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Old 04-24-2007, 12:39 PM   #1
GarfieldJL
Banned
 
Status: Banned
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,856
My KotOR 3 Story Idea

Timeperiod: 5-10 years after the events of KotOR 2.

(Assuming a Lightside Atton Rand and the Exile was Lightside)
Beginning: (Ord Mantell)

You start off as a 6-8 year old orphan whom works with an older kid. This kid has taught you the art of pick-pocketing, stealing, etc. So generally for a start off class you'd be like a scoundril or maybe even a new class called "thief" which is centered on Security, Awareness, and Stealth, other skills are not skills the class is proficient in. Your char has a rather unique ability of somehow not being noticed (subconciously using the force).

One stormy night you manage to pickpocket a guy while unbeknownst to you, you're being watched by a hooded figure. As you leave the scene the hooded figure follows you (and goes into a stealth mode). At the same time another group has noticed your older friend steal some items and is trailing him/her (haven't decided gender). Your friend makes it to the run down abandoned building/apartment where you two sleep, before you do. Only to end up being grabbed by a several people going out of stealth mode (being led by a figure in a black cloak). Just as you round the entrance, your friend manages to scream out for you to run for it, and is backhanded by one of his/her captors.

The black cloaked figure points at you and a few of the Sith Assassins (I'll call them that for now) start toward you.

Choice 1:
Option 1: Run away like your friend said, then double back and see if you have an opportunity to rescue your friend. (LS pt)
Option 2: Try to fight them off. (Incredibly foolish LS pt will most likely end up with char also being captive or killed)
Option 3: Run away and try to find someone to help you (neutral)
Option 4: Forget your friend and just save your own skin (DS pt)


Results 1:
Options 1, 3, 4 is where you'll end up running into the Hooded figure following you.
Option 2: Your char dies right there for daring to attack them.

Okay, you take off running as fast as you can with the Sith Assassins hot on your heals. You dart into an alley hoping to ditch them, but in your panicked state you choose one that is a dead end. You turn to see the Sith Assassins approach you, your back is against the wall. Then a figure in a tan/gray cloak enters the mouth of the alley behind the Sith Assassins. You're thinking it's just another one of those people that grabbed your friend, until there is a snap-hiss of a lightsaber and the assassins turn. As you watch paralyzed the hooded figure mauls the Sith Assassins royally. As you see the last Sith Assassin fall you wonder whether this Jedi is going to fillet you next.

"You're one lousy thief you know that," says the hooded man, "it's a wonder you haven't been caught before now."

You start sputtering out words a mix of outrage at being called a lousy thief, fear he's going to kill you, hope that he'll help you save your friend, etc.

The hooded figure gestures for you to follow him in the rain, at first you refuse to do so till he walks up and grabs you by your arm and pulls you along. Finally when you promise not to run away he lets go of your arm.

You ask him who he is.

"I'll tell you when we get where we're going."

You ask him to help you find your friend.

"It's too late, your friend is gone along with the ones that took him, I saw you run past me with those guys hot on your heals, didn't know about your friend till you told me, but trust me the guys that took your friend are long gone now."

You go to the guy you had stolen the credits from, and the hooded figure goes to pay the guy the amount that was stolen.

Choice:
Option 1: Stop the hooded man and return the credits plus the credits you have on you from other people you've stolen from. (LS point)
Option 2: Do nothing. (DS point)

Results 1: The guy looks like he's about to throttle you until the hooded figure tells him, that he's taken care of the situation and you won't be bothering him again. The hooded figure then tells you when the guy leaves, that you did a good thing returning what you stole.
Results 2: When the guy leaves the hooded figure makes a comment about how you selfish you are thinking only of your self.

You're taken to a hanger and look at a small freighter (not the Ebon Hawk), your char is shiverring from the rain water, and is still positively filthy.

The hooded man pulls back his hood to reveal that he is Atton Rand (looking somewhat older than in TSL, maybe a few gray hairs, still clean shaven).

"Now for the introductions, I'm Jedi Master Atton Rand, and you, you need a bath."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Atton leaves the ship and locks it expecting you to get cleaned up. It goes black and then Atton comes back caring a package. Goes black again.

You see your char extremely well cleaned up, the dirt smudges on the face are gone, in clothes that aren't all ratty and torn.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Atton punches up the communications system and a small hologram of a Jedi (Mira assuming lightside), and Atton explains what he's discovered, and that he's bringing a visitor.


Ship lifts off, and you're on your way to Coruscant.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You're asked if you have a name, you tell him your name, and the nickname that your friend had given you (the nickname is fixed, so that people are able to address you by something through the rest of the game if need be).

Atton asks about you, which you really don't have much in the way to tell.

You ask him about why he dragged you onto the ship.

"Because, the people that took your friend, also wanted you, and believe me once they had you in their clutches there would be no turning back. You'd be a servant of the Darkside forever."

You ask if that's what's going to happen to your friend.

"Yeah I'm sorry, if you ever meet him/her again, he/she won't be your friend, he/she will try to turn you to evil, or just try to kill you."

You ask: "But why?"

"You're able to feel the force, I noticed it when you pickpocketed that man, you did something that many people take years to learn, you seem to have a special talent for it. Probably the only reason why people haven't caught you."

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Upon Arriving at the Temple, you're given a room and undergo some training where you learn how to use weapons. (melee, lightsaber, blaster pistols) You'll also learn a few force powers.

Time skip: (either some instances of you training or not)
-------------------------------------------

Your char is around 12 years old, when a beat up Ebon Hawk flying in like the pilot is drunk crashes onto the temple landing pad....

You're called up to the council chambers by Atton. The council assigns the droid T3-M4 (a droid which you had never seen before) to your little group. Atton is given a mission to try to figure out what happened to the Exile.

Atton tells you to go pack, that the ship needs some major work done.

You overhear some people talking about the ship that crash landed onto the landing pad, the name Ebon Hawk comes up, but you have no knowledge concerning the stories involving the Ebon Hawk, except something about someone called the Exile.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You join Atton some days later at the landing pad facing a restored Ebon Hawk.

"Never expected to see her again," Atton comments.

You asks what he means, but Atton just tells you to get your gear on the ship.

After you lift off Atton tells you some things about the Ebon Hawk. Leaving you to explore the ship and try to get information out of T3.

Your char is equiped with:
Single-blade Lightsaber: color is chosen earlier
Padawan Robes

Okay the ship is enroute to a set of coordinates that T3 had spat out. (first destination is fixed)

-------------------------------------------------------

First destination (planet somewhere close to Nar Shaddaa), you find a beat up HK-47 and you have to repair him to reactivate him (again).

Atton ends up being the one to flip the switch to activate the assassin droid.

You protest upon learning of HK-47's nature, and HK-47 offers to shoot "the diminutive annoying meatbag" (i.e. you). Atton however however tells HK-47 that you're with him and he's not to hurt you. Much to the dissatisfaction of the Assassin droid.

T3 continues to remain close-mouthed about where the Exile went, much to the frustration of Atton, the only two reasons he doesn't rip T3 apart and try to get into the memory directly are T3 obeying the Exile's orders, and Atton doesn't want to accidently lose the information.



----------------------------------------------------------------------

Nar Shaddaa:

Atton lands the Ebon Hawk at Nar Shaddaa to pick up supplies, and gather information.

You and Atton split up, leaving you under the watchful eye of HK-47, much to the droid's annoyance, while T3-M4 heads off with Atton.

You head off into the Nar Shaddaa undercity with HK-47 in tow, only to encounter a bunch Gamorreans, hauling prospective slaves in tow.

One of the Gamorreans makes a comment and they start towards you thinking you and HK would make excellent additions.

You draw your lightsaber which really gets the whole lot of the Gamoreans to charge at you.

HK-47 with undisguised glee starts opening fire into the Gamoreans. The Gamorreans do battle with you and HK-47 and you defeat them. You are then left with what to do with the slaves.

HK-47 suggests putting them out of their misery.
Which you decide to free them instead getting more information as to disappearences of people, which sound similar to your friend's abduction.

You return to the ship with that information, when Atton shows up with a Zabrak whom introduces himself as Bao'dur, whom is also a Jedi (assuming Exile was light) with a young male Cathar following behind looking as though he is about the same age as the PC. (Haven't decided name)

The Cathar initially acts openly hostile toward Atton and you having had bad experiences with humans in the past. Normally he had stayed away from the humans of the order whenever he could so you only vaguely know him. Bao'dur enters the Ebon Hawk and the two Jedi Masters talk about their missions with each other leaving you and the Cathar alone.

