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Old 06-30-2006, 04:08 AM   #1
JediKnight707
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[FIC] Elliot's Story

This is the story of a young padawan who survived Order 66. Enjoy!
__________________________________________________ _____________
Elliot ran as fast as his body would allow him along the metal hallway of the uncompleted Death Star, carrying the limp form of one of his greatest friends over his shoulder. He knew that he was probably going to die, that there was almost no shot of him surviving unless a miracle happened. Are there really miracles? he thought. He slapped himself, and increased his pace. Why am I thinking of that? I mean, I’m going to die, in all likelihood, and I’m thinking whether or not there are miracles. I’m a dumbass.
Some stormtroopers running in the opposite direction noticed him, and one shot at him, but he quickly pulled out his lightsaber with the hand that was not holding his friend and reflected the shot back at him. The three other stormtroopers decided to let him keep running. Elliot deactivated his lightsaber and put it back in his robe. He chuckled. Why were they shooting at him? They were probably going to die, and they probably knew it, but he was there top priority?
Elliot skirted to a stop in the hanger, and saw a miracle. It was a ship, and he saw someone climbing aboard it. “Wait!” cried Elliot.
The figure, who was pulling something, stopped and looked at him. “Hurry up!” the figure yelled.
Elliot wasted no time. He quickly ran to the figure, and instantly recognized him. It was Luke Skywalker. Elliot’s blue eyes widened a little. “Luke?”
Luke looked at him. “Elliot? Wow, I’m so glad you made it.”
Elliot looked at the thing Luke was dragging. It was Darth Vader. “So, you had to kill him?”
Luke looked downwards. “Yeah,” he said softly. “What happened to her?” Luke indicated Elliot’s friend.
“Blaster shot. She might still be alive. Well, let’s hurry up and leave. This place should have exploded long ago.” They quickly went onboard the small Imperial cruiser. Luke quickly went into the cockpit and activated the controls, while Elliot set his friend down in the cargo hold. He went to the cockpit and saw Luke working the controls faster than anyone else Elliot had ever seen. Luke pushed the “steering wheel,” if you could call it that, forward, and the ship rocketed forward.
Elliot felt the strain of the g-force, and was pushed backwards into a chair. As soon as they left the hanger, Elliot could feel it threw the Force, and from just the blast that shook the ship, that the Death Star had been destroyed.
Elliot sat in the chair for a few minutes, while Luke piloted the ship, contemplating what had led him to this spot. He supposed it all began at Coruscant.

--------3 hours before Order 66--------

“Why do you have to go, Elliot?” said his Master, Olivia.
“C’mon, Liv, it’s only gonna be for a few days,” replied Elliot.
“One, that doesn’t answer my question; two, don’t call me ‘Liv.’”
“It’s for…personal reasons,” Elliot replied evasively.
Olivia eyed him suspiciously. “What do you mean ‘personal reasons’?”
Elliot sighed, knowing that there was no way he was going to be allowed to leave unless he gave a good reason. “I think that my mother lives there.”
“Elliot, you know that you should leave your feelings for your mother. You’re a Jedi now, you can’t think of her as a mother. She was just the person who brought you to this galaxy. The Jedi are your family now.”
“But she was my mother. She raised me for the first four years of my life.”
“And the Jedi have raised you for the last six.”
“I still want to know her, at least get a glimpse of her. I barely remember her. She only appears in my dreams, and her face is always blackened out. I want to see my mother’s face!”
Olivia sighed heavily. She often wondered what her mother looked like, but she had dropped her feelings for her mother a long time ago. “Alright, you can go.”
“Yes!” Elliot pumped his fist in the hair triumphantly.
“But only if Alex comes with you.”
Elliot’s spirit was shattered. “C’mon Liv! Not Alex.” Alexis, though everyone called her Alex, was the snobbiest, most arrogant Jedi Elliot had ever encountered. Even though she was a year younger than Elliot, they still saw a lot of each other. Alex’s attitude towards him, well, most people, was just plain rude. She considered herself to be the greatest Jedi ever, and wanted most people to know that.
“Yes, Alex. She’s a damn good fighter. You might need her.”
“You act like there’s going to be tons of droids waiting for us in Tatoonie.”
“We think that the Sith Lord is going to reveal himself soon. All Jedi must keep themselves well protected!” Olivia whispered.
Elliot sighed again. “Fine. I’m in a hurry. Can I go soon?”
For the first time since their conversation started, Olivia smiled. “When you find Alex, you can leave. Assuming she’ll come with you.”
“Why wouldn’t she? With my good looks…” he said, flipping his long, dirty-blonde hair.
Olivia laughed. “If she doesn’t, give her this.” She quickly scribbled something on a piece of paper, and handed it to him. “Good luck.” Then she did something she rarely did: she gave Elliot a hug.
Elliot smiled at her. “C’mon what could go wrong?”

