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View Poll Results: have I been honest and not overly critical?
Keep it up! 127 78.40%
Maybe a little slack 17 10.49%
Tighten up the restrictions 10 6.17%
go away 15 9.26%
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Thread: The Critic's 2 cents
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Old 01-28-2006, 02:05 PM   #121
machievelli
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RC 1162
he should scrap it and buy the latest gizmos, man.
good work anyway. though i think youll like my fic better if you go through it fully, wont take much time.

I can't afford the 'latest gizmos'. What happened is my flipping dog (Which my wife bought after the car was stolen) chewed through the only 50' phone cord we had so I was unable to even get online from here. Then, while able to contact Darth, I was unable to access the site because or parental controls on some of the advertising. We finally found a replacement so I am again back terrorizing the populace raping all the men and killing all the women (Wait a minute...)

As for reading the entire thing...
I try to spend less than eight hours putting together a review. Not because I don't like doing it but because I spend only five hours a day (None on the weekend except on rare cases) writing. That means out of 25 hours I already devote a third to this.
To read your work all the way through I would need a full copy sent to my listed e-mail so that I can read it at my leisure. Anyone who feels that I have not given thier work enough time can send it to me in this manner.
The reviews for this week will not be done. Instead I will do a review and publish it friday. Darth has suggested that instead of me figuring out what the (Bleep) is going wrong I will send it to her on wedensday, and she can post it if I cannot figure it out.

You guys keep writing...


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 01-31-2006, 08:02 AM   #122
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"what the (bleep) is going on"

LMAO!!!

and i was kidding about the latest gizmos, man. no one cares as long as you give us your great reviews.


Duct Tape is ALWAYS the answer
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Old 02-01-2006, 04:36 AM   #123
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I'll just be happy when someone finally comments on mine, even just to say keep going LOL
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Old 02-01-2006, 11:01 AM   #124
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Well later today, after my feeble attempts to try and hyperlink the story titles, I will e-mail the review this week to Darth. But I will try to do it myself first.
I have noticed that three people out of 27 say go to hell. That's one in nine so far. With almost 1500 hits on the column so far, that means a lot of you haven't bothered to vote. Either you like what I'm doing or you can't be bothered.
Dylan, I will get to yours eventually. Promise.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 02-01-2006, 11:13 AM   #125
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^^
screw them, they dont know your skill. just dont bother, mach, youve got lotsa fans here .


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Old 02-01-2006, 12:06 PM   #126
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Looking forward to your next reviews, Machievelli. Can't wait until you review mine
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Old 02-02-2006, 11:03 AM   #127
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To RC, thanks, son, but I am not going to increase your allowance.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 02-03-2006, 02:29 AM   #128
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I was waiting to vote till after I got my review, but if doc says you're good to go, then I'm sure mine will be favorable
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Old 02-03-2006, 07:02 AM   #129
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mach
To RC, thanks, son, but I am not going to increase your allowance

LMAO!!!!
no problem Mach


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Old 02-03-2006, 10:09 AM   #130
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All right, let's see if it works...

Lucas forums Coruscant Entertainment Centre

Before I Leave you...
Darth Longie

Interlude between KOTOR and KOTOR II. Revan remembers a past teacher

Dl said he hasnít posted a fanfic before and I knew it when I read what was written.
My question kid, is WHY NOT? The writing style is hesitant, but great. The characters are clearly defined, well covered, and my only other complaint is that you didnít write more.


Darth Nihilus

Prometheus X-303


Set in KOTOR II A darklord contemplates his past.

The only problem I see is that Prometheus keeps jumping from first person present to third person present, and sometimes from either one past, sometimes in the same sentence. Take a deep breath, slow down, remember which tense is proper and are you an internal or external observer. Good work regardless.



The Story Of Timmy Marong
pokejedi 123

Set after KOTOR II

A cop On Alderaan has a busy day.

