. I would love to read it all, but may never have the time.

Sithy Sithy Heart
RogueLadySabyne

KOTOR on the Unknown Planet: What torture really made Bastila turn to the dark side? The answer will surprise you.

The piece starts off pretty generic, Bastila being tortured, but then it segues, and horror of horrors, it becomes something out of a Country Western Honky-tonk bar. Since I feel the same way about most Country Western music, I can understand why she pleads to be a Dark Jedi rather than endure it. Just the start of the scene was enough to make me grin, and by the end I was laughing.

Pick of the Week

Doubt
Rex

Pre-Mandalorian Wars: Revan departs, but not before talking with those left behind

The piece flows well, and it is a logical scene. Others have commented on the strange unwillingness to fight within the council, and I have always wondered about it myself. If you are sworn to protect a group, why do they force you to stay out of what would be the fight of their lives? The explanations given in the games makes little or no sense; especially when you consider that if the few Jedi that had gone were to have stayed home, neither game would have happened. There would have been no Malachor V, no Jedi Civil War, no Darth Nihilus or Sion.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-20-2010, 10:03 AM   #1145
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Coruscant Entertainment Center

Snow White: Mass effect 2 version
Revan Sama

Set In Mass Effect universe: A really fractured fairy tale.

The piece is absurd, and fun. The author throwing his weight around to make the characters knuckle under. Shepard in a dress, A magic mirror with an attitude, an evil queen who is supposed to be his step sister, even putting up with Young and the Restless partial synopsis for a couple of paragraphs.

I only had time to read the first two chapters, but it was worth the time

Millennial: Chapter II
Tysyacha

Second chapter of Millennial: The after dinner entertainment

The piece flowed along very well. The schools of magic are interesting and the explanation of the vortex with how and why it is the ultimate punishment intriguing.

Millennial: Chapter III
Tysyacha

Third chapter of Millennial: The after dinner entertainment continues

As the piece continues, it becomes more a tale of foreboding than entertainment. Meeting a ghost should always be so simple.

kotorfanmedia

Provocation
Yggdrasil

KOTOR aboard Ebon Hawk: The crew has a…discussion

The piece is funny primarily because the author tweaked the stereotypes, then let them run with it. The ending interchange, where everyone thought someone else had invited Canderous into the party was choice.

A Necessary Crime
Eliavyn

KOTOR on Taris: Just a usual night at Jayvar’s

The piece flows well, the interplay between Mission and the others in perfect character. The author filled out some background on who I assume is Canderous, and fleshed out Jayvar himself.

Skin Deep
Eliavyn

KOTOR aboard Ebon Hawk: Revan learns some of her own path before her redemption.

The piece is rambling and at time confusing. The story, and the scar that goes with it sear deep into the reader. Revan’s reaction to both fit well with the character.

Pick of the Week

Judgment Day
Prisoner 24601

Pre Mandalorian Wars: Sometimes, justice is not served enough

The piece is smooth like aged whiskey, and burns through the pain. Jolee wants to be punished for what he has done, and the Council will not give him that. It explains a lot about why Jolee ended up on Kashyyk, and why he has a deep distrust of the Order when we finally meet him.

Pick of the Week

Finding A Way
Jiara

Originally reviewed May 5th 2006 That review is below

Follows the escape from Leviathan. Carth has to deal with his feelings for the woman he knows, and the hatred he has for Revan as well.

Jiara is no stranger to these pages, and I hope she always has something else for me to see. The irritation of the crew with Carth, the argument in the cargo hold between him and Revan, even Canderous’ laughter and HK’s sarcasm is choice. 31 readers gave it a thumbs up. Add mine.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Mandalore
Dinah Lance

KOTOR: A look into Mandalore’s mind

The piece is bland, merely a recounting. But the feeling is there, the determination not to falter. The end is perfect because the reason is all because he was asked.

Fanfiction.net

Until the End
VanillaLatte

KOTOR on the Rakata home world: Abandoned by the newly risen Dark Lord, Carth tries to fight back

The piece is smooth and choice. The one change, Mission surviving, was worth the effort

The Force Titans: Advent of Power
MrGuy08

Pre KOTOR:A new way to manipulate the Force

The piece is lackluster. The situation is intriguing, but the piece left me feeling unsatisfied.

The Seminar
Sera Terranova

4 Decades after TSL: An interesting twist on how the Jedi Code works and why.

The piece is bland, but filling. The idea that the Padawan get a chance to judge how well their own teachers are doing their jobs is refreshing.

I think in my mwo mind that this was probably a creation of the new order started after TSL. I cannot see Master Vrook being judged well by such a group, because of his angry stance against any transgression, and his narrow view of what is right and wrong.

But I can’t picture Mira marrying the jerk!

A Simple Life
Zealit

TSL on Malachor V: Binding his wounds, Visas and Brianna speak of love, and who deserves it.

It is anatomy, not atonamy Remember conversation breaks. It can get confusing when there is no break to tell the reader that someone else has interjected. One minor note on anatomy, there are two bones in the lower leg.

The piece flows very well. The frantic movement of a team making sure their injured member is taken care of well done, and the reactions of both Visas and Brianna in the penultimate scene smooth.

Skills and Fools
Shadows Run

TSL aboard Ebon Hawk: A brief tender moment

The game had few such scenes, and made me wonder sometimes how many were playing in the background. By the time the ship has the full party you can imagine all sorts of things happening in the background.

Beautiful
Shadows Run

Post KOTOR, enroute to Telos: The band of brothers relaxes

The piece is a nice slice of life that is amusing and calm in turn. The drinking contest was a lot of fun, along with the song parody that ended it.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-20-2010, 10:24 AM   #1146
Revan sama
Rookie
 
Revan sama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Somewhere.
Posts: 78
Current Game: Mass effect.
Thank you Machievelli, Lord of the criticism (Sorry for the exaggeration). I am honored that you decided to review my parody Snow white: mass effect 2 version (considering the nonsense that inside).

