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09-18-2007, 01:14 AM
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#1
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Dapper Chimp
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 8,145
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Nebraska state senator sues God
Link
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LINCOLN, Neb. - The defendant in a state senator's lawsuit is accused of causing untold death and horror and threatening to cause more still. He can be sued in Douglas County, the legislator claims, because He's everywhere.
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If he doesn't show up for his court appearance, can the judge issue a warrant for his arrest? I also wonder how he would be sworn in for testimony. Hmmm....
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09-18-2007, 01:41 AM
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#2
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nothing is real
Join Date: May 2002
Location: no one I think is in my tree, I mean it must be high or low
Posts: 6,917
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If we convict him for a death sentence, does that mean Friedrich Nietzsche will roll in his grave faster than Sonic on a Red Bull binge?
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09-18-2007, 11:39 AM
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#3
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First Strike Tester
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Bergen, Norway
Posts: 3,514
Current Game: First Strike
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Reminds me of the petition to God to stop him from hurting people in wars and disasters. That didn't work either  .
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09-18-2007, 12:48 PM
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#4
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Hello, Sound Only
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Mumbai
Posts: 9,296
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Sounds more like a parody of lawsuits to me. Still, it doesn't make sense that you are trying to take legal action against someone who isn't human. If you are, then you are including God as a functional member of the human society, which elicits a mighty WTF from the Almighty.
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09-18-2007, 01:11 PM
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#5
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Status: Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 10,873
Current Game: Guild Wars 2, VtMB, TOR
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Our tax dollars at work yet again. 
I can just see the Nebraska state legislature next passing a law saying it's illegal to sue a deity after this.
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09-18-2007, 02:43 PM
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#6
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Well past expiration date
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 5,764
Current Game: Mass Effect
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Hello, Lucifer?
Is this God? Hey what's going on?
I'm getting sued.
Holy ****!
Precisely.
That sucks. How can I help?
Well I need a lawyer...
*ba dum pa*
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09-18-2007, 04:33 PM
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#7
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Rookie
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: England
Posts: 157
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This is a bit crazy. I'm curious how this helps anyone in either this life or the next.
St Peter: "So you sued God. How do you think that helps your chances of getting through these gates?"
Sometimes in life you're the pigeon. Other times you're the statue.
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09-19-2007, 05:07 AM
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#8
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Banned
Status: Banned
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Geelong Australia
Posts: 207
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Only in America.
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09-20-2007, 06:36 AM
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#9
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Food-based rocker
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Somewhere else. Probably.
Posts: 1,096
Current Game: World of Warcraft
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^^^Where this guy was elected. Yes, people apparently voted this nutball into office. Beggars the imagination...
Be considerate to others or I will bite your torso and give you a disease!
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09-20-2007, 09:51 AM
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#10
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Status: Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 10,873
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What's the likelihood he'll be re-elected next term? I'm betting the probability approaches zero....
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09-20-2007, 04:53 PM
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#11
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Dapper Chimp
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 8,145
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Originally Posted by Jae Onasi
What's the likelihood he'll be re-elected next term? I'm betting the probability approaches zero....
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90% christian, so I'd say you're probably right, assuming that this issue is the sole consideration in the campaign. |
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09-20-2007, 09:29 PM
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#12
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Get Cloned.
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 5,854
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I think he's right to sue. God needs to pay up...
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09-21-2007, 07:02 AM
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#13
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Food-based rocker
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Somewhere else. Probably.
Posts: 1,096
Current Game: World of Warcraft
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That's the thing, how would he collect...?
Be considerate to others or I will bite your torso and give you a disease!
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09-21-2007, 01:55 PM
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#14
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First Strike Tester
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Bergen, Norway
Posts: 3,514
Current Game: First Strike
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The 'lawsuit' was meant as a practical example of how frivolous lawsuits in the States have gotten totally out of hand. This is a more than valid point, but it was apparently missed by most people, including the media and, big surprise, the fundamentalist clergy, who recently fabricated a 'reply' from God.