The concept is good kid. Youíre doing good work, it just needs work to make it great.
You need to have a paragraph break between speakers, and edit and proofread your work. Also your grammar needs work as does your tenses. Itís ran, not runned.
As I have told others, your problem is that youíre mind is running faster than your fingers can keep up. What I would suggest is typing it in a word processor program then run the spell-checker and if it has it a grammar checker too. Then go back and look at what youíre writing. Compare it to other works by published authors.
If it passes all that criteria, post it. Because I want to see more.

From the Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater


This Has GOT To Be One Of THE Wierdest Pairs Ever
Ooda&Clato

A Jedi Odd Couple deals with problems

While there are problems with editing and style that can be addressed by merely having the author proofread next time, I was struck primarily because this is the first work I have seen where the Jedi are not homonid. One is a Toydarian, the other a Hutt. If you had put Skywalker and Kenobi in their places the scene would read just as clean, and that is the most important point.
He complains that another piece was deleted. A pity, I would have wanted to read it.

Jacen's Return
Arentuin

Jacen Solo deals with his feelings after the Yuuzhan Vong war.

The style and writing is outstanding. The author delves into the angst of a returning survivor of what a modern American would call torture, and does it well.

In All My Glory
sidious618

The thoughts of the average clone trooper

This is much better than his previous work. The battle is clearly defined from the point of view of the clone, and his decision making is clear and concise. Very well done.


From Kotorfanmedia

Foretelling of a Wet Wedding
charys

Set a year after KOTOR A reunion with a few extra twists...

Charys starts you off thinking itís just a simple assassination. Before you know it your dragged along as the entire crew gets behind Carthís attempt give Revan not only a bracelet, but some quality time together. Ambushing the reporters was a nice touch.

http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=678]...ur On the Hour
Jiara

Set in KOTOR. HKís daily routine with some amusing twists.

65 readers on this site gave it a thumbs up, 41 thought it was worth commenting on, and after reading it I can understand why. HK is himself, and the exchanges between him and the other members of the crew were hilarious. But not half as funny as his own internal dialogue. His equating snoring (Observation: Human male Jedi is producing a rasping, grating nasal emission similar to that of the human female Jedi.) with Force powers caused me to snicker. It wasnít the first either.
If I didnít have to worry about him slaughtering anything and everything, I would love to have him around just for the entertainment value alone.

A Discussion
Eirtae

A dueling challenge response set three years after the end of KOTOR.

There is a feeling of letting go as the two characters (Revan and Dustil) talk about allowing their animosity to flow away. The piece is short, but very well done.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 02-03-2006, 01:45 PM   #131
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yaay!! hyperlinks!!

great job, mach, it looks much better now. KIU.


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Old 02-03-2006, 06:27 PM   #132
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I am still not going to raise your allowance


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 02-03-2006, 08:07 PM   #133
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What's with the Hatorade Mach?? No review for me, and no allowance raise? How wude!

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Old 02-03-2006, 10:21 PM   #134
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I though you onlt reviewed completed works? I know at least one of those is obviously incomplete. Am I wrong?

Anyway, nice work, Mach! Looking forward to next reviews!
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Old 02-04-2006, 10:21 AM   #135
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Me too. four words: Star wars Temptation Rising. LOL
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Old 02-04-2006, 11:28 AM   #136
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Thanks for the review I am working on part 2 now, which I hope will be a fair bit longer. It might be another couple of weeks before its ready though!
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Old 02-04-2006, 01:31 PM   #137
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Doctor
I though you onlt reviewed completed works? I know at least one of those is obviously incomplete. Am I wrong?

Anyway, nice work, Mach! Looking forward to next reviews!
Doc, if I only reviewed completed works, I would have little to review. My own acceptance is only about twenty pages longer than what has been posted.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 02-04-2006, 01:35 PM   #138
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight_707
What's with the Hatorade Mach?? No review for me, and no allowance raise? How wude!
Did I miss one? If so I am sorry. If not, then no dessert for you tonight youngster.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 02-05-2006, 01:19 AM   #139
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LOL. Damn, it's getting rough in here!!! LOL Jerry jerry
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Old 02-06-2006, 08:43 PM   #140
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Yeah, you still haven't reviewed Return of the Exile You hurt my feelers