And even if you didn't red all the others chapters, I am still glad you took time to read the two first chapter.


The more the difficulty, the more the glory.
Revan sama is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-27-2010, 11:21 AM   #1147
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Fanfiction.net

KotOR III: The Orior of the Provectus Sith
Sevac

Post TSL: The Exile with his crew go in search of Revan, yet behind them the evil begins again.

The piece forebodes, but having Sion and Traya arguing after they are supposed to be dead needs an explanation.

Letting Go
Fearthainn

Two years Post TSL: At her call two of Revan’s old crew make a slight detour.

The piece is good with plenty of concern shown for the situation. Carth dropping everything to go fit’s the character, and Bastila feeling out of her depth was a good touch. I wish this had gone further.

Pick of the Week

Like Father Like Son
qt3.14159

Post KOTOR on Coruscant: A meeting between father and son

Like most such meetings, estranged family getting together, it is both gentle and biting. The idea that Dustil had intentionally avoided being found, then went off to Korriban on his own shows that like his father, he can focus of vengeance with the best of them. Being cut adrift, first by Selene’s death, then finding that the objects of his vengeance were already gone left an interesting choice for the boy.

Jail House Humor
Catoni15

KOTOR on Manaan: A frustrated crew awaits their day in court

The piece does skew things a bit. Having Revan skating on the edge of the Dark Side again, the force lightning surprised me as much as it did Carth. Everyone was well and truly in character, and it shown through.

The Confession
Trillian4210

TSL on Nar Shaddaa: As he lays dying, Atton tells the Exile of his crimes

It looked for a while like Atton would take his bow and leave the stage, perhaps it was that part that made it so poignant. His death bed confession fit with the character we know so well, and the past that he had endured was crystal clear.

Hiding
Helena L

Post KOTOR: Bastila deals with the trauma of her fall

The piece went well. None of us knows what really happened to Bastila, most times you see some character fall it’s the normal person one minute, then the Dark monster the next. Knowing as much as I do about torture without actually picking up an implement to carry it out, using such an inducement especially with a woman would fit with the Sith mentality.

Pick of the Week

kotorfanmedia

A Different World
Kosiah

Pre KOTOR on Taris: She became a Sith because she was bored?

Lashowe is one of those characters you see and really can’t see them being anything but what they are. She is strident, aggressive, and about as cuddly as a bear you accidentally woke from hibernation. This delves into her past, and remembering all of what led her to the Korriban Academy, her answer was so choice.

Pick of the Week

The Watchmen of Deralia
JediDHW


Originally reviewed 12 May 06 That review is below:

Briane Moran (Revan) muses on her past.

A very well done vignette into the past Revan remembers. I had fun with her molding Gizka out of her synthesizer slush.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Weakness
Qas

Pre KOTOR on Korriban: Dustil is given an extra nudge

The piece is excellent in that a psychological knife is buried in the young man then turned twice, once by the girl he loves, again by what we know will happen to her.

Selene’s characterization is perfect as another reviewer commented. There are several right, kind or nice things to say in a situation like this, but by the same token, they are excellent goads to drive someone the wrong way.

Pick of the Week

For Honor
Marin Dakari

Originally reviewed May 12th 2006, that review is below

The confrontation between Jagi and Canderous from KOTOR I.

As a reader I enjoyed it. As an author, this scene has always left me cold. Perhaps I just think there was a more light side way to end it. Look for it if I ever write a KOTOR II novel.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Source of Origin: Chapter I
siempre

Originally reviewed 26 May, 2006, that review is below;

The events aboard Endar Spire from a drunken Revan’s point of view.

The style is crisp and clean, the story well done, the combat scenes the flashing images you would expect from someone not tracking too well. This is siempre’s second review, and it is the best I have seen from the author so far.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Could You Really?
JediDWH

Originally reviewed 26 May 06: Review follows:

During the battle aboard Leviathan; What went through Carth’s mind?

This is JediDWH’s second appearance in these pages, and like the first, it is a well done work. The interplay within someone’s mind is easy to do. All you need to do is write down every thought and memory it invokes. JediDWH does it here with Carth trying to reconcile Revan with who he sees. When done well, it is outstanding reading.

Reprise Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 09-03-2010, 10:22 AM   #1148
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Coruscant Entertainment Center

Pazaak
Joan Bud

No specific Era given: It’s diamond cut diamond as two cheats at Pazaak square off…

Done in first person and well done at that, the piece has two people you know are cheating facing off. The +20 card is a cute trick, and how the main character explains how a cheat could get a fake card onto the table is masterfully done.

Unfortunately, I did not read this story in it’s original incarnation, primarily because I did miss stories written back in the first couple of years I was doing this gig.

I’m not going back, I have enough stories of my own written when I was 13 I can denigrate without looking in someone else’s past.

Welcome back.

Pick of the week

The frozen maiden and The Dark Lord.
Revan sama

Post KOTOR: An off the wall romance

Others have covered the things I would have commented on. It was the first I heard that the author is French, and like Tysyacha, I applaud anyone wiling to write in something that is not their own language. I am in my 50s and I would not even try, primarily because I would need books on the spelling of the language, the grammar, and the syntax. That is why Tysyacha assisted me so well when I need some Russian phrases for one of my Faerie books.

kotorfanmedia

For Identity
Marin Dakari

Originally posted 9 June 06 Original review below

During KOTOR: After the confrontation with Jagi, Revan struggles again with her identity

The style is excellent, the subject matter near and dear to my heart. How do you
deal with discovering everything you remember is a lie?

Reprise Pick of the Week

10 New Beginings, Chapter 1
Darth Pernicious

Post KOTOR: Even a Jedi can be taunted into doing something.

The piece is amusing in that if they had both been ten year olds it would have turned out exactly the same. It seems some people never grow up.