After several minutes of searching, Elliot had finally found Alex standing in a doorframe. When she saw him, she smugly held her head higher. “Yo, Alex!” he called, knowing that she hated when he said stuff like that.
“What do you want?” she called back.
“You!”
She sighed irritably and walked over to him. “What?”
“I’m going to Tatoonie, and Master Olivia wants you to come with me.”
“And why should I go to Tatoonie with you?”
“’Cause Master Liv told you too. Here,” he said, giving her the piece of paper.
Alex read it quickly, and her expression darkened. “Fine. When do you want to leave?”
“Now.”
“Let me get my things.”
“Oh, good idea.”
Alex looked at Elliot with venom in her eyes. “You haven’t packed yet?!”
“Well, it’s not exactly gonna take awhile is it? Plus, I didn’t know if my Master would let me go.”
Alex closed her eyes. “Just hurry.”
Elliot didn’t need to be told twice. He sprinted to his dormitory, and threw his things quickly into a bag. He checked to make sure his lightsaber was with him, and ran back to Alex’s dorm.
She was still packing. She was holding up to robes that looked exactly alike, and was pondering which one to pick. “This one shows off my hips, but makes me look fat.”
“They looked the same dumbass,” said Elliot, from her doorway.
“Shut up! They do not. This one”—she held up the robe in her left hand—“is three inches longer.”
Elliot rolled his eyes. “Let’s go.”
Ten minutes later, they were choosing a ship. “Just pick on,” Alex cried irritably.
Finally, with a big grin on his face, he chose a T-wing type fighter. “We aren’t supposed to take those,” said Alex. “Choose a Jedi fighter.”
“Just get in! Stop being a goody-two shoes.”
“I am not a good-two shoes!”
“Then get in.”
“Fine!”
That was easy, Elliot thought. I’ve always wanted to fly one of these.
Two hours later, they were flying out of Coruscant’s blockade. They set a course for hyperspeed when they heard the Emperor’s voice come over the intercom. “Execute Order 66.”
They both looked at each other quizzically. They hadn’t heard of an Order 66. Elliot punched in a few things on the monitor. After a few seconds of whirring, the computer showed:

Order 66:
Destroy all Jedi. Do not allow any Jedi to read this Order, or know about it.

Alex and Elliot read it in horror. “We’ve got to back!” Alex cried.
Elliot shook his head. “We can’t. We’ll just be killed. We should go to Tatoonie and wait there.”
“How can you say that?!”
Elliot got up from the captain’s chair. He faced Alex and shook her. “Think Alex, think! I’m ten years old, your nine years old. We’re hardly padawans! Do you really think that we can make a difference? We’ll just get killed!”
After a few seconds, Alex looked down. “I guess you’re right. Let’s go.”
Below them the battle between the Jedi and evil carried on.

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Old 06-30-2006, 04:13 AM   #2
Diego Varen
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Good Intro. I hope this will be as good as RotE and TDotS. I look foward to more.
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Old 06-30-2006, 03:51 PM   #3
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sweet keep it up

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Old 06-30-2006, 08:57 PM   #4
JediKnight707
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Thanks guys!
The beginning may have started off slow, but I always do. I'll try to keep it updated as quick as possible.

EDIT: Can anyone guess where I got the names? If you can, I'll give you a cookie It's from one of my favorite shows. Also, after a quick re-read, I noticed two errors. If anyone can notice them, I'll give them a cookie


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Old 07-06-2006, 12:08 AM   #5
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Sorry, but I won't be able to update until Saturday/Sunday 'cause I'm on vacation.

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Old 07-06-2006, 02:09 AM   #6
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1) You used 'there' instead of 'their'
2) You said 'pumped his fist in the hair', so I think the 'h' was an accident
3) You said 'Tatoonie' instead of Tatooine. Multiple times.

I win. I could probably fnd more, but it's late and I have to apply for two jobs tomorrow.

Edit:
4) You said 'on' instead of 'one'
5) Alex said “We’ve got to back!”, and that looks like you forgot a verb.


Let's kill ourselves.