Party Members:
You ((scoundril or thief) + one of the following classes sentinel, consular, guardian))
Atton Rand (scoundril/sentinel/watchkeeper)
Bao'dur (Technician/Guardian/Weapons_Master)
Cathar padawan (name to be decided) (Sentinel or Guardian)
HK-47
T3-M4
"What're you starin at," snaps the young Cather.

PC: "Nothing, would you just calm down."

Cathar: "Yeah right."

PC: "What's your problem."

Cathar: "You and everyone like you slimeball." With that the Cathar storms out of the Dormitory storming past Bao-dur so worked up he doesn't realize his master is there nor does he realize his master heard the last of the exchange."

Bao-dur to PC: "Don't take what he said too hard."

PC: "Why not, he's a real jerk?"

Bao-dur: "Let's just say he's had a lot of bad experiences with humans, experiences that he's never told me probably because they are too painful for him to talk about. If you'd like I'll make you some sonic nullifiers."

PC: "What for?"

Bao-dur: "There are times he'll whimper, sob, or even scream in his sleep, there have been times he's even broke down and I've had to hold him as he cried, he's never told me what he was crying about I'm guessing it hurts to much."

Bao-dur goes on to talk about how he knows Atton, and tells the PC about his adventures with Atton and the Jedi Exile. There are a few cut scenes during this of the Cathar watching from the security console, hearing Bao-dur talk.

Atton walks up behind the Cathar.

Atton: "You okay?"

Cathar accusatory: "What do you want?"

Atton: "Hey easy, we're on the same side you know."

The Cathar continues to glare at Atton knowing he doesn't have any way out of the situation cept through Atton, the Cathar is trembling with fear.

Atton: "Would you calm down..."

HK-47 walks up behind: "Statement: Master might I suggest shooting him a few times that will calm him down permanently."

The Cathar's face goes ghost pale as he fumbles for his lightsaber, HK-47 aims his blaster at the boy's head.

Atton turns toward HK-47: "Would you knock it off..." The Cathar runs past and down the landing ramp of the Ebon Hawk into Nar Shaddaa on his own before Atton can think to stop him. "Great now how am I going to explain this to Bao-dur."

HK-47: "Statement: Master I could always terminate the Iridonian if you desire."

Atton lets out a strong no. As Bao-dur walks in.

"Where is my [name of Cathar] I've looked nearly everywhere."

"Mr. Congeniality over here was so friendly your Padawan ran off the ship in shear terror."

Bao-dur: "Atton this isn't funny, he is liable to get into serious trouble."

Atton: "Yeah I know." The PC walks in.

Atton to PC: "Hey we need to look for Bao-dur's padawan."

PC: "What for?"

Atton: "HK-47 scared him silly."

Atton: "Alright, Bao-dur who do you want to take with you in your little search party."

Bao-dur: "If you don't mind I'll take your student with me and T3."

Atton: "And get stuck with Mr. Congeniality."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nar Shaddaa Docks:

Atton: "Okay HK-47 and I will cover the docks and the swoop track. You guys may as well cover the Refugee Sector and the Undercity."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nar Shaddaa Undercity:

While in the undercity T3 picks up the Cathar's commlink leading to a series of pipes that only you can crawl into.

You enter into some small passageways walking along the passages open up and you contact Bao-dur via you commlink concerning this.

As you walk down the passageways which have piles of refuse all over as well as humanoid bones...

You hear a small explosion up ahead followed by a crash, you rush up ahead to see the Cathar on the ground starting to shake off the the effects of an extremely powerful flash mine which was in combo with a sonic mine.

Some creatures emerge out of the shadows skittering towards Bao-dur's pupil. A group of Colicoids, whom had set the trap in order to catch their latest meal. The Cathar gets to his feet unsteadily having trouble keeping his balance, ignites his lightsaber. The Colicoid rush the Cathar whom in his current state is really no match for these carnivores, when you ignite your saber and jump in and succeed in killing the Colicoids.

The Cathar looks at you angrily for an instant before toppling over, finally giving into the effects of the sonic mine. You take the Cathar's lightsaber and proceed to drag him out of the passageways to where Bao-dur can get to you. Having to stop and fight some other creatures along the way.

He finally comes to when you manage to get him out for Bao-dur to have at, using the force to heal the boy's bleading ears. The Cathar starts to panic in front of you acting like he's expecting to be hurt severely for disobedience and Bao-dur has to reassure the boy that he isn't going to be hurt and that they were worried about him. The manner in which Bao-dur is talking to the Cathar is almost like he's talking to a much younger child. (hinting at the emotional scarring that still hasn't healed).

The Cathar notices that he doesn't have his lightsaber and starts appologizing profusely to Bao-dur, when you return his lightsaber to him. The Cather looks at you, extremely confused, and starts inspecting it suspiciously expecting there to be some sort of trap or something.

Bao-dur asks him if he's going to thank you finding him, which the Cathar does hesitently, though it's obvious in his voice and in his eyes that he still doesn't trust you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ebon Hawk: (Starboard Dormitory)

(After the Cathar has been cleaned up)

You stand in the corridor outside the starboard dormitory the Cathar is sitting on his bunk clad only in a pair of shorts, Bao-dur is healing some of the youth's injuries as you walk in, scars are visible on the Cathar's chest where fur hasn't grown back over.

Bao-dur: "[name of Cathar], you shouldn't have ran off like that, you really had us worried."

Cathar: "Yes master." (in a manner that sounds so servial it seems almost comical or sarcastic, except the Cathar means it)

Bao-dur sighs in annoyance though instead of chiding the Cathar: "I'm sorry but these latest injuries are going to set back healing those scars, your body simply can't take this much healing from someone whom isn't a Jedi Healer in such a short time."

You walk in.

Conversation Choice:

"Is he okay? I'm sorry he got hurt so badly." (LS) - canon
"Is the big baby okay?" (DS)

Bao-dur: "There is nothing you should be sorry for, a lot of these scars are from a long time ago, he had them when I found him. If it wasn't for the fact he is allergic to Kolto meaning I can't even use healing packs on him or the fact he kept avoiding the few Healers at the temple that we do have, they'd be gone."

Conversation:
"Why would he avoid the Healers, they aren't mean or anything?" -- (canon)
"So he's scared of doctors, like a lot of people." -- (will get Bao-dur to chuckle somewhat)

Bao-dur: "It's more complex than that currently the few healers we do have are Human, and he's very scared of and distrusting of humans."

Conversation:
"Why?"

Bao-dur: "I'd just be guessing, cause he's never told me anything about his old life at all, probably cause it's too painful, and we shouldn't be talking like this about him."

Conversation:
"Sorry, it's just it looks like he went through something that no kid should have to go through." (LS +influence Cathar, +trust of PC, Bao-dur) --canon
"Maybe he got those for acting like a schutta." (DS, -influence Cathar, -trust of PC, Bao-dur)

Bao-dur: "Well that's all I can do for you for the next few days, [name of Cathar]. You need time to recover on your own, I don't have a gift for healing and if I put your body through much more stress there could be some more serious complications. Get some sleep okay."

The Cathar obediently lays down on his bunk and Bao-dur covers him with a blanket as you plop down on your bunk. (assuming PC is male)

Bao-dur: "Good night you two." Lights dim down.

[name of Cathar] (sounding rather tired (only occurs if you've gained influence with Cathar)): "Why were you askin Master Bao-dur bout me?"

Conversation:

"Was kinda curious and felt bad."

[name of Cathar] (sounding irritated): "Yeah right, you humans are all the same, only thing different about you is how you hurt others."

Conversation:

"Hey, what the hell is your problem? I save your life and you accuse me of being some sort of monster."

[name of Cathar] (sounding tired and extremely angry): "Just leave me alone human slime."

Conversation:

"I'd never even met one of whatever you are till I met you, why the heck would I save you from those creatures that wanted you as dinner if I was a monster."

[name of Cathar]: "Just so you can hurt me more, in other ways just like the human who owned me did."

Conversation:

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were a slave. Bout the only people on Ord Mantell, I didn't steal from to get creds for food were slaves cause they had next to nothing and it felt wrong." -- (LS +influence [name of Cathar]) -- canon

"You better do what I say then Slave, or I'll get you in trouble with Bao-dur!" -- (PC is joking (extremely bad joke, the Cathar gives a Horrified expression) "Hey lighten up I'm kidding." (Neutral comment will give you +influence on [name of Cathar] but not nearly as much as the LS option)

"You better do what I say you piece of Slave filth, or you'll be in trouble with Bao-dur!" -- (large number of DS points, -influence on [name of Cathar], [name of Cathar] becomes extremely fearful of you)

[name of Cathar] assuming (LS choice): "Huh what do you mean you stole things, why?"

