I'm in a barn in a barren field in Missouri and I don't even have dial up anymore. Where are you?
That's because you're in MO, which is modern, unlike that state to the south.
From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"