Last edited by Hallucination; 07-06-2006 at 08:14 PM.
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Old 07-08-2006, 07:07 PM   #7
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Well, the bottom two were the only one I noticed...
I've got to re-read my stuff more often >.<
And Tatoonie is hard to spell when you've been up for like 23 hours straight

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Old 07-24-2006, 06:20 PM   #8
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I'm really, really, really, really, really sorry that this update took so long, but coming back from vacation was somewhat hectic, and I never really had time to get on the computer to write. Then, about a week after I came back, I got a bad cold, and had so many pills and medicine in me that I didn't know what the hell was going on (trust me, the stuff I wrote seemed to make perfect sense at the time, but now looking back, its pretty damn funny, but completely irrelevant to anything). So when I finally found a good time to write, it seemed the ideas weren't coming to me. It wasn't writer's block, because I knew what I wanted to write, but I just couldn't put it in words. *ahem* Now, without further ado, I give you the second chapter (and sorry if it's a little messed up, just try to keep up, as I wrote it during different periods of time, so I sometimes tend to forget where I leave off, and then I start writing something that's got nothing to do with where the story is):

For a few days, they flew in hyperspace. Elliot could not believe that the Chancellor would create such an Order. And, then to actually carry it out. The Jedi were the keepers of peace, the guardians of the galaxy.
Elliot was working the controls for the ship without really thinking. His mind was always straying to the atrocity of Order 66. How could anyone, even a Sith Lord, commit such an evil act?
Alex had gone into the only room and locked herself in there for days. Elliot would occasionally walk buy the room on the way to the cargo hold—where he slept—and hear sniffles. She may act like she isn’t, but Elliot realized that she was just a kid.
“Tatooine arrival in: 10 minutes,” rang the computer.
Elliot stood up, and started shuffling towards Alex’s room, when he felt a sudden pang of pain in his chest.
Elliot grimaced, partly in pain, but more so for the fact that he knew that another Jedi had died. He always felt something when another Jedi died, like a gap in the Force. He felt like that he’d never be whole again.
Elliot took a deep breath and tried to put on a strong façade. He walked to Alex’s room and knocked a few times before entering. She was in her bed, eyes closed. Her chest was going in and out with the movements of her deep breathing.
Despite himself, Elliot smiled. She looked peaceful, and seemed different from the snobby brat she usually was. Better let her rest, Elliot thought.
He turned to leave when he heard, “What do you want?”
“We’ll be arriving in Tatooine in ten minutes.”
“Okay. Hey Elliot, why’d you choose to go to Tatooine in the first place, before any of this?”
“I went to Tatooine once, and I think I left something,” Elliot said, not telling the entire truth.
“Is that right?” asked Alex, her eyebrow raised.
“Er…yeah,” Elliot replied, his eyes now facing down. He didn’t need the Force to tell him that her eyes were trying to pierce him.
“Okay.” Elliot looked up again and her gaze had softened. “Now leave, I’ve got to change.”
Elliot left and returned to the cockpit. He guided the ship into an empty hanger, and the vessel touched down on the sandy ground with a soft thump!
“We lan—” Elliot started before he heard a voice call, “I know!”
“Just trying to help,” Elliot grumbled. He lowered the landing ramp, and walked to Alex’s room. He knocked and entered. She was sitting on her bed getting her boots on, and she glanced up when he approached her. “Yes?” she asked.
He looked at her clothes. “You can’t go in that.”
“Why not?”
“’Cause those are Jedi robes.”
“Yeah…?”
“The Jedi are being hunted! Do you really think that we should show off the fact that we’re Jedi?!”
Alex looked down. “Oh yeah. Alright let me change again.”
Elliot sighed, and stepped out of her room. “I’m gonna go pay the landing guy.”
He walked to the landing ramp, and immediately felt the hot, muggy air of Tatooine. He walked down the ramp, putting his forearm in front of his eyes; the sand seemed to be flying at him. Someone walked over to him, though he couldn’t tell what the figure really looked like, the sand was blurring his image. “Twenty credits a day, plus ten for landing.” The voice was lazy, as if he had been doing this all day—which he probably had.