Conversation:

"I lived on the streets, never knew my parents lived in an abandoned apartment, no power, no runnin water, if I wanted to get clean I'd have to stand out in the rain. First time I really had a bath was when Master Atton took me in. If my friend and I didn't steal creds we wouldn't have food, we constantly had to dodge slavers, Hutt thugs, and just about everyone else."

[name of Cathar] (surprised): No humans took you and your friend in?!?!?

Conversation:

"No, wouldn't trust them if they acted like they were either, I was scared of Master Atton when he rescued me, even though he just beat up the masked guys that were chasin me. I couldn't believe it how he made me return creds I stole, then when the guy I stole from went to hit me, Master Atton protected me."

[name of Cathar] (anger has died down): "Figures that humans would be mean to their own kind too. You're lucky you never got caught, your former life was paradise compared to mine."

Conversation:

"You want to talk about it?"

[name of Cathar] (sleepily): "Maybe, (yawns) another time, want to sleep." (Cathar falls asleep)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ebon Hawk lifts off, Bao-dur and Atton are in the cockpit.

Atton: "That boy shouldn't have gotten any training."

Bao-dur (if you're male): "Kind of an odd statement about your Padawan."

Atton: "I'm talking about freighter wreck back there."

Bao-dur: "Are you suggesting that I shouldn't have gotten him out of that living hell. Atton when I bought him he tried to commit suicide right as he was released from the cage to follow me out of the auction, are you saying I should have let him remain in slavery where he'd die or be in total despair."

Atton (taken aback): "No, that's not it at all, he should have been placed in a foster home somewhere, where he may have the beginnings of a normal life."

Bao-dur: "And how would [name of Cathar] have reacted, most foster homes believe it or not are human, Cathar families are hard to find, next to impossible to find one that could afford to feed another hungry mouth, let alone all the medical proceedures he had to go through. He'd try to kill his foster family or commit suicide feeling he had nothing worth living for."

Atton: "Okay so then you could have raised him, without Jedi training he's too unstable."

Bao-dur: "What about your Padawan whom was a common thief."

Atton: "That's different."

Bao-dur: "Oh is it? Is it the fact I'm not human?"

Atton: "That's out of line, it has to do with the fact my Padawan never went through the hell your Padawan has, my Padawan isn't a few cards short of a Pazak deck."

Bao-dur (if you gained lightside pts in Convo about the Cathar): "Atton, I'm sorry for what I said about your student, he's (assuming male) rather caring. [name of Cathar], has been through a lot, and I feel he'll be a great Jedi someday, he just needs time to heal."

Atton: "Hey no problem, and I don't think [name of Cathar] isn't a good kid, all I'm saying is he hasn't been able to deal with the horrors he was put through. If he keeps bottling everything up like that he's going to explode."

Bao-dur: "He's let his emotions out before, he just won't tell me what's wrong, I imagine it's too painful."

Atton: "Yeah well you better not let anything happen to you before he opens up, otherwise he'll either fall to the Darkside or collapse into total despair."

*comm signal*

Atton: "Great what could that be?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ebon Hawk Central Room: Morning

You and [name of Cathar] walk in and sit down, Bao-dur and Atton are already present.

Atton: "Now since everyone is awake we can get down to business. First order is to announce that it looks like we're all going to be travelling together for a while."

[name of Cathar] looks suspiciously at Atton as though expecting some sort of trap.

Atton: "We have to go pick up [female padawan], from Coruscant and take her to Dantooine, one of the caves near the old Enclave to find some Crystals for lightsabers, while we're there we may as well see if we can find some crystals for you two to modify your sabers."

[name of Cathar] (angrily): "That schutta! Why do we have to..." (trails off looking like he's going to be whipped literally)

Bao-dur: "You really shouldn't use that language even though I understand your feelings considering how her uncle was the one that owned you."

[name of Cathar] (sounding dejected): "Yes sir."

Atton: "Huh, what are you talking about?"

Bao-dur: "You remember that incident early on when he was still recovering after I brought him to the Temple."

Atton: "Do you mean how he had absolutely no civilized behavior, or where he attacked..." (puts two and two together) "So she was."

Bao-dur (as [name of Cathar] looks hurt/humiliated): "Yes she was, though all things considered it was understandable. After [name of Cathar] was stunned and restrained in the infirmry, I did some checking apparently she is closely related to the man that owned him."

Atton: "Okay, I'm going to find out whose bright idea it was to send her along and punch their lights out." (the Cathar's face changes indicating eagerness).

Bao-dur: "That isn't going to help matters any aside from setting a bad example, now should I continue this or will you..."

Atton: "All right, I get the point, does she know why he attacked her."

Bao-dur: "Probably, though I don't think that will make her be friendly towards him, even though she is older than he is, she isn't known for being the most understanding student."

Computer: *Beep, Beep, Beep*

Atton: "Looks like we're coming up on Coruscant, strap yourselves in you two, you know how traffic can be."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cut Scene
Ebon Hawk flies into Coruscanti traffic weaving in and out to avoid various speeders until finally landing at the Jedi Temple.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Coruscant Landing Pad:

[female Padawan] walks up to the landing pad with several packs (i.e. Backpacks, satchels, etc) as you and the Cathar are outside, Atton is off to the side talking to some tech and the two start arguing causing Bao-dur to walk over and enter the fray.

Conversation:
"Hi I'm __________ but friends call [name given by friend on Ord Mantell], uh you're just going on a single trip with us, I don't think you're moving in."

[female Padawan]: "Well hello, [name given by friend on Ord Mantell]." She turns towards [name of Cathar], you there fleabag, pick these up and load them on the ship." [name of Cathar] looks like he's scared/angry/hurt as he starts walking towards her to carry out her orders.

Conversation:

You grab [name of Cathar] by the shoulder, "Hey I'll get those, why don't you go see how Master Bao-dur is doing, if he could use some help." (LS + influence [name of Cathar], - Influence [female Padawan]).

You grab [name of Cathar] by the shoulder, pulling him back gently, "Hey carry your own stuff, he isn't your slave!" (LS pts + DS pt net Lightside shift, + influence [name of Cathar], - Influence [female Padawan]) -- Canon

Ignore how [name of Cathar] is being treated. (DS point, + influence [female Padawan])

[female Padawan]: "Oh so he's your pet? Did Master Bao-dur finally give up on this piece of worthless trash."

Conversation:

"I said leave him alone, I won't let you treat my friend like he's dirt, carry your own stupid bags!" (LS, + influence [name of Cathar], - influence [female Padawan])

[female Padawan] glares at the PC and [name of Cathar], then picks up her bags and storms into the Ebon Hawk, towards the Port Dormitory, not wanting to sully herself of going near where the Cathar sleeps.

[name of Cathar] (looks relieved/worried): "Why'd you do that for me? She may try ta get back at you, you know."

Conversation:

"You shouldn't be treated like that, you really need to learn how to tell people no."

[name of Cathar] (looks at you in a manner that doesn't show any hate, suspicion, or anger, rather it is a worried look): "Guess you may look human but you act like Master Bao-dur."

Conversation:

"Not all humans are monsters, spoiled brats, or schutta, there are a few nice humans out there."

The Cathar nods as Bao-dur walks back, looking at [name of Cathar] whom is smiling.

Bao-dur: "Well it's nice to see you smiling for once, is [female Padawan] aboard."

Conversation:

"Yeah, she tried to make [name of Cathar] carry her junk for her, I told her off."

Bao-dur: "Good, hopefully she won't order HK-47 to..."

*Blaster fire, followed by [female Padawan] running out.

HK-47: "Statement: Come back I haven't finished with your luggage."

Bao-dur grabs her with his prosthetic as HK-47 walks out.

Bao-dur: "HK-47 stop trying to kill her, you young lady stop telling people to do things that you're perfectly capable to do yourself."

HK-47: "Retort: She was trying to use me as a piece of furniture."

Bao-dur: "I don't think she'll make that mistake again, and as tempting as it is to let you shoot her, I really don't want to deal with the paperwork explaining how she died. If she keeps acting up maybe I'll change my mind."

HK-47: "Eager Statement: I'll be waiting with great anticipation for you to change your mind."

[female Padawan] goes ghost pale as Atton walks over.

Atton: "Okay let's get out of here before they decide to hold a convention of Younglings on the Ebon Hawk."

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Ebon Hawk: (Starboard Dormitory)

[name of Cathar]: "Thanks."

