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Old 12-01-2006, 01:18 PM   #1
Digitaldreamer
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Twenty-Five Days

Happy December first, all!

Okay, so here's the deal. A few days ago I made a thread saying I was going to make an advent calander style fic.

I have begun this fic, hence forth known as “Twenty-five days”. Every day, from now until Christmas, I will post one chapter, ranging from 300 to 1000 or so words in length. Each chapter will be a separate vignette, which may or may not be connected to the chapters previous. Some vignettes will be continuations of previous chapters, some will be stand-alones, but they will all have to do with two things: Psychonauts and the Holiday Season. In the end, they should all tie together to form the most insanely awesome Christmas fic ever.

Well, I can dream, anyway. I probably won't succeed at the whole “updating every day” thing, but I can try.

The first two chapters are setting up my main plots for this fic (because yes, there is in fact, a plot. Shocker with me, I know) and aren't so amusing...but the rest, hopefully should be. Or else they'll be heart-warming or whatever.

So anyway, onward~!

Title: Twenty-Five Days
Author Digitaldreamer
Length: Twenty-five chapters, one for every day until Christmas.
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Raz/Lili, some Milla/Sasha, Elton/Milka, and Elka/Nils
Warnings: Annoying, exceedingly happy OC whom exists soley for the purpose of being aggrivating, constant spreading of cheer, general merry-making, and making fun of most traditions of doom. Of any of the above offend you, you've been warned.
Summary: Lili says she hates Christmas, so Raz is going to do everything in his power to change that! But between a psychotic decorator bent on spreading Christmas Cheer™ the campers all showing up, and Evil Mall Santa's it's not going to be easy. Can Raz do it, or will this be the worst Christmas ever?

Day One: And So It Begins...

The great, hulking building that made up Psychonauts HQ was always a busy place. Agents rushed this way and that, going through security measure after security measure to get to their desks. Elevators chimed, carrying agents from one floor to another. The tapping of hundreds of keyboards could be heard as reports were typed up at insane speeds, case files covering desks and chairs. Pens, papers, and notes telekinetically flew over cubicles, most agents not even casting the objects a second glance as they wandered towards the break room to get more coffee.

Ah yes, just your average day at Psychonauts HQ, or so one would think at first glance. But no, today was in fact, just a bit different. Cold drafts could be felt whenever the doors were opened, bringing with them whispers of ice and snow. The chatter among the agents was slightly more jovial than usual, and the music was indeed a bit different from the usual that played over the intercom. Some agents were even humming along with the tunes.

It wasn't yet in full swing yet, but indeed, the Christmas Season was upon the Psychonauts agency.

Raz was already apparently in the spirit of things as he walked across the main floor of the agency, a stack of papers in hand. He had chosen to only wear the top of his Psychonauts uniform today, along with a pair of simple jeans and a tan jacket Milla had insisted he start wearing, as it was getting quite chilly outside. He had to admit, Milla had been right, and so in order to help keep warm the ten-year old had taken to wearing a long, light green scarf with red stripes. Not only was warm, but it did this cool fwooshy thing whenever the wind blew hard enough, which he personally thought gave a rather nifty, dramatic sort of effect.

“Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the waaay~!” The boy sang under his breath as he made his way through the halls. Though it was early, he was already rather excited for the quickly coming holidays. How could he not be? He had always celebrated the holidays back at the circus, it had never been much of a celebration since they were always so busy with training and everything. This year, however, things would be different. This would be his first Christmas spent at the Psychonauts agency! That meant he'd be there with Sasha and Milla and all of the other friends he had made around the agency.

But best of all, he'd get to spend it around Lili. No amount of presents could compare to that.

“Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open slei-- HEY!” He yelped as black, green and pink blur of something quite suddenly slammed into him, knocking him back. The ten-year old groaned, rubbing his head. “Ah, what was-- oh, Lili!” He sputtered, realizing the pink thing was in fact his girlfriend.

Lili rolled her eyes, placing her hands on her hips. “Wow, how observant of you, Sherlock.” She drawled. “Did you figure that out yourself, or did someone help you?” She was clad in a long-sleeved green striped shirt, and over this she wore a short-sleeved black zip-up hoodie, as well as her usual pink skirt and boots.

“Heh...sorry.” Raz said, reaching up to adjust his goggles, which had been knocked askew. “How are you?”

“Fine.” Lili muttered, fiddling absently with one of her pigtails. “Though I'd be better if they'd stop playing these stupid carols...it's way too early.”

“I think they're kinda catchy myself.” The goggle-headed boy said with a shrug. “And it is December. Aren't you excited?”

Lili snorted. “About Christmas? Are you kidding? I hate this stupid holiday.”

From Raz's expression, you would think he had just been told True Psychic Tales had been taken off the shelves. “You...hate it? Why!?” He sputtered.

“Why not?” Lili scowled. “It's so commercialized! All the stupid ho ho ho's and the stupid sales and the stupid decorating and the stupid cards and...ugh, it's so ...so...stupid!”

Raz stared at her for a moment. “...Wow, that's a lot of stupid.”

“Because it's all stupid, stupid.” The brunette snapped, folding her arms before her.

Raz sighed. “Yeah, I guess the holiday's a bit commercialized, but still...I mean, it's an excuse to give gifts and relax with friends and family, hm? I mean, you have to like that part at least, right?”

Lili snorted. “Friends and family?” She murmured, tugging absently at her sleeve as a far-away look came to her eyes. “What friends? And dad's always too busy to be around for the holidays anyway...I usually end up spending it here, and the agency is always pretty empty around that time. Not that I care or anything.”

“Whoa...” Raz muttered after a moment of silence. “Man...I'm sorry.”

“Don't be.” Lili muttered. “It's not like I care or anything. It's just another stupid month, that's all.”

“Oh come on, don't say that!” Raz admonished. “Come on, maybe this year will be different!”

Lili gave a harsh laugh at this. “Different? Yeah right.”

“Hey, you never know! I mean..well, you never had me around for the holidays before, now have you?” The boy asked, flashing a grin.

Lili watched him for a moment, looking almost like she was going to smile. However, instead of smiling she scoffed, walking past Raz and down the hall. “Whatever, Raz. You'd better hurry and get that paperwork delivered, huh?” She called behind her.

Raz stood there for a moment, staring after her. Though she acted as if she didn't care, Raz could tell.

She was sad.

Well, he'd have to change that.

“Don't worry, Lili! You may have had some bad Christmas's in the past, but things will be different this time! I promise!” Raz called after her. “In fact...uh...it'll be the Best Christmas Ever! Mark my words!”

Lili didn't even turn around, she just kept walking.

Raz grinned to himself as he turned around, hugging the paperwork to himself. Sure, Lili didn't seem excited now, but she'd see! He'd make her see! Things would be different this year, he'd make her smile!

With that, Raz continued down the hallway, beginning to sing again. “Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh...BEST CHRISTMAS EVEEEEEEEER~!”

Little did he realize that with those three simple words, he had just doomed himself and everyone he came in contact with to the most insane holiday season that they had ever experienced.

Christmas would never be the same.

---

Dundundun!

To Be Continued...

So, what did you think? I'd love to get some replies and hear your thoughts on this whole thing, guys...if only to know that, you know, I'm not gonna be doing this all for nothing. Here, I'll even give you a sneak-peekof what's coming up:


Sasha vs. The Lights (“One goes out, they all go out!”)

The Putting Up of the Artificial Tree , aka“Half of the crap on this diagram was not in the box”

The Horrible Christmas Shopping of Doom

WOMG MISTLETOE

Crystal & Clem's Magical North Pole Adventure!

And yes, more!

All of the campers will be making appearances, and perhaps even some of our friends from Thorney Towers. It should be fun..right? Right.

Right..um...I believe that's all. See you all tomorrow~!


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-02-2006, 12:08 AM   #2
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Okay so ah...no feedback..but I guess that's okay, it wasn't up too long anyway...still guys, really, any sort of feedback would be nice.

Right, so it's a bit early, but it's technically December 2nd, so if I post now I won't have to worry about it later...right, here we go~!

Day Two: Operation: Christmas Cheer™

It all started due to a stroke of simple bad luck. Our favorite group of psychics just happened to be in the exact wrong place at the exact wrong time. This, of course, isn't too uncommon for some people, but in this case the results were less-than-pleasant, even by normal standards.

The disastrous tale of which you are about to be told began in a seemingly innocent place, the break room of Psychonauts HQ. Sasha was brewing some coffee in order to keep himself from passing out over his desk, while Milla was seated at the table eating a salad. Raz and Lili happened to be there as well that day, Raz on his lunch break and Lili having the day off from school.

Our four psychics were all having a rather decent conversation when, quite suddenly, Truman Zonatto came bursting in. “Sasha! Milla! Raz! Lili!” He cried out, listing each agent (or in Lili's case, his daughter) by name.

“What!?” All four exclaimed at once, getting to their feet...or in Sasha's case, quite nearly dropping his half-full cup of steaming-hot coffee.

“Perfect! All four of you will be excellent for this!” Truman declared.

“Why, what is it, darling?” Milla asked.

“Is it some super secret mission where we get to save the world again!?” Raz asked, sounding excited.

“Sir, is it some sort of great emergency?” Sasha asked.

“Wait, why are you asking me!?” Lili sputtered. “I'm your daughter, not one of your agents!”

Truman grinned. “You're all perfect for this year's holiday committee!”

Silence for a few seconds.

What!?” All four psychics sputtered.

“Again, why are you asking me!?” Lili exclaimed. “What part of 'I am not a Psychonaut yet' aren't you getting, dad!?”

Truman shrugged. “Well, uh, you know, I guess this place isn't very Christmassy. So...well, you know, I had to find some people to and you guys happened to be around. Hell knows I don't have time for it. So yeah, you're all on this year's holiday committee~! It is hereby your duty to decorate this place...y'know, make it look Christmassy and what not.” He declared lazily.

Silence once more.

“...Uh...all four of us...for the entire agency?” Raz said slowly.

“Isn't that a bit...extreme?” Milla asked.

“I'm foreign. I don't understand enough of the holiday to participate.” Sasha declared, in spite of the fact that he had been a citizen of the states since the eighties.

“I don't work here!” Lili exclaimed.

“Yes, yes, that's nice.” Truman drawled offhandedly. “Right, anyway...well, here, I have an Agent who's volunteered herself to be your coordinator.” With that he stepped aside to reveal a tall young woman with blindingly bright, pink hair that was pulled back into pig-tails, golden bells jingling from them as she walked into the room. She was clad in short black mini-skirt, tight red top with white fuzz, knee-high boots and a fuzzy-santa hat that screamed “holiday cheer”.

“Hiii~! I'm Tessie, and I'll be your Christmas Cheer™ Coordinator this year~!” She chirped brightly, flashing a dazzling, slightly creepy grin.

The four psychics all stared blankly at the cheerful woman for a moment, then turned to Truman.

“Wait, Truman, I really don't think--”

“Sweetie, maybe someone else would--”

“Gah, Mr.Zanotto sir--”

“Dad!”

“No, you can't get out of it. Just have fun, okay?” Truman chirped, giving a jolly wave before turning and walking away. “Also, I'm docking your pay if you don't do it.” He called behind him.

Silence.

“But...but...” Raz whimpered.

“You don't pay me at all!” Lili shrieked. “I don't work here, why can't anyone remember that!?”

Tessie just beamed. “Alright folks, come on! We have a lot to get done and the holiday season only comes but once a year~! So let's get to work, we have a lot of Christmas Cheer™ to spread~!”

“Why are you doing that?” Raz asked.

“Doing what, little boy?” Tessie asked sweetly.

“The...™ ...thing...you're like, saying it out loud.” The goggle-headed boy said, brow furrowing. You really don't need to say it outloud...and is that even legal!? I mean...are you allowed to put a trade-mark on cheer?”

Silence for a few seconds.

“...Right, so anyway~!” Tessie chirped, clapping her hands. “Let's work on assignments, shall we!?”

“But--” Raz began, but Tessie interrupted him.

“Okay, so we have a bunch of stuff to do together, but for now I'm going to stick you all with specific jobs.” She said. “Milla, you're in charge of indoor decorations. That means holly on the stairwells, mistletoe, fake snow, the tree, the whole scha-bang!”

Milla let out a sigh and gave a small smile. “I...suppose I can do that.”

“Razputin, you're in charge of Christmas cards, cookies, and--”

“Christmas cards?” Raz repeated. “Wait, what?”

“Sasha, you're in charge of the lights~!”

Sasha's brow furrowed. “The...the lights?”

“Yes.”

“But...but...I...” Sasha sputtered, trying to come up with a good reason to avoid such a harrowing job.

“What do I do?” Lili demanded, putting her hands on her hips.

“You?” Tessie asked, blinking. Then she beamed, squatting down and ruffling Lili's hair. “Aw, so sweet! Did you come with Daddy to work today?”

“If you don't get your hands off of me this second I'll set you on fire.” Lili snarled.

Tessie removed her hand on the blink of an eye, chuckling. “Oh come now, Lilianna, that's not displaying Christmas Cheer™ ~!”

Lili scowled up at her.

“Right...well, you're adorable, so I figure we'll just have you spreading cheer around the building and helping wherever help is needed.” Tessie spoke through her grin. “Now then...I know it's a lot, but we'll all spread it around, I promise! I'm sure once we're done everything will be chock full of Christmas Cheer™ ~! Right everyone!?”

Silence.

Tessie's eyes narrowed. “...Right. Okay then, let's get moving! To your jobs, everyone!” The psychics all gave mumbles ranging from annoyed to confused to vaguely excited and trudged out the door.

Operation: Christmas Cheer™ had begun.

---

To Be Continued...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-02-2006, 01:37 AM   #3
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Eep! 'Twill be awesome.
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Old 12-02-2006, 01:38 PM   #4
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The TM thing killed me. I've been laughing non-stop about it forever. Great job!


"Remember, if it's anhydrous, that means it's crunchy." ~ Dr. Bukowski
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Old 12-03-2006, 12:06 AM   #5
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Wow, thanks for the feedback, you guys! Glad to hear you all enjoyed the TM joke. ^^

Ah, not much else to say...I'm just posting this real quick before getting back to the next chapter of CP...

Right, enjoy~!

Day Three: The Tree

Aka

“Half of The Crap on This Diagram Was Not In The Box”


“So...why are we using an artificial tree again?” Raz grumbled as he and Sasha telekinetically lifted a gigantic box into the main floor of the agency, the words “100% Artificial Tree! Over twenty feet!” stamped on the front. Lili and Milla followed, appearing annoyed and worried respectively.

“Because some people are allergic.” Tessie chirped as she entered behind them, munching on a candy cane and doing absolutely nothing to help. “We wouldn't want allergies ruining anyone's Christmas Cheer™ , now would we?”

“You know, as far as I'm aware, no one in this agency has pine allergies.” Sasha pointed out.

Tessie ignored him. “Okay boys, put the box over there~!”

Sasha and Raz grumbled, but did as they were told. “Okay, now what?” Raz asked, brushing himself off.

“Now you put it together~!” Tessie cheered, clapping her hands. “Make sure it's right in the middle where everyone can see it, okay~!?” With that, she turned and skipped away.

“But...aren't you going to help!?” Raz cried after her.

“Oh, no, I have far too much Cheer™ to spread~!” Tessie called behind her. “Have fun~!”

“Well, she's turning out to be a huge help so far...” Lili grumbled.

“About as useful as the blue screen of death on a window's machine.” Sasha agreed dully.

“Oh, come on you two, cheer up.” Milla admonished. “We have no choice, so we may as well have fun, right?”

“Yeah yeah...” Raz muttered as he opened the box.

And so, the horror that was known as the assembly of the artificial Christmas tree began.

“Okay, where are the B branches, darling?” Milla called from where she was levitating.

“There aren't any.” Sasha replied after taking a few moments to survey the various piles of branches.

“What? Darling, they're the ones with the periwinkle stripes.”

Sasha let out a long sigh. “Milla, I'm color-blind, remember? And I believe the ones you are referring to are in fact, I's.”

“What? But there aren't any I's on the diagram!” Raz exclaimed, glancing from the sheet of paper to the aforementioned pile of branches. He then frowned, squinting at them. “Are you sure those are I's? I think you're looking at them wrong, they might be H's...except those aren't on the diagram either.”

“Whatever, just toss one up, would you?” Lili snapped, levitating as well. “Look, try M or something, I think that's the row we're on.”

“M?” Raz repeated, brow furrowing. “But we're on P!”

Lili blinked. “No we're not, we used P three rows down!”

“...”

“...Crap.” The brunette cursed. “Alright, come on Milla, we missed a row...or five. We're gonna have to start removing them.”

“...This branch says it is an X ½..” Sasha suddenly spoke up, holding up a branch.

“...X ½?” Raz repeated blankly. He glanced at the diagram, then back at the branch, baffled. “How the hell do you have half a letter?”

Sasha just shook his head, at loss for words.

“Augh, this is impossible! Whoever made this diagram wasn't thinking, they just put down letters at random, it's the only explanation!” Raz cried, throwing up his hands in frustration. However, after doing so he paused, blinking. “Hey...I've got an idea! How about I use clairvoyance on the branches? That should show us how to put these things up, no trouble!”

Lli made a face. “Clairvoyance? On these things?” She asked, holding a fake branch as far away from her as possible. “I dunno, with these things it might be a bit dangerous...”

“Aw, come on, what could happen?” Raz asked as he picked up a branch. “They're just tree branches.”

Milla and Sasha both glanced over just as Raz was about to use the power. “No! Razputin, don't--”

But it was too late, the third eye had already appeared on Raz's forehead. It blinked once.

Twice.

Raz suddenly fell back with a shrill, girly cry, clutching at his head. “Raz!” Lili yelped, dropping to the ground and rushing over to her boyfriend, Milla and Sasha close behind.

The goggle-headed boy lay on the floor, rocking back and forth in a fetal position and twitching at random. He mumbled to himself as he rocked and shivered, green eyes staring sightlessly ahead. The three psychics hovered around Raz, concern etched across their faces.

“Is he...” Lili whispered.

Sasha frowned thoughtfully, quickly checking the boy over. Finally he stepped back. “He's fine. Just seems to be in some sort of shock.”

“Oh my...I wonder what he could have seen to make him react like that?” Milla murmured, picking up the branch.

“Isn't it obvious? These things are possessed!” Lili exclaimed, casting the branch a hateful glare. “I don't know about you, but I quit!”

“Oh no you don't~!” Tessie's voice suddenly piped up. The three psychics all jumped, spinning around to see the pink-haired girl standing there, just beaming.

“What the! When did you--” Milla sputtered.

“How did you just...appear without any of us noticing?” Lili asked, eyes wide.

Sasha just stared.

“Never underestimate the power of Christmas Cheer™~!” Tessie chirped. “Now then, shouldn't you all be working?”

“Um..well...perhaps we could get a different tree, Tessie darling?” Milla asked. “You see, Razputin seems to have had...a strange reaction to this one--”

“It's possessed. We need to burn it, lady.” Lili declared. “Now stand aside before you get caught in the blast.”

Tessie just kept smiling. “Oh, aren't you cute? But no, I'm afraid we can't get another one, there's simply not enough time! You'll simply have to make do! Now come on, let's get going! We have Christmas Cheer™ to spread~!” She said, clapping her hands together.

Silence.

“But...Raz is kind of...having a seizure. Shouldn't we...do something about that?” Lili asked slowly.

“Oh, he'll be fine. Just stick him in a corner or something.” Tessie giggled. “Now then, get to work~! And remember, Christmas Cheer™~!”

And so they did just that. The twitching Raz was placed off to the side and given helpful pats now and then in hopes that he would eventually “get better”, while the rest of the time was spent working on the tree. After about half an hour spent puzzling over the diagram, the three psychics finally gave up, “accidentally” used pyrokinetics on the diagram, and just put the branches up as they saw fit.

An hour or so later Raz finally snapped out it, blinking blearily. “Huh...whoa?” He stood up, rubbing his head. “What was I....whoa...”

Towering before him stood the tree. It was indeed twenty feet tall, just as the box said...but it looked far better than the tree on the box did.

“Oh, Razputin, you're up!” Sasha said, walking over.

Milla, upon noticing Raz's confused look at the mention of “up” quickly beamed and changed the subject. “What do you think?” She asked, gesturing to the tree.

“I love it! It's awesome!” He beamed, glancing over at Lili. “What do you think?”

The pig-tailed girl rolled her eyes. “It looks stupid.” She muttered, causing Raz's face to fall.

“Aw, come on Lili. Try to--”

“Oh, wow!” Tessie suddenly exclaimed, appearing out of nowhere. “That looks great, you guys! You did a fantastic job~!”

“No thanks to the stupid diagram.” Lili grumbled.

Tessie just beamed. “Right, well, that's done. Now decorate it!”

Silence.

What?” Raz sputtered. “After all that you want us to decorate it too!? Right now!?”

“Yup~!” Tessie grinned, then spun on her heels. "Good luck~! And remember, Christmas Cheer™ ~!”

With that, she walked away, apparently unaware of the murderous glares the “holiday committee” was sending her way.

---

To Be Continued...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-03-2006, 01:36 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Digitaldreamer
“Oh, no, I have far too much Cheer™ to spread~!” Tessie called behind her. “Have fun~!”
Translated to...
"I'M GONNA GO DRINK SOME OF THE HAPPY SAUCE WHILE YOU DO ALL THE WORK! I'M YOUR SLAVEMASTER! KTHX!"

Fabulous. Tessie really belongs in Whoville with Crystal and Clem

Tessie-CHRISTMAS IS AWESOME!!
Crystal-OMG TOTALLY
Clem-FOR SURE!!!
All three-FA WHO FOR AES, DA WHO DOR AES WELCOME CHRISTMAS BRING YOUR CHEER!
Grinch-SHUT UP YOU MORONS!!
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Old 12-03-2006, 01:45 AM   #7
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zomg, this is SO hilarious. You should cross-post it to fanfic.net. I'd totally fav it. K, I sound like a teenage girl. Moving on.

Wasn't that "I tree branch" thing on Sasha's livejournal? XD


"Remember, if it's anhydrous, that means it's crunchy." ~ Dr. Bukowski
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Old 12-03-2006, 01:53 AM   #8
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Actually, I've put it up on FF as well. *noddunoddu* I've posted it, like, EVERYWHERE EVER.

You can find the FF.net link here.

And yes, the "I" thing was indeed posted on Sasha's LJ. XD I go through it every year, and thus I must spread my pain to the internets.