Escape
Arrow

Pre Mandalorian Wars: Jolee and his prisoner decide some skinny dipping is in order.

The interplay between two characters, one spoken of only in the past tense, and one we remember much later, is choice.

Scars
Arrow

During KOTOR on Korriban: A litany of injury, and what it has made of Dustil.

The piece flows well, the litany of scars and how they came to be teaches, as any survived injury will, to avoid the circumstance the next time.


Friendly Competition
Dinah Lance

Originally reviewed 16 June, 2006. That review is below:

During the voyage to Kashyyyk, Ana (Revan) gets a chance at comparison shopping...

As one of the 67 thumbs up and 31 comments said; Boys will be boys. The scene is still in my mind as I write this, and I can only say this:

Great work!

Reprise Pick of the Week

Parting Shot
Tim Radley

Originally reviewed 23 June 2006. That review is below:

No specific time given. Possible after KOTOR II: Revan assigns missions as she struggles to deal with her treatment by Republic Intelligence.

The piece is dark, worrisome, and made me angry. Not at the author or the characters, but because of the treatment of the main character. We look at war in our time as something reprehensible, that is to be avoided, but sometimes necessary. The savagery of war is always something the other guys do. Here we have the Republic portrayed as bad as if not worse than the Sith.

The reason it pisses me off, is I know the ‘good guys’ are just as capable of all that barbaric treatment. This merely highlights it.

Excellent work. Keep it up.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Fanfiction.net

Traitor
Revan’s Pet Duck

Post KOTOR: Revan may be the Dark Lord again, but she still wants Carth

RPD has turned out some quality work, and this belongs amongst them. The torture interspersed with heavy necking is well done. I cannot see him breaking this readily, but it is well done.

Pick of the Week

End of the Sith
Carrat

Post TSL: The two crews gather together to face the revived Sith threat

Remember conversation breaks, it disrupts the read to have to wonder who has just spoken.

The piece gets off to a slow start. The idea that Malak had a twin was interesting in it’s own way, and that like his brother he would try to lead the Sith obvious. I read five chapters into it before I had to stop.

Delta Squad: Forming Up
Dominus Princeps

Pre Clone Wars: The Delta team of commandos begins their training

The piece flows well, but is not long enough yet to get a good feel on how it will go. The running gag of 62 being unable to recognize 38 was getting a bit old.

Mechanized
Noneko

Pre KOTOR: Two different views of the ubiquitous droid

The droids are like a current in the ocean, unnoticed until you actually meet on, and both views are equally valid. You can agree with both of the characters because they are incredibly irritating and incredibly useful at the same time.

The Children
Rangermike

Roughly 30 years Post KOTOR: The children of Revan and the Exile stand before the council

Your droid has a special program for clandestine meetings? That is what assignation means after all.

The piece is well done, the confrontation what you would expect when the children of two men exiled return. The situation is well delineated, and being member of Clan Ordo doesn’t hurt. I wish I had time to read it all…

Pick of the Week

Upstaged by Amateurs
DWH

Pre TSL: Beware the argumentative characters…

The piece struck me as incredibly funny. Every writer has nights when his characters won’t let him sleep because they don’t like the way they are portrayed; I once had an argument with three of the characters in my own Family of Choice because of a scene I had already blocked out that they changed to suit them. I was not surprised that the characters decided to take their complaints to the writers, I was just surprised by one of them threatening to delete a mass of her own programming as a counter threat.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 09-10-2010, 11:46 AM   #1149
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Fanfiction.net

Bounty To Collect
NavyQuill

TSL on Nar Shaddaa: A bounty hunter tracks the wrong man.

The piece is one long battle broken by a flashback. The main character is a bit too worried about injury, pausing every time she is, and the Jedi she faces is too dark side for you to feel sympathy for his situation. All in all well done.

Force Sight
DarthSpock

TSL From Nar Shaddaa to Dantooine: The newly bolstered crew tries to settle in with mixed results.

Remember conversation breaks. At one point you had four people talking in the same paragraph, definitely confusing.

Your version follows what would have been anticipated, except for the Handmaiden’s puppy dog attitude. The scenes do not flow well into each other, almost like looking at a series of burners on a stove where you’re trying to make a complicated dinner. There is little or no character development.

The Price of Love
Revan64

KOTOR aboard the Star Forge: They did it all for love

The piece flows well, the characters saying what would be anticipated, and love staying her hand when Revan allows her to attack unimpeded. It was a bit sappy there at the end, but still good.

Alternate uses for a Star Forge
The Count of Tuscany

Post KOTOR Aboard the Star Forge: The Republic has won, and you can use an evil tool with a bit of thought.

The story caused me to giggle when they worked out their rotation and especially taking out the newly perverted Dark Lord while he is monologing was just too funny.

Pick of the Week

Three Days on Peragus
Miss Becky

TSL on Peragus: Atton considers how he ended up in the force cage, and what he’ll do to get out of it.

Even in durance vile, the piece doesn’t do much for you. The period Atton had spent in the cage is never really specified in the game, and the author obviously doesn’t know the rule of three in survival, 3 minutes without air, three days without water, that kind of thing.

Revenge of the Writters
DWH

Setting for KOTOR III: When the writers can’t even spell, it’s war

Like a lot of the ‘behind the scenes’ stories, this one tickles you in ways you don’t anticipate. Turning Cannocks into Canucks, making HK47 an Assassin Druid, and making Revan the poltergeist is just the beginning. When she leaves to deal with them, it’s on a personal level I will not ding the author about spelling, after all the funniest situations in the story are linked to it.

Pick of the Week

kotorfanmedia

'Inside the Republic', with Jolan Dalt
McFinnegan

Post KOTOR: The talk show circuit will never be the same…

This is the second ‘talk show’ version, and the guests make it even more fun what with Revan blissing out on thoughts of Carth, the audience getting ribald because the two women are living together, and Malak generally sticking his oar in when he can.