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Old 02-08-2006, 02:29 AM   #141
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I only have four words for you Machievelli. "The Crystal of life"


Some other really awesome Fanfics: Hidden shades of grey By JasraLantill, The Adventures of Jolee Bindo By Jae Onasi[/size]
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Old 02-10-2006, 10:46 AM   #142
machievelli
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight_707
Yeah, you still haven't reviewed Return of the Exile You hurt my feelers
You're right. I should have reviewed it about three weeks ago. I am terribly sorry.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 02-10-2006, 10:58 AM   #143
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Return of the Exile
Jedi Knight 707

The Exile prepares to face the same danger that has killed so many.

I am Sorry JK, I honestly thought I had reviewed your work. Better late than never...

The work flows smoothly after a bumpy start, and keeps the reader interested. There are a few spelling and editing errors, but on the whole is excellent. I wish I had the time to read it all the way through.

The Geonosian War
steven

Set in the future a century after The Attack of the Clones: The descendant of a Geonosian engineer strikes at the new Republic.

The basic idea at first had me confused. However once I got into the story it began to flow a little better. The battle scenes are a little stilted, and he doesnít know enough about the ships in combat, but that is easily corrected.
Like a lot of the kids here, Steven is trying to write in a screenplay style, jumping from place to place. A newbieís mistake, and one that time will correct. Beyond that spelling and grammar are the only real problems.

The Destiny of all existence
Vladimir-Vlada

Three men with amnesia try to understand their plights.

VV is excellent in his portrayals, and only needs editing and some translation to be excellent in the story as well. As someone to whom English is a second language, he does better that I think I would do with a translation program, so I canĎt really complain. At least he tries to write in English. I canít even curse in Magyar.

Chronicles of the Forgotten Jedi
JediMaster12

set seven years after the destruction of the Star Forge
Too short to really call. The story so far is good.


Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater

Resurrection- Jango Fett
Zane Marit

A clone begins having flashbacks of Jango Fettís memories. Based on a suggestion by another author (Kent)

Like all of Zaneís work the idea is well defined and well presented. It fleshes out some of the Original Jango Fettís personality because you get a chance to see it from inside his head.

The Hunter
Obi Wan

Two and a half years after the Battle Of Geonosis. A Hunt with only one end

Obi Wan only wrote a vignette but it is well worth reading. Except for some minor grammar and spelling mistakes, it is outstanding.

Star Wars: Battle of Galidran a furry clone story
Marcus Starkiller

A Clone war story with all of the Jedi as animals...

A unique method of carrying the story forward. Except for count Dooku all of the jedi are assorted animals. The idea is reminiscent of Alan Dean Fostersís ĎSpellsingerí series. The battle is laid out in a straightforward manner and keeps the readerís interest.


Kotorfanmedia

Like Wolves
Phoq

Set six years after KOTOR: The exile tracks down Revan to gain revenge.

Back in January I reviewed Phoqís Wounds of the Past. At that time I commented on a stilted style, and that it would improve.
I am happy to see that I was correct. Like Wolves flows gently like butter, smooth and delightful. 17 readers on the site gave it a thumbs up.
Add mine.

The Second Jedi Order: The Beginning
Darth Exile

Set in the interim between Kotor and Kotor II. Revan departs to find an evil even darker than the Star Forge.

The writing is excellent, the pacing smooth and crisp. The ending leaves you wanting more.

Object of Oppression
Home One
Set at start of KOTOR
Another view of the initial battle of Taris.

The battle is good, but the writing is stilted. The scene ends as they leave the ship, but because of that, and glossing over the battle scene, there is little to judge the work by. Since it is also the only part published, I can only say I would need to see more.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile

Last edited by Darth333; 02-11-2006 at 12:24 AM.
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Old 02-10-2006, 11:22 AM   #144
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For some reason the entire first paragraph is now a hyperlink, and the second review is not. As my signature says
Stercus, Stercus, Stercus, *




Edit: Hehe no need to say bad words in Latin...Errare humanum est
- fixed! there was a ] missing - Darth333


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile

Last edited by Darth333; 02-11-2006 at 12:38 AM.
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Old 02-10-2006, 12:07 PM   #145
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Still waiting for my review of "The Crystal of life." It's been like a month since you told me you would review it. But aside from that, great job on the reviews! We all appreciate your work Machievelli.