Elliot searched his pockets and pulled out a handful of credits. He counted them, there were roughly four hundred. He was pleased that he wouldn’t have to trick the dock officer.
He pulled out around two hundred and handed them to the officer. “Name?”
“Elliot Smith.”
“Alright. Have a nice life,” the officer said, before stalking off. Elliot turned back to his ship, and could barely see it; the sand was really starting to pick up.
He ran quickly up the ramp and into the cockpit, and then he pushed a few buttons, closing the ramp. He looked out the cockpit window, but couldn’t see anything.
Alex walked into the cockpit. “Sandstorm, eh?” she commented, peering out the window.
“Yeah.”
“Well, as exciting as this is, I’m gonna go back into my room.”
“Alright,” Elliot said, trying to stifle a yawn. It had been quite a while since he had slept.
”Why aren’t you helping me Elliot?!?” yelled Olivia. “You can rescue me!” She was surrounded by Clone Troopers, all of them were firing, and there shots were hitting, but Olivia wasn’t dying. “Help me! Before…”—her voice was fading, as was her image—“I”—she got even quieter—“die.” She was gone, and Elliot was surrounded by white. He heard a tapping. It was starting to bug him.
Elliot awoke in the cockpit, jerking around, trying to get past that moment’s wonderment of where the hell you are right when you wake up. He heard that tapping again, though this time louder, and he gazed out the cockpit’s window, and he had to blink a few times to make sure he was seeing correctly.
There was Obi-Wan Kenobi floating just outside the cockpit window. “Elliot?” Obi-Wan asked.
“Master Kenobi?!” asked Elliot incredulously.
“Yeah! Can you open the loading ramp? This sandstorm’s murder on me right now, and this Force Levitation is really not helping me.”
Elliot quickly punched in the commands, and Elliot could immediately hear the sandstorm blowing furiously outside.
“Thanks.” Obi-Wan dropped from view, and a few moments later could be heard climbing up the ramp; his boots making audible noise against the hard steel.
Obi-Wan walked into the cockpit, and sat in the co-pilot’s chair. “Ah, thanks very much Elliot. That sandstorm’s really bad.”
Elliot continued to gaze in wonder at the Jedi Master. “Umm…Master Kenobi—”
“Please, call me Obi-Wan.”
“Okay. M-master Obi-Wan—”
“Just Obi-Wan. There’s not much of a Jedi Order around, now is there?”
“Obi-Wan?”
“Yes, Elliot?”
“Excuse me for sounding rude, but WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!”
Obi-Wan smiled, though it seemed somewhat distant. He cleared his throat. “Well, let’s see…where to start….If you didn’t notice, which I think that you’d have to be completely oblivious not to have, there’s been a Sith Lord that’s been reeking some havoc across our fine galaxy.
“This Sith Lord was discovered! I received word from Master Windu himself that my old padawan, Anakin Skywalker, had stumbled upon the fact that it was indeed the Chancellor—or is it Darth Sidious…or even Emperor?—that was this Sith Lord. Master Windu and three other Jedi Master were sent to arrest him. This is where it gets hazy, but from what me and Yoda—”
“Yoda’s still alive?!”
“Oh, yes. He has hid himself in the Dagobah system. He is—hopefully—alive and well, with nothing but a slight cold ailing him.”
Elliot felt more relieved than he had since he first learned of Order 66. Yoda was still alive. That meant that there was hope…that the Jedi Order could still be revived. “Sorry, pardon my interruption, please continue.”
“From what me and Yoda have collaborated, it seems that a battle ensued, and the other three Jedi Masters were quickly cut down. Mace was the only one to really do some damage. He apparently had Palpatine cornered, and was about to deliver the death blow. We assume that this is where Anakin decided to intervene. Whatever happened is irrelevant, Mace Windu is dead.” Elliot shook her head.
“How could they do this?”
“I don’t know….Is there anyone else that made it that you know of?”
“I did,” came a voice from the cockpit doorway.
Obi-Wan turned to face Alex. His face instantly lightened. “Alexis!”
“Hi, Obi.” Obi-Wan had been one of Alex’s early Masters, and she’d always felt a certain bond with him. “So…it looks like we’re pretty f***ed up?”
They both stared at her, eyes wide. Neither of them had ever heard her swear like that. She looked at them. “Well, we are, aren’t we?”
Elliot shook his head and chuckled a little. “You’re a strange bird Alexis.”