Pick of the Week

It is such a quiet thing...to fall.
kattalez

Pre KOTOR: The spark that ignited a Jedi’s vengeance

The piece went very well, the arguing from the Jedi’s father to Carth who came to say goodbye to a friend well drawn into the picture.

Pick of the Week

Dreams
Knight Rogue

Pre Mandalorian Wars: As a child Revan was afraid of the dark

An interesting take on the person Revan was as a child. Having Revan a little girl terrified of the dark, and having Malak acting like an older brother is touching.

Last Dance
Tim Radley

Pre KOTOR: Yuthura Ban’s last dance

The piece is chilling in the cold calculation of Yuthura’s revenge. The fear turned to fury, and her vengeance taken on those she hates most.

Pick of the Week

Choice
Arrow

Pre TSL: A Jedi becomes a Mandlorian

The piece is interesting in giving us some background on one of the secondary characters of TSL. His rise among the Sith, then among the Jedi, now as a Mandalorian. Very well done.

Uninvited
RogueLadySabyne

KOTOR before capture by the Leviathan: Is she willing to admit her feelings?

The piece is an excellent POV story from Bastila’s perspective. Her feelings burgeoning, unwilling at first to accept them, then the shock of being captured. She knows what he wants to ask, and the question worries her more than her feelings do.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 09-17-2010, 11:22 AM   #1150
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Coruscant Entertainment Center

Runs Like Clockwork!
Tysyacha

Non SW Fiction: A gnome gets ready for her tests this day

Like all of Tsyacha’s work, this flowed well. The main character is believable, and fun to read. Her explanations of the differences between our society and theirs makes you wonder what else might be different.

kotorfanmedia

Family Ties
Mcfinnigan

Previously reviewed 07 14 06, that review is below:

Set in the interim between KOTOR I and II: What if the memories of Revan from KOTOR were really hers, just sanitized and rewritten?

The small blurb at the start hooked me and the story flowed on from there. Excellent work!

Reprise Pick of the Week

http://kotorfanmedia.net/node/1327

Old Women and Fools
Marin Dakari

TSL aboard Ebon Hawk: Atton remembers an old saying, and meeting Revan before Onderon.

The piece is excellent because you get a glimpse at the woman behind the legend of Revan. Atton’s brusque view of what is happening is counter-pointed by the present day as he wonders if he has saddled himself with another dangerous fem.

Pick of the Week

chiaroscuro
Turtle

Pre KOTOR: The previous relationship between Revan and Bastila

It is excellent to read of young love, especially among those denied it. The little things he does to gain her favor, the slow burgeoning of it, and the split when he leaves. At the end I was struck by the idea that I didn’t know who was speaking, Revan or Bastila.

Pick of the Week

The Way of The Jedi
Robinson133

Pre War of Exar Kun: Two Jedi decide to stop at Cyneia to rest, not knowing that they will walk into a war.

The piece flowed well, the battle well choreographed. Seeing Jolee as a young man is rare, and his actions show the same determination he shows later in life.

Pick of the Week

Unless, Of Course, He's the Pilot
JediDWH

KOTOR Aboard Ebon Hawk: What do you say to the lady when you interrupt her shower?

The piece is funny primarily because of the differing reactions of the two men. Two characters were mentioned, one man and a woman, and from the tag at the top I assume the male was Revan. That only begs one question; who is in the shower?

Pick of the Week

The Cynaderian Chronicals. Prolouge
Shifter

100,000 years before KOTOR: Intrigue aboard the Star Forge

The problem is there is no character development at all in the piece. We know names, but we do not even know what race the characters are.

Fanfiction.net

Lost Memory
Mina Noriarty

Era not set: A Jedi visit’s the Kinrath caves of Dantooine.


Forgotten words ‘Not that the trip wasn't enjoyable, just that it (was) unusual for her‘. Improper word usage, reviled (Hated) instead of revealed, planed instead of planned.

The piece didn’t flow very well, the fight first with the Kinrath then with the droids seemed cobbled together without rhyme nor reason

Into The War
TheFatSwaziGuy

Pre Mandalorian Wars: Jolee Bindo is trapped.

You forgot conversation breaks. I spent more time figuring out who was speaking than I did reading it.

Message from the Heart
Saerry Snape

5 Years Post TSL: The long awaited reunion of Atton and the Exile

The piece flowed very well, the reaction at their meeting and afterwards perfect.

Pick of the Week

Mist in the Force
Kaledena

Post TSL: Even though she’s dead, the Exile has a feeling that Kreia is still there.

The piece was well written, and flowed perfectly.

Afterlife
AlyssaD

Post TSL: Revan is examined by the Jedi Council

Remember conversation breaks. You also have words run together. One sentence needs revision; ‘At the same time, the trees created a great amount of shade at the same time’ obviously needs only one ‘at the same time’.

The situation is what you would probably have expected at game’s ends. She has been redeemed, but the Council would still be worried. The idea of a total lockdown bothered me a bit.

Revise
Kuramas Girl Angel

I’m not sure which part tweaked my funny bone most; having a girl from Earth as part of the cast telling them it’s all a made up world, or her having Force powers. The story flowed extremely well, and Ari’s character is believable.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 09-24-2010, 10:22 AM   #1151
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Coruscant Entertainment Center

Runs Like Clockwork: Chapters 1-2
Tysyacha

NSW Fiction, continuation of Runs Like Clockwork: The little gnome finds out about her mother’s death before she heads off to her destiny.

Like all of her work Tysyacha draws us in, makes us see the society. As she pointed out, you create your own mythology dependant on your environment. Her mother not dying, but going back to stone.

Fanfiction.net

Ghosts and Echoes
kaizokunami

Post TSL: Now with a grown son, Atton visit’s the Exile’s grave as he does every year.