Conversation:

"For what you would have done the same?"

[name of Cathar]: "Not sure I could, get in trouble with Master Bao-dur."

Conversation:

Choice 1: "Why do you say that?" (LS)
Choice 2: "You sayin you're a coward?" (DS)

[name of Cathar]: "Master Bao-dur was the first person I knew side from mom that didn't do things to me that hurt. He kind master, don't want to make him mad."

Conversation:

"Bao-dur would understand you sticking up for a friend."

[name of Cathar] looks troubled: "Master Bao-dur says anger darkside."

Conversation:

"Do you want to talk about what's bothering you, is the reason you don't like [female Padawan] related to the scars you have?"

[name of Cathar] nods, hesitently.

[female Padawan] stands outside the Dormitory.

[female Padawan]: "You gonna tell him about how you got the scars cause you couldn't follow simple commands?"

[name of Cathar]: (begins a low growl) "What?"

[female Padawan]: "That's probably why my uncle sold you and kept your mother, cause at least she could follow simple commands."

[name of Cathar] snarls at her having had enough forgetting what Bao-dur had ordered and jumps at her, sceaming, "You schutta!" The PC stares dumbfounded as the scene unfolds.

[female Padawan] calmly sidesteps the enraged Cathar and kicks him square in the gut causing him to gasp and sink to his knees as she delivers a blow to knock him to the floor. As he tries to get up she shoves his face to the floor with her foot. "See you're just too stupid, surprising your mother gave birth to such a little piece of trash, wonder if she even misses you."

[name of Cathar] starts sobbing, and [female Padawan] sighs, "Listen up fleabag you'll take orders from like a good little slave cause you aren't even good enough to be a paid servant, let alone a Jedi, you understand me?"

Atton, walks behind her while the PC is staring at the situation in shock having no idea what to do, "That's enough!" He shoves her off of [name of Cathar] and against the wall with the force, hey snap out of it. The PC starts over to the Cathar (assuming high influence with the Cathar), and holds the crying youth unsure of what else to do.

[female Padawan]: "He attacked me again, he should be locked up."

Atton: "Okay tell did he attack her first."

Conversation:

"He attacked her after she started saying stuff about his mother and him being stupid." (honest response, LS, +trust with Atton) -- (canon)
"He attacked her first." (Partial truth, DS, +influence [female Padawan])
"She attacked him." (DS, -influence [female Padawan])

Atton: "Okay you young lady get back to the port dormitories." [female Padawan] walks off. [name of Cathar] is still sobbing, acting like he's a great deal younger than the PC. "Alright, [name of Cathar] you and I both know Bao-dur told you not to fight with her, over stupid mother comments."

[name of Cathar]: (softly) "She's dead!"

Atton: "Oh no you don't, you're not going to." The Cathar proceeds to cry louder, repeating himself in a manner suggesting that he isn't talking about the [female Padawan]. "Oh man, no wonder what she said set you off."

Conversation:

"What do you mean?"

Atton: "His mother is dead, and when she set him off with comments about his mother, she was killed by your old owner wasn't she?" [name of Cathar] nods, too distraught to even register that Atton is human at first. Suddenly the young Cathar realizes it and starts to try to claw or hit Atton, whom grabs the youth's arms. "Calm down okay, I'm not going to hurt you I'm a friend of Bao-dur's remember?"

[name of Cathar] stops struggling, "S-s-sorry please don't tell Bao-dur, do anything," the Cathar start to panic.

Atton: "Hey, no one is going to do anything to you, it would help if you tell us exactly what happened to your mother and how you were treated by your previous master."

[name of Cathar] glares at Atton, "So you can use it to taunt me!"

Atton: "No, I've been there bottling up pain inside before, if you keep bottling it all up it becomes like a poison. What happened to you was wrong, you shouldn't just bottle it up inside you in a prison of your own making."

[name of Cathar]: "No tell Master Bao-dur?" acting in a manner that suggests he's begging.

Atton: "No, I'm going to tell Bao-dur about this, I'm also going to tell him about how [female Padawan] baited you and the fact she hit a nerve. You're going to need to explain to both of us concerning what went on while you were a slave and what happened to your mother, it'll be your choice if you want to talk to [PC's thief nickname] about it. You understand?"

[name of Cathar]: "Yes sir." The Cathar follows Atton out of the Starboard Dormitory.

Atton stops for a second, "Hey [PC's thief nickname], see what [female Padawan] is up to, I want this conversation between [name of Cathar], Bao-dur, and myself to be private, I don't want her to eavesdrop to gather stuff to use against [name of Cathar]."
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Old 04-24-2007, 12:41 PM   #2
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[continued from Post 1]

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Transition ot Port Dormitory -- assuming PC is male

The two head out and the PC walks to the Port Dormitory, the PC stands in the entry way as [female Padawan] is pulling out some reading material.

[female Padawan] looks up, "Well if it isn't Atton's Padawan, where did you get the nickname [PC's thief nickname], anyways?"

Conversation:

"As if it's any of your business."
"My friend on Ord Mantell gave it to me, before Master Rand found me." -- canon

[female Padawan]: "Oh so it explains why you try to be friends with that animal, you grew up dirt poor and weren't taught proper behavior."

Conversation:
"Never knew my parents, earliest memory I have was living on the street with my friend only a few years older than me."

[female Padawan]: "Well that explains why you don't know any better, and it isn't shear stupidity, like I originally thought. So how old are you seven, eight, nine? You look awfully young to be a Padawan."

Conversation:
"I turn thirteen tomorrow!"

[female Padawan] looks the PC over as though he's almost a lab specimen, "You're actually kind of cute which is surprising considering the fact you're either an orphan of a destitute family, a family of slaves whom abandoned you, or your parents abandoned you."

Conversation:
"Uh, thanks, anyways what's your problem with [name of Cathar]?"
"What's your problem with [name of Cathar]?"

[female Padawan] starts laughing, "He doesn't have a name, that is just what something Bao-dur calls him, he's really too stupid to have a name. My uncle just called him a piece of trash, cause that Cathar wasn't worth much save for maybe using him to breed more Cathars, male Cathars are just too stupid to handle even simple tasks and he is dumber than most. Furthermore, he's a creature that needs to be put down for attacking those that are superior to him. If he hadn't caught me by surprise back when Bao-dur brought the piece of trash to Coruscant I would have beaten the tar out of him then too instead of him actually getting his grubby hands on my throat."

Conversation:
"I think he's smarter than you think, and I think you went too far." -- (LS Canon)
"Yeah it was funny how you just sidestepped him and brought him to the ground," (DS, +influence [female Padawan])

[female Padawan]: "What makes you say that?"

Conversation:
"He was crying about his mother being dead, I'm guessing your uncle killed her."

[female Padawan] laughs, "My uncle wouldn't do something like that unlike the little piece of trash, she was actually worth some money. He just might have been useful for breeding but that's all."

Conversation:
"So where are you from?"

[female Padawan] snickers, "My parents own a large shipping firm, then again you probably wouldn't know."

Conversation:
"Your parents abandon you?"

[female Padawan] laughs, "Of course not silly, they made a strict demand that I was to have contact with them, and since my family donated quite a bit to getting the Jedi Temple somewhat liveable again, the Jedi could hardly reject. If it wasn't for the fact the Republic needs Jedi so desperately, I'd still be attending parties and stuff. You should feel honored that you are no longer living in alleys."

Bao-dur walks around the bend, with [name of Cathar] in tow.

[female Padawan] glares at the young Cathar whose face looks like he'd rather be anywhere than here.

Bao-dur, "You two both owe each other apologies." He makes a clearing of the throat noise.

[name of Cathar] looks towards the floor, "S-s-sorry for losing my temper, I gave into anger that isn't the way of the Jedi."

[female Padawan] stares at the Cathar looking extremely surprised, "What did I do?"

Bao-dur puts his hand on [name of Cathar]'s shoulder before the boy could get a word out.

Bao-dur: "How about the fact you baited him into attacking you."

[name of Cathar] scrambles away before Bao-dur can stop him, having had enough of even being near her.

Bao-dur stares after his young Padawan, "This conversation isn't over."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The PC looks around for the young Cathar possibly even asking HK-47 and T3 is they had seen where the Cathar went, cause he isn't in the Starboard Dormitory. Finally, the PC stops around the cargo hold hearing sobbing and the PC enters the cargo hold finding the Cathar curled up behind a crate crying.

Conversation:

"Are you Okay?" -- (Canon)
"Quit acting like a little baby!"

[name of Cathar]: "Go away!"