And yes, Tessie does indeed belong in Whoville...keep that in mind, you may be surprised later. *cackles evilly and rubs hands together*


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-03-2006, 01:58 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Digitaldreamer
And yes, Tessie does indeed belong in Whoville...keep that in mind, you may be surprised later. *cackles evilly and rubs hands together*
ARE YOU IMPLYING A GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS CROSSOVER??

Marry me.
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Old 12-04-2006, 06:08 AM   #10
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Well everyone, it is time for what you've all been waiting for. That's right, it's the first part of Sasha's great battle against the lights! Dundundun!
...um, right, I believe that's all. Reviews are, as always, greatly appreciated.
Onward!

Day Four: Sasha vs. The Lights

Episode One: An Enlightening Experience, Except Not



It was time.

The stage was set. The main floor of the agency was utterly silent save for the occasional clicking of keys from a keyboard and a telephone ring. At the very center stood The Tree in all its magnificent, some-assembly-required glory. Before it stood Raz, Lili, Milla and Sasha, ornaments and tinsel strewn around there. And there in Sasha's gloved hands were the lights.

“Alright, come on Sasha, we can't decorate until you get the lights up.” Raz said.

“Yeah, come on, what's the hold-up?” Lili snapped, hands on her hips. She really just wanted to get this over with so she could go do something non-Christmas related.

Sasha just stood there, staring up at the tree.

Milla's brow furrowed. “Sasha? Darling?”

The German man looked from the tree to the lights and back again. “Ach....” Here he was again. The lights.

“Sasha? What's wrong?” Raz asked, quirking a brow. “I mean, they're just lights.”

“Ah...yes...” Sasha said, slowly reaching up to adjust his sunglasses.

“Yeah. What, do you think your light stringing abilities are cursed or something?” Lili snorted.

Sasha visibly tensed at this, his eyes widening from behind his glasses. Cursed?

“Sascha!? Sascha, what have you done to my lights!?I give you a job and this is what you do!?”

“Ach, I'm sorry ma'am! I'm sorry, I'll fix it right away!”

“No need, child! You have ruined my Christmas! Get away from my house you...you...MONSTER!”

“I-it's just lights, I can fix it--”

“SASCHA NEIN, I HEREBY CURSE YOU! From now until the day you die, you will never be able to rig up another lights display! Everything you touch will be ruined, just as what has happened to mine! Every bulb you touch will go out, and there will be no extension cords in sight! CURSE YOU, SASHA NEIN! CURSE YOU! AHAHAHAHAHA!”


Sasha's eye visibly twitched. Ordinarily he didn't believe in curses, but ever since that day he hadn't been able to touch one of those varicolored bulbs without something going wrong.

“Sasha? Sweetie...if you really don't want to, I can put up the lights...” Milla offered gently.

“NO!” Sasha cried, startling the Brazilian. “Ah...I mean..no, it's fine. I can do it.” He said, offering a small smile and holding up the lights. “Right. Lights.” He glanced up at the tree, eyes narrowing. With that he concentrated on the lights, meaning to lift them all up and wind them into the branches telekinetically.

With a loud pop, one of the brilliant bulbs exploded, causing everyone to jump.

“Whoa.” Raz commented.

“Er...perhaps we can...hide it in the branches?” Sasha suggested.

At that comment the rest of the bulbs exploded, showering the party with tiny shards of colorful broken glass and drawing yelps of surprise from all of them.

“...Well, that's certainly not normal.” Milla said shakily. Raz and Lili both gave nods of agreement as they shook off bits of glass.

Sasha nodded. “...Perhaps I should...ah...just put them up normally.”

“I...I really think that would be best.” Milla agreed.

The German Psychonaut dug through the boxes until he came to some more lights, tugging a twisting, prismatic strand loose. The moment he did, however, the strand flew back into his face to tangle around him like a writhing, kaleidoscopic snake of holiday cheer. Sasha let out a cry of surprise, trying to pull the lights off of him. This struggling only succeeded in making him more tangled, however.

After a few minutes of struggling Sasha finally paused, only to realize that Milla, Raz, and Lili were all laughing at him. The German glared at them, which only seemed to make them laugh harder.

“Sasha, darling,” Milla finally said through giggles as she used telekinesis to untangle the pale-skinned man. “They're just lights. You're acting as if they're trying to attack you or something.” With that, she held out the straightened lights.

“In my case they probably are.” Sasha muttered under his breath, snatching the lights and stomping over to the tree.

Five minutes later found Sasha once again tangled in lights, this time with the tree, now half-strung with lights, collapsed on top of him.

“Oh my gosh, darling! Are you alright?” Milla exclaimed, her eyes wide as she telekinetically moved the tree and placed it upright.

“Holy ****, Sasha! How did you do that!? You didn't even touch it!” Raz exclaimed as he and Lili helped the German to his feet and removed the lights.

“Language, Razputin.” Sasha groaned out, once again twitching. He took the lights from Lili, casting a glare filled with loathing at the gaudy bits of glass.

“Um...maybe I should...” Milla began.

“NO! I am not cursed!” Sasha snapped. “That stupid old woman! I am not cursed, there is no such thing as curses!” He trailed off, grumbling in German as he stomped up to the tree and continued his job.

Fortunately for Sasha, the next half an hour passed without incident, and at last he was able to get all the lights strung up.

“Alright, there. All done.” He said, stepping away from the tree. “Plug it in, Razputin!”

There was a shuffling sound and the tree gave a light shake. “...Um...”

Sasha's eyes narrowed. “What do you mean, 'um'?”

“It doesn't reach, Sasha!” Lili called out from behind the tree.

Sasha frowned. “So use an extension cord, then.”

“Um...we don't have any, darling.” Milla said, looking through the box.

“...We don't have any extension cords?” Sasha said slowly, turning to face her.

“No.”

“None?”

“None.”

Twenty minutes later Sasha came back to the main floor, several extension cords in hand and a cigarette clenched between his teeth. When his fellow psychics gave him odd looks, all Sasha said was “Plancon always blares that stereo of his far too loud to be good for his hearing anyway.” With that, he plugged the lights in.

Nothing happened.

“...Well...that was...completely and totally unspectacular.” Lili drawled.

“Er...maybe one of the bulbs is out?” Raz suggested meekly.

Sasha groaned, putting his face in his hands. “Why me?”

Three hundred bulbs and fifteen minutes later left the four psychics completely and totally baffled.

“They're all in perfect working condition.” Raz muttered.

“But...it doesn't make any sense!” Milla exclaimed. “I'm sure there's nothing wrong with the electric system, it should work!”

Lili sighed. “Here, I'll go try it again...” With that she plugged the lights in.

Every single bulb flickered to life, bathing the entire floor in a warm glow and bringing gasps of amazement from Raz and Milla.

“Oh, wow...” Milla gasped.

“Whoa.” Raz murmured, tugging on Lili's arm. “Isn't it pretty, Lili?”

“Whatever.” Lili muttered, causing Raz's face to fall.

“But...I don't get it...why didn't it work before?” Sasha sputtered, his eye twitching.

Raz shook his head. “I have no idea, Sasha. Maybe you are cursed.”

“Ach, who knows?” The German Psychonaut groaned, throwing his hands up in frustration. “At least it is finally done.”

“Oh, wow! It looks wonderful guys!” Tessie suddenly chirped from behind them.

“Gah!” Raz yelped. “How do you keep doing that!?”

Tessie ignored him again. “Man, these lights are amazing, Agent Nein! They're so full of Christmas Cheer™ ! Excellent job!”

Sasha let out a long breath. “Thank you, Agent--”

“They look great, but I'm sure you'll do much better for the lights display outside, right!?” Tessie continued, beaming.

Sasha's eyes widened. He twitched. The German Psychonaut looked from Tessie to the blinding lights on the tree and back again. “Oh, Gott...”

The lights glowed mockingly back at him.

---

To Be Continued...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-05-2006, 06:16 AM   #11
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Whoo, getting this drabble done in time was a struggle. The past four days I already had something prepared, but I had to write this one on the spot last night. X_x Ugh. I'm gonna have to hurry and get ahead again, heaving deadlines hanging over my head every day is nerve-wrecking!

Also interesting to note that Sasha vs. The Lights ended up getting the least feedback so far, in spite of the fact that this was apparently something you all anticipated. Jeez, now I'm worried it wasn't funny...

Well, this is where all the drabbles start to split off into different plots with different characters and what not, so part two of Sasha vs. The Lights won't continue for a few days. Worry not though, Sasha's battle with the fabled lights is not yet over, oh no, not by a long shot.

For now, however, Raz gets to deal with the horrors of holiday baking.

Day Five: Of Christmas Cookies and Cards

Raz was stuck.

About half-an hour earlier, Tessie had shoved him into the agency kitchens with one, simple order: “Make Christmas cookies!”

Raz had spun around stare blankly at her. “But...can't we just buy some?”

“Oh, come on now little Razputin, there's no Christmas Cheer™ in buying cookies!” Tessie had replied. “Now get going, I already have everything set out for you! All you have to do is make them!” She said, gesturing to to the table, which was laden with ingredients.

“But...I don't know how to cook...” Raz said slowly.

“That's nice dear. Good luck, and remember, Christmas Cheer™ ~!” Tessie chirped before running off.

Thirty minutes had passed, and Raz had yet to do anything but stare at the ingredients in bewilderment. What the hell was he supposed to do!? He had never baked anything before! He was never the one who made the meals back at the circus, and besides, dragging around a stove hadn't been exactly practical. The kid didn't know how to boil water, let alone make cookies!

Finally the goggle-headed boy let out a sigh, walking over to the table. “I'll just have to try my best...here's a recipe...” He muttered, holding up an index card with various things scrawled upon it in bright pink ink. He glanced over things for a moment, brow furrowing. “Tbsp? What the hell is a tbsp? Is that some kind of bug? They put BUGS in cookies!?”

He then paused as he glanced over the cooking utensils, his gaze finally settling on a small plastic measuring spoon with the letters “tbsp” engraved in the handle.

“Oh...it's a spoon.” Raz let out a small laugh, picking up the utensil. “Bugs...geez, what was I thinking?” He muttered, rolling his eyes before looking back over the rest of the ingredients.

“Huh...y'know, maybe this won't be so bad.” He said to himself, setting the card down. “Yeah...I mean, geez, if I can become a Psychonaut at the age of ten, I can definitely bake cookies, right!?”

With that, he got to work.

Meanwhile, in Truman's office, Lili was taking a break from her “cheer-spreading duties” to help her father with their family Christmas Cards.

“Stupid Christmas Cards...” Lili grumbled as she licked another envelope and set it aside. No matter how envelopes she licked and set aside, the pile of cards and already addressed envelopes didn't seem to be getting any smaller. The fact that Tessie had forced her into a cute little green and red elf costume wasn't helping her mood any, either.

“Common courtesy as Head of the agency.” Truman explained without even looking up from his paperwork.

“Yes, but why do I have to do it!?” Lili snapped. “I'm your daughter, not your slave!”

Truman glanced up and beamed. “Why, because you're on the Holiday Committee, of course!”

“I don't even work here!” His daughter exclaimed. “Not to mention the Agent you put in charge of the thing is completely insane!”

Her father blinked. “Lili, you just described most of this agency.” He pointed out.

Lili rolled her eyes. “I mean Tessie, dad! She's completely nuts! Like, she never stops smiling! It's creepy! And she hasn't done anything to help! All she does is run around spreading 'Christmas Cheer™ '! You've gotta get rid of her dad, she's CRAZY!”

Truman blinked again. Then he laughed. “Oh, come on now Lili, stop complaining. I'm sure she's fine.”

“No, she's not! She's...gaaah!” Lili let out a hiss of frustration. “Nevermind. Not like you'd listen anyway...” She muttered, going back to the Christmas Cards. She held one of the Agency issue ones up, blinking. “Why are Sasha, Milla, and Raz all on this picture?”

“Eh, they're my most popular agents at the moment. True Psychic Tales and all that.” Her father said with a shrug.

“But...when did they pose for this picture?” Lili asked, squinting at it.

“They didn't. Photoshop works wonders.” Truman said simply.

“I...see...” Lili sighed, shoving the card into an envelope. “Why are we sending all these? I don't even know half these people!” She exclaimed as she glanced at the list.

Truman sighed. “Like I said, being the Grand Head of Psychonauts also comes with a bunch of Grand Pains. Now why don't you go put those in the mail or something?” He asked, now desperate for silence.

Lili didn't need to be told twice. She hopped up out of her seat and was out of her father's office faster than he could blink, cards trailing telekinetically behind her as she trudged down the hall. She was distracted from this task, however, when a great explosion suddenly came from further down the hallway, where the kitchens were.

“What the-- Raz!?” She sputtered, dropping the cards. She sped down the hallway and through the doorway, which was expelling smoke at an impressive rate. “Raz!?” She coughed out, waving away the smoke.

The kitchen was in a state of chaos. Uncooked, lumpy dough (or at least Lili thought it was dough...it seemed to be glowing as though it were radioactive) was slopped out of an overturned bowl, flour scattered all over the kitchen like snow. The microwave was opened and splattered with pink frosting, bits of it dripping out onto the floor. And there, at the center of it all stood Raz, covered in all of it and coughing. Floating before him was the charred remains of what might have once been a pan, a few black lumps of something now apparently permanently stuck to it.

“Huh?” Raz coughed out, blinking blearily through the smoke. “Oh, hey Lili.” He said, flashing a sheepish grin.

“Raz!” Lili sputtered, amber eyes widening. “What the hell did you do!?”

“I...was supposed to make cookies.” Raz explained as he coughed again. “Sorry...I think I burned them a bit.”

Lili stared at him for a moment. Then she groaned, covering her face with her hands. “Damnit...this is another one of those reasons why I hate this holiday...” She grumbled.

Raz's eyes widened. “Oh no! I'm sorry, I'll try again!”

“NO!” Lili screamed, rushing over to him and grabbing him by the arms. “YOU ARE NEVER TO COOK AGAIN! EVER!” She declared, giving him a rough shake.

Raz blinked at her.

Lili let out a long sigh. “I...I mean...no, it's okay Raz.” She muttered, shaking her head and patting his shoulder. “It's...it's...well, it's not fine, but Tessie shouldn't have stuck you with this job anyway.” She took the pan from him telekinetically and tossed it in the garbage, then turned back to Raz. “Look, don't worry about this. I'll clean it up, and then I'll call Milla or something. God knows she forces enough gingerbread into me every year as it is.” She said, rolling her eyes.

Raz blinked again. “But...”

The brunette scowled at him, then shoved him towards the door. “Come on, get moving. Just don't get used to me being nice or anything!” She snapped.

“But...” Raz whimpered as he stumbled towards the door, glancing back at her sour face. “...Best Christmas ever...”

Lili shook her head. “Look, you can worry about that later, okay? Just...just go do something else, alright?”

“So...no baking?” Raz asked slowly.

“No baking. Now go.” Lili said, pointing towards the door. Raz let out a long sigh and shuffled out, leaving the nearly destroyed kitchen behind him.

“Okay...so maybe baking Christmas Cookies isn't as easy as becoming a Psychonaut at the age of ten...”

---

To Be Continued...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-06-2006, 06:19 AM   #12
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So, day six. Wow, that means we're almost a fourth of a way through this. Geez, how exciting...er, I think.

This drabble and two more later come from dear Darth Ave's suggestion that I do a parody of something from A Christmas Story, which, for those of you who don't know, is pretty much the greatest Christmas movie ever. For those of you who've seen the movie, this should be amusing. For those of you haven't, it might not seem too Christmassy, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Right, onward!

Day Six: Milla's Major Award, part One

“AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Sasha, whom had been hiding in his office in a desperate attempt to avoid another go with the lights, suddenly jerked to his feet at the sound of the shrill cry. “Milla!” He exclaimed, eyes widening from behind his sunglasses. He immediately sprinted out the door, leaving his half-finished blog entry behind him.

“Milla!? What's wrong!?” The German Psychonaut exclaimed as he burst into his partner's office, glancing this way and that. Odd, everything in Milla's office seemed to be in order...just as bright and terribly tacky as always.

Milla herself spun around to face Sasha, her face one of giddy excitement. “Oh my gosh, Sasha!” With that she rushed across the room and flung her arms around the German man, hugging him so tightly a loud 'crack' was heard from his ribs.

“ACH!” Sasha choked out. “A-Agent Vodello...my spine...”

“I WON, SASHA! I WON!” Milla babbled in ecstatic gibberish, apparently so giddy that she didn't realize she was snapping her partner in two.

“Ah...that's...that's great Milla....now please let go of me.” Sasha said weakly.

Milla blinked. “Oh...right.” She finally released poor Sasha, laughing nervously. “Sorry about that, darling. But I won!”

“I gathered as much.” Sasha drawled in an exasperated manner, brushing himself off and popping his spine back into place. “But from what? And what, may I ask, did you win?”

“Oh...well...um...actually I'm not entirely sure...” Milla said, blinking in confusion as she glanced back at the package on her desk. “I think Agent Rhose entered me into some sort of contest at some point, she's such a sweet girl....but oh well! The point is I won!”

Sasha stared at the package, brow furrowing. “I...see...well, congratulations, Agent Vodello. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm...busy...” He decided not to mention that 'busy' meant 'blogging while trying to avoid that damn Tessie woman at all costs'.

Milla rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on Sasha, don't you want to see what my prize is!?”

“Not particularly.”

“Oh, don't be such a party pooper.” The Brazilian said as she picked up the package with telekinesis, along with a letter opener. “Come on, let's see!” With that, she tore open the box with a loud rip and pulled it open. “Hmmm, let's see here...” She murmured as she shifted through the box, oblivious to the faces Sasha made as some of the puffy plastic packaging was shoved out of the box and drifted to the floor.

“Aha!” Milla suddenly exclaimed. “Here it is!” With that, she tugged a tall, plaster something out of the box.

The moment Sasha got a good look at the thing, he cringed.

It was a lamp. Or at least it might have been. The base was shaped like...well, a woman's leg. A very shapely woman's leg at that, clad in a simple, tall, black high-heeled shoe and fish-net stockings. The lampshade was colored a soft, shimmering gold with black tassels, and was designed to look like the “woman's” skirt.

Upon the moment of the leg lamp's unveiling, Sasha cringed. “Oh Gott...” It was the ugliest thing he had ever laid eyes on, and he used to work in a carnival lamp factory. He knew ugly lamps.

“Oh wow!” Milla exclaimed, clapping her hands together. “It's so cute!”

Cute!?” Sasha sputtered. “It's hideous!”

Milla pouted, reaching out to take the leg lamp and hug it to herself. “It is not! It's adorable!”

Sasha gaped at the thing in horror. “No it's not!”

“It is so!” The brunette put her her free hand on her hip as she cradled the lamp with the other. “You're just jealous because I won a Major Award and you didn't!” She declared with a grin.

“What Major Award!? You don't even remember the contest that you won!” Sasha exclaimed.

Milla shrugged. “So? I still won.”

Sasha scowled, folding his arms before him. “I think I'd much rather lose than win that hideous thing.”

“Oh, hush.” Milla drawled, waving her arm in an offhanded manner. “Anyway...where shall I put it?” She asked as she glanced around her office.

Sasha sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Hopefully somewhere far out of sight, where no one can see it and have their retinae burnt away.” He muttered.

“Aha! Here we go!” Milla exclaimed, removing her old, brightly colored lamp from the small filing cabinet she had set just below one of the windows that looked out into the hallway. She then placed the Leg Lamp in the former lamp's position. “Now everyone can see it!” She said brightly clapping her hands together.

Sasha's eyes widened in horror. “Ach...”

Milla pulled open her door and stepped into the hallways, beaming. “Sasha, would you be a dear and plug it in for me?”

Sasha looked from lamp to Milla and back again, face pale. “But...but...”

“Please, darling?” Milla pleaded, making the face.

Not even Sasha could resist that face. The German Psychonaut gave a groan of defeat, then used telekinesis to put the plug in the socket. Instantly the lamp sprung to life, a bright yellow glow coming from beneath the “skirt” and making Sasha cringe.

“Oh, wow! It's lovely!” Milla exclaimed, levitating into the air and clapping her hands. “And you can see it out here perfectly!”

As luck would have it, it was around then that Oleander came walking back, whistling an army tune as he lugged along a pile of papers. However, upon noting Milla levitating in the hallway he paused, brow furrowing. “Er...afternoon, Milla. What in the blazes are you doing?” He asked, oblivious to Sasha's expression of utter horror back in the Brazilian agent's office.

“Oh, hello Morry!” Milla cooed. “I'm just trying to see how my new lamp looks from outside my office, that's all.”

“New lamp?” Morry blinked, looking over to see the Leg Lamp gleaming in the window. He gave a low whistle. “Wow, that is a nice lamp.”

“I know, isn't it cute!?” Milla giggled. “It's my Major Award!”

“A Major Award? Well, congratulations, Milla!” Oleander said, offering a handshake which Milla had to stoop to accept. As she did this, just about every single agent on that floor had begun to poke their heads out of their offices to get a glimpse of what exactly was going on.

“Thank you, Morry.” Milla said with a small smile, then glanced around. “Did you see everyone? This is my major award!” She said, gesturing to the lamp.

That did it. Soon enough the entire floor was gathered around Milla's office, 'ooh-ing' and 'ahh-ing' at the lamp.

“Wow Milla, congratulations!”

“It really is a nice lamp, Miss Vodello.”

“Man, I wish I had entered...whatever it was that you entered.”

As the agents continued to chatter outside of Milla's office, inside Sasha could only observe in mute horror. With them all gathered around the doorway the poor German Psychonaut was trapped inside the room with the infernal lamp.

“Ah...excuse me, can I get through, please?” Sasha asked for what felt like the millionth time. None of the agents moved. It seemed the Leg Lamp had some sort of hypnotic effect on everyone but him.

After several more minutes of struggling Sasha let out a loud groan. “For the love of...it's a stupid tacky lamp, people! It's ugly as sin, why can't you see that!?” He exclaimed. “It doesn't even go with the color scheme of the room, I can tell and I'm colorblind! Just get rid of the thing already!”

“Man...that really is a nice lamp...”

Sasha sighed, putting his face in his hands. “Why me?”

It seemed the Leg Lamp was there to stay.

---

To Be Continued...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-07-2006, 03:25 PM   #13
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Gah, I'm so sorry this is a bit late today, guys! I meant to update this morning like I always do, but my alarm didn't go off and I ended up waking up within minutes of my bus showing up. Sorry everyone! But it's here now...gah...yeah...