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Old 07-24-2006, 06:32 PM   #9
Diego Varen
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Sounds bad, Jedi_Knight_707. Hope you're better now. Anyway good Chapter as always. Looking foward to more.
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Old 07-24-2006, 06:35 PM   #10
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Thanks Yeah, I'm feeling a lot better. And if the chapter was somewhat sloppy, I was in a state of medicinal high when I wrote like half of it, so please forgive me.

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Old 07-28-2006, 06:22 PM   #11
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I got another update!! I've had a writing fury! Hope you enjoy it:

Elliot turned to face Obi-Wan after a few minutes of silent thinking between the three. “What are you doing here anyway?”
“Oh. Well, you remember Anakin?”
Elliot snorted. “Seeing as how he killed Master Windu, yeah.”
“Do you also remember Padme Amidala?”
Elliot searched his memory, but before he could say anything, Alex cut in. “Yeah. Senator? Pretty?”
“That’s the one. Apparently, she and Anakin were a couple. Padme got pregnant, and she had twins.” He smiled, though he appeared vacant. “A daughter and a son. Leia and Luke, respectfully. Leia is staying with Senator Organa. As for Luke, I thought it best if he stayed under my watch. He’s staying with his step…uncle? I don’t really get the whole family thing. I dropped Luke off before coming here to see if any Clone troopers were lurking on this planet.”
“Are there?”
“A few, and there weak-minded, so no worries.”
Alex and Elliot breathed a sigh of relief. They certainly could handle themselves in combat, but they weren’t skilled Jedi Knights.
“So, what do we do?” asked Elliot.
“Nothing yet. We can’t even walk outside in this sandstorm. When it clears up, I’ll find a realtor and look for a nice secluded hut.”
“Sounds exciting,” Alex said dryly.
None of them had anything to say that was important after that, and so for the next few days they waited for the sandstorm to clear, and spoke only to say things like “I’m going to go to the bathroom,” or, “Holy crap, I feel like I haven’t peed in a week.”
Alex was the only one that slept decent hours, as she was the only one using the bed. She’d offered it to Obi-Wan and Elliot of they wanted to use it when she wasn’t, but they politely declined; they knew she’d get angry at them about something, though in all fairness she didn’t seem as snobby as she had been.
For fun, they played dejarik or sparred, Obi-Wan always winning, and Alex always losing. And when they were alone, Alex and Elliot spoke of who they hoped survived, who they hoped died—though, that only included Anakin—but they also spoke of their lives before the Jedi. Alex, like Elliot, had been ushered away to the Jedi when she was only four, yet she had no recollection who her parents, not even in her dreams.
After the third day, the sandstorm finally settled, and they were free to emerge from their brief metal prison.
Now that they could finally see, Elliot looked around, curious to how Mos Eisley looked like. There wasn’t much to look at, except for sand, cantinas, criminals, and the occasional spot of animal feces that was on the ground. They became more and more cautious the farther they probed into the city’s core, until they finally reached their destination. A run-down shop with a crooked sign across it that said: ‘Reelators’.
“Ah,” said Obi-Wan smiling when he saw the shop, “we’re here.”
Alex looked at the sign, then back at Obi-Wan. “You can’t be serious.”
Obi-Wan looked at her with a confused face. “What do you mean?”
“Look at this place! The sign is lopsided, the shop needs renovation, and they misspelled realtors! You can’t buy a nice house from these people, they wouldn’t know one if it bit them in the…well, you know.”
Obi-Wan nodded his head a few times, before answering. “All valid points Alex, but don’t you realize the most important thing: I’m not looking for a nice house. I want a rundown place. Something I can fix up, so I can live my life in solitude.”
Alex looked like she was ready to argue, but after a few moments, she looked down. “Yeah, you’re right. Let’s go.”
Obi-Wan turned to enter, but Elliot stopped him. “Maybe Alex and I should stay outside, keep an eye on things?”
“Sure,” Obi-Wan said, shrugging his shoulders.
Obi-Wan walked into the shop, and noticed that it was like a beat-down version of what a realtor’s shop should look like. There was furniture, two couches in an L-shape; yet the fabric had many holes scarring it. There were three chairs that you could sit on but only one had all four legs.
“May I help you?” came a voice. They all turned around to see a Toydarian walking flying towards them. His voice was scraggy as it seemed all Toydarian’s voices were. He was, however, clean shaven, something Obi-Wan had never seen in that species. The face of Toydarians were perpetually frowning it seemed, though this particular frown was deeper.
“Yes,” Obi-Wan said, smiling. “I’m interested in purchasing a home on the outskirts.”
At the sound of “purchasing,” the Toydarian’s face lit up, and that frown turned into what little smile could be mustered up. “Hi, I’m Lotto. The outskirts you say? Let me see if we have anything for you.” He flew over to his desk, which seemed like it’d fall apart any second, and shuffled some papers. “You’re in luck! We have one hut—house on the outskirts, and it’s real cheap. Also says the owner will let you move in as soon as you hand over the credits.”
“How much?” asked Obi-Wan.
“500 credits.”
“I’ll take it.”
Obi-Wan pulled out a five hundred-credit bill and handed it to Lotto. Lotto gave him directions to the place, and they wished each other a nice day.