Conversation:

"Hey I'm not [female Padawan], I'm not going to make fun of you." -- (canon)
"Fine be that way."

[name of Cathar] looks up snarling, "Do you have any idea what your kind did to me! I hate you!"

Conversation:

"Alright, I'll be going then, when you've calmed down we can talk."

[name of Cathar] sounding extremely desperate, "W-w-wait please..."

Conversation:

"Yes?" -- (canon)
Ignore the Cathar and walk out.

[name of Cathar]: "Sorry for what I said to you, it's just..."

Conversation:

"A human or humans did some pretty awful things to you in the past."

The Cathar nods and the PC walks out and Atton announces that they've dropped out of Hyperspace and getting ready to land.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


[will add more later]


Ordinarily I wouldn't double post but what I had written thus far had so many characters I exceeded the char limit.

Last edited by RedHawke; 04-26-2007 at 11:47 PM. Reason: Editing post to stop the forums from 'stretching'
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Old 04-24-2007, 01:03 PM   #3
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Wow that's awesome, I like the Idea of the new Jedi order lead by the TSL posse, (as Kreia predicted). its a very good start indeed.

I know you'll cover this in later posts, but I would like the PC to be a bit older


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Old 04-24-2007, 08:58 PM   #4
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To be honest I didn't want to start the PC as an exsith lord or an uber hero, or any other special case. The PC really wouldn't have had a descent childhood. I do have the PC growing up some, but the pc's youth will actually come in handy in certain situations in the early part of the game. Plus there is the fact that the PC has the special ability for Watchmen.

Anyways I'm trying to come up with a name for the Cathar.
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Old 04-24-2007, 09:10 PM   #5
Darca Lar
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Really good story. thumbs up! And a name for that Cathar would have to realate to his species and personality.


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Old 04-25-2007, 07:54 AM   #6
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The only problem I have with this is that it seems a bit too linear.
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Old 04-25-2007, 09:43 AM   #7
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Well the first few planets I intend to be linear, from there I have in mind for planets to be able to be gone two in various orders, sometimes even having to return to a planet for the story and access to places you couldn't access before.

One thing that really irks me is trying to come up with names for chars. Right now I've just written the lightside canon version, it gets really hard to write things out for all kinds of possible outcomes that could change the story.

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Old 04-25-2007, 11:02 AM   #8
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I stopped reading this story when it said you had to play as a 8 year old.
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Old 04-25-2007, 11:23 AM   #9
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You really need to read beyond that, you only play an 8 year old when you start the game on Ord Mantell after that you no longer play as an eight year old, however this event where you're found is crucial, because in my idea it is your first encounter with a very sinister foe and that's all I'm going to say.


I deliberately made it so the PC doesn't start off as an ex sith lord or a war hero from the Mandalorian Wars or some other war because it's starting to get cliche.

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Old 04-25-2007, 03:26 PM   #10
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And starting out as a orphan isn't cliche?
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Old 04-25-2007, 05:36 PM   #11
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I would agree that starting out as an orphan is pretty cliche (making him a thief too just makes me think of Aladdin). But if the character wasn't an orphan, then there would be so many family members and such that Garfield would have to come up with names for.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GarfieldJL
I deliberately made it so the PC doesn't start off as an ex sith lord or a war hero from the Mandalorian Wars or some other war because it's starting to get cliche.
I wouldn't call the role of being an ex-Sith Lord cliche since we have only been played the role once. Mandalorian War veteran is one we've played twice already, but if the K3 character is going to have a connection with Revan or the Exile, this is a logical choice for the devs to make. But then of course this doesn't matter for your story since the player's connection to the Exile is made through his/her companions.

While on the subject of companions, I personally hope K3 doesn't use 4 of the companions from K2. But that's just me.

Also, I'm not too thrilled with how the Jedi were "bought off" by the female padawan's parents.

I'm not too thrilled about playing as a child in K3 either. Although I think it would be great if there was a game where you play as a padawan (not like Jedi Academy), I just don't think it should be K3.

But overall, it's a great read! It's very well thought out and has a lot of depth to it. It's just not how I envision K3 should be.


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Old 04-25-2007, 07:23 PM   #12
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Two of the companions mentioned (HK-47 and T3-M4) were in KotOR 1 as well. I threw in Atton and Bao-dur because they were of the lost Jedi that weren't dependent on whether the Exile was male or female.

The idea that the Jedi were training this padawan due to wealthy parents is more of a showing just how badly the Jedi Civil War and then Nihilus, Sion, and Kreia left the Jedi. The Jedi are desperate for trainees, considering almost all of the Jedi are dead, like the situation on Katarr, it would be extremely difficult for them to find candidates for training. Which explains why there are several students with personality problems.

To give a little hint, the first planet situation of being 6 to 8 years old is actually a bit of foreshadowing and what happens isn't an isolated event. Force sensitive children are disappearing throughout the galaxy on worlds that are relatively high on crime. I'm trying desperately not to give away what's going on.
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Old 04-25-2007, 10:44 PM   #13
Darca Lar
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You know, even though this won't be the K3 story, it could definitley be a movie!


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Old 04-25-2007, 10:51 PM   #14
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Well thanks I think, though it would have to be CG, because I sincerely doubt the voice actor for Atton looks like Atton Rand in game.
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Old 04-26-2007, 12:19 AM   #15
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A decent beginning of a fan fic? Yeah. A decent beginning of a plot suggestion for the potential KotOR III video game? Absolutely not! Why? Because you canít choose the Exileís alignment. Simple.

These games are CRPGís! Choice is the most important thing! Why even bother playing KotOR II: TSL, when you canít even choose the Exileís alignment in KotOR III?

There is simply NO reason why we canít choose the genders and alignments of Revan and the Exile in KotOR III. None whatsoever.


"Here is my final point. About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography and smoking and everything else. What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I ****, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?"

~ Bill Hicks
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Old 04-26-2007, 08:48 AM   #16
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I've only written it as though the Exile was lightside, I haven't written the various possibilities if the Exile was Darkside yet. Cause there are two possible tracks offhand that I could shoot for if the Exile was darkside, possibly more.

Getting to an earlier comment about the Cathar's name, I'm shooting for the idea Bao-dur gave him his name.

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Old 04-26-2007, 10:02 AM   #17
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The cannon Exile is LSF, so lets just say thats the reason...
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Old 04-26-2007, 10:05 AM   #18
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Thanks, though that's one reason I left out Handmaiden and Disciple was cause they were determined by the Exile's Gender.
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Old 04-26-2007, 11:31 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lantzen
The cannon Exile is LSF, so lets just say thats the reason...
Since at least half of us would choose not to play K3 if that were the case... Let's not.


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Old 04-26-2007, 11:48 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jediphile
Since at least half of us would choose not to play K3 if that were the case... Let's not.
Well I haven't written the darkside start stuff yet, I've only concentrated on the canon stuff, then I can go back and write the alternate tracks.
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Old 05-08-2007, 01:14 PM   #21
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Nice story, you could make a great mod out of it. But it is most unlikely that it will be the K3 story.
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Old 05-08-2007, 01:15 PM   #22
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First of all: Very good story, with lot's of options and plot-possibilities.

Well, from the beginning:
An interesting start of the game. We had a poll here once, and many people voted to start of as a 'Joe Nobody' or as a Jedi Padawan. This scenerio does both. I know the 'being a scoundrel' is essential for the story, but some die-hard 'tanks' might disagree with that.
Enter Sith: Good to see them back. I was really hoping the 'invisible war' that Nihilus and Sion started was still raging, and it is. Also, good to see the Jedi are still there, in the person of Atton, and later Bao-Dur.

Another good point about the story was the relationship between the PC and the Cathar. It kinda feels like the Exile and his 'Lost Jedi' but then worked out better, with more emotion.

Also, the dialogues seem to be written in a way suiting the characters. The Cathar speaks like Juhani, the PC like a street-wise kid would, it just fits.

I'd go on, but we already debated the story somewhere else.

There are some critic notes though:
-Some players would love to play a Jedi Guardian/Weapon master. You already explained this to me, but you might want to include some of these 'profession choices' in your story.
-Weapons. Since you're discribing a game, you might want to add some references, like: "The Sith Assassin was point a Mandalorian Ripper at the boy" or somesort. Might make the story feel more authentic.

Other then that, great job.
I think this could make an excellent fan-fic, to be honest.