The piece is light and poignant, the fun Atton has still with his son overshadowed by who lies buried at his feet. The secret talk they have after the boy has left is what is shared by all people who spend such times.

Pick of the Week

Atrisia
Ivory Chopstick

TSL on Peragus: The Exile awakens

The piece is a generic retelling of the intro into the game, except that she did not speak with Kreia.

Murderous Mind
Celsie

After TSL, no specific period given: A Sith lord awakens in a Kolto tank

The inner dialogue of the heroine is rife with pain and fury. She looks at her past almost with indifference, and sees her future with as little emotion.

Droids Can't be Trusted
Mellyna

Pre TSL: A young Jaq Atton remembers why he doesn’t trust droids.

The piece flows well, the character young and impetuous. Why AL suddenly gains a conscience is never explained, but his escape with the ship seals the thought of not trusting a droid.

Remnants
Fire Team Torch

Post KOTOR: The light side survivors of the Ebon Hawk’s voyage plan their next move

The piece follows hard on a dark side ending to the game. Carth, Yuthura and Mission plan what they must do now that Revan has gone to the Dark Side.

Provocation
Yggi

KOTOR aboard Ebon Hawk: Canderous starts one argument too many…

The piece is funny in that like another work earlier in the year, when Canderous gets his come upance, everyone thinks someone else invited him along. The actions of Canderous boasting about his prowess are counter pointed by every one else just feeling tired at the tattered old clichés.

kotorfanmedia

Other KOTOR characters

The Flames of War
Robinson133

Before the war of Exar Kun: Jolee contemplates his actions, and wonders about his own fate

The piece flows well, and the interplay of Jolee’s emotions are well portrayed. His worry that he will fall to the dark side because he was satisfied that another man had died is clearly defined.

Uninspired
RogueLadySabyne

Pre Mandalorian Wars: Carth relives the worst day of his life to that point, the death of his mother

The piece is a good introspection of Carth. He remembers the conflicts between him and his father, the warm relationship with his mother, and grieves in his heart as people will.

There is No Death . . .
Tim Radley

Mandalorian Wars: The Republic begins a new campaign

The piece has no flight of Jedi superiority, it has instead a meeting discussing the Mandalorian advance, and the Jedi taking a firm hand in it. It is dry, pedantic, and thoroughly delightful as all of Trs work to date.

Pick of the week

The Turning Point
Lord Valentai

Mandalorian wars: For Malak the war has become personal

The piece flows well from the aftermath of an attack to the death of those that carried it out. The characters are clearly defined and almost picture perfect.

Pick of the Week

The End of a World
Kitome

Mandalorian wars at Malachor V: The end of the war leads to an end to their fellowship as well.

The piece is excellent, the last victim of the Mandalorian wars goes home to face judgment, and seems almost relieved when she does.

Memories of A Traitor
Amoinete

Mandalorian wars: Revan reminds me of Mephistopheles in Faust

The story begins with the Jedi offering their services, and ends with Karath fully under the Dark Side. The evolution of the Jedi from protectors to Sith was well done.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 10-01-2010, 11:30 AM   #1152
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Coruscant Entertainment Center

Broken
Endorenna

Post Clone War: What a father will do to protect his child

The piece flows well, the new and improved Code is merely simplifying the situation.

It’s been a while, but you still do good work.

Order 66- The Edge
Jedi Man

Clone War Era: A Jedi survives the extermination order on Kashyyyk

The piece is short and a bit confusing. Most of that confusion you know is back with whatever Jedi are still alive fighting for their lives.

Galactic Comedy Central: The Daily Korrbolt- Episode II
Jedi Master 12

Post KOTOR: The talk show serie continues

I had a lot of fun with the first part of this one and the fun continues. Jolee going at it hammer and tongs with the host, who I agree isn’t fast on the uptake is funny.

Lies

http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=205535Runs like Clockwork: Chapter 2
Tysyacha

Continuation of Runs Like Clockwork: The gnome girls heads for school

The society is fleshing out, and my main curiosity is about the main character and her friend. She makes them sound like misfits, but doesn’t adequately explain why.


kotorfanmedia

Trials and Tribulations
Revans Pet Duck

Pre Mandalorian Wars: The Jedi prepare to face the Mandalorians

The piece is the calm before the storm. The young Jedi are full of anger, and prepared to fight. They only wait for the order.

Right and Wrong
Revans Pet Duck

Pre Mandalorian Wars: Bastila remembers the beginning

The piece is a good counterpoint of the one it followed; when all you have are two bad decisions, which do you make? Her own confusion is also counter pointed because she has mixed emotions about the fighting.

The makings of a hero
Kattalez

Mandalorian wars on an embattled planet: As a young man dies, Carth is struck by melancholy, and the desperate wish to remember his name.

The piece is an excellent war story told not from the front lines, but from within the encampment. Carth’s sarcastic look at the propaganda machine fits the character well.

Pick of the week

A Rude Awakening
mcfinnegan

Originally reviewed July 27th, 2006. That review is below:

After the destruction of the Star Forge, the Republic Troops have a blast to be remembered. Both Bastila and Alana however would rather forget it.

The piece started with four disclaimers, ending with one that meant the author really expected flak.

O-Kay.

Then I read it.

After I was done laughing, I decided, what could I say? First, having two of the characters end up in bed didn’t disturb me as much as it did them. Mission’s reaction was choice and brought even more laughter. Juhani’s was icing on the cake.

My complaints are to the other reviewers. First, I have had too much to drink before, so I understand waking up in bed with someone and not being at all sure what might have happened. While one appears to have been nude, and the
other topless, that doesn’t mean anything happened. (I know, you’re all sitting out there saying ‘Ah the Critic protests too much methinks!’ but it is true. Mission’s reaction is what I would expect from a girl her age. Juhani’s was taken as a lesbian offer, but think about it? The principles don’t remember what happened, the only existing picture is of them SLEEPING. She was just doing what every person who has ever caught a friend in such a position would have done, teased them unmercifully. Ask me about the hole in the bedroom floor sometime.