Right, so...not much else to say this chapter, I'm like, half asleep over here...maybe doing a fic that updates every day on top of such a crazy trimester during the holiday season of all times wasn't such a good idea...ah well, I'll pull through. As long as I'm making someone out there smile and enjoy the holidays a bit more, then that's what matters. Although, you know, if you could review so I know it's at least doing something, that'd be nice...
Right, on with the chapter!

Day Seven: Please Do Not Feed The Santa

The mall was always a chaotic place, with people bustling to and fro from various shop, arms laden with bags. During the Christmas season however, things were even crazier than usual. Shoppers went this way and that, glancing through lists and checking them twice much like Old St. Nick. Lights dangled from just about every feasible place that they could hang, reflecting off of fake snow that had been placed just about everywhere. A giant Christmas tree stood at the center of the mall, decorated so beautifully that it was truly a sight to behold.

“Wow...” Raz murmured, craning his head back to peer up at the lights. “I should so ask these guys for some tips for Sasha...”

But he couldn't now. Oh no, he had a mission.

Razputin was currently standing in a line. Not just any line, oh no, this was a special line, a line that weaved through rows and rows of tinsel line markers held up by giant, cheap plastic candy canes. At the very end of this line stood a great big, shimmering house that just screamed (in the words of Tessie) “Christmas Cheer™”...or it would have, had the cheesy sign on a great red and white pole next to it not read “North Pole”.

So far, Raz's attempts at making Lili's Christmas the Best Christmas Ever had been less than fruitful. One would think them both being stuck on the Holiday Committee would have made things better, but no, in fact that seemed to make things worse. With time ticking away and with fear that at any moment that pink-haired menace would hunt him down again, Raz was left with but one choice, to go to the source.

Razputin was going to go see Santa Clause.

Now, most people would probably claim that at the age of ten Raz was far too old. However, given the fact that he came from a circus, Raz had never actually had much of a chance to have a proper conversation with Santa on the big guys lap. He hadn't really felt like it this year anyway, not that he believed himself to be too old, but because he hadn't wanted anything.

Until now.

“Next! Hey, kid, you're up.”

Raz blinked in surprise, eyes wide. “Seriously? Wow...uh...alright...” He stepped up to the great big, Christmas-themed “throne” of sorts, where the great Kris Kringle himself sat. After a moment of hesitation Raz hopped onto Santa's lap, jade green eyes wide.

“Whoa...ah...hi there.” He said with a weak grin.

“Ho ho ho!” Said Santa. “And what do you want for Christmas, little boy?”

“Um...well...” Raz trailed off, scratching his head. “It's not really for me...see, my girlfriend, Lili, apparently she always gets really sad around this time of year. No, sad isn't right...she hates the holidays since her dad's always too busy with work and she doesn't really...well, have any friends. She's miserable, sir, and...I wanted to change that. I want to make this the Best Christmas Ever for her, and I've tried! But so far all I've done is mess up, and her dad went and assigned us both to Holiday Committee, so we're both so much more busy that usual...and it's just so hard. I'm not sure what to do...so I thought if I came here maybe you could help.” The goggle-headed boy let out a long sigh. “I guess what I'm trying to say is that all I want for Christmas is for her to be happy.”

Silence for a moment. Then, finally, Santa spoke. “Well, I don't think so.”

Raz's eyes widened. “What!? What do you mean you don't think so!?”

“You'll shoot your eye out, kid!”

“All I want is to make this the Best Christmas Ever for her and-- wait, WHAT!?” Raz sputtered. “What are you talking about!? What does me shooting my eye out have to do with anything!?” He squinted at Santa's face for a moment. Then, without warning, he reached out and snatched off the man's beard to reveal....

“DR. LOBOTO!?”

Sure enough, it was the deranged dentist who was sitting in Santa's chair, clad in the big red suit and all, a psychotic grin stretched across his face. “You'll shoot your eye out, you'll shoot your eye out~!” He cackled.

Raz leaped from Loboto's lap so fast he may as well have teleported. “What the!? What are you doing impersonating Santa Clause!? And...spitting off quotes, at that!”

Loboto stared blankly at him for a moment. Then he just beamed. “Be sure to drink your Ovaltine!”

The ten-year old Psychonaut stared at him for a moment. “You know what? Never mind. I don't want to know.” He muttered, covering his face with one hand. “Just...just...you're under arrest...” He muttered into his gloved palm as he tugged his badge from his coat-pocket and held it up. “Ugh, forget it, I don't want to deal with this...you just stay there while I call the agency to pick you up, okay?”

“Fra-gee-lay. Hm, must be Italian.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Raz muttered, then glanced over at the Mall Security, all of whom had gathered and now just stood there, gaping at the mad scientist. “What!? Haven't you seen a ten-year old agent before!? Just get over here and grab him already!” The goggle-headed boy snapped. “Take him to your office and call the BPC, they'll know what to do.”

The security guards all looked baffled, but when Raz rolled his eyes and held up his badge they hurried to it, grabbing Loboto by his red-clothes arms.

“And a Partridge in a Pear Treeeeee....” Loboto cackled as he was lead away, giving very little resistance. Apparently that fall from Thorney Towers had managed to scramble what wits he had.

Raz let out a long sigh, running a hand through his hair. He then turned around to see all the kids who had been behind him in line standing there, staring. Raz blinked. “Um...hey guys...uh...” He laughed nervously.

“That goggle-headed kid got Santa arrested!” One kid shouted.

“No, no, I didn't get Santa arrested!” Raz exclaimed. “That was an imposter, guys! An imposter! Do you really think the real Santa would have blue skin!?”

The kids all fell into silence.

“Yeah, that's right. That Santa..um...sat upon a throne of lies and...ah...stuff....” Raz trailed off, swallowing nervously as he noticed the kids were all still glaring at him.

“So where's the REAL Santa!?” One little girl finally demanded. The rest all gave nods of agreement.

“Ummm...he's...still at the North Pole, of course!” Raz said with another small laugh, flashing a nervous grin. “He'll ah...be here soon...for now though, you should all go home...ahaha...yeah...”

Silence.

“Um...anyone wanna sing a...Christmas Carol?” Raz asked through clenched teeth.

“GET HIM!” A kid screamed. The other kids all gave similar battle cries and charged, a high-pitched, screaming mass of goose-down stuffed coats and squeaky rubber boots.

Raz's eyes widened in horror. Now, an army of censors and personal demons, he could handle. Psychic terrorists, he could handle. But this was just too much. Raz did what any sane person would do in his situation.

He turned and ran like Hell.

The kids chased Raz all through the mall and out the doors, where Raz finally threw caution to the wind and just when invisible before dashing away as fast as his legs could carry him.

He never did get that advice for Sasha.

---

To Be Continued...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-08-2006, 06:12 AM   #14
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Whoa, this was close...I almost didn't get this drabble done in time. Fortunately, I managed. Ayiyiyiyi, I'm so stressed out...this weekend is going to be a busy one, since I'm really not ahead in these drabbles at all, not to mention CP and school work. Uweeh, the holidays are so busy! But as long as this is making someone smile, I'll pull through.

Onward!

Day Eight: Sasha vs. The Lights

Episode Two: A High-Wired Adventure


“Okay Sasha,” Tessie began. Both she and Sasha stood just outside the agency, piles and piles of boxes filled with lights set in front of them. “I have all your supplies right here. All you have to do is follow this diagram, and we'll have a display of lights that's sure to just pump everyone who sees it full of Christmas Cheer™ !”

Sasha looked from the diagram in his hands to the pile of boxes, paling. “Ah, Agent...” He trailed off, brow furrowing. Did this woman even have a last name? “...Ma'am, this is a secret government agency. Doesn't it seem a bit...ah, contradictory to be setting up such an attention-grabbing lights display?”

Tessie blinked at him, still beaming.

“...Never mind.” Sasha sighed. “I don't suppose it's possible to find...ah...someone else to do this?” He asked as he glanced back at the lights. Not that he believed in curses or anything, that was ridiculous! But even so, his last outing with the kaleidoscopic lights had been...less than pleasant.

Tessie shook her head, still beaming. “Sorry, Sasha, I'm afraid not!” She clapped him on the back. “I'm sure you'll do fine, you're just pumped full of Christmas Cheer™ , aren't you!?”

“Er...yes...Christmas Cheer.” Sasha said dully.

“ ™ .” Tessie added, winking before walking away. With her back turned, she didn't see the way Sasha shuddered in horror.

After a few moments of silence Sasha let out a long sigh, glancing over the diagram in his hands. The diagram was currently calling for lights strung along the windows of every story and some glowing elves and Frosty up front with a tree made of lights, not to mention Santa and his reindeer up on the roof. “This is not going to end well.” He muttered.

Oh how right he was.

The elves, for the most part, gave Sasha no trouble...though he could have sworn upon opening the box they had sprung forth to attack him, but fortunately for him no one had been around to observe his battle against the little light-up imps. Amazingly, Frosty was even less cooperative.

Somehow, Frosty managed to come in three hundred individual pieces.

Each piece also happened to be frozen together. Sasha stared blankly at the frozen block of ice that had come out of the box. “But...she said she bought this yesterday...” He sighed, then set to the slow, exhausting work of defrosting and separating each and every piece, grumbling under his breath in German all the while. Once this was done he actually had to assemble the thing, which ended up being a bit like The Tree, only not possessed.

Or at least he hoped it wasn't possessed. Sasha valued his brain a bit too much after the Loboto incident to use clairvoyance and check.

Once this task was complete, a good portion of the set-up, amazingly enough, occurred without incident. Okay, so maybe an entire strand of lights had just spontaneously combusted when he looked at them, and he had been forced to make a trek down to three department stores to actually get some extension cords (The first two had miraculously been out, even though they both claimed to have restocked a mere hour beforehand), not to mention the many times the little bulbs had tried to strangle the life from him (likely an act of vengeance for their scorched brethren). But really, other than all that he wasn't too bad.

Maybe he wasn't cursed after all.

Sasha was almost in fairly good spirits as he set up Santa and his reindeer up on the rooftop. Sure, it was annoying, but soon enough he'd be done and then he wouldn't have to deal with any of this stuff until he took them down in a few weeks!

Now if only these reindeer would stop being so stubborn and get assembled!

“I don't get it!” Sasha muttered as he tried desperately to wedge one of Blitzen's legs onto his body. “No matter what I do it doesn't fit...these holes are too small.” He let out a frustrated sigh, finally jamming the leg down onto the little deer's plastic body with a loud, slightly unhealthy sounding “crack!” The German held his breath as he removed his gloved hand, hoping the leg would stay. It did.

“Ah, thank Gott...” He muttered, running a hand through his hair. “Now all I have to do is hitch it to the sleigh and I can-- ACH!” Sasha yelped as his feet suddenly slipped out from under him on some snow. He tumbled backwards, landing with an “OOF!” mere inches from the edge of the roof.

Blitzen wasn't so lucky. The light-up reindeer tumbled several stories, until it at last hit the ground with a loud, splintering “CRUNCH!”

Sasha let out a groan as he lay there, nursing his aching skull. “That...did not sound good...” He muttered. After a few seconds he rolled onto his front so he could peer over the edge of the roof to survey the damage.

There, in the middle of the little display out front, lay Blitzen. Or rather, his remains. Pieces of the little plastic reindeer lay everywhere, legs twisted in malformed shapes like broken twigs, the entire of his body in two. Blitzen's severed head had replaced Frosty's top hat, and the way the elves were placed gave the entire thing the appearance that Frosty and the elves had just been the witnesses to Blitzen's traumatic suicide.

Sasha stared at the scene for a moment. Then he glanced back at Santa and his reindeer. “Ach, forget it.” He muttered, getting up and brushing the snow off of himself. “I do not have time for this.”

He really hoped no one noticed that Rudolph had apparently murdered Blitzen for his place in the line-up.

With the display complete at last, Sasha had but one thing to do: plug it in.

“Alright, let's see here...yes, yes, everything is set up right, meaning all I should have to do is plug it in...here...”

KKKKKKKKZAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPP!

There was a blinding blue flash that lit up the entire New York sky for a moment, causing many people to stop and stare. Years from now, people would tell amazing tales of what they thought had happened to cause such a flash, but they would never guess that it was really nothing more than a certain German Psychonaut being deep-fried.

“Hm? What was that?” Tessie wondered as she stepped out of the agency, licking at a candy cane. She then blinked as she found Sasha twitching and smoldering in the snow. “Huh? Sasha, are you alright?”

“No.”

“Glad to hear that~!” Tessie chirped, reaching out to pat Sasha on the head. She then turned to face the agency, her face lighting up about as brightly as the lights that covered the entire building. “Oh wow, Sasha, this is amazing!”

“Good. Because I am done, Agent...” Sasha trailed off as he brushed the snow off of himself, frowning. “What exactly is your last name?”

“It's so full of Christmas Cheer™!” Tessie continued as if she hadn't heard him. “Too bad you're going to have to redo it all!”

Silence.

“...What?” Sasha sputtered.

“Oh, you know, I just saw some Christmas lights displays around town, and I realized ours just isn't cheery enough. This is a problem. So I've come up with a whole new design, complete with one of those things that'll make it so the lights flash in time with music~!” Tessie chirped.

The German Psychonaut was too shocked to speak.

“I can tell you're excited! I'm sure you'll do great! Here's the plan!” Tessie dropped a packet of papers as thick as a text box into Sasha's hands. “Good luck~! And remember, Christmas Cheer™!” With that, she walked away.

Sasha nearly broke down and cried.

---

To Be Continued...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-08-2006, 01:08 PM   #15
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These are amazing. The last one has been my favorite so far.

Would you mind if I did fanart for these?
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Old 12-08-2006, 03:22 PM   #16
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Fanart? Oooh, I do love fanart. I'd be honored if you did some, but don't feel oblidged. ^^;


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-09-2006, 12:01 AM   #17
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Whoo, day nine. Almost to the double digits now, how crazy is that? Miss Trippy was also nice enough to just review every chapter (thanks a whole lot, Trippy!) which, on top of a recent viewing of the Polar Express, has renewed my vigor for this fic. This means I'll probably spend the entire weekend just typing up these drabbles, that way I'll have a backlog of drabbles and won't be as stressed as I was this week.

Or at least I hope that'll be the case, at any rate.

While I'd like to do all this and CP as well, it's likely that's not going to happen. So for those of you who read CP, I'm sorry to say I probably won't be able to update this weekend. You can hope I'll get it together for sometime during the week, but that's probably not going to happen either, so expect a big chapter next week, okay? I'm really sorry, but the holiday season has just made me so darn busy, I simply don't have time and have to hold something off for a bit. It was either that or...well, not sleep, and that wouldn't result in a good chapter. I'm sure you'd all rather wait than suffer a crappy chapter right? Right.

Well...with that slightly unhappy news off my chest, I hope this chapter of Twenty-Five days cheers you up! Although I doubt my announcement should depress anyone that much, it's just CP, for cripes sake...right, onward!

Day Nine: Snow

All was oddly quiet in the Agency towards the end of the day. Though six o' clock was generally the time when most of the Psychonauts went home, today almost everyone had gone home early due to reports of bad weather. At the moment there were only a few agents bustling through the great building, making the normally chaotic place a bit eerie in it's silence.

'Tick' went the clock.

Raz stared at it with wide eyes.

[u]'Tock'[/i] went the clock.

5:57, it read.

'Tick'

Raz twitched.

'Tock'

The minute hand moved.

5:58

“Yes! Two more minutes!” Raz hissed under his breath.

“Razputin, please, focus!” Milla admonished.

“Sorry.” Raz muttered apologetically, flushing and returning to his work. He, Lili, Sasha and Milla were all gathered in front of the tree, rolls of wrapping paper, ribbons, scissors and tape spread around them all. There was also a pile of plain white boxes, which didn't seem to be getting any smaller.

Lili let out a hiss of frustration as she twirled a ribbon around her pair of scissors half-heartedly. “Why are we doing this again?” She grumbled.

“Miss Zanotto does have a point...all of these boxes are empty.” Sasha muttered as he applied some tape.

“Oh, but they just load this place with 'Christmas Cheer™ ', don't they?” Raz declared, doing a perfect imitation of Tessie's high-pitched, squeaky voice and rolling his eyes.

“Come now darlings, cheer up. At least it's....festive?” Milla suggested, though her smile seemed rather fake.

“Whatever.” Raz muttered. “At this point, I don't really care, all I care about is that it's nearly six and I'm almost out of here!” He declared as he wrapped a box a bit too forcefully.

“It is?” Sasha blinked, glancing at the clock. “Oh, so it is. My, how time flies when you're...wrapping empty boxes.”

Lili, meanwhile, was counting under her breath. “Six...five...four...two...”

“You missed three, darling.” Milla interjected helpfully.

“SIX O' CLOCK!” Lili cried out, jumping to her feet. “Finally! I don't see why I have to work by these stupid hours, why doesn't anyone get that I don't work here!?” She muttered, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

“Oh, but does it really matter if you're spreading Christmas Cheer™ ?” Tessie piped up.

“GAH!” Raz screamed. “How are you doing that!?”

“Doing what?”

“Just...just...appearing like that!”

Tessie stared blankly at him for a moment. “...Exactly!” She finally chirped, turning back to everyone. “What are you all doing?”

“Agent...ah, darling, it's six o' clock.” Milla said with a tired smile as she got up and began to telekinetically put everything away. “I'm afraid it's time for us all to go home, we'll have to finish tomorrow.”

“Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.” Tessie said, her face falling as if she were genuinely sad. “Good thing Christmas Cheer™ doesn't abide to those kind of silly rules!” She continued, beaming.

The four psychics all gaped at her. “...What?”

“Oh, you heard me~! Since you aren't done, you can just stay here and work until you finish!” Tessie said. “No big deal, right? After all, you're spreading Christmas Cheer™ !”

Silence.

“But...but...I'm supposed to call my dad!” Raz sputtered.

“I have homework!” Lili cried out.

“I have to...ah...feed Maxwell!” Sasha struggled for an excuse.

“Oh, nonsense, Christmas Cheer™ is much more important!” Tessie said with a smile. “Don't worry, it shouldn't take you that long...only a few more hours!” With that, she made her way towards the door.

“But...aren't you going to help, darling?” Milla asked weakly.

Tessie turned them and blinked, apparently surprised. “Oh no, of course not! I have far too much Christmas Cheer™ to spread!” She chirped.

“But...you were doing that earlier!” Raz sputtered.

“Exactly! See you tomorrow, have fun!” With that, she was gone.

All was silent for a for moments. Then Lili let out a low growl and threw her roll of wrapping paper to the ground,the innocuous, shimmering roll crumpling on impact.

“Darling!” Milla exclaimed.

“I'm taking a break!” Lili snapped, stomping across the floor and over to the elevators. The moment she came up to them the doors opened and she stepped inside, turning only to glare dangerously at Raz, Sasha, and Milla. “Don't follow me.” She warned through clenched teeth.

With that, the doors closed and she was gone.

“...Crap.” Raz immediately threw down his roll of paper and jogged after her. Sasha and Milla didn't stop him.

Raz didn't catch up with his girlfriend until he finally made it outside the building. It was there that he found her, huddled up in the cold, arms wrapped around herself as she shivered, teeth chattering. She had elected to leave her coat inside headquarters, which may not have been the brightest of ideas.

The goggle-headed boy watched her for a moment, then came up behind her, arms shoved in his coat pockets. “Hey.” He said softly, his breath coming out in a warm puff.

Lili glanced over her shoulder at him, amber eyes narrowed. “I thought I told you not to follow me.” She muttered. Raz just shrugged and cracked a small grin, causing the brunette to roll her eyes and look away. “Dorkface.” All was silent for a few moments, and then Lili was talking again. “I hate this stupid holiday.”

“Why?” Raz asked.

“I just...I just do, alright?” She snapped. However, after a few seconds her face softened and she looked away again.

“Oh, come on now. You know you don't mean that.” Raz said, still smiling and shaking his head. “You hate the bad stuff that you associate it with...but that doesn't mean you hate the holiday itself, do you?”

Lili snorted. “No, I <i>do</i> hate it. The whole thing.”

“Come on, I'm sure you've got one or two good memories in there somewhere...don't you?” Raz asked gently.

Silence.

Lili shivered, hugging her arms closer to herself. “..I...no, I don't.” She muttered, though Raz could tell she was lying.

Silence.

“Are you cold?”

The brunette scowled. “No, I am not cold!” She snapped. Her annoyance turned to surprise, however, as she quite suddenly found Raz's jacket draped over her shoulders. She blinked as Raz's smiling face came into view.

“You know, it's pretty hard to lie to a telepath.” He said with a cheeky grin.

Lili stared at him for a moment, then blushed and looked away. “...Stupid.” Raz let out a soft laugh and pulled her into a hug, saying nothing.

They stayed like that for a few moments, simply warm in each others embrace. However, after a few seconds Raz pulled away, blinking in confusion as something cold landed on his head. “What the...” He muttered, brow furrowing as he glanced up at the sky. Lili's gaze followed and she let out a small gasp.

“...Snow.”

The soft white flakes were leisurely drifting down to earth, glittering in the city lights. It all floated along with the breeze, like flocks of tiny, minuscule little white doves, their pure white feathers gathering up the ground to hide away all the dirt and grime that made up the streets of New York city.

Raz's face was one of wonder as he gazed up at the snow, jade green eyes wide. “Wow...the first snow...isn't it great, Lili?” He murmured, glancing over at the brunette.

Lili stared up at the snow for a moment. Then a small, tiny smile came to her face as she hugged Raz's arm for warmth. “Maybe...yeah...okay...it's beautiful.” She whispered quietly.

They stood in silence for a moment, just watching the snow fall.

“...This doesn't change anything, though. I still hate Christmas.” Lili suddenly said.

Raz just laughed.

---

To Be Continued...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-09-2006, 10:36 AM   #18
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Aww...that last part between Lili and Raz was so sweet. *sniffs* *blubbers* I want somebody to cuddle with in the first snow of the winter. *wails*
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Old 12-10-2006, 12:08 AM   #19
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Trelalalala...have absolutely nothing to say, other than thank you all who reviewed on FF.net so much for all the reviews last chapter. Because of you all this fic has already nearly hit fifty! So thanks a lot!

Right...onward!
Day Ten: The Invitation

Drywell, Missouri was an average sort of place. It was too big to be a town, but too small to be a city,with worn down shops and apartment complexes spanning across the horizon. It had its middle-class areas, but for the most part the entire place had a run down, broken sort of feel to it. However, even with all that, to many it was home.