Meanwhile, outside, Elliot and Alex were arguing over who was the better lightsaber duelist. “I always come in second, and you always lose!” said Elliot.
“Yeah, ‘cause I’m going easy one you!” Alex replied.
“That is such bullcrap and you know it,” said Elliot, though he was smiling.
“I’m the best lightsaber duelist and you know it.” Alex, unfortunately said this as soon as four Clone troopers emerged from the cantina that was right next to the realtor’s shop.
“She said she was a lightsaber duelist! That means she’s a Jedi!” yelled one, pointing at Alex.
“Kill her!” yelled another, and they pulled up their blaster rifles, and fired.
Elliot’s eyes widened as he saw her take one—two!—three!—he lost count—shots, each shot getting a yelp of pain out of her—before they finally stopped shooting.
“Are you a Jedi?” asked one of the troopers.
“No,” Elliot said softly, his eyes fixated on Alex’s body. The Clone troopers walked away.
“No,” Elliot said again. He bent down, and touched her body. Her body seemed to be on fire. He carefully flipped her body over. As soon as his eyes saw her front, where all the blaster bolts had hit, he looked away, and had to hold back the bile in his throat. Her robes were torn, too many holes for him to count. Her face was forever torn in a look of terror and pain.
Elliot burst into the shop, as he heard Obi-Wan say, “Have a nice day.” He turned around to see Elliot.
Obi-Wan’s face changed from happy to confused as he saw the look on Elliot’s face. “What’s wrong?” asked Obi-Wan.
“Look,” Elliot said. He pointed to Alex’s body.
Obi-Wan’s eyes widened, and he rushed over to her. “What happened?” he asked, his voice with a restrained franticness in it.
“Some Clone troopers heard us talking about lightsabers…”
Obi-Wan picked her up and started walking. He walked up to the first person he saw with a speeder and offered the driver a thousand credits for the speeder. The driver took the credits and gave them the speeder. Obi-Wan put Alex’s body in the back seats, and told Elliot to take the wheel. Elliot did, and they “drove” in silence, the only speak was when Obi-Wan gave directions.
They found the hut, and Elliot was surprised it was standing. It had holes in it; it looked like it was waiting to be demolished.
“Looks like it needs to be fixed up,” said Elliot.
Obi-Wan said nothing, just picked up Alex’s limp form and carried her inside. He set her in the one room that didn’t have any holes in it.
“We’ll bury her tomorrow,” he said, then walked into one of the bathrooms. He washed his hands—Elliot was surprised there was running water, and splashed cold water over his face.
Neither of them slept well, there little sleep was plagued by images of Alex’s torn body.

The next day, they buried her. Elliot refused to cry. He wasn’t on the best terms with Alex, but he’d gotten closer to her, and he considered her his friend.
They stepped inside after they murmured their wishes, and Elliot turned to Obi-Wan. “So, what do we do now?”
“Wait. Train. And wait for the opportune moment to strike.”


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Old 07-28-2006, 06:30 PM   #12
Diego Varen
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A good Chapter, but why does some people in your Fic swear every few sentences. These sort of Fics, should be rated 15. Anyway looking foward to more.
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Old 07-28-2006, 06:42 PM   #13
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I only sweared twice, didn't I? And once the previous chapter. But, hey, I'll change it

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Old 07-28-2006, 06:59 PM   #14
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I only sweared twice, didn't I? And once the previous chapter. But, hey, I'll change it
I didn't mean it like that. I suppose it's influence from Family Guy. I like that show. Don't change it for my sake. I apologise. I'm looking foward to more.
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Old 07-28-2006, 10:17 PM   #15
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Really good so far. Oh, and I like your avatar. Wouldn't it be great to see Yoda kick some major clone butt and then have him say "touch this you can't", or maybe "your daddy now, who is?" lol.


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Old 07-29-2006, 12:12 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by Jabba da Butt
Wouldn't it be great to see Yoda kick some major clone butt and then have him say "touch this you can't", or maybe "your daddy now, who is?" lol.
Good idea, I just might include that
And I love your name. Makes me chuckle everytime I see it

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Old 07-29-2006, 12:54 AM   #17
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I only sweared twice
Sweared? Should I even say anything about that?

A good chapter, too bad that What's-her-name von Jedistein died.


Let's kill ourselves.
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Old 07-29-2006, 03:29 AM   #18
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Sweared? Should I even say anything about that?

A good chapter, too bad that What's-her-name von Jedistein died.
Yeah it is sad I had to kill her off, but I never liked her. But I bet you guys thought she was the one Elliot was carrying n his back in the very beginning. So, who is it now!? I don't even know

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Old 07-29-2006, 06:51 AM   #19
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lol, I like it so far ... Hope to see more, and see where it goes. Yeah, i thought it was Alexis, Elliot was carrying on his back. hmm ... lol, anyway, once again .. Good job

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Old 07-29-2006, 11:45 AM   #20
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Thanks, I like my name too. You really should include that "your daddy now who is" somewhere. =)


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Old 07-29-2006, 01:09 PM   #21
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i just read through all you've written, JK and i'm glad to see you havent lost your touch. the writing is as good as always, but only the Clone-troops-killing-Alexis-bit was kinda unrealistic. I was under the impression that is the clones heard her say "I’m the best lightsaber duelist and you know it", then they might have had to common sense to notice that anyone she was talking to would be her ally. the whole "are you a Jedi?" thing was a bit silly, IMO, cuz i know for sure that any Jedi with common sense would say "no". but whatever floats your boat.
keep it up!