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Old 05-10-2007, 10:55 PM   #23
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This is what I have for Dantooine thus far which may be subject to change.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dantooine Landing Zone:

Atton (to PC and [name of Cathar]): "Okay, [female Padawan] has to head to the cave alone and collect those crystals. You two have the day off, you both need it. I don't want either of you to go off alone. Dantooine may seem tame here but there are still dangerous wildlife, believe me."

The PC and the Cathar walk away.

------------------------------------------------

Cut Scene:

Bao-dur: "Are you sure it's a good idea for them to be wandering around without one of us?"

Atton: "What you saying they're gonna get into trouble or something? This is a backwater planet in the middle of nowhere I think the two of them could protect themselves from the local wildlife."

Bao-dur: "Yes, but we're supposed to check out the old ruins where Revan supposedly went to."

Atton grins, "Why do you think I steered them toward Khoonda."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Khoonda: (Assuming Exile was lightside)

Greeter: "Well hello you two, Jedi in training I take it."

The Cathar looks like he's about to bolt.

Greeter: "So what'd you two do."

Conversation:
"Nothing, [name of Cathar], is just rather, I think the word is skittish. I'm [name of PC] but my friends call me [PC's thief nickname]

Greeter: "Okay, well if you have any questions you know where to find me."

The two walk around Khoonda, which has been enlarged since the Exile had been there several years prior. The PC finally buys some nerfburgers and the two sit down to eat.

There are some settlers talking off to the side:

Cut Scene:

Settler 1: "You here about old man Tarn."
Settler 2: "No what about him."
Settler 1: "His body turned up outside that old cave you know the one the Militia tried to seal."
Settler 2: "What happened to him?"
Settler 1: "Doctors say it was kinrath, he isn't the only one, the kinrath have been actively hunting people, the militia say they've never seen them act like this, worse the Kath Hounds are even more aggressive than what they were just before the Malak bombed us."
Settler 2: "You suppose it has anything to do with the strange lights from the old Enclave."

Conversation:
"We gotta get to the cave and warn [female Padawan]!" -- canon
"We better tell Master Rand and Master Bao-dur about the cave."

(Assuming option 1)
[name of Cathar] scowls, "Why should we help that schutta?"

Conversation:
"Look I don't like her either but I don't want to explain it to Master Rand and Master Bao-dur, do you?"

[name of Cathar], "Alright fine, let's go." The Cathar grumbles about how the [female Padawan] needs her face beaten in as he follows the PC whom calls Atton on his commlink as they run out of Khoonda.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cut Scene:
As the PC and the Cathar run out, a figure decloaks behind them. The figure is taller than the two boys (assuming the PC is male), yet is shorter than the adults at Khoonda.

The figure speaks into a wrist comm, "Master, two Jedi brats heading for the crystal cave."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[will add more later]

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Old 05-12-2007, 12:32 AM   #24
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Nice Job So Far keep up the good work!
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Old 05-25-2007, 11:33 AM   #25
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Since you asked for feedback, should there be more options for the conversations? As it stands it seems very scripted and linear.

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Old 05-31-2007, 09:37 PM   #26
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Crystal Cave:

The two boys enter the cave only to be attacked by several Kinrath. The boy's manage to take down a few of them then [name of Cathar] is knocked aside by Viper Kinrath. The PC comes to his rescue only to be driven back when [female Padawan jumps into the fray sabering the attacking Kinrath.

[female Padawan] looks angrily at the PC, "What the frak are you doing here you idiot!"

Conversation:
"Saving you!"

[female Padawan] starts laughing, "You've done a really fine job you really need to look in a mirror."

[name of Cathar] moans softly.

[female Padawan] looks at the Cathar whom is starting to come to with disdain, "Why don't you take your little pet with you."

Conversation:
"He's not a pet, he's a person and I suggest you treat him as such." -canon
"Look no offense, but three people have more of a chance to succeed than one."

[female Padawan] glares at the PC, "That little runt is a miserable little animal that Master Bao-dur decided to keep as a pet," she sighs, "Alright you two come with me cause I'm not going to be blamed for you two getting killed."

The three of them walk to the back of the cave, [name of Cathar] lags behind looking around nervously. Finally the trio comes to the crystals.

[female Padawan] looks around disappointedly, "This is all there is? Only stuff this looks useful for is cheap jewelry."

Conversation:
"What are you talking about?"

[female Padawan] looks at the PC in annoyance, "Sorry I didn't remember that you wouldn't know anything about the quality of jewelry since you were a pauper."

[name of Cathar] looks around nervously then suddenly he ignites his lightsaber. "LOOK OUT!"

Several figures suddenly become visible some bringing out Sith Quarterstaffs, however one has a lightsaber.

The three fight with the mysterious attackers when one of them comes around to take the PC's head off [name of Cathar] swings his lightsaber in and stabs the assailent in the shoulder. The assailent goes down screaming the other assailents (those that are still able) take off running reactivating their stealth field generators. Moments later there are shouts and the sounds of fighting towards the entrance of the cave.

[name of Cathar] grabs a rock with one hand and the fallen assassin whom is still breathing and yanks at the mask angrily which comes off. His eyes go wide and he drops the rock from his hand.

[will add more later]
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Old 06-01-2007, 04:12 AM   #27
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i dont like the starting out so young idea
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Old 06-02-2007, 11:55 AM   #28
John Skywalker
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Love this story and i really want them to implement starting out so young and as a padawan! Keep it coming!
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Old 06-03-2007, 08:56 PM   #29
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This is a really good idea- im also working on one at the moment been working on it for 2 weeks or so and have over 55 pages of story- however i plan to submit my work to lucasarts so i cant post it since it becomes public domain but i like the work, we have some similar thoughts but we have both gone very seperate ways
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Old 06-11-2007, 07:52 PM   #30
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It doesn't necessarily become public domain, it just means I've given people access to read it if they choose, however it is still my work.




Crystal Cave (continued):

Bao-dur and Atton come in lightsabers blazing.

Atton looks like he is angry and relieved at the same time, "I thought I told you two to stay in Khoonda!"

Bao-dur walks over to his padawan.

Conversation:
But! -- canon
Yes sir.

Atton: "Don't you but me! You coulda been killed, you could have gotten [name of Cathar] hurt maybe even killed!"

Conversation:
But we had some medpacs!

Atton: "Well that may be good for you but that could possibly kill [name of Cathar]."

Bao-dur kneals over [name of Cathar]'s prisoner, "Atton."

Atton: "Can it wait, I'm a little busy?"

Bao-dur doesn't even glance up but is instead trying to bind the prisoner's wound, "Atton, I'm going to have to take him to Khoonda."

Atton: "Huh?" Looks over towards [name of Cathar], "He looks fine to me."

Bao-dur: "I'm not talking about my padawan."

Atton looks over towards the captured assassin, "Okay fine." [name of Cathar] starts to go to follow Bao-dur and escape the situation. "[name of Cathar] you're staying right here, both of you are going to help [female Padawan] harvest crystals."

[name of Cathar] gulps nervously and starts toward the crystals.

The PC and the young Cathar help harvest crystals until they stop at two glowing crystal formations and as they pick the crystals Atton whom is standing at the only accessway away from the crystals and to the exit of the cave glances up.

Atton: "Hey you two hold on a moment."

[name of Cathar] looks up scared as [female Padawan] goes to take the crystal from the Cathar's hands.

Atton walks over, "Keep your hands off the crystal, [female Padawan] it isn't yours. Last time I've seen something like this I was with the Exile."

[female Padawan] looks irritated, "What are you talking about the Temple needs crystals for lightsabers, letting those two keep crystals..."

Atton looks annoyed, "Shut up! That crystal belongs to him, it's worthless to anyone else. I thought something like this was rare and two kids have crystals responding to them at once. Hang onto them you two, we'll see about installing them in your lightsabers."

They finish up collecting crystals and turn them over to [female Padawan], except for the crystals Atton told them to keep. Then Atton takes the group back to Khoonda.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Khoonda:

The PC hangs out around the medical ward in Khoonda with [female Padawan] and [name of Cathar].

[female Padawan] looking digusted mutters, "I can't believe I have to babysit the little animal, there's something called a leash or a shock collar."

[name of Cathar] mutters, "Stupid schutta."

[female Padawan] turns toward the Cathar, "What..."

Unnoticed by the three Padawans, Bao-dur had emerged from the medical ward, "[name of Cathar]..." The young Cathar flinches as though he's about to be hit. Bao-dur sighs, "[female Padawan] hang here for a while, you two come with me." The PC and [name of Cathar] follow Bao-dur.

[name of Cathar] looks scared, "Master where we goin?" He asks timidly.