It was through one of the slightly more run-down neighborhoods that a young boy was currently running, nearly slipping on the ice and snow that covered the sidewalks, his arms flailing out wildly, eyes wide with terror. Chasing mere steps behind him was a group of burly looking ten-year old boys. Some had various scrapes and bruises, some had rips and tears in their clothes, but they all looked tough. And who was at the front of this little gang?

None other than Bobby Zilch.

“Come on, get him boys!” The red-haired boy cackled.

The others all gave snorts and guffaws of agreement. They were all strong in their own right, but they all gladly followed Bobby. Though actually they were sure some of them were actually stronger, it seemed whenever anyone argued they suddenly found themselves lifted in the air by an invisible fist. They weren't entirely sure how their leader had done this, but they were a bit too afraid to ask. Thus, they all followed Bobby's orders without argument.

Hey, as long as they got to knock some teeth out, they were good.

The boy they were chasing let out a cry of terror. “L-leave me alone!” He stuttered out. “I haven't done anything!”

“You can't escape your weekly beating, Timmy, you should know better by now!” One of his pursuers sneered.

“Yeah, that's right! Now come on, I think it's time you and my fist got reacquainted!” Bobby said, reaching out a hand to telekinetically pull the boy over.

Unfortunately for him, he was so busy focusing on this that he didn't realize where he was going, and the afro-haired boy found himself running smack into his own family's mailbox.

CLANG! Went the mailbox.

PLOP! Went Bobby as he fell back into the snow.

“Boss!” Exclaimed his gang, skidding to a stop and gathering around him. Timmy paused for a moment as well, apparently concerned.

“Boss? Are you okay?” One boy asked.

Bobby let out a groan.

“Ooohh, you're gonna get it now, Timmy!” Another boy exclaimed, turning and glaring at the thing, pale boy. Timmy let out a squeak of terror and turned to run, several of the boys chasing after him. The other gang members set to helping their leader up, brushing the snow off of him.

“Are you okay, man?”

Bobby let out a groan, then elbowed the one who brushing him off in the ribs. “I'm fine!” He snapped, then paused, glancing at the ground.

There, laying in the snow, was a letter. Not just any lettered, it had the words “To The Parents of Bobby Zilch” printed on the front, along with the insignia for a certain secret government organization.

Bobby's brow furrowed and he knelt down, picking up the letter. He then tore it open and pulled out a folded piece of paper, eyes narrowing as he began to read it.

“To The Parent(s)/Gaurdian(s)of Bobby Zilch,

Seasons greetings from Psychonauts HQ! We hope that you and your son are doing well. As a PsyCadet, we also hope that he has been practicing his powers, as practice does make perfect after all.

This letter is to inform you that your son has been cordially invited to the Headquarters of our Agency in New York City to spend the holidays. We hope that this will be an opportunity for fellowship and fun, as well as a chance for them to meet the agents that they may join the ranks of in the coming years. This will also be a chance for him to reunite with any friends he has met over the summer.

We hope to see you there!

Warm Regards,

Tessie”


The afro-haired boys brow furrowed. “Tessie?” He muttered. “Who the Hell is Tessie? What a stupid name.”

However, the strange name aside...this was interesting. He hadn't seen anyone from camp since that summer...he couldn't help but wonder how Benny was doing. Not to mention it would be a chance to sock that goggle-headed dork a good one.

And then there was Chloe, the only one from camp who wrote him...well, aside from those two cheerleader dorks, but he always made a point of burning those. But even so, the space cadet always wrote him, asking how he was doing, if he had listened to her at all, and talking about how her experiments were going. He never wrote back...but she kept sending them anyway.

She probably wouldn't have been too happy if she knew what he was up to.

“Hey, Bobby!” His gang members broke him out of his thoughts, causing Bobby to blink and look up to see that they had finally caught up with Timmy and now held him between them. The pale boy himself looked positively terrified, shaking in his snow gear.

“We got him, Bobby!” One boy crowed.

“Come on, lay it on him for hurting you!” Another cried out.

“Yeah, do it!”

Bobby glared at Timmy for a moment. Then, without warning, he socked the one holding the boy in the face.

“Gah!” The gang member released Timmy immediately, clutching at his bleeding nose. The other gangmembers let go in surprise, causing to fall to the ground. The pale-faced boy gaped up at Bobby in confusion, cringing as the blue-skinned boy scowled at him.

Bobby stared at him for a moment. Then he knelt down, grabbed Timmy by the front of his shirt and hauled him to his feet. He then spun the boy around and shoved him away. “You better be glad that it's Christmas, dorkface.” He sneered out.

Timmy stumbled forward a few feet, then glanced back at Bobby, blinking in confusion. Bobby scowled. “Go on, get!” He snapped. “Don't think this is me bein' nice or anything, I just got better things to do! I'll get you double next time!”

The pale-faced boy blinked again. Then his face lit into a small smile and he turned, running down the sidewalk towards his house.

Bobby's gang members all stared in confusion, baffled. They then all looked to Bobby, faces shocked. “What the hell, Bobby? Why'd you let him go!?” One demanded.

Bobby scowled, turning and shoving his hands into his pockets. “I already told you jocks, I got better things to do.” He said simply, shrugging his shoulders.

“But...but...you never--”

The afro-haired boy turned to glare at his little gang. “What was that, snotface? Would you rather I gave you his beating instead?”

The gang members all gulped, shaking their heads in unison.

“Good. Now get outta here. Find something else to do until New Years.” Bobby said as he headed towards his small, run-down house.

Silence for a few moments.

“What? Why?”

Bobby's eyes narrowed. He then spun around, slamming his fist into the face of the one who had spoken, eliciting a yelp of pain and a loud 'CRACK'' before the boy tumbled to the ground. Bobby stood over him, panting, then turned to the rest of his gang. “Any other questions!?”

The boys all shook their heads.

“Good.” With that, Bobby stomped up the rickety steps of his house and slammed the door behind him.

He had packing to do.

---

To Be Continued...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-10-2006, 12:36 AM   #20
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Can Tessie commit suicide on Christmas? Chicka's srsly getting annoying. She's pretty much a Christmas Nazi.

"CHRISTMAS CHEER™!!!"
"...but I'm jewish."
"THAN YOU WILL BE KILLED!" ~flamethrower'z~

That would be awesome if at the party thing, Elton or somthing showed up and said "I CONVERTED TO JUDISIM!" and Tessie had a meltdown.

"But...people are supposed ot celebrate CHRISTMAS!!!!"
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Old 12-10-2006, 12:41 AM   #21
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Oh don't you worry, Tessie will be getting hers...very, very soon. *cackles evilly and rubs hands together*


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-10-2006, 12:50 AM   #22
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Oh I just got the jitters. Now I'm twitching, nice.
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Old 12-10-2006, 02:33 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by Darth_Ave
That would be awesome if at the party thing, Elton or somthing showed up and said "I CONVERTED TO JUDISIM!" and Tessie had a meltdown.

"But...people are supposed ot celebrate CHRISTMAS!!!!"
OH MY GOD! This is the funniest idea ever! You should totally do it! And I guess you could at least sort of explain Hannukah here, too. Personally I don't think you should force yourself to write about other religions just for "diversity's sake," but still, you could do this pretty well here without ramming it down our throats.

(By the way... I know this topic is dead now, but I don't hate CP and never did. If anything, I'm ragingly jealous. This one time, I posted a 400-page story on FF.net and got like a total of twenty reviews, because I didn't put any plugs for it on forums, and I didn't post it chapter-by-chapter like you're doing. And that makes me bitter. But for real, CP is really, really well-written so props for you.)


"Remember, if it's anhydrous, that means it's crunchy." ~ Dr. Bukowski
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Old 12-11-2006, 06:20 AM   #24
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And so it begins...week two. Well, technically it began yesterday, but whatever.

So I really did manage to use this weekend to get ahead, isn't that great? I'm not as ahead as I wanted, but still, I feel accomplished.

Right...onward!

Day Eleven: Milla's Major Award, Part Two

It was just a regular day in the agency. Agents shuffled this way and that, carrying case files and mumbling about how they wouldn't have it all done by next Christmas, coffee inhaled by the gallons as they tried to keep themselves awake in the holiday crunch.

And then It happened.

Milla was just leisurely making her way through the halls, humming jollily to herself. Then, quite suddenly a loud crash was heard, coming from her office. The Brazilian's eyes widened and she ran the rest of the way to her office.

Nothing could have prepared her for the sight she saw.

There stood Sasha, a stack of case files in hand, his expression impossible to distinguish due to sunglasses. And there, laying at his feet like some sort of unfortunate murder victim, lay the pieces of what had once been her major award.

“My lamp!” Milla cried out, rushing over and dropping to her knees next to its forlorn remains. “It's...it's...”

“Oh my...I'm sorry, Milla.” Sasha said. “I was...coming in here to deliver these papers for you and I...ah...accidentally brushed against your lamp. I tried to save it, but it broke.”

Now Milla had had a very, very hard day, working at decorating the interior of the agency under Tessie's constant, nitpicky ways. Therefore, the Brazilian was quite tired and was running on a very, very short fuse. This was the last straw. She stared at the remains for a moment, nearly in tears. “My major award...”

Sasha let out a long sigh and patted her shoulder consolingly. “Ah well...it didn't really match your...er...'color scheme' anyway.” He said in an attempt to be comforting, though he was unable to keep a small note of triumph out of his face.

Milla glanced up at him, eyes widening. “You murderer...”

Sasha blinked in confusion. “What?”

“You broke my lamp!” Milla cried out, then looked back to the remains. “Oh, and it was such a lovely lamp too...”

“I already told you it was an accident.” Sasha said.

Milla shook her head. “Oh, come on now Sasha, don't lie! You know you knocked it over on purpose.”

“What!?” Sasha sputtered.

“You heard me!” Milla let out a harsh laugh. “I mean, I knew you were jealous of this lamp--”

“Jealous!?” Sasha repeated. “Jealous of a plastic...”

“Jealous!” Milla cut him off. “That's right Sasha, you were jealous! Jealous because I WON!”

“But...but...” Sasha sputtered. “You don't even know what you won it from!”

“Yes, but I still won!” Milla said. “And then you went and broke my Major Award!”

Sasha scoffed. “Major Award!? It's a lamp, Milla! An ugly lamp at that!”

Milla gasped, looking scandalized. She let out a few exclamations of anger as she got to her feet, apparently unable to come up with any words. After glaring eye to eye with Sasha for a few moments she managed to grind out “Get my glue.”

“We're out.” Sasha said simply.

“Out!?” Milla gasped. Her eyes widened for a moment, then narrowed. “You used up all the glue on purpose, didn't you!?”

“What!?” Sasha sputtered. “That's ridiculous! Why would I do something like that!?”

“Why don't you tell me, murderer!?” Milla snapped, beginning to levitate out of anger, her eyes flashing like some sort of angry harpy.

Sasha's eyes widened a bit as he backed away. Milla rarely got angry, but when she did it was not a good idea to be close to her. His sunglasses would not serve as any sort of protection when she tried to pluck out his eyes. “Ah...calm down, Milla. H-how about I just...ah...gather this up and go buy some blue? I'll...ach...have it fixed in no time.” In all honesty he doubted the lamp could be salvaged, and even then he'd rather it wouldn't be, but he liked his eyes in his sockets more than he disliked that lamp.

“DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH IT!” Milla shrieked, causing Sasha to stumble back with wide eyes. She panted a moment, then continued. “I will get the glue and I will fix it. Don't you lay a finger on it!” With that, she turned and stomped towards the door.

At the sound of the argument, most of the occupants of the hallway had gathered around Milla's office to watch. However, as soon as she came towards them they backed away, quivering in fear. Fortunately for them, however, Milla paused at the door, turning to glare at Sasha as she tried to come up with a real crusher. All she got out was...

“NOT A FINGER!”

With that, she was gone.

Milla spent the rest of the day trying to put the lamp back together. After awhile, however, it became clear that the leg lamp was beyond saving. Trying to retain as much dignity as she could, the Mental Minx gathered up the sad, shattered remains of her Major Award. Later that day, she and the rest of the occupants of that hallway buried it out under one of the little decorative trees in the parking lot. The rest of the agents could never be sure, but many swore they could hear the sound of “Taps” being played. Gently.

“Leggie” The Lamp

December 6th, 2006- December 11th, 2006

R.I.P.
---

To Be Continued...

(( Oh, thanks DylanMay. ^^;; You have no idea how much that relieves me, I was worried you like, hated my guts for that and because SaS was so much like your other fic. XDD Ah man, that's a relief. Thank you for telling me that.))


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-12-2006, 06:20 AM   #25
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Another day, another drabble. This one's actually one of my favorites, it even amused my beta reader, and she's nearly impossible to amuse. Oh! We also finally hit fifty reviews! Thanks a lot for all your kind words they mean a lot to me. As long as I know you guys are enjoying this, it's good enough a reason to keep going.

Right so...I hope you all enjoy this chapter.

Day Twelve: The Shopping Trip of Horrible Doom

And so it came to pass that December was flying by like El Odio in the streets of Blackvelvetopia, and Christmas shopping needed to get done. Thus, Raz, Lili, Sasha and Milla chose a Saturday to head to the mall, each with but one thing in mind: “Oh God I need to get people stuff out of social obligation, ahhh!”

Although, you know, there may have actually been the thought of friendly gestures and that thing some people call “love” too, but I digress.

The moment the four psychics arrived at the mall, they split up. Milla and Lili went one way, while Sasha and Raz went the other.

“So...secret santas?” Raz said as he walked, holding a crumpled piece of paper before him.

“It was that woman's idea. Not mine.” Sasha muttered as he lit a cigarette.

Raz blinked. “Seriously? Wow...she's actually capable of a semi not-bad idea?”

“Don't say that, Razputin.” Sasha hissed out of the corner of his mouth. “She may be watching.”

The goggle-headed boy winced. “Oh yeah...right.” He muttered, glancing warily over his shoulder. “It's like 'Big Brother', but creepier.”

“If she had some sort of secret police everywhere, I would not be surprised.” Sasha mumbled.

Raz nodded. “Yeah....well, even so, this isn't so bad. I got Lili...who did you get?” He asked as he glanced over his slip of paper again.

“Agent Shive.” Sasha said simply. “Though I need to find something for Milla as well...”

Raz quirked a brow at this. “She still mad over the 'Lamp' incident?” He asked, quirking a small grin.

“You have no idea.” The German Psychonaut muttered darkly, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Well, at least finding something for her should be easy enough, right? I mean, you've been partners for like, ever.” Raz said, glancing up at his companion.

“Fifteen years.” Sasha said. “Not that that seems to help when it comes to that lamp...”

“Right. You should know her well enough, finding something for her should be easy.” Raz said with a shrug. “Lili on the other hand...man, that's gonna be tough. I mean...what does she even like? I know she likes flowers...and cute things...and that's about it.”

“Perhaps some jewelery?” Sasha suggested dully. “Although what would actually be in your price range, she probably wouldn't like...”

Raz groaned. “This is gonna be tougher than I thought...” He muttered, running a hand through his hair.

Sasha sighed. “Ach, women.” He muttered, shaking his head.

“Amen to that.” Raz agreed.

The two walked along for a moment before Sasha slowed down, frowning. “Hm...perhaps I will take a look in here.” He said as he glanced over the displays for a certain shop.

“Oooh, cool!” Raz said, eyes wide. “That stuff is...” He then trailed off, face falling. “The kind of stuff I would like, not Lili.”

Sasha patted him lightly on the shoulder. “Are you coming with me, or would you prefer to stay here?”

“I'll stay here.” Raz sighed. Sasha nodded, then walked off. The goggle-headed boy watched Sasha leave, then sat down on a bench, putting his face in his hands. “Jeez...this really is harder than I thought...”

Meanwhile, Lili and Milla were making their way through various stores, glancing over this and that.

“Hmmm, what do you think, dear?” Milla asked, holding up a pair of sunglasses.

Lili rolled her eyes. “It looks exactly like his usual pair, Milla.”

“Really?” Milla frowned, glancing over the sunglasses. “I could have sworn the lenses were at least a different shade...”

“No, it's the same.” Lili sighed.

Milla cocked her head to the side as she glanced over the sunglasses. “Huh.” She then placed them back on the rack, shaking her head. “Ah well, I'll find something eventually, Sasha's hard to buy for but not impossible. What about you, dear?”

“Me?” Lili asked, glancing up from where she had been observing a snowglobe in a bored fashion.

“Well, aren't you getting Razputin anything?” The woman asked, putting her hands on her hips.

“Oh...yeah...not like I have a choice, I got him for the secret santa thing.” Lili grumbled, folding her arms. “I don't see the point, no one ever actually uses a Christmas present. They just get it, smile politely and say thanks, then shove it under the bed and forget about it.”

Milla frowned. “Oh, come on now darling, that's not true. Well, okay, it may be with some gifts, but when you get a real gift that comes from the heart--”

“Save it.” Lili muttered, rolling her eyes. “I get enough from all the damn TV specials.”

The Brazilian Psychonaut let out a long sigh. “Lili, darling, I know after--”

“Oh my God!” Lili suddenly cut her off, eyes widening.

Milla blinked in confusion. “Sweetie, I was just--”

“No, look!” Lili pointed to the back of the store, where a great display had been set depicting several cardboard cutouts of the more famous agents from True Psychic Tales. And there, set within it, was a shining, perfect, first edition copy of Issue #25. “Oh my God...Issue 25...you can't get that ANYWHERE, not even on Ebay!” The brunette stuttered. “And it's autographed! And...ON SALE!”

“Oh my...” Milla murmured, her hand going to her mouth.

Lili gaped at it in shock for a moment. Then she shut it. “It's perfect!”

Milla frowned. “I'm not sure...it's rather...expensive...”

“Milla, I'm the daughter of the Grand Head of the Psychonauts.”

“True enough.”

Lili nodded. “Right, I'm going to--” She was then cut off as a middle-aged, rather hefty woman shuffled past, making a beeline for the display.

Lili's eyes narrowed and she scowled, catching up with the woman in several strides. She wasn't going to let this old hag steal Raz's present!

The woman glanced at Lili, and her eyes narrowed as she began to pick up her pace. Lili’s eyes narrowed as well and she began to pick up her pace. The woman responded by going even faster, so Lili ended up going even faster than that by breaking into a jog. Upon seeing this, the woman broke into a run, Lili following suit.

The two raced down the aisle, knocking aside last minute shoppers and nearly breaking a few displays, both going as fast as they could.

Lili was pulling ahead, she reached for the comic…

And the woman suddenly shoved her away. Lili let out a cry, kicking out her leg and knocking away her opponent. Both the brunette and the lady slammed into the wall, causing the comic to shake in the display.

Lili growled, getting to her feet and glaring at the lady, whom was rising as well. The two glared at each other for a minute, neither moving. Finally Lili reached for the comic, as did the lady, each grabbing one corner of the sleeve.

“I saw it first.” Lili snarled, fixing a glare upon the woman that was known to cause trained government agents to pee their pants.

The woman simply sneered back. “No, I believe I did. You can’t have it, little girl, this is for my son.”

“Yeah, well it’s for my boyfriend.”

“Too bad, you can’t have it.”

“It’s mine! I got here first”

“No, it’s mine!”

The woman scowled, tugging on the comic. Lili let out a growl and tugged back.

“Give it!”

“Sorry little girl, but I'm afraid I can't do that!”

“Then you leave me no choice...”

Raz and Sasha were now once again wandering through the mall, Sasha with one or two bags and Raz carrying one as well. “Darnit.” The ten-year old muttered. “I've found everything but something for Lili...”

“Ah, don't worry.” Sasha said, attempting to be comforting. “If all else fails, you can give Miss Zanotto a gift card!”

Raz snorted. “I think I'd rather spare myself the pain of having her shove it into my eye socket.” He said.

Sasha chuckled shaking his head. “Again, do not worry. I'm sure you...” He then trailed off, brow furrowing. “Why is there a crowd gathered around that shop?”

“Huh?” Raz blinking, frowning. “Good question...think we should check it out?”

“Of course.”

With that, the two Psychonauts made their way into the crowd.

“FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!”

“Damn, she must really want that thing!”

“Who do you think is going to win?”

“My bet's on the little girl.”

“I dunno man, that lady looks pretty tough with her purse.”

“Hey, is her hair smoking?”

“Ah, excuse me?” Sasha asked, tapping one man on the shoulder. “Can you tell us what is going on here?”

“Huh?” The man blinked, then shrugged and jerked a thumb towards the store. “Oh, that? Some little girl went psycho and attacked some lady over some gift. Guess it's rare or something.”

It was then that a blur of pink suddenly rushed through the parted crowd, cackling something along the lines of “IT'S MINE, DAMNIT!” The blur was followed by a screaming middle-aged woman, whom the cashier was restraining as she tried to explain that the other girl had paid for the gift.

Both Raz and Sasha blinked, then glanced at each other.

“Was that...”

“...Lili?”

Silence for a few moments. Then both chuckled and shook their heads. “Nah, that's dumb.” Raz said, running a hand through his hair. “Jeez, who'd be crazy enough to fight someone over a Christmas present?”

“'Tis the season.” Sasha said with a small chuckle.

Raz snorted. “Right. Come on, we've still got time before we meet up with the girls, let's keep looking.”

“Agreed.”

With that, the two continued their way through the mall.

---

To Be Continued...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-13-2006, 06:24 AM   #26
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Ugh, so tired...I barely got this done in time, so very busy. I also seem to be getting sick, ach, lovely...

I apologize, this chapter is a bit sub-par for an ending to poor Sasha's battle, but I couldn't manage anything else. I'm terribly sorry...really, this chapter is at it's funniest if you try to imagine the pictures I “write out” here, so have your imaginations ready.

Right...onward, I guess.

Day Thirteen: Sasha vs. The Lights

Episode Three: The Lights Seen 'Round The World (Except Not)


“A sound system.”

Milla glanced up from where she was weaving some garland around a railing. “Excuse me?”

Sasha stood before her, his hair and clothes slightly rumpled, his eye giving the occasional twitch. “Do you remember those videos that circulated the Internet last year? The ones of the house with the lights that lit up in time to 'Wizards of Winter'?”

The Brazilian Psychonaut's face brightened at this memory. “Oh yes, I remember! Those were amazing.”

“Yes, well, now that woman wants a display like that for the agency.”

Milla's jaw dropped. “You have to be kidding me.”

