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Old 02-20-2006, 10:32 AM   #1
zelda 41
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Raz's Life: Chapter 4 (PT. 1)

Chapter 4: Resue Lili

"Lili! Sasha!"

Raz was determined to find them, but he didn't have any help and didn't have any phy powers. But then, just as he was turning to head back, Lili started screaming.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! HELP ME RAZ, HE'S TAKING MY BRAIN!!!!!!!! " Just as she screamed that, her brain was taken and Sasha was in the conner yelping. He was tied up! But,how was Sasha was taking Lili's brain out!?!

"What the hell?" Raz muttered

To be continued in part 2

Not End of Chapter 4



Last edited by zelda 41; 02-20-2006 at 07:14 PM.
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Old 02-20-2006, 02:15 PM   #2
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WHAT THE ****!? ONE CHAPTER.

AND THIS IS A PUBLIC ****ING MESSAGE BOARD, SO TAKE YOUR WARNING AND SHOVE IT. IF YOU DON'T WANT IT TO BE FLAMEBAIT, DON'T POST IT HERE.

IT WAS CONSTRUCTIVE CRITIQUE, WE'VE TOLD YOU FIVE ****ING TIMES YOU ONLY NEED ONE TOPIC, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT SMON AND DARTHAVE BUT I'M SURE THE STORY WOULD BE MUCH MORE TOLERABLE IF YOU PAYED THE **** ATTENTION AND ONLY MADE ONE TOPIC.


...phew.

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Old 02-20-2006, 02:39 PM   #3
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Hey Zelda, ever heard of a, um oh I don't know... edit button? Or the MOTHA 4^(#ING REPLY BUTTON?!?!?!?


I'm done putting links in my signature because every time I do it just links to some old crap I've long since stopped updating.
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Old 02-20-2006, 02:40 PM   #4
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See that nice pretty "start a new thread" button?

DON'T ****ING CLICK IT. >:\

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Old 02-20-2006, 02:47 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KingCheez
See that nice pretty "start a new thread" button?

DON'T ****ING CLICK IT. >:\
...IDEA'D!

I shall pay Bowyer from SMRPG to shoot the new thread button on Zelda's computer! That way it'll be locked until he shoots a different button.


I'm done putting links in my signature because every time I do it just links to some old crap I've long since stopped updating.
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Old 02-20-2006, 02:53 PM   #6
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Sweet.

I should go... uh, borrow from my friend, SMRPG again.

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Old 02-20-2006, 06:28 PM   #7
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You need to learn to take some criticism. Even authors take criticism from their friends and editors. It's not fun, but it helps. The story's not very bad, but is severely lacking in details that bring a story to life, and the chapters are way too short to be an actual chapter. The story needs some spice, something unique and mysterious or exciting, depending on what kind of story you're writing. And, you can put this whole story under one topic. There's no need to make a new topic for every chapter, especially considering how many times you've been instructed not to. Not trying to sound witchy...
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Old 02-20-2006, 07:02 PM   #8
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I couldn't type long because my dumb butt brother kicked me off.


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Old 02-20-2006, 07:05 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zelda 41
I couldn't type long because my dumb butt brother kicked me off.
So? You don't have to make a new thread each time, just post a reply to the first (or in your case, third) topic.


I'm done putting links in my signature because every time I do it just links to some old crap I've long since stopped updating.
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Old 02-20-2006, 07:31 PM   #10
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All right. I'm done with this story. It just... sucked. Tell King Cheez and Darth_Ave, would ya.


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Old 02-20-2006, 08:36 PM   #11
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Uh, we can read.

We don't want you not to continue it, just one ****ing thread and one is all.

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Old 02-20-2006, 08:42 PM   #12
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I'm still done. Storywriting: not my thing


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Old 02-20-2006, 08:45 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zelda 41
I'm still done. Storywriting: not my thing
...thne why are you sending a story to Oxytoxin?


I'm done putting links in my signature because every time I do it just links to some old crap I've long since stopped updating.
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Old 02-21-2006, 04:25 PM   #14
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Heh. This board is so going on Fandom_Wank.
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Old 02-21-2006, 07:06 PM   #15
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DON'T FORGET THE SASHARAZ MAKERS THAT I HARASSED OUT OF ALL PLEASURE OF LIFE

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Old 02-22-2006, 08:58 PM   #16
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lol. I'm sending it in because I have an old one I wrote and had fixed 5 friggin times. IT'S PERFECT I TELL YOU!! PERFECT!!!!