Against All Odds
Kattalez

Originally posted 27 July 2006, That review is below:

As Ebon Hawk leaves at the start of KOTOR II, Carth pours out his own angst.

I have been bombarded with people asking me what I thought about a game I didn’t even own since I began this column last October.

A friend bought me a copy of The Sith Lords on the 26th, the day after my birthday, but I have yet to load it. I don‘t know if I have enough room on my hard drive.

But this one piece, with Carth watching his love go into danger without him makes up for everything I have yet to do in that new game.

I immediately recognized ’Take a look at me now’ by Phil Collins, and the music fit the situation better than it did in the movie that used it. I can feel the angst Carth is feeling. Worth not only a second look, but a third and fourth one as well.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Of Loss and Leaders
Glass_Mermaid

Originally reviewed July 27th, 2006. That review is below:

Interim just after KOTOR I: With Revan gone to save the universe, All Carth has is the memories of their epic journey and his own heart break.

Fifteen people read and commented on this. Most of them said everything I would want to say. The work is excellent only needing rereading (You accidentally used the word glass when you meant gloss) to be exquisite. The memories of a lost love, and all that lead up to that loss are expressed in poignant detail, and heartbreaking clarity.

Well done.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Fanfiction.net

See the Light
Miss Becky

TSL aboard Ebon Hawk: Bao Dur finds a different side to Visas

The piece sort of drifts along, seeing the crew at rest and play. No major events are chronicled, just a lazy evening.

Dreams Are Where Truth Sleeps
Amber Penglass

TSL aboard Ebon Hawk: A nightmare spices up the scene.

There isn’t much to the story when you come down to it, just a typical wake the person from a nightmare, but the scene runs with the emotion of the characters, and the deepening relationship. Very well done.

Pick of the Week

Destiny's Knight II: The Sith Wars
Sith Lord Darth Revan

Post KOTOR: After surviving an attempt by the Republic to assassinate them, Revan and Bastila regain the Sith throne.

The piece flows well, and the interjection of events in Republic space explain a lot of the back story. Revan having a second apprentice made an interesting commentary on the events.

Life Waves
Onasimagic

Post KOTOR: Revan concentrates on her past with a certain flyboy

The piece flows well, but there are confusing gaps. Revan goes from remembering conversations with Carth to protecting the children from a rancor, leaving the reader floundering.

A Lot to Forgive
Amber Penglass

Pre TSL: Atton goes through his own nightmares.

The piece flowed well, and Atton’s remembrances are pure Atton.

Hard to Leave, Harder to Stay
Saerry Snape

Post TSL: Atton considers his future

The piece flowed well, but was too short to get a grasp.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile

Last edited by machievelli; 10-01-2010 at 07:21 PM.
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 10-01-2010, 12:04 PM   #1153
JediMaster12
Dum Spiramus Tuebimur
 
JediMaster12's Avatar
 
Status: Moderator
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Buried in books...literally
Posts: 5,933
Current Game: Assassin's Creed
LFN Staff Member Veteran Fan Fic Author Contest winner - Fan Fiction Forum Veteran 
Thanks for the review mach. Personally this one was harder since I was deciding whether or not to include things from TSL but then that would have ruined a potential second series lol.

JediMaster12 is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 10-01-2010, 06:54 PM   #1154
Endorenna
Gamer Wanna-be
 
Endorenna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 1,140
Current Game: inFamous/Uncharted 2
Thanks very much for reviewing my piece. ^_^ I'm glad you liked it.


Chapter 12 of A Soul Adrift is out.

Short stories:
T'katlu: On the planet Felucia, a young apprentice of the Dark Side thinks back to the beginning of her training as she lies in wait for her prey...

All the Time: After four years in the Unknown Regions, the Exile returns to the known galaxy to visit an old enemy.

Broken: A master of the Dark Side finds himself about to lose the one thing he cares about--and he will do anything to stop her from endangering herself.
Endorenna is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 10-08-2010, 11:58 AM   #1155
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Coruscant Entertainment Center

My first Journey in to Kotor galaxy awaits.
Yeyyoo

KOTOR From Taris to Dantooine: A generic retelling of the story

I could tell after just a couple of paragraphs that English is the author’s second language. Because of that I will be gentle.

Remember to do a sight edit before posting; thou should be though, exited (left) should be excited, that kind of thing.

Fanfiction.net

I Know
Amber Penglass

TSL On Korriban: The Exile talks to the one person in the crew who would understand her ordeal.

The piece is angst laden as the Exile relives the events in the tomb, and Atton is there to lean on afterward. There is nothing unsuspected or surprising, just two people reliving their own pains and healing each other.

The Way Things Were
Amoinete

Pre KOTOR: A Dark Revan visits herself five years earlier to direct her on her path.

The piece is interesting in that the future Revan is unwilling to allow herself to forgo the path.

Mutual Incompatibility
Helena L

Post KOTOR: The marriage ended almost thankfully

The piece was smooth and went from beginning to end without a ripple. The divorce was so sedate you almost missed it. There was a d-uh moment when they talked about the one and only time they had sex. Like she said, she was a Jedi, so why was that a surprise. What I wonder about is how they even got so far as a marriage with such a gulf of backgrounds.

The Huntress
qt3.14159

Post TSL: A Mandalorain bounty hunter captures Mira, but it is only the first step

The piece was enjoyable because the Mandalorian is not the stereotypical maniac they are usually portrayed as. That alone made it worth the read.

Pick of the Week

Chaotic
Carrat

Six years Post KOTOR: Mission has to bail Griff out of trouble again

I read the first three chapters, and it was interesting.