Sasha shook his head. “Ach, I wish.”

“She can't keep working you like this!” Milla exclaimed. “This is insane!”

Sasha let out a long sigh. “If only that were true. The good news is it is finally nearly ready. I've stapled myself to the building more times than I can count and I have taken so many jolts of electricity that it is truly a miracle I'm still living, but it is finally nearly ready. Once it is done I am locking myself in my office and I don't plan on leaving until this damn holiday is over.”

Milla shook her head, patting Sasha on the arm. “Oh come on sweetie, cheer up. Like you said, you're nearly done!” She said brightly. She saw her partner twitch, and could have sworn he mumbled something about not being cursed, but when she gave him a questioning look he merely shook his head and brushed her hand away.

“I suppose so. That does not change the fact that I never want to see another bulb as long as I live.” Sasha muttered, running a hand through his hair. “Well then...I had better get to work, I only came inside to ensure the power supply was working properly.”

“Good luck!” Milla beamed, waving as Sasha walked away.

Fifteen minutes and a few more unfortunately incidents with the extension cords (the ones he had bought ended up being defective, so once again Sasha found himself...er...”borrowing” some) and at last the display was ready.

“Alright. I am not cursed, I am not cursed, I am not cursed, I am not cursed...” Sasha chanted as he hefted up the extension cords. Then, holding his breath, he plugged it in.

There was a spark, a flash of light, and an explosion. Inside the agency, everything sputtered and died. The lights, the computers, the elevators, everything. The entire agency was plunged into darkness. Screams were heard through the entire building, thuds as agents ran smack into each other, hot coffee splashing onto the carpet. Some of the newer agents tumbled down staircases, dozens of smaller thuds ringing through the halls, followed by greater ones as they landed in piles like discarded, unmatched socks.

All was silent for a moment.

“What the HELL!?”

“What just happened!?”

“I think the power is out...”

“Ow...ow...my spine...”

“IT'S THE COMMIES! I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME! EVERYONE HEAD FOR THE BUNKERS! WE'LL TOUGH IT OUT AND THEN RETURN FIRE!”

“Shut up, Gray.”

Outside of the agency, Sasha cringed, staring at the building in horror.

“Oh, Gott...”

With that, he dropped the cords and charged inside.

It took three hours for everyone to stop panicking and the mechanics to finally restore power to the agency. They were incredibly puzzled, as Psychonauts Headquarters did not, in fact, run solely on regular electricity. If the power had gone out, it did have Psitanium to back it up. Therefore, the power really shouldn't have gone out. When they had checked the mineral, it had been fine. Baffled, the mechanics were stuck slaving with the power lines until they finally managed to get the place running again, much to the joy of the entire agency. Well...to everyone but a guy who kept running around screaming something about how “THE APOCALYPSE IS NEIGH, SUCKERS!” but he had a bit too much caffeine that morning.

And so, at last Sasha found himself wandering out of the building once more, a baffled Milla close behind.

“I just don't get it...how on earth did you do that, darling?”

Sasha just shook his head, at a loss for words by this point.

Milla cast a glance at him and sighed, shaking her head. “Well, at least they fixed it, hm? Come on, why don't you just plug it in so you can consider the job done once and for all?”

The German Psychonaut let out a long sigh, picking up the extension cords once again. “Right...yes. Here we go.” He mumbled, unspiritedly plugging the lights in.

Nothing happened.

Sasha glanced up despairingly at the unlit agency. “Oh Gott...”

Milla winced. “Oh dear...well, relax, I'm sure it's just a little miss-step, that's all. I'll go check the system and everything, you just check the lights, okay?” She said, patting Sasha comfortingly on the back.

“...ah...right...checking the lights.”

With that, the two split up.

Milla headed around to the back of the agency, where a great big, complicated computer system had been set up for the lights. “Oh...wow...” She murmured, wincing as the machine gave a spark. “I wonder if it will bite me if I get too close...”

Meanwhile, Sasha was checking over the lights on the roof, mumbling to himself all the while. “Not cursed, not cursed, it's all in your head, Sasha, not cursed...”

Finally, Milla's emerald green eyes lit up. “Aha! Found the problem!” She chirped, reaching down and flicking a switch with her gloved hand.

The lights came to life all at once, bathing the agency in a kaleidoscopic glow. Sasha let out a cry of surprise, blinded from being so close to the hundreds of bulbs. He stumbled back, clutching at his eyes.

“Oh, here's the music! Let's see if it works!” Milla said with a grin, hitting a button.

Sasha, blinded by the lights, was unable to see the cords behind him until it was too late. His feet caught on them and he slipped, letting out a yelp as he hit the roof, nearly tumbling off of it. Fortunately for him, his foot caught a strand of lights, holding him there.

Unfortunately, by this point it had become quite clear that Sasha and The Lights did not have the best of relationships.

“Pop, pop, pop!”

“...Oh dear.”

“SNAP!”

Cue Ode to Joy.

Across the roof Sasha slipped, catching every strand of lights as he went. Amazingly, the lights did follow a bit of their programming. They exploded in time with Ode to Joy, which was blaring over the speakers as Sasha went tumbling down like some sort of Men in Black version of Humpty Dumpty.

“POPPOPOPOPPOPOP!” Went the lights.

“SNAP!” Went the strands as Sasha caught them, tumbling past windows as he flew story after story.

“SWOOSH!” Went Sasha's snazzy leather jacket.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Went Sasha.

Forget Santa and his Reindeer, this must have truly been a sight to behold, to see Sasha Nein tumbling through the air, screaming bloody murder, lights tangled around him like writhing snakes, a shower of multicolored glass trailing behind him like the tail of a brilliant comet.

“SNAPSNAPSNAP-- BOOOOING!”

At last, several combined strands of lights managed to strain to hold Sasha's weight, at last bringing the International Agent to a stop before he hit the ground. It was around then that Milla finally showed up.

“Sasha? Darling? I heard screaming and-- Oh my God, Sasha!” Milla shrieked.

Sasha dangled there, so wrapped up in strands of lights that Milla could only see his shellshocked face.

“Oh my God!” Milla repeated, quickly using telekinesis to untangle the poor man and bring him to the ground. “Are you alright, dear!?” She asked when Sasha was finally set on his feet.

Sasha stood in silence for a moment, simply twitching. Finally, he said one thing.

“I...really am cursed.”

With that, he collapsed back into the snow and stayed there.


Final Score:

Lights: 3

Sasha: 0


---

To Be Continued...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-13-2006, 12:43 PM   #27
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I was having an exceptionally horrid day today and your stories put a smile on my face.

Now that I have some time on my hands, expect some fanart. Soon. Very Soon.
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Old 12-14-2006, 06:19 AM   #28
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Right, so I was less sick today, but exhausted none the less. Man this fic is tiring...I may have to call off next weeks CP update too, just to keep up with this and get the various other fics and pictures I need to do for the holidays done.

Good news is I'm so busy I don't have time to spiral into my usual bouts of depression...of course I'm also so tired I get dizzy taking five steps...oh well.

Onward!

Day Fourteen: The Cold Shoulder

Truman Zanotto was a very busy man. As the Head of the Psychonauts, he certainly had quite a big job. Most of his days were spent glancing over case files, listening to people yell at him over the phone, and watching annoyed agents come stomping into his office to demand to know why he had just assigned them some random case in Brazil.

Thus, when his door burst open, Zanotto was hardly surprised, nor was he motivated to look up from the paperwork in his hands. “Yes, yes, I'm rather busy now,” He muttered without glancing up. “If you could just--”

“Dad, we need to talk.”

Truman let out a sigh. “Lili, I'm--”

“Truman, darling, I don't think you understood that. We need to talk.” A long-fingered, gloved hand reached out to push the papers out of the way, revealing to Truman the angered faces of his assigned Holiday Committee.

Truman blinked, then gave a small, nervous chuckle. “Ah, it's...you guys. Uh...how's the decorating coming?”

Lili scowled, putting her hands on her hips. “Um, not too well, no thanks to Tessie.”

Her father blinked in confusion. “What's wrong with Tessie?”

“What's wrong!? SHE'S INSANE!” Raz exclaimed.

Truman's brow furrowed. “Razputin, that's how the general public would describe most of the agency, and I will not have you--”

“Truman, darling, he's telling the truth.” Milla said, cutting him off.

“Her plans are ridiculous! She wants us to have the kind of decorations that would make the elves at the North Pole jealous!” Raz cried.

“She put me in an elf costume!” Lili cried.

“Yes, have you seen her plans for the lights display!?” Milla exclaimed.

At the mention of the lights, Sasha twitched.

“Yeah, she got Sasha deep-fried!” Raz exclaimed.

“An elf costume!” Lili repeated.

“She completely ruined the kitchen!” Milla continued.

“Well actually, I did that...” Raz pointed out.

“Relax, darling, it wasn't your fault.” Milla said gently.

“And it was green and red with little bells...” Lili continued to rant.

“I would like to point out that with all this work that woman has piled on us, she has not helped!” Sasha exclaimed.

“Yeah, that's right! She hasn't lifted a finger while we've been slaving away!” Raz cried indignantly.

“Yes, and she always has that...disturbing smile on her face.” Sasha shuddered.

“Oh, don't forget the 'Christmas Cheer™', now!” Raz sneered.

Milla shuddered.

“A GODDAMN ELF COSTUME!” Lili shrieked.

“She's creepy!” Raz yelled.

“Amen to that!” Milla agreed.

“And above all else, the oddest thing of all...” Sasha began.

“DOES SHE EVEN HAVE A LAST NAME!?” They all screamed at once.

Silence.

Truman sat at his desk, his hair blown back from the wind of his agents complaints. He then shook his head, smoothing it out. “Huh...wow. I didn't realize she was actually that bad...I was just busy and needed someone to do the decorations. She volunteered...” He then paused, frowning thoughtfully. “Funny, I don't think I know her last name either....that's odd.”

He let out a sigh, running a hand through his thinning hair. He was getting far too old for this. “I'm sorry guys, I didn't know she'd be like that. How can I make it up to you?”

The four psychics all glanced at each other, then smiled.

---

“One, two, three...HEAVE!”

Tessie landed in a small helicopter with a heavy thud, her arms and legs bound by strands of shimmering tinsel. “W-what!? What's going on!?” She cried, her green eyes frantic as she glanced around.

“Oh, well, since the decorating is finally done and you did such a wonderful job, we figured we'd send you on a little vacation!” Raz explained, his hair whipping back from his face as the chopper whirred to life.

“Yeah, we heard Antarctica's really nice around this time of year~!” Lili said with an evil grin.

Tessie's eyes widened. “What!? ANTARCTICA!? But...but...this is so not Christmas Cheer™ !”

“Oh, we know. That's why we've converted to Judaism.” Sasha drawled sarcastically.

“WHAT!?”

“Yes, well, you know, darling. Eight days instead of one and all, eight smaller fire hazards instead of one big one...you understand, right?” Milla said, flashing a winning smile.

Raz snorted. “Yeah, we were going to convert to...er...Kwanzanissm--”

“Kwanza is a Pan-African holiday, Razputin.” Sasha corrected.

“Whatever. The point is we would do that, but they only do seven days, so...well, you know.” Raz shrugged.

“But...but...you're supposed to celebrate Christmas!” Tessie sputtered.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever lady. You can spread your 'Christmas Cheer™ ' or whatever to the penguins.” Lili snorted. With that, she nodded, waved to the helicopter pilot, and the four psychics stepped back.

Tessie let out a shriek, bucking and kicking in a desperate attempt to get loose. “But...but...this isn't right! I'm supposed to spread Christmas Cheer™ ! CHRISTMAS CHEER™ !”

“That's nice, Tessie, if that is your real name.” Raz said with a grin, giving a cheery wave that the other psychics joined in on. “Have fun in Antarctica! See you...oh, in about six months, if you survive.”

With that, the helicopter rose into the air, Tessie's enraged shrieks only just heard over the whirring of the blades.

“YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I'LL BE BACK! I'LL BE BACK!” She screamed. “DO YOU HEAR ME!? I'LL BE BAAAAAACK!”

“Good-bye, lady!” Lili called back.

“Have fun, darling!” Milla said in a sing-song voice.

“Good luck with the subzero temperatures!” Sasha added.

Raz's grin widened. “And remember...”

“CHRISTMAS CHEER™ !” They all shouted as one.

With that, Tessie was born away to the land of ice and snow, never to be heard from again.

...Or so we hope.

---

To Be Continued...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-15-2006, 08:22 PM   #29
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HUZZAH!!! No more Tessie! That biatch was starting to really piss me off.
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Old 12-18-2006, 07:51 PM   #30
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So, while LFRD was down, I was sick, tired, and basically wasn't able to update Friday. It is now the eighteenth and I'm STILL trying to catch up.

Well, here's what I have so far...let's hope I can get today's done in time, eep!

Also, I apologize in advance for any mistakes, my beta got Twilight Princess...so yeah, we won't be seeing her for awhile. So I apologize in advance, and may we all hope she beats the damn thing soon.

Right, onward!

Day Fifteen: Crystal's Not-So-Wonderful Life

Winter nights in Peoria, Illinois were generally a chilly affair. The night in which our story takes place was a particularly good illustration of this, with snow billowing through the small town as far as the eye could see. People went to and fro, scarves covering their frost-bitten faces as they hurried to get out of the cold.

All save for one.

Running through the center of the town was a great, rapidly flowing river, which was actually quite famous for drowning anyone who set so much as a foot in the rapids. Though in the winter it tended to freeze over, it wasn't quite at that point yet. It did, however, have chunks of ice churning within it. Various bridges ran over this river, and standing on the tallest one, peering over the edge, was Crystal Flowers Snagrash.

“Well...I guess this is it...” Crystal murmured as she shivered in the cold, her red ponytail billowing back in the wind, tears clinging (and by clinging we mean freezing) to her cheeks. “The world's had enough of me...I'm so terrible...a pimple on the face of humanity.” She whimpered miserably. “No one likes my cheers, which are terrible anyway, I'm not good at anything else, Clem's not here, everyone else hates me...”

“No one would care if I just jumped right now!” She sobbed into her gloved hands.

Quite suddenly, Crystal found herself illuminated by a bright beam of light. The red-haired girl blinked, her brow furrowing. “Huh...what?” She squinted up into the beam of light.

There was a yell from up above, but it was a bit too muffled for her to actually catch what was being said.

“What!? God, is that you!?” Crystal called up into the light.

More yelling that she couldn't make out.

“What!?”

There was a loud, hacking cough. “I said, could you hand me that bulb I just dropped!?”

Crystal blinked in confusion. She then glanced down to her left to see a simple light bulb sitting in the snow next to her. “...Wha?” She knelt down, picked up the light bulb, brushed the snow off and held it up. “You mean this?”

“Yeah, that's it. Thanks kid.” The lightbulb was taken from her hand. There was a pop, and then the beam of light vanished, followed by a few squeaks. A slightly dimmer light came up. “Ah, there we go.”

A young man in his late twenties suddenly came down a step ladder to stand next to Crystal, his shaggy blond hair blowing in the wind as he squinted up into the beam of light. He was clad in a white hoodie, the words “Choir Angels Do It Better” printed across it in gold, as well as a pair of baggy jeans. What was most shocking about him, however, was the pair of fluffy white wings sprouting from his back.

“There we go, that's better. I told Gaberial that other brand was way too bright, but does he listen!? No, of course not. Stupid jerk, always thinks he's right just because he gets mentioned more often...” The blond muttered, scratching his head.

Crystal made a sputtering noise, stumbling back. “Who are you!?”

“Huh?” The blond blinked, glancing down at Crystal. “Oh, hey. Thanks for helping me, uh...”

“Crystal.” The red head said. “Now who are you!?”

“Oh...um...me?” The blond blinked again, then gave a solemn nod. “Ah, yes. I am one of the Lord's sacred messengers! My name is...Steve.”

“Steve?” Crystal repeated dubiously.

“Yes, Steve!” The blond snapped. “What, do you have a problem with it? It's a great name!”

Crystal winced. “Eep, sorry, Mr.Angel...um...are you hear to help me?”

“Help you?” Steve blinked in confusion. “Not really. Actually I'm just here because some angels are lazy asses and send others to fix their stupid mistakes.” He growled.

“Oh...” Crystal's shoulders slumped dejectedly.

Steve's brow furrowed. Then he snapped his fingers. “Oh, damn, right, the whole suicide thing...and Bob's on vacation too...oh well, I guess I can try to help. Um...lets see...what was that movie that's on every Christmas? Perhaps something like that...”

Crystal blinked in confusion. Steve rolled his eyes and grabbed her by the arm. “C'mon kiddo, let me show you something...”

---

A few moments later found Crystal clinging to Steve for dear life on the back of a speeding motorcycle.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! What are we doing!?” Crystal shrieked, her eyes wide.

“Gah, stop screaming in my ear!” Steve yelped, wincing in pain. “I'm showing you that film they always show at Christmas...you know, The Great Escape?”

“WHAT!? Why!?”

“I dunno,” Steve shrugged, brow furrowing. “Escape from your troubles? Nah, that can't be right.”

Just as quickly as it came, the motorcycle disappeared, leaving Steve and Crystal floating in a strange, blank white space. Low, elevator-style carols played in the background as the two stood there, Crystal appearing confused while Steve was contemplating exactly what he was supposed to be doing.

“Hm...let me think...okay uh...well, I don't need to show you that there really is a Santa Clause, do I?”

Crystal shook her head.

“Hmm...what movie am I thinking of? Mary Poppins? Muppet Christmas Carol? ET?” The blond frowned, scratching his head in confusion.

“Um...mister angel, sir, I'm sorry for wasting your time, maybe I should just get to killing myself...”

“Wait, I got it!” Steve snapped his fingers and grinned. “I'm thinking of 'It's a Wonderful Life', of course!”

Crystal stared blankly at him.

“So, you really think you're useless?” Steve asked.

Crystal nodded.

“Wish you'd never been born?”

The red-head nodded again.

“Well...um...I'm running out of time here, but let me...uh, give you a quick rundown.” Steve frowned, running a hand through his hair. “Just think, if you weren't born, your mom would be really lonely! And..um...what's-his-face, the guy who cheers with you-”

“Clem?” Crystal perked up a bit.

“Yeah, him! If you weren't around, he'd have become...uh, an emo goth, yeah. He'd dress in all black and wear eyeliner and go around babbling about how his life is a sonata of tears or whatever.”

“Really!?” Crystal gasped, her eyes wide. “Oh my gosh!”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure. And um...oh, Razputin! Remember how brave and heroic he is? Well, if you weren't around to cheer for him, Raz becomes...uh, a total coward, yeah. High-tails it from Whispering Rock screaming 'Run away, run away!' and everything.”

Crystal let out another gasp. “My cheers mean that much!?”

“You bet. And um...you know, since Raz wasn't around to save the world, it was taken over by psychic death tanks with the brains all of all your little friends inside. Gosh, if only you had been there to cheer them on...”

Crystal's eyes were wide and shining.

Steve, encouraged by this, gave a nervous laugh. “Um...yeah...and...also, uh, because of some weird act of the chaos theory, you not existing would have...uh...caused giant dust bunnies to multiply by the thousands and destroy the world!”

“Oh my gosh!” Crystal exclaimed, tears coming to her eyes. “Is that really all true!?”

“Well...actually, no.” Steve drawled bluntly. “I'm just making this all up as I go.”

Crystal's eyes widened and she put her face in her hands, sobbing.

“I-I mean,yes, of course it is!” Steve cried out, trying to cover up.

“Oh...” Crystal glanced up at him again, giving a watery smile. “So I'm really...important?”

“Um...yeah, of course!” Steve lied through a weak grin. He reached down to pat Crystal awkwardly on the back. “So um...yeah...still want to kill yourself?”

Crystal opened her mouth to speak, then took a minute to think. Was living really so bad? She paused to remember the good times, like the time when her mother had actually remembered her birthday and had gotten her a kleenex box, and that time the kids in school had locked her in the freezer had been really funny once she had been defrosted! All the cheers she and Clem had done. That one time the kids at camp had actually replied to all of her letters. And all those times Bobby and Benny had beat her and Clem up had clearly only been out of misplaced affection.

She turned to Steve. “O. M. G. You are so right, Mister Angel guy! I don't want to die!” With that, she flung herself at the blond and gave him a hug. “Oh, thank you thank you thank you!”

“Gah! Get off of me!” Steve yelped, shoving her away.

“Oh, thank you so much! You've shown me the light, mister angel guy!” Crystal exclaimed. “Can you send me home? Actually...I need to go shopping, can you believe I didn't get anything for anyone since I thought I was going to kill myself? Gosh, I am so stupid!”

“Uh...alright, I'll drop you off at the nearest Wal Mart, then.” Steve shrugged. “Good luck in life.” With that, he snapped his fingers and she was gone.

This task done, he groaned and ran a hand through his hair. “There. Damnit, Gaberial better fork over those twenty bucks...”

---

Crystal materialized in the middle of Wal Mart, but the other shoppers were too absorbed in their obligatory gift buying to notice.

A voice came over the intercom. “Attention shoppers. Wal Mart will be closing in fifteen minutes. Please take all your last minute purchases to the check-out line. Thank you, and happy holidays.”

Crystal looked up. An over-sized calender could be seen hanging up on one of the displays. It said “ 24th December”.

Crystal screamed. She kept screaming as she rushed through the department store at top speeds, panicking and buying the nearest thing she thought the other campers might like. She was still screaming as she paid at the checkout, which caused the poor lady working there to check her signature several times. She only stopped screaming when she finally reached the bus stop, much to the relief of everyone else in the bus shelter.

---

“You know,” Gaberial drawled as he and Steve munched on popcorn. “Making that little girl think it's Christmas Eve already was a pretty mean trick.”

“But funny.” Steve pointed out as he sipped his Mountain Dew.

“True enough.”

The two sat in silence for a moment.

“This doesn't change the fact that you still owe me twenty bucks.” Steve growled.

“What!?” Gaberial sputtered.

“Hey, you lost the bet, you pay up.”

“Oh, Goddamnit it all!”

“Hey, stop using my name in vain!”

“Sorry, sir...”

---

To Be Continued...

Day Sixteen: The Great Snow War

“Wow, I can't believe how much easier that job was without Tessie.” Raz commented as he pulled on his jacket.

“I can.” Lili muttered darkly as she pulled on her own.

Milla let out a light, airy laugh. “Well, at least the job is done, hm? The entire agency is decorated and ready for the Christmas Party on the Eighteenth.”