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Old 02-22-2006, 10:20 PM   #17
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It's not nice to yell at us you noob. You could be out, Heidi Clum says so.

"In message boarding, either you're in or you're out."
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Old 02-23-2006, 04:13 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Darth_Ave
It's not nice to yell at us you noob. You could be out, Heidi Clum says so.

"In message boarding, either you're in or you're out."
Darth_Ave, that's so over.

Now I think we should stop spamming these boards with "STOPZ IT ZOMG!!1elventy1!!!11!
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Old 02-23-2006, 04:42 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Klia
Darth_Ave, that's so over.

Now I think we should stop spamming these boards with "STOPZ IT ZOMG!!1elventy1!!!11!
Yes agreed... we should just banish it. Someone go fetch the banishment stones.


I'm done putting links in my signature because every time I do it just links to some old crap I've long since stopped updating.
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Old 02-23-2006, 04:55 PM   #20
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I kind of lost the banishment stones. We were playing Banishment Dodgeball.

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Old 02-23-2006, 05:27 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KingCheez
I kind of lost the banishment stones. We were playing Banishment Dodgeball.
Oh well that's just great, what're we supposed to banish it with now? Summoning stones? Nice work Cheez, now we can't banish it.

Eh... we could... uh... put police tape on it.


I'm done putting links in my signature because every time I do it just links to some old crap I've long since stopped updating.
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Old 02-23-2006, 05:46 PM   #22
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We wrapped up Jon's birthday present with that

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Old 02-23-2006, 07:05 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KingCheez
We wrapped up Jon's birthday present with that
....uhoh... that's why his house has that dead kitten smell.


I'm done putting links in my signature because every time I do it just links to some old crap I've long since stopped updating.
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Old 02-23-2006, 09:24 PM   #24
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Quote:
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Darth_Ave, that's so over.
That's not over. It doesn't end until March 8th, when season 2 is over. So ~Ha~
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Old 02-23-2006, 09:45 PM   #25
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Quote:
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That's not over. It doesn't end until March 8th, when season 2 is over. So ~Ha~
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Old 02-23-2006, 10:24 PM   #26
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Don't Marx me Klia. I'll take you down. I am a champion.
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Old 02-24-2006, 05:20 PM   #27
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Sure you will.


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Old 02-24-2006, 06:18 PM   #28
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Don't question my greatness. Have YOU ever won the caption game zelda? OH! Didn't think so, bitch. And I bet none of you have won the geography bee, proveing that I am smarter than all the stupid jocks who make fun of me.
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Old 02-26-2006, 07:53 AM   #29
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I won a spelling bee once.

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Old 02-26-2006, 04:18 PM   #30
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Okay Darth, what's 567x84?


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Old 02-26-2006, 07:25 PM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zelda 41
Okay Darth, what's 567x84?
That's math, not geography.


I'm done putting links in my signature because every time I do it just links to some old crap I've long since stopped updating.
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Old 02-26-2006, 07:55 PM   #32
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Ohhh, vocabulor burn!

Oh and P.S., It's 47,628. I'm in advance math too. so, OWNED!!!
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Old 02-26-2006, 07:58 PM   #33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Darth_Ave
Ohhh, vocabulor burn!

Oh and P.S., It's 47,628. I'm in advance math too. so, OWNED!!!
Just because someone can flaunt math ability doesn't mean they should:
http://supermath.ytmnd.com/


I'm done putting links in my signature because every time I do it just links to some old crap I've long since stopped updating.
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Old 02-26-2006, 07:58 PM   #34
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Crap........


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Old 02-26-2006, 08:01 PM   #35
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Ok Smon, that was weird..... BUT!!! Zelda. Lay off, or we'll tell Huz of your evilness to everyone and you'll be

BANISHED!! ~Duh, duh, dun~
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Old 02-26-2006, 08:10 PM   #36
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I'LL BE GOOD!!! PLEASE DON'T TELL HUZ!! *cry*

IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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Old 02-26-2006, 08:12 PM   #37
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Ok, but you gotta do the Daniel Franco Shuffle.
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Old 02-26-2006, 08:17 PM   #38
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Huh? Whats that?


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Old 02-26-2006, 08:18 PM   #39
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You don't know what the Danial Franco Shuffle is? Well then, you gotta start watching your project runway girl.
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Old 02-26-2006, 08:29 PM   #40
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what's that? <- cluless


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