A Scoundrel's Company
Amber Penglass

TSL on Peragus: With both of them locked in the cell briefly, the Exile and Atton size each other up.

kotorfanmedia

Hope’s End-Of Vao and Zaalbar
JmSlayer

Originally reviewed 4 August, 2006, That review, is below:

With Revan Dead, Mission become what she hates the most.

A poignant and bothersome piece. As much as I hated the story line, I have to applaud not only the guts it took to write it, but the way it was handled.

Reprise Pick of the Week

The Way of the Genoharadan
Stormtrooper5553

Post KOTOR: A secret organization is mobilized.

The piece was a bit confusing because it is part and not part of the KOTOR period. It almost sounds like the self-serving protestation of the Illuminati.

Waiting for Her
Chubbles

Originally posted 11 August 2006, that review is below:

After KOTOR 1: In an alternate reality: Carth waits for his true love to return.

The style is poignant as Carth watches his children, and hopes that Revan, his wife will return. I can’t say anything good about this that 12 reviews on the site and 19 thumbs up haven’t already said.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Trials
Jiara

Decades Pre KOTOR: The Jedi trials were a bit different…

It’s an interesting look at Vrook Dorak and Jolee back when they were still young. Dorak is just as studious as you would have thought, and Vrook just as impatient. But Jolee even as a young man was irascible, and oddly enough, brother of Dorak. His anger at the council is understood, because i could see them berating him prior to the war of Exar Kun because he fell in love, then getting smarmy because of Dorak’s find.

Luncheon at the Races
Kosiah

Pre KOTOR: Mekel needs to find some connections

The piece is well written, with a lot of interplay between the characters. Having Mekel be the one who seduced Dustil into the Sith was an interesting take, as was Mekel’s mother.

Come home soon
RogueLadySabyne

Pre KOTOR: Like Penelope, Morgana waits.

The piece is smooth and gentle, portraying a life spent on the sidelines. Morgana, like every military wife, spends her time doing what must be done, and wishing her husband will return. Very moving.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 10-10-2010, 01:45 AM   #1156
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
For those interested, Wanderer: Gryphonrider II is at the Frankfurt book fair. If you're in the mood to suport me, hoist a German beer this week!


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 10-15-2010, 10:56 AM   #1157
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Coruscant Entertainment Center

Torchwood Five
The Doctor

NonSW Fiction: In a small Canadian town, a horror is birthed.

Like a lot of the Doctor’s work, the piece is almost chiaroscuro in it’s darkness. The characters flow across the screen going about their business with ease.

kotorfanmedia

Family Resemblance
AthenaPrime

TSL aboard Ebon Hawk: Manda’lor remembers another time, and another crew.

The piece is an interesting piece of introspection; especially with the surprise that Revan was his wife.

Collectables
Feza

Pre KOTOR: Juhani was also a collector

The piece flowed well. Her irritation at her mother was perfectly portrayed, and her father unable to finish telling her about the home planet they had lost was even better.

Reunion With the Past
RogueLadySabyne

Pre KOTOR: A brief glimpse of Canderous’ past and his clan.

The piece is gentle until the end; Canderous meeting his expatriate Cousin, and
Remembering their shared and separate past.

Desert Son
Dinah Lance

Pre KOTOR: Young Canderous is upset that he is not chosen, until he finds out why

The piece is a superb glimpse of Canderous as a young man. His fury at being left aside when testing comes is perfectly in character, and his mother’s response as to why well done.

Pick of the Week

The Beginning
Darth Paya

Pre KOTOR: Kreia searches for a great evil on the Rim, and finds it in a cradle.

The piece flows well, even though the author admits that English is a second language. The fight is abrupt and really unnecessary, but well done.

First Encounter
JediMaster09

Pre KOTOR: Like any kids, young Jedi love concerts.

The piece is interesting in that we see a teen-aged Bastila as giddy as any school girl going to a concert.

Fanfiction.net

Knights of the Old Republic III: Return of Revan
Flicker404

Five years after KOTOR: Two apprentices find one of the ancient star maps.

The piece flowed well, though I was surprised that you had two apprentices doing the job.

Sacrifice
Alatara

Pre KOTOR: Forces turn to face each other

The piece has a ‘before the storm’ quality. On Dantooine, Bastila prepares, probably for the mission to capture Revan, while Revan considers her subordinates in a not so flattering light.

Glimpse
Amber Penglass

Pre TSL: Jaq Attarand gets a glimpse of the possible future,

The piece is well done with the Assassin he had been looking into his future. The two kisses, one in the vision, the other in real live was perfect for such a couple.

Voni Tetr Bounty Hunter
BadWolfWho

Between KOTOR and TSL: A bounty hunter decides to challenge another

The piece has a flat generic feel to it.

The fragile balance of the heart and soul
The Lady Revan

Post KOTOR: Carth worries about Revan who had disappeared days earlier

The piece flows well from present to past to present with hardly a ripple. Very well done.

Light and Dark
The Black Unbrella

During the Jedi Civil war: Two lovers meet as enemies

The piece is short but interesting; the idea that a pair of lovers would choose their side not for good or evil, but for love.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 10-15-2010, 11:24 AM   #1158
The Doctor
Retired
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 4,415
Current Game: Skyrim
Forum Veteran 
Thanks Mach - both for the review, and for holding off on posting it until I'd finished posting the first story. I look forward to your thoughts on the subsequent Torchwood stories.
The Doctor is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 10-22-2010, 10:44 AM   #1159
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
Coruscant Entertainment Center

Star Wars: Imperium
MR. BFA

Post TSL: A new Sith Lord reaches for the throne.

Just the intro so far, but looking good.

Fanfiction.net

Following the footsteps
The Lady Revan

Post KOTOR: A vindictive brother in law has his sights set on Carth.

The piece is interesting in that we’re building to yet another storm as Carth searches for Revan on the Rakata home world

The last time I ever saw him
The Lady Revan

Mandalorian Wars: A woman meets and falls in love with the rescuer of her child.