Some other really awesome Fanfics: Hidden shades of grey By JasraLantill, The Adventures of Jolee Bindo By Jae Onasi[/size]
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Old 02-10-2006, 12:10 PM   #146
JediMaster12
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Thanks for the review on Chronicles but I had to delete it because of issues of completion. I wouldn't have gotten around to it and I lost the original script. You can read my others Heart of the Guardian or the Tale Lost Tales of Revan.

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Old 02-10-2006, 01:17 PM   #147
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Thanks for the review, machievelli. That's just the beginning, and I have the entire plot developed in my head. All I have to do is find the time to finish it.
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Old 02-11-2006, 02:16 PM   #148
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RB, I have already written the review (I read the story right after we talked) but it hasn't been officially reviewed because every time someone comments on a story, or it is added to, it pops back up to the top of the queue and I am working from the bottom.
If you'd like to see it I can PM it to you.

Darth, the advantage of being an omnivorous reader is that I can cuss in almost 20 languages. The odds that any modern American knowing Latin is small enough that I took the chance. Of course, you're Canadian.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 02-12-2006, 06:52 AM   #149
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Still waiting on mine too, patiently tapping his foot
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Old 02-12-2006, 06:13 PM   #150
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Dylan, if you don't mind having me read it and send you a review as I'll post it before I do, I can read it this week.
If you want a repair manual for the story if it needs it, I can send that too. Take your choice.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 02-12-2006, 07:55 PM   #151
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Wow, thanks man! I really didn't expect such a nice review. I was all nervous, my fingers were shaking...but, thanks

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Old 02-13-2006, 06:03 AM   #152
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I'd like you to read it and post, if it's easier. Whatever's easiest for you. I'm flexible, Semper Gumbi
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Old 02-13-2006, 10:06 AM   #153
machievelli
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Jedi, I'm like an honest referee. I call 'em as I see 'em


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile

Last edited by machievelli; 02-13-2006 at 10:09 AM. Reason: mispelling
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Old 02-14-2006, 12:27 AM   #154
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Thanks Next up for you is Destruction of the Sith Seriously though, I'd appreciate it

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Old 02-14-2006, 07:49 AM   #155
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And wait for Fall of the Sith until it's done, ok?

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Old 02-14-2006, 09:23 AM   #156
Sabretooth
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Quote:
Originally Posted by machievelli
The odds that any modern American knowing Latin is small enough that I took the chance.
I find pleasure in cussing in a variety of languages that breed doesn't understand. But WTH, I'm studying Latin, so I suppose I've picked up another new word... >.<


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Old 02-14-2006, 10:54 AM   #157
machievelli
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alkonium
And wait for Fall of the Sith until it's done, ok?
I quite distinctly remember a nasty post which ended with you asking me review the entire trilogy in toto. I have not reviewed the third part yet per that request.
As I also PMed you, if you want me to review them all in that way, require that you e-mail each of them in total so that I can.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
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Old 02-14-2006, 10:59 AM   #158
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabretooth
I find pleasure in cussing in a variety of languages that breed doesn't understand. But WTH, I'm studying Latin, so I suppose I've picked up another new word... >.<
Why don't you check out this then;

Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum

When you've translated it, you can let everyone know.
No help Darth


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 02-14-2006, 11:29 AM   #159
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Quote:
Originally Posted by machievelli
Why don't you check out this then;

Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum
'From here I can see your house'?
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Old 02-15-2006, 04:29 AM   #160
Sabretooth
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Quote:
Originally Posted by machievelli
Why don't you check out this then;

Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum

When you've translated it, you can let everyone know.
No help Darth
No expert here, but isn't that "From here your house can be separated"? Again, I'm no uber at Latin (atleast as compared to Hindi, Sanskrit, Marathi and Urdu).


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