Raz blinked in confusion. “There's a party on the eighteenth?”

“Yes darling, didn't you know?” Milla asked, cocking her head to the side. “That's when everyone's doing the secret santa exchange as well.”

“The Secret Santa exchange!?” Raz sputtered, his eyes widening in horror.

“Yes, darling. Should be fun, hm?” The Brazilian asked with a smile.

“Um...yeah...sure...” Raz said, giving a nervous laugh.

Sasha frowned as he pulled on his scarf. “Razputin...have you found anything for Miss Zanotto yet?” He asked telepathically, casting the goggle-headed boy a meaningful look.

Raz winced. “No,” He replied. “I've been so busy and...I just haven't found the right thing yet.”

“Ah...” Sasha glanced over at Lili, brow furrowing. This was certainly turning out to be a bit of a mess...

“Well, looks like we finally have a weekend to relax! It's about time!” Milla said with a content sigh as the four psychics made their way out of the agency.

Lili scowled, rolling her eyes. “Oh joy, two days spent in that big, empty house. Whoo hoo.”

Raz blinked in confusion. “You're there all by yourself? Even on weekends?”

“On weekends?” Lili snorted. “I'm lucky if he gets out of this building once every three months.” She said as she pushed out the door.

“Oh...”The goggle-headed boy winced as he followed Lili out the door and into the parking lot. “Well, what about your mom?”

Lili visibly tensed. “My mom...” A far-away look came to her eyes, her expression darkening. “...That's none of your business.”

Milla and Sasha shot each other concerned glances. Milla then opened her mouth to speak. “Lili--”

Raz cut her off. “Huh? What do you--” His inquiry was interrupted, however, when a large, white snowball suddenly came whizzing out of nowhere to strike him in the face.

At the sound of the loud WHAP Lili spun around, blinking in confusion. Raz looked just as baffled as he stood there, covered in snow. Milla and Sasha stared.

Then Lili started laughing. Very, very hard. “You look so...so...STUPID!” She giggled as she pointed at Raz's shocked face. “Ahahahaha--”

WHAP!

Lili blinked in shock as snow slid down her face.

Raz burst into laughter, doubling over and holding his sides. Milla blinked for a moment, then started giggling as well. Even Sasha had to crack a smile.

“Don't worry dear, you still look fabulous.” Milla said between giggles.

WHAP!

Milla stumbled back, covered in snow.

“Okay, where the hell are these things coming from!?” Raz asked as he glanced around, brow furrowing.

WHAP!

“Over here, losers!” A loud, heavily-lisped voice cried out.

Raz blinked, glancing over to see a certain red 'fro and two very, very large ears. “Bobby!? Benny!?” He sputtered.

WHAP!

“Yes. Ow.” Sasha grunted as he brushed some snow off of his jacket and glared towards the culprits.

“Sorry, Agent Nein!” Kitty and Franke giggled.

WHAP!

“Eep!” Milla laughed, shielding her face.

“Nils!” Elka screamed before ducking behind a car, dragging a drooling Nils (whom had been aiming for poor Milla's chest) by the ear as she did so.

WHAP!

“ACK!” Lili yelped, stumbling forward. “Milka! How could you!?” She cried as her assailant became visible.

Elton flashed a shy grin as he prepared another snowball. “Sorry, Lili!”

“Hey!” Raz cried as he dodged several shots. “Maloof! Mikhail! What are you two doing here!?”

“To put it simply, Razputin, I believe we all received your invitations.” Maloof said simply.

“Yes, even in Russia. Goggle boy seen any hairless bears here in New York?” Mikhail asked as he hefted up another snowball.

“Invitations!?” Raz yelped as he was struck by another snowball in the back. “What invitations!?”

“Well, I got mine last week. Says we were all invited to spend the holidays here, eh?” Chops called out as he chucked another snowball at Raz.

“Good shootin', partner.” JT complimented his buddy.

“I do not remember this. At all.” Sasha muttered as he half-heartedly dodged snowballs.

“You don't? Aw, it's a great story.” Vernon spoke up. “Want to hear it?”

“NO!” Everyone shouted.

“Well, anyway, we figured hanging out here for the holidays would be totally dope, you know?” Quentin said.

“Yeah! Lots of...roasting of chestnuts over an open fire and everything.” Phoebe added with a dangerous grin.

“This is how we celebrate this...Christmas, then?” Chloe blinked in confusion. “You humans are so strange...”

“Whoo, Christmas!” Clem cheered, so excited that he really was doing little to actually contribute to the attack of the agents.

“Well...this is certainly...unexpected.” Sasha said slowly before being hit in the back of the head with a snowball.

“Sounds like the work of Tessie.” Lili muttered.

“Likely-- ACK!” Milla yelped as she was hit yet again.

“Well, we're all here now...I hope you don't mind.”

The four psychics spun around to see Dogen standing there, hands behind his back.

“...How did you get there?” Sasha asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Dogen! How dare you help the enemy!?” Elka cried.

“Get the traitor!” Nils cried.

A hail of snowballs rained down on the five, causing them all to yell and shield their heads.

“Why, sweetie, of course it's fine!” Milla said quickly.

“Yeah, sure! We're glad you're all here!” Raz added.

“GAH, STOP SHOOTING!” Lili screeched. Her yelling only seemed to encourage their attackers, however.

“I...do not think they will be stopping any time soon.” Sasha drawled.

“Only one thing to do, then...” Raz grinned, then quite suddenly grabbed everyone and ducked behind Milla's car. “Fight back!”

“What!?” Sasha sputtered.

“What?” Dogen repeated, blinking in confusion.

Milla blinked, let out a small giggle. “I suppose you're right...”

“This is stupid.” Lili scowled, crossing her arms. “I'm not--” She was cut off by a snowball hitting her in the back of the head. She then twitched, reaching back to wipe it off. “Alright, that's it! ATTACK!” She snarled, using telekinesis to gather up several snow balls at once and fling them.

And so the Great Snow War began.

From the start, Raz, Lili, Sasha, Milla, and Dogen were greatly outnumbered. It didn't help that their opponent's battle cry was something along the lines of “TODAY IS A GOOD DAY FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO DIE!” or “REMEMBER THE ALAMO!” depending on who was talking. But even so, they fought back valiantly.

Thus, the war was long and hard...

WHAP!

“Gah! Bobby!” Raz snarled as he was hit in the face for what seemed like the millionth time.

“Nah nah nah!” Bobby sneered, sticking out his tongue.

The harsh, frigid winter weather would have no quarter given...

“Teehee....snowflakes...” Clem giggled after being hit in the head one too many times.

There were terrible losses on both sides...

“NOOOOOO! THESE JEANS ARE DRY CLEAN ONLY!” Kitty sobbed.

The warriors fought long and hard...

WHAP!

“I'm on your side, you psycho!” Chops cried.

“Oh, sorry.” Elka giggled.

And in the end...

“Ha! We did it!” Raz panted, his breath coming out in short puffs, sweat causing his matted hair to cling to his forehead. “We fended them off! We won!”

“Nuh uh!” Bobby cried out. “We won, dorkface!”

It was a tie.

---

To Be Continued...

For those of you wondering where Crystal was...just wait, you'll see.

Day Seventeen: Santa Who?

A little while later found the campers all gathered together in a building near Psychonauts Headquarters. When they first started out, many agents couldn't afford housing (or in Raz's case, they were okay with letting him save the world on a regular basis, but they wouldn't let him get an apartment), so the agency had a building set up fairly close by for their quarters. They were mostly decent sized, but cheap apartments, not exactly the perfect place, but better than nothing. A good portion of these apartments were empty, so apparently that would be where the campers would be staying.

And who got stuck trying to get everything ready on such short notice? Why, Raz, Lili, Sasha, and Milla of course!

“Am I...the only one who feels...reluctant to let a bunch of ten-year olds each have their own separate apartments?” Sasha asked as he levitated some cots behind him.

“Hey!” Raz exclaimed. “I do just fine.”

“Actually, yes darling, I really don't think letting them all have their own rooms is a good idea, not to mention I don't think we have enough room. It's probably best to just divide them all in pairs or groups of four.” Milla said

“And what, have them duke it out over who gets the cot?” Lili snorted. “It's not like the regular beds are much more comfortable...”

“It can't be helped, they'll just have to deal with it.” Milla stated, hands on her hips. “Though I am not sure how we can divide everyone...”

“Well...I guess Dogen could room with me if he has to, I'd hate for him to get stuck with Bobby or something...” Raz muttered, scratching his head.

“Alright, that could work...everyone else, I suppose we'll just prepare the rooms and let them choose for themselves.” Sasha stated.

Milla nodded. “Alright, let's get started then!” With that, she got to work setting up the rooms, piles and piles of blankets levitating behind her.

“Ah...Milla?”

Milla paused, blinking. “Yes?”

“Do the children...really need all those blankets?” Sasha asked, raising an eyebrow.

The Brazilian blinked. “Why, of course, darling!”

Raz paused from where he was dragging out a spare bed to stare at the pile of blankets in horror. “Milla, they're just spending a few nights at the Agency, not the arctic tundra!”

“But...they might get cold...”

“Milla, the heating here tends to be too warm, I'm sure they'll be fine.” Lili drawled.

“But...”

“Milla. Put them back.” Sasha said slowly.

Milla sulked and went to put some of the blankets away.

Meanwhile, the campers were all settled in the common area of the agents quarters. Each had been situated with a steaming mug of hot cocoa as they chatted among themselves. Kitty, Franke, and Elka were all seated in front of one of the big screen TVs, watching the latest Pirates of the Caribbean movie and squealing over how hot Orlando Bloom/Johnny Depp apparently was. Poor Nils had been stuck with them and looked extremely bored, as the movie was not in fact, rated “Arr”. Elton and Milka were curled up in an arm chair together, making out vigorously and ignoring Franke's demands to “Shut up, Jack is speaking!” JT and Chops were playing Go Fish with Maloof and Mikhail, whom were apparently making JT an offer he couldn't refuse. Quentin and Phoebe were practicing one of their songs, trying desperately to play as loudly as they could to drown out Clem's ecstatic cheers for Vernon to continue his dull blabbing. Benny and Bobby were over in the corner, hammering away at their Nintendo DS systems. Or, they were until Benny apparently won, at which point Bobby proceeded to sock his lackey in the jaw.

“Gah! Ow...sorry boss.” Benny whimpered, nursing his sore jaw.

“Yeah, yeah...just don't pull that crap again.” Bobby growled as he snapped his DS shut and pocketed it. “Anyway, where's Chloe?”

“Chloe?” Benny wrinkled his nose. “Man, what is with you? She's just some stupid space cadet, I don't know why you obsess over her. She's a freak.”

The moment the words were out of his mouth, Benny regretted it.

He caught a flash of Bobby's enraged face, followed by an explosion of pain. He stumbled back, clutching at his face, tasting blood. Bobby then reached out to snatch the front of his shirt and pull him closer so they were nose to nose.

“Don't ever talk about Chloe like that ever again.” The afro-haired boy snarled, his voice dangerously low as he gave Benny a harsh shake. “Understand? If you ever do, you're dead.”

“I-I understand boss! Really, I do! I'm sorry!” Benny stuttered, nodding quickly.

“Good.” Bobby released his lackey and glanced around, finally spotting the space cadet sitting all alone in front of the Christmas tree. He shot a final glare at Benny, then lumbered over to her.

“Um...uh...hey...uh...Chloe, what're you doing?” The bully stuttered.

“Hm?” Chloe glanced up, blinking. “Oh, I'm just getting a sample from this dying tree. You earth people certainly have strange customs...what's the point of bringing a tree inside just so it can die in your living room? A Zorcan Firbanator would help it live longer.”

Bobby shrugged, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “Hell if I know...my family doesn't celebrate Christmas much.” He muttered. “I think it's for Santa to put your presents under it or something...” He gestured up to the tree.

Chloe's brow furrowed. “San-Ta?” She repeated slowly. “Who is this...San-Ta?”

“You don't know about Santa?” Benny laughed as he walked over, pausing to shield himself from Bobby. Once sure his boss wasn't going to hit him again, the large-eared child cautiously continued. “You know, big fat guy in a red suit, comes down your chimney, eats your milk and cookies, leaves you presents, has magical flying reindeer and a sleigh?”

Chloe's eyes widened in horror. From Benny's description, she was getting the mental image of a big, fat hairy man clad in dirty red long johns and some cheap hat trying to squeeze through peoples chimneys, then going through poor family's fridge and cupboards and taking all of their cookies and milk. He then dumps poorly wrapped presents on the floor and tries to shimmy his fat white ass back up the chimney so he can get to his “flying” reindeer and sleigh on the roof-- only to hit the next roof on the block.

“When does this Santa come!?” She gasped.

“Um...Christmas Eve.” Benny blinked.

“We have to be ready! We can't let that...man...” She paused and shuddered. “Do that to this place!”

Bobby blinked in confusion. “You mean leave presents? Chloe, Santa isn't--”

“Silence, large-haired human!” Chloe cried. “I will not be deterred any longer! Perhaps none of you earthlings understand the danger you are in, but I do! I will prepare for the attack of this...Santa...”

Bobby opened his mouth to speak, but Benny cut him off. “So...wait...what're you gonna do?”

“Why, only the proper thing, of course! I will capture this...Santa and give him the earth authorities! I am sure they have been trying to get this man for a very long time, just like the fugitive Gorlog!” Chloe declared.

Bobby blinked. “You're gonna try to catch Santa?”

Chloe nodded.

Bobby blinked again. Then he grinned. “Hm...alright, sounds like fun. I'd definitely like to give 'ol fat boy a piece of my mind...” He said, cracking his knuckles.

“Yeah, that sounds like a plan, boss!” Benny grinned.

Chloe frowned suspiciously. “You two...are going to help me?”

“You bet!” Bobby grinned, throwing an arm around her shoulder. “What do you say? Just the two of us, defending earth!”

“Hey, don't forget me!” Benny piped up.

“Shut up, Benny.”

Chloe looked thoughtful for a moment. Then she smiled. “Oh, alright...I guess I could use the help. Very well! Bobby, nose human, the two of you will help me save this pathetic planet from this...Santa!” She declared, posing dramatically.

“Yaaaaaaaaaay.” Both Bobby and Benny cheered in a less-than enthusiastic manner.

“Right. Come now, we have to start planning immediately!” Chloe declared. With that, she rushed out of the room.

Benny frowned. “Hey, um...boss...you think maybe we should tell her the truth?” He whispered.

Bobby blinked. On one hand, he knew he was lying, and Chloe had been yelling at him not to...on the other, she was actually willingly spending time with him!

“Nah. She'll figure it out eventually.”

---

To Be Continued...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-18-2006, 11:34 PM   #31
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Man, my updates are just getting later and later... I'm really sorry, I'm trying as best as I can! I just hope I can finish this...

Right, so...my beta reader got Twilight Princess, so she won't be around for awhile...so once again, I apologize for any mistakes, any you see just means you should pray extra hard that she beats the damn thing soon.

Right, onward!

Day Eighteen: Christmas Promises

Parties at Psychonauts Headquarters were always a strange affair. On one hand, you had a bunch of stiff government agents all forced into a big room with streamers placed here and there in hopes to induce a “party” sort of setting. On the other hand, these were Psychonauts. They weren't exactly your regular government agents. Thus, the main floor of the agency was a buzz of conversation, ranging from the more somber, traditional agents to the ones with much more...er...”character”. And of course, the addition of the PsiCadets certainly made things...interesting, although most of the kids just seemed bored. All sorts of decorations hung around the room, ranging from simple garlands to something as elaborate as snow constantly falling from the ceiling with the help of cyrokinetics. At the center of it all stood the Infamous Tree, looking gorgeous in spite of the horrors involved with putting it up. Bits of psitanium were placed along the branches gave it quite a shine with all the tinsel, ornaments, and lights.

Raz was currently situated at the snack table, munching on a cookie. He was a bundle of nerves. On one hand, he was insanely excited, as this was his first party with the agency. On the other hand...he never did find Lili a present, hence the reason why he was staying out of the thick of things.

What was he going to do!? He could already imagine her face when she realized he was the only secret santa who had failed, the mask of indifference pulled up to hide hurt, an expression he had seen gracing his girlfriend's face many times before.

God, he really didn't want to be the one to cause that sort of face.

“Man...what am I going to do?” Raz murmured, putting his face in his hands.

“Razputin?”

Raz blinked, glancing up to see Sasha standing there with a glass of wine and a Santa hat placed upon his head. “...Sasha?” The goggle-headed boy quirked a brow, nodding towards his idol's new, rather out-of-character accessory.

“Milla.” Sasha explained shortly.

“Ah...” Raz couldn't help but crack a small smile.

“What are you doing over here?” Sasha asked, raising an eyebrow. “I would have thought you'd be the type to...er...enjoy this sort of thing.” He gestured towards the crowd of agents, not quite able to keep a hint of disdain out of his voice. Sasha really wasn't one for big social outings.

“Oh..well...yeah, I am...just...you know.” Raz muttered, glancing down at his feet.

Sasha watched him in silence for a moment. Then he said “Do not worry. I am sure you will think of something.”

The goggle-headed boy sighed. “They're supposed to be passed out now.” He said.

“Ah...” Sasha winced. That wasn't good. “Well...do not worry. I'm sure you'll work something out...you always do.”

Raz blinked, glancing up at the older agent. “You really think so?” He asked, eyes searching.

“Of course.” Sasha nodded, giving a small smile. When Raz smiled back, he deemed it safe to pull a wrapped package from behind his back. “Now then, would you mind delivering this to Agent Shive?”

Raz's brow furrowed as he blinked, taking the gift. “Wha?”

“Santa is supposed to be 'secret'. That means I need an elf.” Sasha said simply.

The goggle-headed boy's brow furrowed. “Hey! I'm not an elf!”

“Of course you're not, you ungrateful little heathen.” Sasha drawled as he spun Raz around and pushed him gently in the direction of the gift's intended receiver “Now shoo.”

Raz stumbled forward, then paused to turn and stick his tongue out at Sasha. With that, he marched across the room towards the agent Sasha had pointed to. “Um, excuse me?” The boy asked, interupting the agents conversation.

Shive blinked, glancing down at Raz. “Hm? What is it, Razputin?” Shive was a man in his mid-thirties, whom had the kind of appearance you'd expect from a lawyer, wearing a nice suit with neatly trimmed hair and thin-rimmed glasses. In spite of this, however, Shive was known for laughing loud and often, and was actually quite friendly.

“Um...uh...” Raz shifted, then held Sasha's gift in front of him, forcing a wide smile. “Merry Christmas! Your secret Santa asked me to deliver this to you!”

“Huh, really?” Shive grinned, taking the gift. “Well, thanks, Raz.”

“You're welcome. Good luck trying to figure out who it's from.” Raz said, grinning back.

Shive snorted. “Shouldn't be too hard...oh, before you go, could you deliver mine?” He asked, pulling out a small package.

Raz blinked, then groaned, shoulders slumping. “Who's it for?”

“Agent Kowalski.” Shive said with a smile. “Thanks, Razputin!”

Raz sighed, then forced a smile and headed off.

Meanwhile, Lili was glancing through the crowds, searching for Raz. “Gah...where is he?” She muttered after a moment, stomping her foot. She really just wanted to give him his present...screw the whole secret Santa thing, she worked way too damn hard for him to not know she got it for him.

“Lili!”

The brunette blinked, turning to see Milla standing there, dressed in a tight red top, a black mini-skirt, and a Santa hat. “My, aren't we festive.” Lili drawled, crossing her arms before her.

Milla sighed, shaking her head, the little bells on her earrings ringing with the motion. “Come now darling, I know these silly businessmen can make things kind of dull...but that just means we have to liven up the party, hm?”

“No thanks.” Lili snorted.

“Come on, Lili, where's your Christmas Spirit?” Milla chirped.

Lili just stared blankly at her.

Meanwhile, Raz was rushing past, carrying yet another gift. As he was walking along, however, he noticed Lili. His eyes widened and he promptly ducked behind the tree, praying she wouldn't see him. Fortunately for him, however, she seemed at least mildly interested in her conversation with Milla at the moment, a conversation which Raz only just barely caught...

“Oh...now listen, darling...I know things can be tough around this time of year, what with your father being so busy...and I know Christmas doesn't exactly hold the best memories for you--”

Lili snorted at this. “Milla, my mom left on Christmas Day. Said she never wanted to see my dad again during an argument and just left...just like that. She never came back” The brunette murmured, her eyes dark with painful memories.

Milla winced. “Oh darling...I know. It must have been terrible...” The woman placed her hand gently on Lili's shoulder. “But...that was then, this is now. You have a chance to make new memories now...good ones.”

Lili bit her lip, looking away. “Why? I've tried...stuff like that just...doesn't work out for me.”

“Lili, darling--”

“Hey, Lili!” Truman suddenly called, cutting Milla off. He walked over briskly, taking his daughter by the wrist. “Can you help pass out secret Santa gifts?”

“Uh...” Lili stuttered.

“Ah, Truman, sweetie--” Milla began, but was cut off.

“Great! Come on!” Truman beamed, pulling his daughter off in the direction of other agents. Milla watched in silence for a moment, then sighed and walked away as well.

Raz, meanwhile, remained behind the tree, eyes wide. “...Oh my gosh...” He murmured. “Lili...”

Well, this certainly explained a lot. Like why Lili hated Christmas so much...but how could he change that?

He stood in shock for a moment, so stunned he couldn't move. After a few moments he shook his head, making as if to come out from behind the tree.

“Okay, now what should I--”

“Hey, Raz!” An agent called out. “Come on, what about those gifts!?”

Raz let out a long, frustrated sigh. “Alright, alright! I'm going!” With that, he ran off in the opposite direction of Lili.

The two continued dashing this way and that across the room, delivering gifts with forced smiles and well-wishes before they were off yet again.

“Damnit...” Lili muttered as she shuffled across the room for what seemed like the millionth time, lugging along yet another gift. “Where the hell is Raz!?”

“Damnit...” Raz muttered as he stumbled down a staircase, gifts in hand. “What am I supposed to do!?”

Finally, after what seemed like hours, all of the gifts had been delivered. The moment his task was complete Raz considered flopping into his chair...but it was then that he spotted Lili across the room, handing off a gift with a dour nod. “Aha!” He exclaimed, a grin coming to his face. His gfrin fell as he realized something, however.

He still didn't have a gift.

And of course, Lili chose that exact moment to turn and finally spot him, her eyes lighting up the moment they fell upon him. “Raz!” She called out, rushing across the room towards him.