The piece is a one shot and damn brief. A pity, it is looking good.

Pick of the Week

Reflection
BlueFairyDust

Post KOTOR: Carth reflects on what he had been and what he has become because of love.

The piece flows very well, his ‘reflection’ merely the human mind going through all of the paths not taken, and how staying on a separate path helped him survive.

Coming Back
Zealit

Post TSL: The pairs of lover reunite.

This has a good ‘we’re done and home’ feel to it. Except for failing to make conversation breaks, it was outstanding.

Pick of the Week

I Am Not Real
fuzzynerds

Post TSL: Having settled in to train the young, the Exile’s team discovers where Revan is.

The piece is placid, barely rippling over the ground. Not much happened in the two chapters I read.

Masters of the Force
Fatemperor

Two years Post KOTOR: Revan has a new ship and mission.

The piece was too short to get a good feel for it.


kotorfanmedia

In the End
Okobojii

Post KOTOR: With Revan now gone Carth remembers all he knew of her.

The piece is introspective and kind of sad. Carth waits patiently for Revan to return.

Ask HK
ZK273

Originally reviewed in one of my first columns back in 28 Ocober 2005. That review is below.

A parody with HK from KOTOR fame as an advice columnist.
While I thought the ‘just kill him’ attitude HK always displays would pall, it is remarkable funny. One of four in a series.

Reprise Pick of the Week

Revenge of the Sith - Interlude I
WebMistressGina

KOTOR after the Leviathan: When you find out you were once the Sith Lord, it’s time to get drunk, right?

The piece is a gentle rendition of two men trying to get over the news they have had. No major revelations, and not a bit of projectile vomiting, not much more.

Laughter from the Sky
JediDWH

Originally posted 1 September 2006; That review is below:

After the battle of the Star Forge: The crew of Ebon Hawk have a fireside party.

The style is good, and making a song for Mandalore that harkens back to Gilbert and Sullivan worked. Every character fit in well, and even having Carth and Canderous unwilling to get into the fun fits well. Worth a look as all JediDWH’s work has been so far.

Reprise pick of the Week

You Might Die Trying, Prologue
slincoln

Post TSL: To track someone as elusive as a Jedi, you need the best bounty hunter alive. Having her do it because she wants to find the Exile is just icing on the cake.

Canderous and the Crossover Challenge
Vlork

Post KOTOR: When you have crossover problems, you call in the big guns.

The piece is definitely funny. Canderous being called, along with what looked like the entire board of directors from NBC showing up to cow the crew of the Enterprise.

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 10-29-2010, 10:44 AM   #1160
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,824
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
kotorfanmedia

For the longest time
McFinnegan

Post KOTOR: Bastila and Helena make some amends

The piece is well wrought. The scene well laid and clear. Definitely worth the effort of reading.

Pick of the Week

Brightest Possibility
SinJinn

Pre KOTOR: Carth meets his son for the first time

A bright vision from Carth’s past as he sees his son for the first time. The piece is a perfect vignette.

The Price Paid
Robinson133

Pre KOTOR: The battle is won, but Jolee loses his wife in the bargain

The action is hot and heavy, and the only problem I had with it was having Nayama go to the dark side was a bit contrived.

You Might Die Trying, Chapter 1
Slincoln

Follow on to the Prologue: The Jedi arrange a prison break

The piece flows very well and the acrimonious pilot they picked up was choice.

A Pair of Sparkling Eyes
JediDWH

Pre KOTOR: In an interesting switch, Carth sits at home waiting while Morgana goes to war

The piece is rife with the problems a single male parent might have; accidentally breaking things, problems with the vacuuming, not being a good cook compared to the wife, that kind of thing. The ending is good, merely switching the characters out. As someone else commented, a vengeful engineer…

Goodbye
Shadow Revan

Post KOTOR: Driven by remembering what she had been, not what she has become, Carth walks out on Revan

I think all of us at one time or another have felt lost and hurt in a relationships, so we can understand Carth’s feelings here. As memories return, he feels more left out in the cold, and finally embraces it rather than returning.

Fanfiction.net

A Journal by Thomas Ordainas - Book 1
The Lady Revan

Post KOTOR: An ancient journal records snippets from Revan and other people as it changes hands.

The piece is interesting in that we see each event from outside. Her brother, Malak, Bastila, even a couple of masters are recorded, all for the enjoyment of a very young girl.

Bad Dream
OnasiMagic

Post KOTOR: With Revan running mission after mission for the Jedi Council, Carth has a depressing dream.

Turnabout is obviously fair play here. While he waits at home with their daughter, it is his wife who is going out all the time, with the chance that she will not return. The argument was short but sweet; his wanting to be one of the most important people in her life, and begging her to stay.

Pick of the Week

Dear Brother
OnasiMagic

Post KOTOR: Carth’s evil twin returns to take up the relationship with Revan

The piece might be interesting later on, but evil twin stories are a dime a dozen.

Imagine
Secret Whisper 92

TSL aboard Ebon Hawk: Love flourishes.

The piece is a bit fluffy as the author said, and having Mira and Mical get together is not a bad end, even though it is a bit bizarre.

Star Wars: Unique Clones
Delta 811

Pre Clone wars: A simulation is carried out flawlessly

You forgot conversation breaks a couple of times. OH, and one minor aside, WIA (Wounded in action) are defined as casualties.

HK?
Sarah1281

KOTOR on the Rakata homeworld

The piece is fast, irreverent, and at times confusing. The idea that Juhani was added to the crew only because the Jedi Masters wanted her dead but couldn’t admit it was funny. The Russian accent was confusing.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Post a new thread. Add a reply to this thread. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Go Back   LucasForums > Network > Knights of the Old Republic > Community > Coruscant Entertainment Centre > The Critic's 2 cents

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:25 AM.

LFNetwork, LLC ©2002-2011 - All rights reserved.
Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.