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Old 07-30-2006, 12:35 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by RC 1162
i just read through all you've written, JK and i'm glad to see you havent lost your touch. the writing is as good as always, but only the Clone-troops-killing-Alexis-bit was kinda unrealistic. I was under the impression that is the clones heard her say "I’m the best lightsaber duelist and you know it", then they might have had to common sense to notice that anyone she was talking to would be her ally. the whole "are you a Jedi?" thing was a bit silly, IMO, cuz i know for sure that any Jedi with common sense would say "no". but whatever floats your boat.
keep it up!
Thanks! I'm glad I didn't lose my touch either.

Yeah, that was pretty stupid, but remember what Obi-Wan said? That the ones stationed on Tatooine were pretty dumb, so... But it was either they asked him if he was a Jedi, they walk away whistling, or Elliot kills them. Having them walk away seemed stupider, and Elliot killing them, which I'm sure he could of done, would of attracted attention.

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Old 08-07-2006, 05:03 PM   #23
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great chaps jk i also thought it was alex on his back...lol

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Old 08-14-2006, 02:28 AM   #24
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Sorry guys that this is taking so long. I've never done this before: I wrote out a chapter, and completely deleted it. Then, I wrote another one. Completely deleted it. So, finally I think I'm on the right track I should have it posted by Tuesday, assuming my mom doesn't ground me, but if she does, then Wednesday. Or sooner!

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Old 08-14-2006, 06:31 AM   #25
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Sorry guys that this is taking so long. I've never done this before: I wrote out a chapter, and completely deleted it. Then, I wrote another one. Completely deleted it. So, finally I think I'm on the right track I should have it posted by Tuesday, assuming my mom doesn't ground me, but if she does, then Wednesday. Or sooner!
How did you delete it? No problem. I'll wait for now.
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Old 08-14-2006, 06:33 AM   #26
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I pressed the backspace button. I didn't like how the chapter turned out. I mean, it probably would have been fine, but I don't just settle for fine! I want JEEZ JEDI_KNIGHT, THAT'S AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Old 08-15-2006, 06:46 AM   #27
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This chapter is somewhat short, but says a lot. Plus, I wanted to post it on my birthday ^_^

-----------------------------------
--6 Years after Order 66—

It’d been six years since the cataclysmic end to the Jedi. Much had happened between that period. The first six months were extremely hectic, as many Jedi were still being hunted. After about a year, things had settled down, and life had just about gotten back to normal. The only real differences were slightly higher taxes and higher security on most planets.
A couple of months after Alex had died, Obi-Wan had come down with a mysterious illness. Elliot and Obi-Wan alike were stumped by the disease. Nothing they had ever heard of had ever done what Obi-Wan’s disease was doing: eating his insides, for lack of a softer phrase.
Elliot had taken him to the doctor’s, and they’d run some tests, and they too were stumped. He’d been called back for some more through tests, and the EKG scan had shown some of his heart valves were slowly deteriorating. And upon those valves, and even on his heart, there were small, yet noticeable, squiggly lines—they turned out to be wyrms. Wyrms that were slowly eating his heart away.
When the doctors had finally figured out how to help Obi-Wan, it was too late. He spent his final days on a hospital bed, which smelt like bleach to Elliot, sleeping from sedatives.
He died three days after being admitted.
Elliot buried him next to Alex, and from that moment on, decided not to be a Jedi. He was always going to be in connection with the Force, that much was for sure, but he’d no longer use it. He disassembled his lightsaber, keeping the parts, but having them all separated.
He moved to Coruscant when he was eleven, and squatted in an apartment he found. It was in one of the slums, and there was almost no light. In his apartment, there was a mattress he had found, two blankets, and a bathroom.
Elliot started racing speeders in the lowest regions. He had never lost a single race, and was considered to be one of the greatest pilots ever to live in the lower regions. Elliot wasn’t sure if he was a good pilot because of his Force connection, or just natural talent. He had to use the money for food and such, so he just stole speeders when he could. The models he stole always seemed to be one step behind everyone else’s, but he didn’t care. He’d still win the race. Elliot was now sixteen, and was all the normal teenager, aside from being somewhat tall.