Bao-dur looks at him as he opens up a room with a workbench, "We're going to work on you two's lightsabers, installing those crystals you and your friend found. I'm just making sure you're supervised because last time you tried something like this you cracked you saber's emitter."

[name of Cathar] looked at the floor, "S-s-sorry master, I can do better..."

Bao-dur grabbed the Cathar by the should and turned him so he was facing the Iridonian, "Calm down, I'm not going to hurt you, I'm just concerned you could get hurt, the fact you're not very good at handling computers, repairing machinery, and so on isn't your fault. The fact you've managed to come as far as you have after what you went through before I found you is extremely impressive. Just I don't want you to get hurt okay."

[name of Cathar] nods hesitently as Bao-dur sets down the Cathar's lightsaber on the workbench and carefully installs the crystal. Then Bao-dur hands the lightsaber back to him, "There it's finished, now let's look at your saber."

Conversation:
"Okay."
"I can do it myself."

Bao-dur looks at the PC, "This really should be done by an expert because this isn't something that can be replaced if the crystal is damaged." He then glances over at his Padawan, "Shouldn't you be studying?"

"Yes sir, sorry master," the young Cathar stammers and bolts from the room.

Conversation:
"Studying what?"

Bao-dur doesn't look up from the lightsaber, "Learning to read, arithmatic, astrogation, basically an education."

Conversation:
"What why isn't he just getting holodiscs to look at now, he's about as old as me?"

Bao-dur sighs, "When he was first brought to the Jedi Temple he was probably six to seven years old, least that's the best guess. He didn't even know his alphabet let alone being able to read anything at all. He really had problems speaking too."

Conversation:
"Hey Master Rand found me when I was around that age."

Bao-dur doesn't pause from his work, "Weren't you able to read somewhat when Atton found you..."

Conversation:
"Yeah I was, and you're making this up he doesn't have any problems speaking."

Bao-dur chuckles, "He doesn't now, but it took a lot of work and it shows just how intelligent he really is. There finished." Bao-dur hands the PC back the lightsaber, "Now could you tell me about why you decided to go to that cave when we told you to stay in Khoonda.

Conversation:
"There were some settlers talking about some old guy getting killed by the cave, and maybe having something to do with the strange lights from the old Jedi Enclave."

Bao-dur looks puzzled, "Strange lights..." Suddenly he puts two and two together, "You need to come with me, we need to tell Atton."

Bao-dur leads the PC into the infirmry where Atton is observing the sleeping prisoner.

Atton looks up, "What now?"

Bao-dur has the PC recount the conversation overheard from the settlers earlier.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Flashback:

Settler 1: "You hear about old man Tarn."
Settler 2: "No what about him."
Settler 1: "His body turned up outside that old cave you know the one the Militia tried to seal."
Settler 2: "What happened to him?"
Settler 1: "Doctors say it was kinrath, he isn't the only one, the kinrath have been actively hunting people, the militia say they've never seen them act like this, worse the Kath Hounds are even more aggressive than what they were just before the Malak bombed us."
Settler 2: "You suppose it has anything to do with the strange lights from the old Enclave."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Old 06-13-2007, 08:35 PM   #31
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I love the story. The people with negative comments are just jealous that they did not think of this before you did lol. Now, for Cathar names.......... maybe you should check StarWars.wikia.com? It has a short list of famous Cathar. Maybe you can get a general idea of what Cathar names sound like (I have the same problem, not being able to decide on names).


Edit: I know. I was just joking. sorry.

Last edited by Hunter-Killer; 06-14-2007 at 05:45 AM.
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Old 06-13-2007, 10:58 PM   #32
Titanius Anglesmith
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Three reasons why I don't like this story - 1) You start out as a little kid, 2) The dialogue is very linear, 3) It follows canon.

Jealousy has nothing to do with my comments.
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Old 06-14-2007, 08:06 AM   #33
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i think it's great me myself could not even had come up with a story that is half as good this one is great keep up with the good ideas
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Old 06-19-2007, 12:25 AM   #34
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From this point on more choices show up, I've just gone with one choice route thus far but will probably go back and write the other possibilities later. So if it seems linear, it's just cause I haven't written all the possible outcomes yet.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Atton looks at the PC intently, "We really need to check this out don't we, Bao-dur you stay here in case someone comes to collect our guest. Okay, we're going to need one other person for our little investigation. Whom do you think we should take with us?"

Conversation:
1 [name of Cathar] seems to be good at noticing things that could be very useful.
2 [female Padawan] is the most trained Padawan, she could be of great use.
3 T3-M4 would be very helpful in getting into databanks of the old place there's bound to still be some working cameras and stuff.
4. HK-47 would be very helpful if we run into trouble.

Atton Responses (based on choices)
1 "That means we'll have to keep a close eye on him and make sure he doesn't get hurt, otherwise Bao-dur will kill me..."
2 (sarcastic) "Great choice, I'll be sure to bring a nail kit along in case she breaks one, the little brat."
3 Okay I'll admit that the little trash compactor on wheels proved his worth several times.
4 (sarcastic) "Great, we're going to have a homicidal psychotic droid watching our backs, I know I'm going to regret this..."

Atton: "You sure about this?"

Conversation:
1 Yes
2 No
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Outside of "Abandoned" Jedi Enclave, Dantooine

Atton, the PC, and [name of Cathar] (this is only if possibility 1 is chosen) sneak towards the old entrance to the sub level of the Enclave. The PC starts creeps forward until Atton pulls you back.

Atton (whispering): "Hold on, look closely along the ground."

Conversation:
"I know it's a bunch of open area, but it can't be helped."
"What about it?"

Atton (sighing): "That's not it, there's..."

[name of Cathar] interrupts Atton, "Mines and somethin on a ri-pod." The Cathar looks at Atton half expecting to be beaten.

"Very good, it seems Bao-dur's taught you about them." Atton praises him.

"Just how to notice them Master," [name of Cathar] replies.

"Okay, I'm going to have to go on alone and take care of the mines and the sensor, you two wait here." Atton goes into stealth mode using force camoflague and disables the mines making his way to the sensor. Then he disables the sensor using his knowledge of security systems. He then gestures to the PC and [name of Cathar] to follow him. They make it to the door and Atton gets it by overriding the security system.

Atton: "Pure pazaak, okay now you know how to work that stealth belt?" The Cathar nods slowly. "Good, now turn it on and stay close to us okay." The Cathar nods again, and the three enter the Enclave.
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Old 06-22-2007, 04:02 PM   #35
Darca Lar
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These should be put into episodes like Xenosaga! Ep. 1 is the kid stage, and Ep. 2 and/or 3 are grown up.

If/when the game gets made, I'm wondering if they'll use the same cinematics engine or not. I think it'd be really cool if they did the same thing as far as not leaving gameplay, but to give the character's in the cut scene a more cinematic feel like how they move and such like Shenmue's cut scene's. It's still the gameplay's graphics, but it's a cut scene. You know, like FFVII's gameplay graphics were really blocky with the characters, but it's cinema scenes were more defined.

To give you an image of what I mean, imagine the beginning of the first KOTOR game where you see one of Bastila's comrades fighting a Sith. Now instead of the turn-based fighting in the scene, put in something like Anakin's fight choreography with Dooku in Ep. III.


Yesterday is history. Tomorrow, a mystery. Today is a gift...that is why it is called the present.
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Old 06-27-2007, 08:36 AM   #36
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Hey ... Sorry, that I have not posted yet ... I have been re-he-he-he-he-he-he-heeeeaaaalllly annoyingly busy and have not had the chance to come on here all that often.

Anyways ... here is my opinion.
It is a very good concept. I like the general idea but the idea of linear is a little on the bad side for me. Never much liked it to be honest.
BUT! Saying that, it does not mean I do not like your story (As I have already said)

@Darca Lar: I just cannot wait until the day when all graphics, (in-game and movies) are the exact same quality. (Take FF: Advent Children for example)

Anyways, back to topic.
Well done, GarfieldJL. This is a very good story so far .. keep it up!

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Old 06-27-2007, 09:30 PM   #37
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Okay this is linear right now because it's hard to write all the different possibilities at once. I do plan to go back and add things based on the choices later. However Dantooine is the last linear planet. This part may be subject to change cause I'm not sure if this might be too early in the story.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Abandoned Enclave sublevel:

The three sneak into the enclave and see a lot of the debris inside has been picked up. They follow each other trying to stay close as to not get seperated starting down the corridor to the left of the entrance.

As they reach the first room which is circular with seats ringing the room the three hear voices.

Cut scene:
An Armored human stands facing a smaller figure wearing the simple robes of a dark padawan.