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Originally Posted by Silly fundamentalist
"This one miraculously appeared on the counter. It just all of a sudden was here — poof!" Friend said.
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How utterly pathetic. Not only does he fail to look up the motive of the Senator, he feels compelled to fill in for his almighty god who's apparently unable to defend himself.
Watch me scribble a magical note from Odin and say it was delivered by two black ravens.
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[God's] response argues that the defendant is immune from some earthly laws and the court lacks jurisdiction.
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So God and Jesus could be pedophiles, rapists, homosexuals and flamboyant terrorists and it'd be totally OK to everyone. Right. I love Christian fundamentalists.
Edit: Waitaminute, just 'some' Earthly laws. OK, so they've caught our pedophile argument and now He's only allowed to call giant floods killing all but a handful of humans and crush cities with brimstone. I don't know where they pulled the 'some' part from, but I feel safer already  .
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It adds that blaming God for human oppression and suffering misses an important point. "I created man and woman with free will and next to the promise of immortal life, free will is my greatest gift to you," according to the response, as read by Friend.
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Yeah, I'm so lucky God included the will to rape and murder and beat other people up in the Free Will package, because without the Will to Rape, a fundamental human right, we'd be mindless zombies without a will of our own. Sure.
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There was no contact information on the filing, although St. Michael the Archangel is listed as a witness, Friend said.
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Pathetic.
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A second response from "God" disputing Chambers' allegations lists a phone number for a Corpus Christi law office. A message left for that office was not immediately returned Thursday.
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I take it He does not take prayers anymore, then. Where should we send requests for help now, to the Salvation Army? Like, 'God C/O Salvation Army, Houston Chapter, this and that address'? Will be quite a change for the church-goers, sending e-mails instead of getting down on their knees.
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90% christian, so I'd say you're probably right, assuming that this issue is the sole consideration in the campaign.
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It all too often is.
Last edited by Dagobahn Eagle; 09-21-2007 at 02:09 PM.
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09-22-2007, 12:07 AM
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#15
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Status: Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 10,873
Current Game: Guild Wars 2, VtMB, TOR
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Uh, DE, I think the 'reply' was supposed to be a joke. I read somewhere that they thought it might have been one of the lawyers who did it.
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09-25-2007, 08:53 PM
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#16
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Ex-Angel
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 929
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Remember though, CHRISTIANS ARE HUMORLESS ROBOTS HAHAHA.
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09-26-2007, 11:55 AM
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#17
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Status: Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 10,873
Current Game: Guild Wars 2, VtMB, TOR
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Lathain Valtiel
Remember though, CHRISTIANS ARE HUMORLESS ROBOTS HAHAHA.
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Oh, yeah, I forgot that part of the contract that I signed in blood that said I had to give up humor for Lent. 
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10-16-2008, 01:08 AM
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#18
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Dapper Chimp
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 8,145
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Update
Quote:
"Given that this court finds that there can never be service effectuated on the named defendant this action will be dismissed with prejudice," Polk wrote.
Chambers, who graduated from law school but never took the bar exam, thinks he's found a hole in the judge's ruling.
"The court itself acknowledges the existence of God," Chambers said Wednesday. "A consequence of that acknowledgment is a recognition of God's omniscience."
Therefore, Chambers said, "Since God knows everything, God has notice of this lawsuit."
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Checkmate!
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10-18-2008, 07:37 PM
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#19
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Beelzebozo
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Seattle
Posts: 1,836
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We should have god run for office as well.
HAH
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10-18-2008, 11:55 PM
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#20
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Dapper Chimp
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 8,145
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Who would swear him in and what would he put his hand on?
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10-20-2008, 06:05 AM
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#21
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obama.png
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: `(•.°)~
Posts: 7,997
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Achilles
Who would swear him in and what would he put his hand on?
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Holy Ghost, science textbook.
"No, Mama. You can bet your sweet ass and half a titty whoever put that hit on you already got the cops in their back pocket." ~Black Dynamite
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10-20-2008, 10:38 AM
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#22
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Dapper Chimp
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 8,145
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Makes sense to me.
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From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"