Do you think that you can hide from me? Do you? I killed thousands of Jedi, I can kill one more. You try to sever your connection with the Force, you try to destroy your lightsaber, but it won’t help you. You’ll always be a Jedi. I can feel you threw the Force. I don’t care if you can hardly feel it, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter how powerful you are with the Force, you reek with the scent of the Jedi. I’m going to kill you.
Elliot awoke with a start. He looked around in that crazed panic people have when they have a nightmare, before realizing he was in his apartment. Who was that voice? Was it just a dream?
He glanced at his moon-watch. It read 3:43 AM. Elliot shook his head, shaking it of the fuzziness. Elliot always had a horrible time sleeping, and the little he got was always plagued with forbidden nightmares of Alex dying. But this nightmare was new.
Elliot walked to the bathroom, still somewhat shaken by that voice. The voice…it was so…sinister. Like even evil couldn’t describe it.
He got to the bathroom and looked at himself in the filthy mirror. He rubbed the small stubble on his face, and went to pick up his razor off the sink’s edge. His hands were shaking, and he knocked it off the sink.
“Crap,” he muttered, and bent down to pick it up. He bent down just in time—a blaster bolt flew through the space where his head had been half a second before.

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Old 08-15-2006, 07:06 AM   #28
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Happy Birthday JK (Checking your Profile, your several months younger than me). Good Chapter all the same. I'm also stumped by that mysterious disease.

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Old 08-15-2006, 07:29 AM   #29
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A new one will probably be up by next week or so, and
spoiler:
expect a little Yoda, somewhat soon, anyway

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Old 08-15-2006, 10:30 AM   #30
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Again, nice chapter. I like where this is going ... "Patiently waiting for the next chapter" .. What?? it's not up yet??? :S Damn! lol.

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Old 08-15-2006, 01:13 PM   #31
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Good chapter, but I'm disappointed you killed Obi-Wan.

Quote:
I can feel you threw the Force.
I didn't know that it was possible to throw the Force.


Let's kill ourselves.
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Old 08-15-2006, 04:57 PM   #32
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>_>
<_<
I wasn't sure! I was going to put "through", but...I didn't
Do you realize how tense you made me when I noticed that you were the latest one who commented on this thread? I was expecting this laundry list of errors I'd made, yet you only picked one

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Old 08-15-2006, 05:13 PM   #33
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JEEZ JEDI_KNIGHT, THAT'S AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!


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Old 08-16-2006, 01:10 AM   #34
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Great chapters, but it sucks that you killed Obi. Keeep it up Jedi _ Knight _ 707


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Old 08-19-2006, 11:42 PM   #35
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I've just now started on the new chapter, and so far so good. I usually post chapters, and then immediately start on the next one, but it was my birthday week, so I took some time off. I got Oblivion and Empire at War, and there both AWESOME!!!!!!!
The real problem is that my monitor is like 60 years old, so Oblivion has pretty crappy graphics, and I've gotta fast travel everywhere. I'm fine in the cities and in dungeons and such, but if I walk outside, and into the grass, BAM! lag.

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Old 08-20-2006, 12:48 AM   #36
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We'll all be waiting to see how Elliot gets out of this cliffhanger, too.
Medical info was accurate--I'll sometimes make up some test names to give it a more 'future' feel. However, this was fine, too, much as I was sorry to see Obi-wan die.
Heh, who would have thought that shaving could save your life.


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Old 08-20-2006, 02:17 AM   #37
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Medical info was accurate--I'll sometimes make up some test names to give it a more 'future' feel.
Whew! I actually did research for that particular part, trying to make sure I got the right test names for the heart and all. I wasn't sure if an EKG scan was for heart or brain, so I did some google-ing.

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Old 08-20-2006, 10:17 AM   #38
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Good job! EKG (for electrokardiogram--I think it was originally invented in Germany, but I'd have to check it--'kardio' or 'cardio' for heart) for the heart and EEG (electroencephalogram--the encephalo part for brain) is for the brain.
I forgot to say Happy Birthday--happy belated one.

The Force dream was wicked. Made me not want to go to sleep, too.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

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Old 08-22-2006, 06:45 AM   #39
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^^
Glad to know that I can write scary. I always figured that when I try to write scary stuff, it comes out cheezy. I've read some of Stephen King, but I hate scary stuff in general, so whenever I try to write something scary, it seems to be just generic. I was going to cut that dream out, but the chapter was short enough as it was.

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Old 08-27-2006, 02:36 AM   #40
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Hey guys! Sorry for the delay, but I think that when I do post the chapter, it'll be worth it. I was bouncing around two ideas in my head for like a week, and I finally chose one and have decided to roll with it. The only problem is I come up with my greatest ideas when I a) am in the shower or b) am about to fall asleep. So, at those moments, I have no way of writing them down.
For a few hints on what's coming, (these are real spoilers if you can decipher the code) read these spoiler(s):

spoiler:
It shall have connections with a Circus of Freaks and be very, very Creppy <- an intentional misspell

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