Armored human: "What do you mean they haven't reported in since they followed those Jedi brats."
Female Twi'lek: "I mean they haven't reported in Master, I think they missed the brats and hid.." She gasps as she's lifted into the air. Her master speaks to her calmly, "You think, maybe I should sell you back to the slavers if you're too naive to realize what has happened."

-- Character check only occurs if [name of Cathar] is in party, variation of the same thing with better results if T3-M4 is in party.

[name of Cathar] loses his temper at that moment and charges the Armored man. The Dark Jedi drops the Female Twi'lek to the ground and his arm shoots out latching onto the Cathar's throat.

"Well what have we here..." the Dark Jedi looks at the Cathar in bemusement, "one of the Jedi brats I take it, that means they failed, is your master here too?" The Cathar shoots him a defiant look, and force lightning arcs out of his hand torturing [name of Cathar].

"N-o-o," [name of Cathar] admits shaking.

"So much fear, so much anger, is your little Jedi friend here too," the Armored Darksider laughs in a manner that has no hint of malice as the Cathar screams in pain as the Darksider rips through the boy's surface thoughts. He tosses the boy against the wall. "I think you've just gotten a way to redeem yourself, find this Jedi welp's friend."

The Twi'lek nods and leaves the room walking past Atton and the PC. Atton grabs the PC to keep him just outside the entrance to the room..

The Dark Jedi looks at [name of Cathar], "Now then let's see how strong in the force you are..."

"Step away from the hairball," Atton says evenly as he shifts out of Force Camoflague, "Get out of here fuzzball." [name of Cathar] takes off out of the room as fast as he can.

"You his master..."

"Nah, I'm just a guy with a lightsaber," Atton replies, the two do battle as [name of Cathar] is grabbed by the PC. Atton exits the room after he kills the Dark Jedi and rejoins the party.

Atton glares at the Cathar, "You idiot, if you ever do something like that again..."

Conversation:
"Master, I don't think he'll do it again."

Atton calms down, "Okay fuzzball you stay close to [name given by friend on Ord Mantell]."

[name of Cathar] nods and they carefully continue down the corridor they finally end up at an access ladder that leads to the upper levels of the enclave and begin to climb it still in stealth mode. From there they finally get to two corridors leading in opposite directions.

Atton, "Damn it, there goes staying together, okay you two go that way, I'll check out this way."

The group splits up with Atton going down one corridor, the PC and [name of Cathar] going down the other.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The PC and [name of Cathar] explore the area and find another ladder leading to upper most level. As they explore they gradually make their way into the old council chamber where Revan had stood before the council years ago.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cut Scene:

Atton arrives at a computer room and with his computer skills from his scoundril days he manages to get into the system, and goes through the files. Atton stops, "Oh hell!" He takes off running back the way he came.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"The re-construction was supposed to have been abandoned," hissed [name of Cathar].

Conversation:
"How do you know that?"
"What are you talking about? Have you been here before?"

"Stories Master Bao-dur told me bout the Exile," shrugs [name of Cathar] whom suddenly goes into a defensive stance pulling out his lightsaber. There is a shriek of metal causing both the PC and Cathar to turn however it was too late as a chair which had been bolted to the floor flew into the Cathar, whom dropped his saber in surprise, slamming him into the wall.

"Hello, [name given by friend on Ord Mantell], how long has it been friend," came an accusatory voice a figure shifted out of stealth mode.

Conversation:
"[name of friend], what are you doing here?" <--------- canon
"So you're one of them too?"

"You abandoned me," a red colored lightsaber blade sprang forth, "I was there for half an hour and you never came back my master looked for his men, and found them dead. I thought you were dead too, but no here you are in Jedi robes you never even thought about anythin but yourself."

Conversation:
"I didn't know."
"I didn't abandon you, Master Rand thought you were already gone."

"Save it," [name of friend] closes the distance slowly, "I've had enough of your lies."

The PC ignites his/her lightsaber protectively and [name of friend] lunges as a lightsaber battle ensues. [name of Cathar] however begins to twitch beginning to come to, and ease himself out from under the chair, and glances around for his lightsaber.

The PC's old friend lunges at the PC, driving the PC back. It is a complete mismatch, [name of friend] is taller, stronger (it is possible to win just is extremely hard), somehow the PC manages to fight back but in the end is knocked to the floor.

[name of friend] stands over the PC, "Pathetic weakling."

[name of Cathar]'s lightsaber twitches and then returns to it's owner's hand the Cathar surges toward [name of friend] lightsaber blazing. [name of friend] barely manages to block the blow caught completely by surprise. However, the Cathar's advantage is short-lived as the youth is thrown into a wall by the exit completely over-matched he falls to the ground screaming in pain putting both hands on his head.

There is a commlink buzz, and [name of friend] answers it, "Master." There is a pause "I'm just finishing up dealing with two Jedi brats." The Cathar moans weakly. Another pause, "On my way." [name of friend] chuckles, "You seem to be lucky, just like on Ord Mantell," he kicks the Cathar, then throws the chair into the PC with the force, "My master wants you alive cause if you're alive your master will be too busy helping you to bother us, pathetic Jedi. Enjoy the fireworks." [name of friend] walks out, kicking the Cathar one more time as he leaves.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cut scene:

Atton runs into the room as the PC is picking himself up off the ground, "We need to get out of here!"

Conversation:
"But."

Atton shouts at the PC, "MOVE!" Atton picks up the semi conscious Cathar and the Cathar's lightsaber. Then Atton and the PC run out of the room.
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Old 06-28-2007, 01:07 AM   #38
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Great Work GarfieldJL.... keep it up.



"Evil is a word used by the ignorant and the weak. The dark side is about survival. It's about unleashing your inner power. It glorifies the strength of the individual."
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Old 06-28-2007, 05:55 AM   #39
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As a storyline for the K3, I'm not so sure it works b/c the character starts out a little too young. Perhaps, as has been suggested, it could be a game on it's own (like MOTS or something). As a novella or fan fic, I think it has potential for being an engaging story. I understand why you've written it the way you have (no names/genders), but it does get a bit distracting nonetheless. Frankly, also, if the PC choices follow along the lines of K2, then whether he's a soldier/scoundrel/scout won't have much bearing on what class of jedi you choose and thus shouldn't matter. Keep up the "chapters" now that you've whetted my appetite.


Now, I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor, dumb bastard die for his country.---Patton

There is no room in this country for hyphenated Americanism.---Teddy Roosevelt

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.---Groucho

And if you all get killed, I'll piss on your graves.---Shaman Urdnot

How would you like to own a little bit of my foot in your ass.---Red Foreman
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Old 06-30-2007, 11:15 PM   #40
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Here is what I have for what happens next it could be subject to changes.

Enclave Interior:

Atton carries the Cathar down the ladder actually keeping his feet off the rungs so he can go down as quickly as possible. The PC follows though more slowly.

"MOVE IT!" Atton snaps.

The level above them that they had just left bursts into flames. They come across a bunch of battle droids, that had just been activated to impede the party's escape. The PC lunges into action, while Atton just uses the force to fry the droid's circuitry.

Conversation:
"How'd you do that!"

Atton, "I'll explain later when we aren't being chased by droids that are trying to kill us and we aren't in a building that's burning down around us."

They confront several other parties of droids until finally they manage to escape from the Enclave coughing from the smoke.

__________________________________________________ ___________________________

Enclave Exterior:

The Enclave burns smoke rises into the air and a large shuttle surges into the air. As Atton and the PC looks back the shuttle roars towards the stars.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cutscene: (shuttle interior)

[name of friend] walks into the cockpit.

[sith master], doesn't bother looking at her apprentice, "Well boy, did you succeed?"

[name of friend] kneels, his face full of anger, "I did not kill them as you instructed my lord."

"Patience my young student, one of them may be of some use to us," [sith master] chuckles, "It is unfortunate we didn't grab your friend on Ord Mantell when we took you. I fear the Jedi have turned your friend against you permanently."

[name of friend] scowls, "I know master."

"Don't worry we'll be taking one of the Jedi whelps soon enough," [sith master] chuckles.

(Assuming [name of Cathar] was party choice)
"The furry runt, he was a weakling," [name of friend] says angrily before looking like he expects to be punished.

"Perhaps, but remember the Cathar isn't the only young Jedi of their group," [sith master] laughs softly, "You have done well, go rest my young apprentice."

"As you command master," [name of friend] gets up from his kneeling position and walks out of the cockpit."

Last edited by GarfieldJL; 07-07-2007 at 10:43 PM.
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