“Lili!” Raz called back with not quite as much enthusiasm, forcing a grin. Oh man, what was he going to do!?”

The two met in the middle of the floor, both slightly disheveled from running this way and that playing “Santa's little helpers”. Both panted for breath a moment, Lili smiling, Raz trying his best to hide his inner panic.

“Raz...I'm so glad I finally found you, I've been looking everywhere for you!” Lili gasped out.

“O-oh, really? Heh...great...sorry...I've been everywhere..er...delivering secret Santa gifts.” Raz replied weakly.

“Really? Me too! What a pain, huh?” Lili asked.

“Uh-uh...yeah...”

The too stood in silence for a moment.

“So..um...anyway...not like it's a big deal or anything...” Lili paused, reaching into her jacket.

Raz's eyes widened. 'Oh no...'

She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “But you know...I really hate secrets, so...”

'Oh God I am so screwed!'

Lili gave a small smile. “I'm your--”

“Agent Aquato!”

Both Raz and Lili jumped, spinning around to see Truman striding across the floor at an insanely face pace.

“Dad!?” Lili sputtered.

“Mr.Zanotto, sir?” Raz blinked, giving a salute on automatic.

Truman came to a stop before the two of them, his expression grave. “Seems there's some sort of crisis going on up in Canada, it's an emergency. Most of my other agents are already busy, and the rest don't really have the right requirements,...Agent Aquato, I'm afraid you've been assigned to the case.”

Both Raz and Lili stood in shock for a moment.

“...What!?” Lili cried.

“...You...on the holidays...sir?” Raz sputtered weakly.

Truman let out a sigh. “I'm sorry you two...I hate to send you away on the holidays, Razputin. But really, I don't have anyone else I can send at the moment.” He explained, looking as if he was truly, honestly sorry. “You won't be alone, Agent's Nein and Vodello have already been informed that they will be going as well.

“But...you're sending my boyfriend away!? On Christmas?” Lili shrieked, her hands balling into fists at her sides.

Truman winced. “I'm sorry Lili, he's the only agent I have for this kind of--”

“That's not fair!” Lili screamed. “How could you!? It wasn't good enough to never be around for me, now you have to take my boyfriend too!?”

Her father said nothing, though hurt was clearly written across his face.

“...It's okay, Lili” Raz finally said.

Lili spun to glare at him. “What do you mean it's okay!? No, it is not okay! It's--”

“Lili...I'm a Psychonaut, remember?” Raz said, giving a small, sad smile. “It's my job. You shouldn't be mad at your dad...he's just doing his.”

The brunette was quiet, staring at him with wide amber eyes as she searched for something, anything, that would make her boyfriend stay. 'Don't go! Don't you dare go!' she wanted to scream.

But she knew she couldn't.

“...I suggest you pack your bags, Agent Aquato. Your plane leaves tonight.” Truman said quietly before turning and walking away.

Raz and Lili stood in silence for a few moments, neither looking each other in the eye. Finally, after a few seconds, Lili thrust toward a thin, tightly wrapped gift, her head hanging low so Raz couldn't actually see her expression.

“Here,” She snapped.

Raz blinked at the gift for a moment. Then he smiled, shook his head, and pushed it back. “No. You keep it.”

Lili's face snapped up, her eyes narrowing. “Raz--”

“No. You keep your secret and I'll keep mine, okay?” He said, still smiling. “We'll unwrap them Christmas morning...okay?”

The brunette stared at him, her face one of utter, total despair. In her experience with missions, they always took at least more than a week. “But...you won't...”

“I'll be home in time.” Raz said quietly.

Silence for a few moments. Then, wordlessly, Lili stepped forward, wrapping her arms around her boyfriend and burying her face in his chest. Raz let out a soft sigh, encircling her in his own arms, entwining her hair between his fingers, eyes falling closed and wishing he could just stay like this, in this moment.

But he couldn't.

After several seconds passed Lili finally pulled away, biting her lip. “Promise me you'll be back in time?”

Raz beamed and nodded. “You bet. Wouldn't miss it for the world”

“...Say it?”

The goggle-headed boy stood there for a moment. Then he grinned, giving a light salute. “Scouts honor.” With that, he turned and walked away, the party still bustling around him. “Don't worry,” He added over his shoulder.

“I'll be home for Christmas, I promise!”

---

To Be Continued...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-22-2006, 12:16 AM   #32
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Aiiiee, I'm so sorry everyone! I'm so behind..school has been piling me with work these last few days. Fortunately, tomorrow is the last day...I'm planning to somehow get myself caught up before the day this ends...uweeeh, wish me luck!

I meant for this to be up Tuesday, but obviously due to work and this being a really annoying chapter to write, that didn't happen. I really don't think it was worth the wait...but eh, as long as someone enjoys it. It really doesn't have much of a plot...just the Asylum characters having...er..."Christmas", yeah...it's actually really bad, I'm sorry. I'll try to get the others up soon, I promise!

In the meantime...er...try not to be scarred by my first attempt at writing the asylum characters!

Day Nineteen: An Asylum Carol

“Why am I doing this?” Crispin Whytehead muttered under his breath. Bits of ice and snow clung to his long, scraggly blue hair, a slightly beat up winter coat pulled over his small frame. The seemingly permanent scowl upon his face deepened as he reached up to ring the doorbell of the small house yet again.

“Perhaps I have the wrong street.” The pale man murmured, sounding oddly hopeful over such a prospect. “I do have quite poor eyesight, it's not as if the old bloke could blame me if I didn't-”

It was at that moment that the door finally swung open, revealing the slightly flushed face of a tall, large-nosed man in his late twenties. “I'm so sorry for the wait!” He panted out, the bell at the end of his fuzzy Santa hat jingling with each small movement. His jovial face became one of surprise, however, as he realized whom he had kept waiting. “Crispin!?”

“Bonaparte.” Crispin grunted, somehow able to communicate years of dislike into three syllables.

“What...what are you doing here?” Fred sputtered.

Crispin cocked an eyebrow at him. “You're the one who sent me the bloody invitation, weren't you?” He drawled, flicking his wrist to show a slightly beat-up, festive envelope.

It wasn't as if he wanted to be there or anything. As if he would actually willingly come see Bonaparte! He just...didn't have anywhere else to go...

Fred blinked at the envelope. “W-well, yes, but I didn't think you'd actually...” He then shook his head, a grin coming to his face. “Sorry, I'm just so surprised to see you! Come in, come in!” He ushered the much shorter man through the doorway, calling over his shoulder as he did so.

“GUYS! Crispin's here!” He called out.

Crispin made a face. “'Guys'?” He repeated. “Who else did you invite?”

“Oh, just everyone else from Thorney Towers~!” Said Fred jovially as he herded Crispin down the hallway.

Crispin blanched. “Everyone?” He repeated weakly.

“Yup~!” With that, Crispin was shoved into Fred's living room.

The place was decked out for the holidays, garlands and lights draped everywhere, the Christmas tree against one wall a true sight to behold. A fire was crackling in the fireplace, creating a warm, soothing atmosphere. Seated on the couch were Edgar and Boyd, Edgar laughing as he helped himself to a glass of eggnog and Boyd twitching as he stared at the reindeer antlers upon the artists head. Gloria was seated across from them in an arm chair and was laughing gaily as well, tinsel and holly weaved through her hair.

Their laughter paused, however, when Crispin stumbled in. In fact, all fell awkwardly silent, save for the crackling fire, as Crispin straightened himself off and glanced around irritably.

“...It's that blue-haired man! He's connected with the talking snowman, I know it!” Boyd sputtered, jumping to his feet and pointing shakily at Crispin. “Well, he can stand there, I'm not fooled by his jolly, happy soul!”

Crispin stared blankly at him.

Gloria blinked, then squinted at Crispin. “Who's that now, another fan? I'm sorry darling, but I'm on vacation now, you'll have to wait until later for an autograph.” She drawled, waving a glass of brandy around.

Edgar's eyes narrowed. “No, I do not believe he is a fan, Gloria. If I'm not mistaken, this man is one of our former patrons.”

“Hello to you too, Edgar.” Crispin said dryly, folding his arms before him. “And may I mention that you all seem no more bloody sane than the last time I was...fortunate enough to be graced with your visages.”

“Ah, good old Crispin, cheerful as always.” Fred laughed as he came in, ducking so as to not hit his head on the doorframe. Most houses were really just not tall enough for him, but Fred made do.

Crispin rolled his eyes, then slumped into the nearest empty chair, ignoring Boyd's babbling about how that chair had just been sat in and needed to recharge. “Well, now what, Bonaparte?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow at the man.

“Yes, now what?” Gloria asked, beaming, apparently oblivious to the way Edgar was still glaring at Crispin like he wanted nothing better than to cause some serious hurt.

“Um...well...I was thinking...maybe..uh...we could...well, hm, what's Christmas Spirit-y?” Fred frowned thoughtfully.

“Oh, I know!” Gloria chirped. “Christmas Carols!”

Fred snapped his fingers and beamed. “That's a great idea, Gloria!”

“No.” Crispin snapped. “No singing. Ever.”

Edgar twitched, grinding his teeth together.

Fred's face fell. “Well...um...we could...play a game?”

“I don't like games.” Crispin snapped.

“Pumpernickel!” Boyd suddenly shouted. Everyone ignore him.

“Um...okay then...” Fred gave a nervous laugh, scratching his head. “How about...um...a movie?”

“I don't like movies.” Crispin snapped yet again.

Edgar let out a loud stream of cursing in Spanish and jumped to his feet. “Oh for the love of...it's Christmas! NAVIDAD! Can't you think of anything you actually like besides sitting there and glaring!?” He snarled.

Crispin stared at him for a moment.

“Well now, I'm sorry Edgar, but I'm afraid I don't bloody like Christmas.” He drawled in a false, mockingly polite sort of manner. “Do you have some...ah, anger issues you'd like to work out over this? Perhaps go paint a few bulls?”

Edgar let out a roar, his face turning bright red as he made as if to charge across the room.

Fred yelped and rushed over. “Uh, uh, come on Edgar, I think the food's nearly ready! How about you come help, hm?” He babbled nervously, ushering the burly ex-wrestler out of the living room and hitting his head on the way out.

The two stood in the hallway, Fred rubbing the spot where he'd bonked his head and Edgar panting as he sought control over his anger. “Fred, why did you invite that...man?” Edgar finally asked, his glare still remaining fixated on Crispin. “Need I remind you he caused you more trouble than the rest of us combined?”

Fred winced. “Well...yeah...” He kicked absently at the rug. “But...well...you know...it's Christmas. I kind of figured...you know, he's a bit like us, doesn't have anyone for the holidays. No matter how much of a jerk he was to us, no one should be alone on Christmas.”

“Unless they're a nasty little bastard like him.” Edgar snarled.

Fred let out a sigh. “Edgar, it's Christmas. Just...come on, deal with it. After everything we all went through, we're all kind of like...y'know, family. Even him. And hey, maybe after awhile he'll...warm up a bit?”

Edgar stared blankly at him for a moment.

“Well, okay, probably not. But just try to get along, alright?” Fred asked.

“...Fine. But I won't like it.”

It was then that a loud cry was heard from the living room, followed by a crash. Both Fred and Edgar's eyes widened and they rushed back into the room, Fred once again banging his head against the doorframe. After the stars managed to clear from his vision, Fred beheld an...interesting sight, to say the least.

It was utter pandemonium. Boyd stood upon the coffee table, babbling incoherently as he tossed milk bottles this way and that. Gloria was dancing around them, giggling to herself, apparently too drunk to realize exactly what was going on. Crispin stood watching them both, gaping in bewilderment.

“Gah!” Fred cried, shielding his head as a milk bottle flew past. “What the...what happened!?”

“How should I know!?” Crispin snapped, shielding his head as well. “All I said was something about Santa Clause and the crazy sod just suddenly jumped up and started screaming about how his milk was delicious and it wasn't fortified for dear old saint nick! Then quite suddenly the girl gets up too and starts dancing, babbling about her Aunt Barbara coming to see her for some bloody Christmas play! Last I checked, I was not an aunt.”

“THE EGGNOG LIES! FILTHY IMPOSTER! DO NOT LISTEN TO IT, ONLY MILK IS ENRICHED!” Boyd ranted.

“What on earth?” Edgar sputtered, gaping at the scene. He then let out a cry as Gloria quite suddenly grabbed him and pulled him into a dance, giggling. “Senorita!?” The artist cried. “What are you--”

“Oh, come now Gregory, don't be shy~!” Gloria drawled. “I know I'm famous now, but that doesn't mean we can't have a dance to ourselves once and awhile, hm? Consider it my Christmas present.”

Edgar was too flabbergasted to do much but follow her lead.

Meanwhile, Fred was trying his best to calm everyone down. “Alright, come on guys, this is Christmas! Relax, this was just supposed to be-- Boyd, would you stop that!? Where the hell did you get those bottles anyway!?” He demanded.

“THE BRITISH ARE COMING!” Boyd babbled.

Unfortunately, that proved to be the exact wrong choice of words. Upon hearing them Fred suddenly froze, his eye twitching. Then, without warning...

“Zey chivelinistic pigs shall never take me ALIVE!” Fred cried out. With that, he made a dive for the window. Unfortunately, Crispin happened to be in the way, so Fred ended up mowing the snide little British man into the nearest wall with a heavy thud.

The two lay on the floor for a few moments as chaos raged around them. Then Fred sat up, eyes wide and his Santa hat askew. “Oh my God! Crispin!” He cried, leaning over short man. “I'm so sorry! Are you okay?”

Crispin lay in silence for a moment. Then, without warning, he started laughing. Fred sat back, blinking in confusion as Crispin began to shake with laughter, a wide, slightly twisted smile coming to his face.

“Oh my...I've always hated the holidays, but this is a Christmas.” Crispin cackled, laughing so hard tears came to his eyes, nearly drowning out the sound of a milk bottle shattering in the background. “My God...you are all such bloody idiots...ahahaha...why haven't we all been shoved back into that damn tower yet?”

Fred stared at him for a moment. Then he gave a small chuckle, pulling Crispin up so they were sitting side by side. He then glanced back to his remaining guests.

“The elves! I know they're in this somehow!” Boyd babbled from on top of the coffee table. Edgar went speeding by, trying desperately to shake Gloria off, whom was clinging to his back with one arm in the air as if she were bull-riding.

“GONDALA! GONDALA!” She cackled.

“Uh, I don't think that's the word you want, Gloria...” Fred said weakly, but went ignored. He let out a sigh, then smiled and reached out to grab the miraculously still-to-be-spilled eggnog carton. He took a swig, then offered some to Crispin, whom rolled his eyes and took the carton.

“Well...I can't quite be sure why we all haven't been locked up yet.” Fred said with a shrug. “Probably because we don't have any other friends or family or anything to report us...”

Crispin snorted, muttering a quiet agreement under his breath.

“But hey...at least we can all be somewhat sane on the outside together.” Fred said, cracking a good-natured grin.

Crispin stared blankly at him a moment. “You're an idiot, Bonaparte.” He finally drawled, taking another swig of eggnog before handing it back to Fred.

“And you're an *******, Crispin, but we deal with you anyway.” Fred chuckled.

“Merry Christmas, Crispin.”

“...Merry Christmas, Fred.”

---

To Be Continued...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-23-2006, 11:53 AM   #33
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So I have five drabbles to write in two days, not counting Christmas itself.

...This should be interesting.

So right, here's the first chapter of my panicky“Oh-God-I-Am-Three-Days-Behind!” update day. I'm not sure how well it came out...just remember to follow the rule one much always follow when reading G-Men quotes, it must be in monotone.

Day Twenty: A Very G-Men Christmas

“I am a grieving widow. Why God why?”

The G-men's monotone chorus of grief rang through the graveyard in a certain, rather twisted area of the suburbs. The tall men in their typical trenchcoats wandered in front of gravestones, carrying long-wilted flowers and playing air guitar with them. They were still looking for the milkman, and they still didn't know where he was.

As the “widows” continued their grieving, a lone rainbow squirt happened past, humming to herself as she skipped along.

“Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the...” She trailed off as she happened past the graveyard, pausing to watch the G-men “grieve”. Now, this rainbow squirt was rather new, and wasn't quite yet initiated to what exactly was going on there in suburbs. Thus, she was incredibly puzzled, and this time she decided to voice her puzzlement.

“Why are you trying to play guitar with those flowers?”

“I am a grieving widow.” A G-man explained simply.

“You've been grieving for a month straight now. Don't you ever have to...you know, go to the bathroom?” The rainbow squirt asked.

“I wish my loved one were not dead and in the ground, but here and alive.” The G-man said.

The rainbow squirt cocked her head to the side, large eyes blinking in confusion. “I don't see why you're so sad...I mean, Christmas is coming soon!”

At this the G-man paused in his “grieving”, blinking in confusion as well. “Christmas?”

“Yeah! You know, the holidays? Gift-giving, family, food, Santa Clause?” The rainbow squirt asked.

The G-man stared at her for a moment. Then his head opened up and several microphones popped out. “Tell me more of this...Christmas.”

And so, the Rainbow Squirt, apparently oblivious to the microphones, began to talk.

A few hours later found that particular G-man wandering the sidewalks with a Santa hat placed upon his head, ringing a bell as he walked along.

“What are you doing? You are a grieving widow. You are supposed to be wishing that your loved one were still alive.” A road crew worker said, walking over.

“No, I am not a grieving widow.” The first G-man stated. “I am a sidewalk Santa Clause. By merely standing here and waving this bell, I make others feel guilty and donate useless pocket change. I wear a rental suit that smells of ham and vomit. I really wish I had graduated so I could do something with my life beyond standing on this street corner waving a bell. I spread Christmas Cheer.”

“...Christmas?” The road crew worker repeated, confused as well. “What is this...Christmas?”

And so the story was spread to the road crew workers, whom then spread it to the sewer workers, whom then told it to the hedge trimmers, and soon enough the entirety of the secret agents had been informed of this mysterious “Christmas” business. Thus, in hopes to blend in a bit more, the G-men all changed their roles for these...”holidays”, as they were called.

“I am a Christmas tree.” One G-man declared, wielding a pine branch as if it were a cutlass. “I smell much like the air fresheners hung in cars. My branches are uneven. I seem to be shedding needles. I am too pointy. Soon, a family may come, chop me down, and take me to sit in their living room to die a slow death.”

Another G-man rushed past this one, wearing an empty shopping bag. “I am a last minute shopper. Why oh why did I wait until now? Though I have had ample time to find gifts, I have procrastinated, and now find myself panicking. The mall is a nightmare on Christmas Eve. That salesworker lady has large breasts. I do not particularly care for the holidays, but I must find objects to offer to my loved ones out of social obligation.”

Several G-men were gathered at street corners, waving their carol booklets as if they were wings. “We are Christmas Carolers. Jingle bells, jingle bells. Though many of us are tune deaf, we continue to spread Christmas cheer. Most citizens find us to be aggravating, but this is because they do not have Christmas spirit. Many of our songs are religious. The lyrics are ';round yon virgin', not 'Ronjohn Virgin'. Though we cannot feel our toes, our hearts are warm. Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la, la.”

Meanwhile, the housewife G-men were hard at work, cooking at top speed. “I am making pie. The holidays are a stressful time. I really wish someone would give me a hand. I am likely to only receive dollar store jewelry and chocolates for Christmas yet again. Though I remain unappreciated, the holidays are still a time for family and friends.”

A few of the rainbow squirts wandered the streets at this time, appearing positively baffled as they passed a “street Santa” mumbling in monotone.

“What....what's going on?” One of them squeaked.

“It seems...yet another one of THE SECRETS has been released to THEM!” Another shrieked.

The rainbow squirts all gave simultaneous screams. After a few moments they all quieted again and just stood there.

“...What are THE SECRETS, anyway?” One rainbow squirt finally asked.

Another shrugged.

“Come, sisters! The Den Mother already has the cookies...we must bring...THE MILK!” A rainbow squirt declared. The little girls all gave cries of agreement and began their march back to their mistress.

Sure, those creepy guys in trenchcoats were scary, but they had other things to worry about. Like protecting the milk.

And so the G-men continued their preparations and celebrating of their first holiday ever without incident. Well, except for that one housewife G-man who finally snapped and attacked a Hedgeworker-turned-Christmas-Tree, but we aren't supposed to talk about that.

After some time of this holiday business, a lone sewer worker was seen walking down the street, a pile of gifts in hand.

“Where are you going?” A Street Santa asked.

“I am going to the Sewer Worker Union Christmas Party.” The Sewer Worker explained. “I do not enjoy these parties, but I must go anyway to show my support of the union.”

“Oh. Well, ho ho ho, Merry Christmas.” The Street Santa said dully as he spoke into his bell like a microphone.

The Sewer Workers all gathered on a random street corner, where a table had been set out and piled with pies, as that was all the housewife G-men actually knew how to make. Various G-men stood around conversing with each other in monotone.

“I hope to leave as soon as possible. I would not want to miss Desperate Housewives.” One declared.

“Yes, agreed. The food is bad, I am glad I ate fattening fast food before I came.” Another stated.

It was then that a third Sewer Worker popped in, carrying two gifts. “Hello, fellow sewer workers. Though you both smell of excrement, you still deserve my respect, and thus I bought you both presents.”

“Hurray.” Both G-men said dully, taking their gifts. With mechanical movements they both opened them, revealing half of a computer keyboard and a bent beer can respectively.

“Oh, thank you. It is lovely.” The first said.

“Yes, I do love my gift. My excitement makes the ridiculous amount of money wasted on it all worth it.” The second stated.

“Yes, indeed. Now let us eat, drink, and be merry.”

And so all the G-men, the Street Santa's, the Christmas Trees, the Last-Minute Shoppers, and even the Hosuewives, sat down for their holiday meal of pie. They all particularly enjoyed the rhubarb pie, in spite of it being a controversial pie flavor. More gifts were given, and there were monotone exclamations of excitement, happiness, and...love all around.

Thus, the first G-men Christmas came to pass. It was a...holly, jolly Christmas. Sort of.

And in the words of the Tiny Tim G-man,

“God bless us, everyone.”

---

To Be Continued...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-23-2006, 04:12 PM   #34
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Thumbs up Yay!

Double post, sorry. Read the next one.
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Old 12-23-2006, 04:13 PM   #35
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Thumbs up Yay!

Well, since no one else is bothering to reply to you, I will. Great job! Hilarious little drabblets! I love stories about the camp kids most of all, and you portray them all perfectly. I hope to see more of them. And the whole "Sasha Vs. the Lights" thing was hilarious.

I sure hope Raz will be home for Christmas...although it's probably safe to say that he will be, right? You wouldn't diappoint your audience, would you?

And regarding chapter 15: If you make any money off of this fic, you owe me royalties!


"This game will blow your mind...out of your nose." - ad for Psychonauts
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Old 12-23-2006, 04:19 PM   #36
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Why, thank you. ^^

I highly doubt I'll be making any money off of this fic, but worry not, if I do you'll get a cut, as will Darth Ave and a few others. X3


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-23-2006, 05:08 PM   #37
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Sorry for the double post (yet again) but here's the next chapter!

When you're reading this, be sure to the listen to the Grinch song. If you don't have a copy you can listen over here. Just be sure to do that, okay?

Right, onward!

Day Twenty-One: The Grinch Who Didn't Steal Christmas

Though a bustling place during the day, the mall was eerily quiet at night. Metal gates were drawn over the doorways of stores and restaurants, shining in the moonlight that streamed down from skylights. Christmas lights hung everywhere, though they were slightly depressing to look at when they were off. Displays of Santa, his elves, and his reindeer seemed rather lonely without shoppers around to spare them glances as they rushed to get shopping done.

All was quiet and still. Then, quite suddenly, there was a barely audioable squeaking noise. This lasted for a few seconds, then a small “pop” was heard.

Then, like an angel of death, a person clad in red and white with a Grinch mask pulled over their face lowered down from a hole in the skylight. The person alighted upon the ground with ease, then snapped off the rope they had used to come down and glanced around.

“Hm...these will do.” The person behind the mask murmured, their voice slightly muffled. He (or was it a she?) gave a soft chuckle and began making their way towards the stores, humming as he/she did so.

“You're a mean one, Mister Grinch~! You really are a heel. You're as cuddly as a cactus, you're as slimy as an eel-”

“You know,” A voice suddenly spoke. “If you're that tone deaf, you really shouldn't be singing, even if a good portion of that song is true.”

The person in the Grinch mask froze. “Who's there!?”

The lights flipped on to reveal Raz, Sasha, and Milla standing before the Christmas tree.

“Reports of various burglaries and attacks made on various citizens have been made over the past few days. Though little to no evidence has been left, few have claimed to have seen the mysterious culprit clad in a Grinch costume.” Sasha stated.

“However, psychic investigation has revealed psychic frequencies all over the place...and your aura seems to match them all perfectly, darling.” Milla declared, hands on her hips.

“For a psychic criminal you don't seem to have any idea what you're doing. You may as well have left a great, big, bright neon sign saying you did it!” Raz snorted.

The one in the Grinch costume watched them for a moment. Then they started laughing. “Oh, Razputin, you have no idea...”

Raz's brow furrowed. “How do you know my name?” He asked.

The Grinch continued to cackle. “None of you have any idea at all, do you?”

Sasha frowned. “What are you talking about?”

The Grinch giggled for another moment, then spoke. “Don't you get it? This is a trap. I knew if I acted out, you three would be the only agents Truman could send at this time. I left clues, knowing full well how easily they could be tracked. I wanted you to come here, all for one reason....“I'm going to kill you here, do you understand me!? KILL YOU, AHAHAHA!”

Sasha stared at the costumed criminal for a moment. “You know, death threats truly stopped being frightening to me quite awhile ago.”

“Same here, darling.” Milla said with a yawn.

“Really? I think they're kind of entertaining, the way they cackle and rant on and on. They don't even notice you're having a conversation right in front of them.” Raz drawled nonchalantly.

“SILENCE!” The Grinch screamed again. “I'm going to kill you! Kill you all! You will all beg for mercy before I'm done! And once you're gone, I'll go on to your precious agency, do you hear me!?”

“Oh please.” Raz snorted, rolling his eyes. “The whole monologuing thing? So isn't working with the costume.”

The Grinch let out a scream of rage. “You think it's funny, do you!? Well then, taste this!” With that, the costume-clad criminal let forth an explosion of bright green Psi-blasts.

Raz's eyes widened. “Whoa!” He, Sasha, and Milla scattered as the blinding neon blasts ricocheted this way and that way through the mall, smashing windows and shattering displays.

Raz knocked over a light-up reindeer as he skidded through fake snow, eyes narrowed as he glanced around for his opponant. “Where is he?” He muttered. He then let out a shout as he was hit with a boot from behind, sending him flying into a wall.

“Oooohh...you're a monster, Mister Grinch~!” The one in the costume sang, a confusion gernade appearing in hand. The costume-glad criminal then pulled off the period and tossed it in Milla's direction, letting out a giggle as it exploded. “Your heart's an empty hooooole~!”

“Oh...wow...disco lights...” Milla mumbled as she stumbled around in a daze.

“Your brain's full of spiders,” The criminal continued to sing as they avoided a blast from Sasha, then ducked under Razputin's psychic fist. “You've got garlic in your soul! Mister Griiiiiiiinch~!” The grinch then spun around and hit them with two psi-blasts, sending the boys slamming into each other.

“Ow...” Raz groaned as Sasha stumbled to his feet, his sunglasses askew.

The Grinch let out a cackle, preparing yet another blast to finish them off. “I wouldn't-- EEEEEEEEEK!” The next line of the song was cut off with a girly scream when Milla suddenly came dropping from the sky. The Brazilian Psychonaut's face was one of determination as she sent a swift kick into the Grinch's stomach, then snatched off the mask.

“That's what you get for—” Milla paused, eyes widening. “Oh my gosh...”

“Tessie!?” Raz sputtered, his eyes wide.

Indeed, with the mask gone, the one in the costume proved to be none other than Tessie, her pink hair pulled back into a bun, her ordinarily grinning face twisted into a look of rage.

“Wha...what!?” She sputtered.

“...I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine and a half foot pole.” Sasha finished the line “the Grinch” had been about to say almost unconsciously.

Tessie's eyes narrowed. “Shut up!” She snapped. “Yes, it's me! I told you I would be back, didn't I!?”

“Well, yeah, sure, but we were also pretty sure it was an empty threat.” Raz said.

Tessie shook with rage. “Well, it wasn't! I'm back, and now I'm going to make you pay!” She declared.

“Oh really?” Sasha asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Yes, really!” The pink-haired girl hissed. “Do you have any idea how hard it was to sneak into Psychonauts Headquarters and hack into my file!? It was just my luck that it happened to be Christmastime! Truman was so busy, he hardly even noticed that the one who volunteered to be the head of the decorating committee was a face he had never seen before! I hate Christmas, but it was going to all be worth it! I was going to take down the agency all by my lonesome from the inside! FROM THE INSIDE!”

“Uh huh. And I bet you would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for us meddling kids, right?” Raz asked with a grin.

Tessie let out a sound of outrage, which only made Raz grin more.

“So let me get this straight. I'm missing Christmas with my girlfriend all for this?” Raz continued, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

“Oh, you'll be missing more than Christmas, Razputin. I'm going to--”

“Look, I really don't care how you're going to kill me or whatever.” Raz stated, cutting her off. “To put it simply, I have better things to do...so let's preform the nutcracker, shall we?” He said, getting back into an attack position.

Tessie let out another shriek and sent forth another explosion of Psi-blasts, the bursts of green flying this way and that, taking out sections of the tree and frying strands of lights.

By the time the energy finally cleared, the Psychonauts were gone. Tessie's eyes widened and she glanced around nervously, breathing heavily. “Where did they-- GAH!” She let out a shriek as a bright crimson Psi-blast suddenly slammed into her, sending her flying in the air.

“Oooh, you're a vile one, Mister Grinch~!” Raz sang, a mischievous grin coming to his face.

Tessie let out a yelp as she hit the floor and skidded across it. She finally came to a stop and glanced up to see Sasha standing there. She let out a low growl and stumbled back, preparing a blast, but Sasha was quicker. A pale blue psi-blast sent her flying across the room with another shriek.

“Come on Sasha, next line!” Raz prodded.

Sasha rolled his eyes. “You have termites in your smile.” He sang dully.

Milla let out a giggle as Tessie stumbled to her feet before her, the pink-haired girls eyes widening as she recognized the smoking, sickening green yellow object in the Brazilian Psychonauts hand.

“Sorry, darling...” Milla plucked the period off of the question mark. “But you have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Miiiiiiister Griiiiiinch~!” At this she tossed the confusion grenade and stepped back just in time to avoid the cloud of green-yellow gas that exploded forth.

Tessie coughed and hacked as she stumbled round in a daze, her green eyes glazed over. “What...what...no...this isn't...no...” She moaned. “I can't...” The pink-haired girl clutched at her head, groaning.

By the time her vision had cleared, Raz, Sasha, and Milla were standing triumphantly before her.

“Tessie, if that is your real name, you are hereby under arrest for breaking and entering, assault, and plenty of other things I cannot be bothered to list at the moment.” Sasha declared.

Tessie let out a snarl. “Why you--”

“You have the right to remain silent, darling. Anything you say in court can and will be used against you.” Milla said cheerfully.

“YOU!” Tessie roared, preparing another Psi-blast.

“Here, let me help you with the whole 'remaining silent' deal.” Raz smirked, pulling back his fist as orange psychic energy began to form.

Tessie's eyes widened, feeling a tinge of fear. “Oh...”

“Well, Tessie, as the song goes...” Raz began lazily. “Given the choice between the two of you...”

“I'd take the sea-sick crocodile~!” All three psychics sang.

With that, Raz's psychic fist connected with Tessie, and the pink-haired grinch knew no more.

---

To Be Continued...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-23-2006, 06:29 PM   #38
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No one in my family can figure out now why I yell "PUMPERNICKEL, GONDOLA GONDOLA!" every time they try singing Christmas carols.


"Remember, if it's anhydrous, that means it's crunchy." ~ Dr. Bukowski
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Old 12-23-2006, 07:57 PM   #39
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...That makes me laugh so very much. XD

Whew, finally almost caught up! What a relief...

Um...not much else to say...uh...oh! I do hope all you fans of a certain pairing enjoy this chapter...

Day Twenty-Two: Of Gifts and Mistletoe

It didn't take very long for the agents to get Tessie handcuffed and in the back of the police car, though it did take a good amount of effort not to stand in the snow and wave as the psychotic woman was carted away. It didn't take very long for the three psychics to gather their bags from their hotel rooms either, though the trip through the airport and the fight to get the next plane back to New York was another story. But at last, it was all complete and Milla currently sat in one of the slightly uncomfortable chairs at the airport, tapping her fingers as she gazed out the window.

“Here is your bagel.” Sasha said as he came up to her, handing her the rather festive looking baked good. A cup of steaming coffee was held in his own gloved hand.

Milla blinked, then flashed a smile as she took the bagel. “Oh, thank you sweetie.” She said with a nod, then took a bite. “Mmm...”

Sasha nodded as he took a seat beside leaning, leaning back with a sigh. “What a month...” He muttered.

“You're telling me, darling. It's been such a rush...it's so wonderful to just sit down and relax for awhile.” Milla sighed, then glanced around. “Where's Razputin? The plane will be leaving soon.”

Sasha shook his head. “I'm not sure. He said he had to take care of a few things.”

Milla frowned. “And you let him--”

“Milla, he's nearly eleven and he's a Psychonaut. He can take care of himself.” Sasha pointed out.

The Brazilian Psychonaut let out a sigh, then smiled. “I suppose you're right. I'll...try not to worry.”

“Good,” Said Sasha as he sipped his coffee.

The two sat in companionable silence for awhile, content in spite of the typical airport chaos around them.

“So...this will be our fifteenth Christmas together.” Milla commented.

“Indeed.” Sasha murmured.

“Well...it's not like that year in Rome, but I think I'd much prefer to spend Christmas at home.” The Brazillian Psychonaut said cheerily.

Sasha gave a small smile. “I suppose you're right. Although any Christmas would be preferred to that year we were stuck in the Amazon rainforest.”

Milla chuckled at that. “Indeed. What was it that I gave you that year again, darling?”

Sasha snorted. “It was a sweater. A hot pink sweater that you knit yourself that I probably would not have worn even if it hadn't been swelteringly hot.”

“Ah yes...” Milla chuckled. “I really am sorry about that, although it was sweet of you to wear it and get heat stroke for me anyway.”

“Only for you, Agent Vodello.” Sasha murmured with a small smile, shaking his head.

The two shared a small laugh together, though this was interrupted by someone clearing their throat from across the aisle. Both Milla and Sasha paused and turned to see another couple seated across from them, grinning.

Sasha's brow furrowed. “Can I help you?”

“Well, sorry but...did you guys happen to notice where you're sitting?” The girl asked with a grin. Both Sasha and Milla blinked, then glanced upward.

There hung a single sprig of mistletoe.

“...Oh Gott.” Sasha murmured.

“Oh my!” Milla gasped.

“I...we're not...we can't...” Sasha sputtered, glancing from the mistletoe to the couple across from them to Milla and back again.

“I...oh my, this is rather...” Milla giggled, a slight blush coloring her cheeks.

“Come on man, you know you want to.” The guy said with a grin.

“It's tradition!” The girl chirped.

“I...no I...well, alright, maybe...we're partners, best friends! That's all!” The German Psychonaut exclaimed. “I do not understand why everyone keeps interpreting our relationship as--”

“Sasha.”

Sasha blinked, glancing over to see Milla smiling.

“..I...Milla...” The German Psychonaut murmured, his face growing hot.

Milla flushed as well as she brushed a strand of rich chocolate brown behind her ear. “Well...it is tradition, darling...”

“...ah...” Sasha muttered articulately.

“Come on now...here...” At this Milla reached up and pulled Sasha closer, moving him so their noses were nearly touching. “Just let it all go for a little while, darling...just this once...” Her emerald eyes fluttered closed as she moved in just a bit closer...

And they kissed.

It was only for a few seconds, and then the two pulled apart, a warm smile on Milla's face. Sasha stood there, frozen, his eyes wide, his face beet red. Finally, after a few seconds, he spoke.

“Glaugrgh...” He said articulately.

Milla giggled, reaching up to adjust the German Psychonauts sunglasses, as they had fallen askew. “Merry Christmas, Sasha.”

“M...Merry Christmas...” Sasha murmured weakly.

It was then that Raz finally chose to show up, breathing heavily from running through the airport. “Guys! Guys!” He cried, his green eyes wide with excitement. “I finally found it!”

Both Milla and Sasha's eyes widened and they stumbled apart, trying to appear casual.

“Guys I...” Raz skidded to a stop, brow furrowing suspiciously. “Did something happen?”

“No.”

Raz quirked a brow at them.

“Um...what did you find, dear?” Milla asked quickly.

Fortunately for the two of them, Raz had a notoriously short attention span. His grin returned at full force, his eyes lighting up. “Oh, it's so great!” He exclaimed. “I finally found Lili's Christmas present!”

“Really? Darling, that's wonderful!” Milla said.

“What did you get her?” Sasha asked.

Raz's grin widened, apparently delighted Sasha had asked. “This!” He said, holding up a small, dark green box. He then opened it, showing its contents to Sasha and Milla.

“Oh my...” Milla murmured, her eyes wide. “It's gorgeous!”

“How were you able to afford that?” Sasha inquired, brow furrowing.

“Um...well, let's just say my next few pay checks aren't going to much else.” Raz said, closing the box and putting it in his backpack.

“Aw...Razputin, that's so sweet of you.” Milla said with a smile.

Raz chuckled. “I just hope she likes it...it'd be nice to see her actually smile for once.”

“Well, we'll see, now won't we? At least you'll be able to keep your promise, hm?” Sasha asked.

Raz beamed and nodded. “You bet!”

It was then, however, that a voice came over the intercom.

“May I have your attention please? Due to the blizzard, we are going to have to cancel all of our flights. We will let everyone know when we can start running again. Please do not panic, I promise we will have everyone out of here as soon as possible. We are all terribly sorry for the inconvenience. Merry Christmas!” With that, the intercom clicked off.

Silence for a few moments.

Then there was a collective explosion of chaos throughout the airport as people swore and jumped from their seats, fighting each other to get to the help desks in an effort to find out when the next flight to leave was.

Raz, Sasha, and Milla remained frozen where they were. “Oh man...” Raz murmured, his eyes widening in horror.

“Well...that is certainly inconvenient.” Sasha murmured.

“Oh my...I hope everything is alright back at headquarters.” Milla said.

“Everything? What about Lili? I promised I'd be back by Christmas!” Raz exclaimed.

“Well, they did say they'd try to get us out as soon as possible...” Milla said gently.

“Actually, this storm is really bad.” A man whom had been passing by commented. “I heard them saying they might not be able to get the planes out until after Christmas.”

Both Sasha and Milla winced. They had been through this sort of situation before, but even so, it was never pleasant.

Raz let out a groan and fell back in a chair, putting his face in his hands. “Oh man...how am I supposed to keep my promise now?”

He received no answer save for the chaos of the airport.

---

To Be Continued...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 12-23-2006, 11:36 PM   #40
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Yes, ahaha! I did it! I caught up, and with thirty minutes and two days to spare!

Man, I feel proud.

So yeah...um...not much else to say, other than I'm finally caught up, and you can finally start expecting the right updates on the right days again. Not that it really matters since we only have two days left, but hey, it's the thought that counts.

Um...right, onward! Oh, be warned, some of you may not get this if you haven't seen the extra cutscene you get if you get 100% completion of the game. Although if you haven't you can probably easily find the cutscene online, so...yeah.

Day Twenty-Three: Christmas At Lake Oblongata

Linda, the hulking, deformed lungfish of Lake Oblongata glanced around her mucus bubble, her long tail twitching nervously. She had gotten all the suckerfish, crayfish and clams out of her home, going to great effort to make the entire place spotless. A bunch of coral had been arranged into a Christmas tree of sorts, seaweed draped strategically upon it all in an effort to appear festive. The fish was set out on the rock. She had even picked out that necklace made of fishing line and old, shimmering plastic bait and put it on.

Yes, yes, everything was ready. All that remained was for him to come.

And yes, she could just barely see him now, swimming through the murky waters of Lake Oblongata. A handsome turtle with a golden crown placed upon his head and lovely boots, though in the spirit of the holidays a Santa hat had been draped in a lopsided manner on one of the points of the crown.

He stepped into her mucus bubble and shook himself off, then smiled fondly up at her. “Why, hello there baby. You look mighty fine this evening.” He drawled in a smooth, deep voice.

The lungfish nearly went weak at the knees right then and there, but managed to stay upright as she smiled shyly. “Hello Sam. Merry Christmas, I'm so glad you could make it.” She gushed.

“For you, baby, any time.” The turtle said. “I must say, you look lovely tonight, and you're wearing that pretty necklace too. Have you lost weight?”

“Oh, you noticed?” Linda flushed. “I've been on a diet.”

“Aw, honey, you didn't need to do that. You know I think you look beautiful no matter what.” Sam declared.

“Oh, Sam!” Linda giggled. “Well, come in, come in, I've made us some fish.”

“Sounds lovely, baby. Sounds lovely.” The turtle said.

And so they sat down and had a nice little feast. The fish was truly lovely, a young trout, just like she knew he loved, and after that they had a lovely little chocolate cake.

“Mmm-mmm.” Sam sighed after they had finished. “Your cooking is amazing as always, Linda.”

“Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it.” Linda said.

“I always do, baby, I always do.” Sam drawled. “Now then...I have a little present for you...” At this he pushed a small package out in front of him.

“Oh, Sam!” Linda gushed. “You didn't have to!”

“Oh, but I did, baby. I did.” Sam drawled. “Now go on and open it, nice and easy.”

The lungfish tore open the gift as carefully as one could with claws. The moment she did she let out an exclamation of delight. “Oh Sam! How lovely!” She gasped, holding up the old fishing net.

“I thought you'd like it.” Sam said with a smile.

“But...oh, you didn't have to, Sam!” The lungfish gushed.

“Only the best for you, baby. Only the best. Now go, try it on.”

The lungfish picked up the old fishing net and pulled it on, draping it over herself like a shawl. “Oh~!” She gasped in astonishment. “It's so...oh Sam, you shouldn't have! Thank you so much!”

The turtle just chuckled warmly. “Merry Christmas, baby. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Sam.”

Their warm moment was interrupted, however, by a high-pitched giggle from up above the surface. “Oh Mr.Pokeylope!? Where are you, Mr.Pokeylope!?”

“Ah, that's my human.” Sam said. “She gets worried when I'm not around. Could you excuse me?”

“Certainly, Sam.” Linda giggled, still engrossed in her gift. “Take all the time you want.”

“Thanks, baby.” With that, the turtle swam to the surface.

He had only just breached when he quite suddenly found himself plucked out of the water and was given several sloppy, wet kisses. “Oh, Mr.Pokeylope!” Sheegor gushed. “There you are!”

“Hello there, baby.” The turtle drawled.

“Oh, I'm so happy, Mr.Pokeylope!” Sheegor squealed, hugging the turtle close.

“And why's that, baby?”

“Why, because Christmas is nearly here, of course! And mister Nein left me here to take care of his lab, so that means it'll be just you and me, Mr.Pokeylope! Isn't that exciting?”

“Of course, baby, of course.”

Sheegor let out another squeal of joy, holding the turtle out before her. “I'm just so excited, Mr.Pokeylope! I sure hope Santa comes! Do you think he'll come, Mister Pokeylope? I hope I'm on the good list again this year!”

Sam chuckled. “Darling, you don't need to worry. You've been a regular angel.”

Sheegor giggled, hugging the turtle close once more. “Oh, Mr.Pokeylope, you're so nice! I'm sure you'll love my Christmas present for you, yes you will!”

“Of course I will, baby. Of course I will.” Sam drawled, ever the master of being good to women.

Sheegor just giggled again.

Meanwhile, across the campgrounds, Ford was busy. Very, very busy. There were no leaves to rake, no burgers to cook, no dirt to sweep, and the lake was frozen over, so there would be no canoeing. But oh no, he was still very busy.

Very, very busy.

Ford currently stood in his sanctuary, pacing back and forth. Yes, yes, everything was in order. The vehicle was ready, the sack had been packed, his outfit was clean for the big night, and he had taken his list and checked it twice.

Meaning there was but one thing left to do.

Ford's eyes narrowed in determination as he suddenly paused in his pacing.

“It. Is. TIME!” He declared, then suddenly turned and walked briskly down a cavern hallway.

It was indeed time. Time to finish it all.

This time, there would be no one left behind.

---

To Be Continued...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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